How to get thru.....I am a mess

[Trying_2_Smile]

Well I broke up with my boyfriend over a month ago. I thought I was doing well until this morning I returned to work and a colleague of mine tells me she thinks he is dating someone else. At first i thought it can't be true. But everything she tells me fits him. I find out within minutes that it is him and needless to say I am devastated. I am a teacher...I could barely hold myself together at the front of the classroom. He tells me through text message basically that that didn't take long for me to find out....and that he wished it was me he was with..but that certain things were lacking and now he has them. He tells me that he wished it was me he was still waking up beside. I feel so weak...weak in the fact that I still love him and I don't know why.

 

Supposedly he has been seeing this girl for about a month...exactly the time we have been broken up. But here is why I am most upset - we still talk, in possibility of working things out...I know I shouldn't be, but we have been. When we have been talking he tells me he loves me, wants to hear my voice, etc, etc. The worst part - we have slept together since breaking up. I am a disaster. I just don't understand any of this. How am I going to get through this??? I thought he was the one for me....

 

Please help

 

Then to top of the wost day of my life - my cat was dead when I got home.

[Paranoid]

So he slept with you while he was dating the other girl? That doesn't sound like a good start to his new relationship, doesn't sound like he's really serious about it.

[Jeffrey2095]

Hello trying 2 smile,

 

It is a strange mixture of statements and mixed signals. Do you think he is trying to make you jealous?

 

Whos idea was it to break up in the first place?

 

If nothing else, I would wait to see if his new relationship plays out, then think about getting firmly back together.

 

If he loves you, why is he with her, that's the question as I see it.

 

 

Sorry to hear about your kitty.

 

Good luck.

[agent1607307371]

I think you need to tell people who might pass information on, that you don't want to know anything to do with this man.

 

And his text was insanely cruel -he wishes it was you, but now he has the things you lacked. Ouch! And all the while he has been teasiing you about making up he has another gf, who he then cheats with you on. I would never ever go back to this man, he is cruel and untrustworthy. Cut contact, focus on yourself.

 

You get through it one day at a time, the pain will pass, there will be other men who will care more about you than to treat you so shabbily.

[Kalika]

I am so sorry you're going through this. It must be very hurtful. That being said, your ex is trying to have his cake and eat it too. It must be very comforting for him to know that he still has you when he wants you, but can go out and do what he wants without committing to you. He gets everything and you get nothing. Strongly consider No Contact. Eventually the hurt will subside, and you can keep your dignity!

[Ellie2006]

Hey there,

I am truly sorry to hear of the circumstances.

I agree w/ agent 100%: ask your common acquaintances NOT to pass along information about him and NOT to update you on his life as you two are no longer together and you wish to move on with your life.

 

Also in agreement w/ Agent, I too think your ex's text message to you was extremely cruel and manipulative.

 

Please give a serious consideration to NC: you know now that all the while you were trying to reconcile w/ him, he was cheating on you w/ this new girl he's seeing (and/or cheating on her w/ you). Bottom line: his actions indicate that he is a liar and a cheat and ultimately NOT WORTH YOUR TIME!

 

That said, I know break-ups suck, even if we are breaking up w/ people who do not deserve our love. Easier said than done, I know, but please do not allow this man to exert any more power over your emotional well-being. Cut him loose and don't look back.

 

Best wishes to you!

And please know we're here to support you in any way we can!

 

Take care of yourself and hang in there!

 

ps. I am so sorry about your cat

[Trying_2_Smile]

Things in our relationship has been bad for a while. Just neither of us making a huge effort. I am not saying it was all my fault...or saying it was his fault, obviously both of our faults. Things just got out of hand. It was my idea to break up...but in hopes of still working on things.

 

As for making me jealous - is this what guys do? Because I don't understand the concept. He did text message me telling me that he still wishes it was me he was seeing...but the indeed he was seeing someone else. It it killing me. I guess she even spent Christmas at his family's house. After dating someone, who you wanted to spend the rest of your life with, for 3 years you are able to just bring a girl over to the family dinner just like that. Christmas was only 2 weeks after we broke up. WHY???

 

And I guess the questions becomes...am I better than a man that does this, even if this little relationship he is in doesn't work out? And how do I become strong enough to believe it??

[Trying_2_Smile]

Thank you all for your replies thus far. I know I have to make the choice of NC....I'm not sure if I am strong enough right now.

 

I should be angrier. I should not want to talk to him.

 

My whole body just aches....:sad:

[Vynde]

Hello Trying 2 Smile,

 

So sorry that your in such pain. Going through heartbreak is very hard, as you well know.

 

NC will not be easy, but you can do it and we can help you. Whenever you feel like contacting him, post here on your thread.. If its the NC path you decide to take, we will help you stay the coarse

 

Hang in there. Keep us posted

 

John

[Ellie2006]

T,

I know it's hard but you ARE strong enough for NC!

If anything, it will shield you from the mixed messages he's sending you.

Yes, he has said that he "still wishes it was you he's seeing" BUT look at his actions, which is sending you a very CLEAR message that his words are a load of BS!

 

It is completely understandable that still want to speak to him and you still care for him, despite his disrespectful attitude towards you -- you love(d) the guy and some of us can't turn off our emotions like a faucet! BUT please look out for number one -- YOU!

 

Ach, sorry to hear that your emotional pain has translated to a physical pain (I've heard that happens quite often, unfortunately

 

Don't forget to take care of yourself, okay? You gotta eat, sleep, get some fresh air -- and most importantly, HEAL!

 

Please let us know how we can help; that's what we're here for.

 

Sending a big hug your way,

Ellie

[Trying_2_Smile]

Well I talked to him tonight. I got out alot of my anger, which did feel good. He had to get off the phone and said he would call back. When he tried to call back numerous times I did not answer the phone. It did feel good.

 

He messaged me asking "Why aren't you answering my call?". I just said "What's the point." And I think that is going to be it for me. I hope and I am going to pray.

[Trying_2_Smile]

k...today is the day. i have to make it through today. I am going to go NC. but as i sit here at home i just keep thinking and analyzing him dating someone else. it makes me so mad and sick to my stomach. how do you i deal with these thoughts?? the thoughts that someone that planned to marry me can so easily move on and start seeing/talking to someone else....i just don't get. i try not to think about it but the thoughts keep coming back.

[Ellie2006]

T,

Venting is good.

Also, I am sure you already know this but taking it day by day is key; try not to suppress your emotions too much -- allow yourself to feel (but NOT get overwhelmed by them).

 

Just a thought but some people have said that writing out a letter which expresses your thoughts is extremely therapeutic. Not to send to the ex, of course, but to empty yourself of these emotions.

 

When I first broke up w/ my ex, I started a journal here and have found it to be very helpful.

 

Hang in there, T, hang in there!

 

Hugs,

Ellie

[i2oadi2unnei2]

Grrrrrr, I wrote a really long post and I accidentally hit my backspace key and lost everything! I'll cut to the chase and will make this short.

 

T2S, we've all been down that path and I understand what you're going through. IMHO, NC is much easier to do compared to thinking "negative" thoughts about our ex. Our thoughts can go on and on and on about our ex day in and day out. You need to be easy on yourself. You have choices what to think about. Keep those "negative" thoughts out of your head. Get those "what if's, what is, etc" out of your head. You have no control over him, but only yourself. Thinking negative thoughts can break you down to the cellular level and you'll hit rock bottom. I've been down there too many times and I've finally decided to stop, it took awhile, but I'm top now. Stop thinking about him and start thinking for yourself. From here on, its about you and nothing else. We're here for you and keep that chin up!