Is he too sensitive, or am I mistreating him?

[IThinkImStable]

HI - new here. I have been with my fiance for 2.5 yrs now and got engaged last summer. In general, we're very happy. However, the arguments seem endless sometimes and I don't know how to prevent or relieve them. They predominently start with him being upset at me for various reasons. I think the trigger is generally because I am very easy-going and he is very emotional and sensitive.

 

If he proposes a plan/idea that he feels strongly about, and I have a question about it (because I don't understand), he gets upset and feels that I am not supportive. If I'm even slightly late , he feels I am inconsiderate of him. If I plan a trip and things don't go exactly as follows, he's gets upset and feels like it's not important to me to plan better. If I disagree with him, it's really bad news for me. I'm often absent-minded and loose things. He feels that I loose things because I don't care enough about it, or care that it matters to him.

 

I try to be reasonable. I respect his views and stay far away from saying "you're overeacting!". But when I try to give explainations for my behavior, he doesn't accept it. I often feel like I can't have an opinion that conflicts with his without him getting upset. I try to be more punctual, and to recognize what will set him off. It's better at times, but I still often find myself shocked at him being upset at me, yet AGAIN. On top of it all, he has a bad temper, and often blames it on me. He claims that he would not yell, if I didn't make him mad. I recognize that it's not healthy, but am not sure how to manage these arguments. Please help.

[robowarrior]

There's something called "the unwritten law of reasonability"

 

If he goes that wild at you , say 'give me some slack space' You can't have everything in life working out 100% perfect. Where did he get such a kind of idea in the first place. And if you have reasonable doubts about something, he shouldn't shoot you down, he should listen and be considerate of the situation. So if you ask me, yes he is overreacting. Is he going to change? Hell no, so either you be punctual as he wants you to be, or bail out of this relationship.

 

Ask yourself the question , are you with him so he can make you unhappy, is he with you so you can constantly anger him with a lifestyle that he isn't pleased about? Of course not, couples are supposed to make eachother happy. If one gives a swing to that wheel of hatred by starting an argument, and the other gives another argument as a reply, then the wheel of hatred will keep on spinning forever. So refuse to give another argument, doesn't matter who started it, because the wheel will stop if you keep your arguments at bay. Arguments are like poison, even small arguments can lead to big break ups. So only put love and light into eachothers lives.

 

So if he has an idea he feels strongly about say something like 'ok i support the idea, but i want to know about" ... . That way he can never say that you don't support the idea.

If you come slightly late, give a valid exuse. If you have a valid reason and he still goes strong against you. Explain to him that these kind of things can happen. If he still doesn't listen, well then its up to you if you still want to stay with him.

[Lboogie23]

I don't think that any of this is your fault. Your definitely not mistreating him. It sounds like he is very sensitive and not taking responsibility for his own feelings. Its always about him and how upset your making him,maybe you should say how upset all this is making YOU and conflicting with the relationship. i can imagine this situation is extremely frusterating. But i have been in your shoes. I had a bf who was a lot older than me, but in many ways he was a lot more sensitived as well. It seemed like i couldn't even look at him the wrong way and we would have to have this major discussion about how i upset him or hurt his feelings or i wasn't doing something up to par. I tried to compensate for his feelings as much as i could but we only dated for 3 months and it got to be too much for me. I wish you luck and hope you can sort this out with your guy!