Is it worth all the stress?

[anggrace]

We've been together for two years. There has been alot of drama and its wearing me thin. I love him very much, but am starting to wonder if its worth it. Am I over reacting? Heres a break down of what Im dealing with...

 

Why I stay:

 

I admire his inteligence

Im very attracted to him

We have an appreciation for the same things

I think he would be a good father

He has his life on track

 

Why Im torn:

 

Major lack of sexuall chemestry

He overeacts to little imperfections like, me interrupting him, me forgeting

something or misunderstandings (this causes arguments where he

proceeds to call me inconsiderate)

He isnt affectionate, verbally or physically

 

 

Ive been very open with him and have expressed these things to him at one point or another- the good and bad. I dont think these things are going to change.

I understand that relationships take work. I feel like Im constantly working and Im not so sure he his. Im also afraid that I wont find anyone one else with as many good qualities who will love me.

Are these kinds of hurdles normal and do you think theres hope?

[skyjuice]

Hi

 

Have you ask him on how do he show his care or love? Some choose to show it through action, some choose to express verbally.

[anggrace]

Well he does show his love to me in other ways. Its just hard because Im a very affectionate person.

[honeyspur]

This mostly has to do with acceptance.

Being able to fully accept someone means you allow them to be themselves, even if they do not treat you the same way. It is possible that your guy is trying to give you feedback and you are taking it as critisism.

 

That said, you have some things to think about.

Do you dread seeing him? Do you avoid spending time with him (are you "late", do you break commitments, do you try and schedule your day to see him less)

If this is the case, you are ready to move out of the relationship and be single. You need to start the painful process, surround yourself with people in the same position and get ready for "detox".

 

If that is not the case, more talking is in order. Make a choice to allow him to be himself and just stand up for yourself more because that may be the real issue. You may be afraid he'll leave if you refuse to act/say/do what he wants without anger or irritation in your voice.

 

True confidence is to be able to accept someone's feedback and disagree without anger or fear. You have this in you. I believe you that he is a good guy, because everyone is good and worthy of love simply because they exist on this earth.

 

There is nothing wrong with either decision. Admitting you are falling out of love is intelligent and courageous. Accepting someone's opinion of you, making a choice to agree or disagree and continue the love is also intelligent and courageous.

Let yourself be still, in a quiet, non-evasive space and decide which one you want.

You have all the power you need inside of you to make your life comfortable.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

He overeacts to little imperfections like, me interrupting him, me forgeting something or misunderstandings (this causes arguments where he

proceeds to call me inconsiderate)

 

There are always two sides to every story and in relationships it is always a good idea to LISTEN to what the other person is telling you. What may be a LITTLE imperfection to you, is clearly not so little to him. I think we all sometimes interrupt people, but when it is routine, it can be very annoying. I know I get very annoyed when I am trying to tell somebody something and they keep interrupting me with side stories about themselves and you are constantly having to get back on track with the story you are trying to tell them. Routinely forgetting things, or routine misunderstanding are also annoying. We often don't see ourselves as others see us and that is why when someone keeps telling us something about ourselves, it is worth it to do some self-assessment and see it from their point of view.

 

If you are an affectionate person and he is not that boils down to two different personality types. Some people are just not comfortable in that way. Has he made any efforts to become more affectionate?

[anggrace]

I agree it can be very annoying to be interrupted. It doesnt happen very often, but when it does, his reaction is so severe. He looks at me as if I killed someone. Same with all of the other things I mentioned. When he does those things, he does - every one occasionaly does, I dont make a big deal about it. His family is the same. Very sensitive. I did say I wanted a sensitive man.. I got it!

 

And yes he'll occasionally make an effort to be affectionate. I can tell hes not comfortable with it. It is comparable to a boy touching a girl for the first time. Im just not used to it. I guess I shouldnt take it so personally.

[Agathon]

Well, I do agree that you should see a problem with some of that.

 

Seems mainly like he's a little uptight and too afraid to adapt. He feels safe and secure in the way he lives his life and SHOULD be making more of an effort if he really cares about you.

 

Has anything traumatic happened to him? Does he have any physical or mental problems?

 

Personally, I've been there, either acting that way myself or been treated that way... and... I'm still deciding. lol

 

Sorry, that's it.

[DN]

If things did not improve could you see yourself being with him for the next five, ten, twenty years? Or do you think that those issues would just become more and more important and destructive to the point that you would leave him?