How would u live if u didn't need a partner?

[Unhumble]

We all believe in love, I know and it's wonderful to have a girlfriend/boyfriend, or even your perfect twin soul...

 

But just think for a while: imagine that you didn't actually need a partner. And I don't just mean "no need to look for one", I mean plain and simply don't need a partner", a twin soul, a boyfriend or a girlfriend, my true love, etc. however you want to call this person

 

How would you live?

Would it change the way you perceived life?

Would such a perspective change your interests and your hobbies?

 

When I asked myself this question, I discovered that I probably keep a worked out body and dress well (and a set of other interests that originate from there) mainly because I want to be attractive towards my partner

I also felt that I would really dedicate more time towards my personal passions (painting, martial arts, etc.)... and find new ones.

 

I also realized that sometimes we look for a partner just for the sake of having one, because everyone else has one, or because society or "nature" wants us to do so...

 

Any comments?

[hosswhispra]

Very interesting thread. I have thought similarly. I hope I would live the same way partner or no partner. I think that partner or no partner one should always take 'me' time and explore one's personal passions and continue to find new ones. Life is really what you make of it. We only get one shot as there aren't any go-arounds or do-overs. So keep doing the things you enjoy and continue to find new things to enjoy. Keep life interesting for you.

[easyguy]

I would live as I live now. I don't need a partner, and never have, and honestly am not worried about finding someone or not. I dedicate much of my time to personal practices that constantly enrich my well-being. I've observed life for many years, and have noticed that love causes pain.

 

There are so many different ways of being a human being. If you are open-minded, you will discover it.

[renaissancewoman101]

If I didn't feel the need to have a partner, I guess I would have better self-esteem and like myself better. I wouldn't feel inadequate and think that guys didnt like me because of my height and weight.

 

I would be happier.

 

But, now I live with the premise that I probably wont find anybody so my aim is not that high.

 

Just inching my way through life.

[honeyspur]

I think I'd be much busier for sure and richer! LOL

Much more travelling and events like concerts, festivals,etc..

[AntiLove_SuperStar]

Good Lord....I didn't like this thread. I probed further, and figured it was because its horribly relevant to me, and can't the truth be painful?

 

If I Didn't Need Or Have A Partner:

 

I would definitely produce more art

I would feel much less of a mess

I would feel less of an inconvenience

I'd miss sex, but after a few weeks probably wouldn't

I'd thoroughly enjoy being even less responsible than I do now

I would travel

[Reluctant Rebuilder]

I'd be living the life I have today, except I wouldn't have the heartache and deep desire to connect with someone.

[Baby Carrot]

Well, my perspective is, noone actually "needs" a partner. You want it bad, yes. You crave for having one, yes. But need it, like you need air and food? Nope. You can live your whole life without having one. And even dare to be happy on your own.

 

How would you live?

Probably with less drama.

 

Would it change the way you perceived life?

Not really.

 

Would such a perspective change your interests and your hobbies?

No, my interests and hobbies would remain the same.

 

I also realized that sometimes we look for a partner just for the sake of having one, because everyone else has one, or because society or "nature" wants us to do so...

Yeah is scary the number of "couples" haging around for the wrong reasons. Not many people really rationalize it. They just go with the flow because "it feels good", "love is nice", "why not", "better with this dude than alone" "we need each other so bad"...

 

I truly believe that we live in a society that is addicted to romantic dramas. And is amazing the amount of crap we are willing to take just to get a few drops of "happiness" and "true romance". Such a waste of energy and resources. Ugh.

 

But people just go on and on, and even make babies out of all this whole messed up situation.

 

Is easy to forget the most meaningful relationship you already have is with yourself. And if that relationship is a crappy unfulfilling one in the first place, how are you expecting to "make it" in the whole love and dating area?

 

Who really and truly thinks about the following before going out there and falling stupidly in love?

 

 

"... there are some important areas that you need to consciously examine before you search for Mr. or Ms. Right. First, you must carefully consider the question, "Am I ready for a relationship?" Being "ready" involves some very important aspects. First of all, you need to be sure that you truly love yourself. Second, you must have dealt properly with past issues and emotional baggage. Third, you should have a clear sense of why you want to be in a relationship. Fourth, you must ask yourself whether or not you are prepared (both able and willing) to put in the work and effort required for a loving, committed relationship. It is important to be totally honest with yourself. If there is any sign of hesitation or uncertainty in any of these areas, you will need to go back to lay the groundwork before you can build a healthy relationship. Even before seeking a partner, you need to take a good look at yourself.

 

--First, before even considering a loving relationship with another, you have to love yourself. You have to remember your priorities. It all starts with you. In order to be capable of giving love to another person, you need to give love to yourself, first. In order to be able to recognize when you are receiving genuine love from another person, you first must honor your worthiness to receive love. You have to know who you truly are. You must be aware of your own abilities, gifts, strengths, and weaknesses. You have to like yourself as a person, inside and out. You need to have self-respect and self-confidence. Above all, and most importantly, you have to be honest with yourself. If you are able to do this, you will generally be able to make good choices and decisions in your life.

 

--The second aspect of preparing yourself for a healthy, committed relationship is dealing with issues from childhood or emotional baggage from past relationships. Often, unresolved issues - whether they are from childhood, past relationships, or some emotional trauma - hold us back in our current life. Perhaps a betrayal in a past relationship makes you feel you cannot trust or commit to a new partner. Perhaps you had a parent who was physically or emotionally abusive, and you somehow manage to find partners who continue this pattern of abuse. Perhaps there is nothing in particular you can point to, except for the fact that you never seem to be able to find a relationship that lasts. Whatever the issue or concern may be, if you have not been able to resolve it on your own, and it is still affecting your view of yourself or your view of relationships, you may wish to seek help from a therapist, counselor, or other qualified professional to help you sort through these issues.

 

--The third aspect of determining your readiness to find a new partner involves your honest consideration of a very important question: "Why do I want a relationship?" There are good reasons and there are bad reasons to want a relationship. One of the worst reasons for wanting a relationship is to try to complete a part of yourself that you think is missing. How many times have I heard someone say that they will finally be totally happy when they meet their soulmate? One individual will not make you feel whole if you feel incomplete. Should you be in the active pursuit of a relationship, you might be saying to yourself, "I am not happy unless I am in a relationship" or "There is something wrong with me if I am not in a relationship." This is not true. There are a lot of happy single people in the world today. Completion and happiness in our lives cannot come from a loving relationship with another person. Loving relationships succeed only when both partners already are happy and complete within themselves. A partner should complement an already fulfilled life, not complete an unfulfilled one. When two complete individuals unite together in their life's journey, they have the capacity to create the loving, passionate, committed relationship they desire.

 

 

--Finally, there is one other aspect you should consider: your ability and willingness to put in the effort required for a committed, loving relationship. Relationships take work. The idea promoted in Fairy Tales, that you will meet your Prince (or Princess) Charming and live Happily Ever After - without any moments of stress or discord - simply is false. Even if you find your soulmate, you will be faced with challenges and disagreements at times. So before you commit to a relationship, you need to examine whether or not you are prepared to do the work it takes to make a relationship successful.

 

Suppose you meet all four of these criteria:

 

1. You love yourself.

 

2. You have dealt with any issues that may impede your ability to bond with another person in a healthy way.

 

3. You know the reasons why you want a relationship, and these reasons seem to be good ones.

 

4. You are committed to putting forth the effort it takes to create a solid relationship.

 

What next? Well, it sounds like you are ready to go in search of a new partner. When you meet the right person for a committed, loving relationship, you will know that he or she is, indeed, the one for you..."

 

("Before you seek Mr. or Ms. Rigth" by Paul Mauchline)

[renaissancewoman101]

Funny thing is most of us haven't dealt with our past "baggage" in a good way and am seeking other people to fulfill us or complete us.

 

Then when that falls through, we blame the other person for dumping us, refuse to look at ourselves and go on to seek other partners.

 

I do agree with Baby Carrot, most relationships out there are messed up and are not healthy. But facing ourselves and our own shortcomings is one of the hardest things to do in life and people would rather run away from that and get into unfulfilling relationships than face the inadequacies of their own self.

[Baby Carrot]

Funny thing is most of us haven't dealt with our past "baggage" in a good way and am seeking other people to fulfill us or complete us.

 

Then when that falls through, we blame the other person for dumping us, refuse to look at ourselves and go on to seek other partners.

 

I do agree with Baby Carrot, most relationships out there are messed up and are not healthy. But facing ourselves and our own shortcomings is one of the hardest things to do in life and people would rather run away from that and get into unfulfilling relationships than face the inadequacies of their own self.

 

Yep. That´s exactly IT.

 

Is extremely important to remember the following:

 

THE MOST EXCITING, CHALLENGING

AND SIGNIFICANT RELATIONSHIP

IS THE ONE YOU HAVE

WITH YOURSELF.

 

So, stop trying to runaway from yourself, getting distracted and wanting so bad to achieve the dream of "the love of your life". Noone´s gonna appear in your life and instantly "fix you" with the power of romantic love. All that euphoria is nothing but a drug your brain produces and it ends up after a while. And we all know what happens once the ride is over and we had nothing but this deep caprice of falling in love... ](*,)

[jbutterfly2020]

When I run into old friends or meet a new guy, they always say, "I can't believe you don't have a boyfriend." It makes me wonder if I missed the message that I HAD to have one. I don't understand that comment and hate to hear it. I wish I had some funny answer for it just to shut them up.

 

I live my life today like I am not looking for some other person. Over the last year, I realized that me and my friends go out dancing for separate reasons. I go to dance and they are going to meet guys. And if I happen to get hit on more then them, they are not happy. It is horrible since we are friends and not competing in some game, right?

[WizardElement5]

For myself, I look at relationships from a much more physical aspect. First of all, sex is fun! Sharing activities with someone which you both really enjoy is also good fun. Then again, being quiet with someone who you really like, not needing to talk, but just sharing each other's presense is also great. If those "doing things" part of a relationship are good then that for me is what I look for. I think love is a by-product of that part being successful. If the physical side is wrong, then love has no foundation and seems to always fail. So if I don't have someone to enjoy all the physical pleasures of the world with, I think my life is far poorer. If I do, then love follows naturally and can look after itself.

[Unhumble]

While I was thinking about it, did you notice that in many oriental cultures celibacy (not in the sense of priesthood, but just abstaining from the life of love and sex) is regarded as a natural way of spiritual enhancement, meditation and concentration?

 

Are we (mostly westeners here I guess) missing out on something unknown for being guided - and socially trained to be guided - by Desire?

[Sweet Buttabean Jellayroll]

i wish i never had the desire to be with anyone cz its damn near impossible i keep tellin myself im good believe it for a month and whoops i still aint with no one, i used to be chalked full of confidence.........now no....no reason to be

[Unhumble]

Hey Jay Houston... I understand what you mean.

 

I was rather meaning: would you be able to care less about looking for a partner even if you had the greatest confidence on earth?

[Sweet Buttabean Jellayroll]

Hey Jay Houston... I understand what you mean.

 

I was rather meaning: would you be able to care less about looking for a partner even if you had the greatest confidence on earth?

 

naw.......even tho u have confidence u still have a desire to be with someone.....i have confidence but i still have that desire

[EvaGina]

I have never gone out looking for a partner...

for sex/fun/friends, yes, but not a partner.

I have always been very quick to get out of relationships as well, (apart from the abusive one) I have always known when it wasnt going to work and just walked.

 

In a lot of ways I prefer being single. I love Macca, a lot, but I am very much my own person and I find being in a relationship completely forgein and difficult.

 

I think its worth it when you have a connection as we do, but I am in no way scared of being a spinster.

 

Sometimes i think it would be nicer to grow old with friends... just chill out with mates till we all pass away.