Haven't heard from him in more than 2 weeks now

[SexySadie7]

Well, I'm getting totally fed up. I've really stressed out over this guy I was seeing from early November til now.

But now it's like in his mind, I no longer exist. I find that incredibly rude and cold-hearted also.

Here's my story: I just got done dating someone who I thought really liked me, only to find out he couldn't care less about me! He dumped me and didn't even bother to tell me I was being dumped after about 7 weeks of seeing each other.

Not even a phone call. He's stopped answering any of my phone calls, won't bother responding to my voice mails. Even picked a fight with me on my birthday at 5 am, flying out of the bed we were sharing, claiming I was "moving aroiund "too much". I've shared a bed with other people, as in just crashing..when everyone was too drunk to drive, and just needed sleep, and no one ever told me I moved around too much.

 

This guy I was dating we went out on a date ONCE, the first time we met up after we met each other. Then I was just allowed to come to his apt. He never ONCE offered to drive up and see me, not once. Never once did he call me when he said he would... he would always expect me to call HIM.

After awhile, I started wondering who was the female here and who was the male...... I think he forgot he was the one with the balls, not me! LOL

It's pathetic...my self-esteem is in the gutter... along with whatever pride i had.

You know. i'm a really sweet person. I jsut tired of being treated like crud by the guys that live around here.

We live so far away too from most populated cities... it's just hard to meet anyone nice.

I cannot afford to stay at a motel just to go visit a place.. how do you meet nice guys who are reasonably attractive anyway??

This guy was very nice looking I was seeing... I would say dating.. but since we hardly ever went anywhere, I'm not sure that would be accurate.

But since he won't even talk to me now.. i'm not sure how to get closure. There's lots of things I would like to say to him, like.. why were you so inconsiderate of my feelings.. why bother to tell me to call you.. then never bother to pick up your phone or answer any of my voice messages??

Or.. do I just chaulk it up to the fact I've dated a complete (mod edit)?

That's a bit hard to do, since when we did hang out, lots of the time was very very nice & enjoyable.. and the sex was very nice.. It's kind of hard to hate someone who's given you pleasure too. It's confusing......

I don't know what to think or how to get my head back on str8....

Darn, lately it seems that nothing ever seems to turn out right for me anyway!

[annie24]

I've found that if I let the guy do most of the pursuing in the beginning, I find out if he is into me or not. For example, I had a trip planned to another city, which happened to be the city where two guys I have been communicating online with live. I had my own plans there and I asked the guys (separately!) if they wanted to meet. They both said sure. Now, my plans changed and I can't go on that trip out of town after all. I told both guys. One told me he still wants to meet me, so he will drive up to meet me sometime this month. The other one did not respond to my e-mail. So right there, I know which guy is actively interested while the other is only passively interested. (PS - you want the guys who are actively interested!)

 

I would do some reading. "Mars and Venus on a Date" is a great book, as are "The Rules for Online Dating."

 

I would say in the future, let the guy pursue you. Let him make the effort to see you. Now, he doesn't need to make 100% of the effort, but if you find that you are always the one driving out to see him, that is a bad sign. This signals passive interest on his part. ie, men that will see you, but only if it is convient for them and there is nothing better on TV. You want the guys who make the effort to drive out, pick you up. The ones that ask a bunch of their friends which is a good restaurant to take you to for a date.

 

2 weeks and no contact? NEXT!

[cristal]

SexySadie,

 

I am so sorry about what happened to you.

 

I had a 4 month old relationship where I was not treated well by him. When I complained, he pulled the same thing that yours did on you - he disappeared without a word. When I realized what was happening, I was traumatized to say the least. It has now been 6 weeks of No Contact and I am doing a lot better, so I can relate to your situation.

 

First, you must STOP all contact with him. Believe it or not, contacting a person who treats you like crap, is saying to them, that you are pretty much in agreement with the treatment that you are receiving from them. Contacting them, serves as a form of validation. They will usually stop respecting you and the bad treatment subsequently goes from bad to worse.

 

It sucks big time, but at this point you have absolutely no other recourse, but to move on. That is what I have done. It is still painful but nowhere close to what I felt 6 weeks ago. You will be proud of yourself every day that you kept your pride and dignity when you stay in "No Contact mode".

 

"No Contact" is self-respecting.

 

Stay strong!

[SexySadie7]

Thank you for contacting me on this post cristal. Your words have been most helpful and make me feel a little better.

But I don't know if NO CONTACT is really the answer for me. To me.. it's more like NO CLOSURE... i never get to say the things I wanted to.. i'm forced to stuff all that stuff inside and just suffer in silence.

I'm seriously thinking of leaving him a voicemail and just telling him exactly what I think of him.. That I think that he acted like a heartless bastard! Cuz he did... what kind of person picks a fight with the person they've been seeing for almost 2 month on the dawn of their birthday!!! Geez.. he completely ruined the day for me and he knew it was my birthday!! And then he had made plans for us to go see a movie on my birthday and he completely blew me off for that too. I had even asked him to call me if he wasn't going to be able to make it... He said he would.. but of course, never did.. I don't know.. I should just say maybe like.. well. "i'm kinda of glad you aren't calling me anymore cuz you are so rude thoughtless and seem to have no manners anyway!" I think he likes to think of himself as some sort of gentleman.. He would open the car door for me and even called to see if i got home safe the first time I met him...

Why not call him and leave him a message telling him off...? What have I got to lose? The guy is never gonna call me again anyway....I guess.... I know at the time I wrote this I was very angry. It's not like I was mistreated every time I came to see him at his place.. but it was more like sometimes he was quite nice.. other times not very nice at all.

I feel like I wasn't treated well overall. I would drive all the way to his apt. I have a decent house and have pets and really would of preferred he came to see me, seeing as I had to take care of my pets.

He had no pets... no reason, really why he couldn't have driven over to my house honestly. He even has 2 cars, while I only have one, and that one was badly in need of a timing belt and he knew that too!

I dunno..it just seems like the guys nowadays don't really want to treat a woman with respect. Hell.. god forbid, they are called your bf even!!!

Like that is such a major commitment. No.. i dunno.. i vacillate between just not even ever see him again to wanting him back in my bed... (we did have a pretty nice sexual relationship) and just thinking what a complete (mod edit) you are!!!

But i gotta think though.. what a coward!!! What... after having me come over several times to screw your brains out and all sorts of other sexual favors, you cannot have the decency to just tell me things aren't working out?

If that is not the epitomy of disrespecting someone, I am not sure what is.....Just to leave them hanging.... that's so rude.. don't you think Cristal.

And I don't buy that whole "Oh, he's just not into you" garbage. That doesn't excuse someone from treating the person they have been dating with some respect. Otherwise, you have the mentality of a 16 year old boy who doesn't have the guts to break up with someone.... At 37 years old... that's pretty sad, I think.

I'm so depressed and hurt at this point.. And yeah.. traumatized.. that sums it up.. It's funny though.. my friend wrote a song about being dumped and having your lover not even tell you. I need to go get a copy of it.. It's got a good message in it though.. I cannot afford to waste time either on this (mod edit)...I've got too much stuff to do...

In a way.. it's his loss.. He's not going to find too many people like me.. I'm a real sweetheart, I would never run around on him...I treated him pretty good.. Oh, well... some people are just stupid, that's all...

It's funny.. i see guys all the time complaining that they cannot meet any nice girls.. But when a girl is nice to you....there are just so many guys that take that for granted and walk all over her!

I think it's no wonder there aren't very many nice women out there. We've learned the hard way it doesn't pay to be nice to a man!

Don't mind me cristal.. i'm still really upset and pretty broken up by this whole thing. I've cried myself to sleep nearly every night since he stopped calling me!

[rosie76]

Hi Sadie,

 

I know how bad it feels to think that they treat us badly _and_ get the last word, but in my opinion you should hold off on telling him off. It might initially feel better ranting a bit to him, but if you do contact him in anger you'll let him know how much he's gotten to you. Will that really make you feel better in the long run? It's not like a guy like this doesn't realize what he's doing, so you'll not be able to shame him - you reacting in a way that shows him he's worth any amount of upset at all only rewards shoddy behaviour with a boost to his ego. I'd say hold off saying anything to him until you're in control of your emotions - once that's done if there's anything you feel needs saying, say it in a way that won't make him feel superior.

 

Stuck the below on the bottom of the 'how to know if he/she is playing you' thread along with an answer to your question on my situation, but not sure if you've seen it. Hang in there.

 

-rosie

 

"Hope you're doing alright not feeling too down about your own disappearing act guy - meant to write onto your thread yesterday but didn't have time. Must be some consolation - is to me at least - to know that the guy is obviously not that much of a loss if he's ended it like this. Nothing saying whether he's a good or bad guy, or was playing me, or anything since I really can't know the situation, but I can know that how he treated me made me unhappy, so it's good, in a way, to know that it's done. Good luck feeling better soon."

[Kalika]

I would say in the future, let the guy pursue you. Let him make the effort to see you. Now, he doesn't need to make 100% of the effort, but if you find that you are always the one driving out to see him, that is a bad sign. This signals passive interest on his part. ie, men that will see you, but only if it is convient for them and there is nothing better on TV. You want the guys who make the effort to drive out, pick you up. The ones that ask a bunch of their friends which is a good restaurant to take you to for a date.

 

wow I just wanted to give props to Annie because this really rung home for me and my situation... so sadie and any other woman that is going through this should pay attention because this is exactly what we should be paying attention to!

[sophie274]

Hey

 

I'm sorry you had such a bad experience. Spend some time pampering yourself!

 

I would try to refrain from leaving him a voicemail, because I don't think it will make you feel that much better, especially if he ignores it.

 

Maybe after a bit of time has passed, you should examine this "objectively" and see if it can teach you anything for the future. For example, maybe your willingness to go over to his place all the time, whenever he wanted you to, taught him that he could treat you as a booty call without you saying anything. I think people often unfortunately treat us the way we will put up with being treated, not that that means we deserve the way we are treated, of course. I think you might find that if you are a bit more selective - i.e expect that the guy will call you ahead of time to plan things, be willing to meet halfway with you - then you might have a better experience.

 

Feel better and good luck!