GoldenHillGuy Posted June 9, 2008 Share Posted June 9, 2008 I'm feeling OK this morning. I'm still hurting. I'm trying to quit smoking, so that is taking ALL my energy at the moment. I'm trying to stay focused on that alone, and not my ex. I'm sure it will get easier, but I'm having trouble seeing light at the end of the tunnel. Link to comment
meinreallife Posted June 9, 2008 Share Posted June 9, 2008 Day 30 Today is my first post to the challenge. Reading your messages does help. The separation was for all the right reasons, but our together was so good. My dear friend is out there and I am here alone. I miss her.... Link to comment
KaylaJoy Posted June 10, 2008 Share Posted June 10, 2008 Day 25. I miss him alot. Somedays I'm not really sure what exactly it is that I'm missing, but I look out the window every night as if to check and make sure he isn't parked out in front of my house like so many other nights, waiting for me to let him in. Hoping he might be there, knowing he is not. Saw his sister in law today, she and I are close, as are his brother and I really close, and I found myself envious of the life they have, the marriage they have (his brother has the "good" side of Mark that I love so much), and just to be a part of their family. It seems like I wanted, dreamed and hoped to be a part of his family for so long, that I'm not quite sure how to let that dream go just yet. I'm close with almost all of them, and have known them for better than 15 years I guess. I have called his mom "MOM" since his sister and I were best friends when we were in our early 20's. They are an integral part of me and my son, and I thought our union would be the perfect climax to it all. Not so, though, and it's hard. I wanted his family to be my family, and I wanted him to love my son, and I wanted him to give me his whole heart and soul, and he couldn't. Couldn't even come close, and I can't even blame him for it; he can't help how he doesn't feel, and it doesn't matter why. Still I feel sad; a sense of loss, like I'm missing out on something wonderful. I breathe in, I breathe out, put one foot in front of another. Link to comment
hfc65 Posted June 10, 2008 Share Posted June 10, 2008 Day 22 I'm in the anger phase. I hate her for what she's done to me. How childish is that? Oh well I still miss you. Butt munch. Life goes on. Not childish at all IMO I feel the same way from time to time Day 79 Had been talking with another woman online since May 13th,We tried to hookup twice had nothing concrete but something always came up. Finally we had a time and place to meet tonight,I messaged her to confirm and she comes back with that she can't meet me that she is persuing a relationship with some one else Been thinking about the ex more today and feeling bad,I would move on better if I could find someone else,it's hard Link to comment
BrokenDuc Posted June 10, 2008 Share Posted June 10, 2008 This is Day 1 for me, she did contact me back after about 6 weeks of NC just to check up on me and tell me about her new guy, of course i got all jealous and all that and panicked and lost control of my emotions. received a text saying sorry she cant be with me at the moment, so time to reset NC to day 1. i feel really upset at the moment, but have gained some strength from reading this forum so i will not even reply her text. i need to be strong now, i need to be strong now i need to be strong now... Link to comment
Abbie Posted June 10, 2008 Share Posted June 10, 2008 Day 19 ... ... I was getting stronger but last night I cried and cried until I finally fell asleep. I'm going to stick with the NC but I'm starting to lose faith. I could really do with a sign to let me know it's working. Yesterday I felt like I may not even want him back but today it's different. I miss him so much and would love him to be back in my life. Link to comment
Mustang Posted June 10, 2008 Share Posted June 10, 2008 Day 1 I am going to try really hard this time. I managed 4-5 weeks in April and I felt a lot better by the end of it. I foolishly got back in touch with my ex thinking I was cool with everything and ready to be just friends. The hardest thing is that me and my ex still get on and I know that if we met up we'd have fun together. I really miss her and I think there's still feelings on both sides. Obviously her feelings don't mean she wants to get back with me. I know she's moved on and she probably doesn't see the need to go back. What bugs me is that I don't want to go back either. I want to go forwards. Things are different now. Well, the circumstances are at least. And that is what she claims was the big factor in her decision. I know that she obviously lost attraction for me too because we had a LDR for nine months and we got through that. She has told me that she still thinks of me which has created false hope. I am looking for any signs of life right now and it's not fair on her to do that. I have to get rid of all the hope I have. I have accepted we're not together now and I am sure she's perfectly happy without me. The worst part is that I don't know when I'll ever see her again. Link to comment
needhimso Posted June 10, 2008 Share Posted June 10, 2008 I still miss him like crazy. That pretty much sums it up. Link to comment
meinreallife Posted June 10, 2008 Share Posted June 10, 2008 Day 31 I get on fine through the day, however I can't drive to work or home without losing it. I keep pushing the hurt to keep her close, but I know I shouldn't. We used to share pix over the phone of when we caught a beautiful moment, sunset.... Now when I see a great open sky with just the right light I find some comfort. I wonder how she is. We live too far apart and have very few common friends to know how she is. Miss her endlessly.... Link to comment
GoldenHillGuy Posted June 10, 2008 Share Posted June 10, 2008 Day 10 The anger is setting in. She treated me like crap the last few weeks of our relationship. I'm starting to see she has some issues. The lyrics of this song are perfect for her situation: Daughters by John Mayer I know a girl She puts the color inside of my world but she's just like a maze Where all of the walls all continually change And I've done all I can To stand on her steps with my heart in my hand Now I'm starting to see Maybe it’s got nothing to do with me Fathers, be good to your daughters Daughters will love like you do Girls become lovers who turn into mothers So mothers, be good to your daughters too Ooh, you see that skin? It's the same she's been standing in Since the day she saw him walking away Now she's left cleaning up the mess he made So fathers, be good to your daughters Daughters will love like you do Girls become lovers who turn into mothers So mothers, be good to your daughters too Boys, you can break You find out how much they can take Boys will be strong And boys soldier on But boys would be gone without warmth from A woman's good, good heart On behalf of every man looking out for every girl You are the god and the weight of her world So fathers, be good to your daughters Daughters will love like you do Girls become lovers who turn into mothers So mothers be good to your daughters, too So mothers be good to your daughters, too So mothers be good to your daughters, too. Link to comment
Priphea Posted June 10, 2008 Share Posted June 10, 2008 Just started NC with my ex after visiting her in Texas. She's young and not ready for a relationship -- possibly with anyone, but I'm struggling to come to terms with that. I decided to NC to keep my sanity and move on for myself. Day .. 5? I struggle and still think about her all the time and constantly fight the urge to open up contact and remind her that I'm still around, trying to get a hold of myself. Hoping that she is taking the time to reanalyze herself and come to revelations also, even though it will probably never come. Link to comment
BrokenDuc Posted June 10, 2008 Share Posted June 10, 2008 here comes day 2... went out with my sister and her friends lastnight to trivia which was great of her as its something ive never done before and she is helping to keep me out of the house and lonely. i did think of her a few times lastnight especially seeing other couples snuggling and i had no one but didnt feel overly sad. had a good 2 hour phone conversation with another female friend who is like an older sister to me, the topic of my ex did come up a lot with a lot of self reflection about what i did wrong in the relationship etc. but after what i have told her (story biased in my favour) friend seems to think i was given the short end of the stick and i deserve better than her which hurts as despite her faults i still love her terribly hopefully i can stay busy enough at work to not think about her too much, i feel no urge to contact her at this stage which is good... if she wants me she will have to forget about her rebound guy and call me Link to comment
KaylaJoy Posted June 11, 2008 Share Posted June 11, 2008 I checked his MySpace page today, first time in a while, was going to stop that I remember. He had moved me off of his top 8 and I was still on his friend's list but not on the main page. Then tonight when I looked at his MySpace page, he had moved me back to his front page. Huh? I'm curious. I had moved him off of my front page. So I moved him back, kind of a chess move. I know him. Because if I ever brought up his lack of friendliness to him, he would bring up the fact that he had me on his front page, but I had moved him off. So only to as not give him that leverage (wait - I'm supposing I'm going to talk to him at some point and this will be discussed, and that's crazy because I'm in NC, right?), I moved him back to the front page. In the exact same spot he has me. We'll see how long it lasts. Doesn't mean anything, I get that...just one of those things. Link to comment
hfc65 Posted June 11, 2008 Share Posted June 11, 2008 Day 80 Hard to believe it's been 80 days since the BU Actually feeling good today,Haven't thought of her at all Link to comment
Mustang Posted June 11, 2008 Share Posted June 11, 2008 Day 2 It's crazy to think that I'm back here. It's been seven months and I was in NC for all of April. Then just over a month later, I'm worse than ever before and back to NC. I think of her constantly. Link to comment
needhimso Posted June 11, 2008 Share Posted June 11, 2008 I had a dream last night that he came back. In the dream he ended up having a baby with someone else, and he had sent me a letter saying he wished he could come back but now has a daughter to worry about. I told him I really wanted him back and could love her as my own if he would come back to me. Then he showed up on my doorstep. Today I'm wishing we were still together and were planning our wedding. I never had any desire to marry or have children until I knew he was the one I wanted that with. I still hope to be his wife one day. Link to comment
GoldenHillGuy Posted June 11, 2008 Share Posted June 11, 2008 DAY 11 Feeling better today. Wondering if we'll ever speak again. I'm starting to think it will be OK if we don't. We had the closure conversation. I'm on DAY 3 of NOT SMOKING!!! What a thrill do kick this habit. Especially durning this time of healing. I feel so strong right now. Link to comment
meinreallife Posted June 11, 2008 Share Posted June 11, 2008 Day 32 This is now my daily stop at my first break at work everyday. It feels great to hear how human I am when I see your comments. The drive in to work today was hard. I have this horrible habit of putting on music playlists that she gave me or I gave her. Its the one thing that quickly reminds me how good it was. I must be a masochist. With her number queued up on my mobile, my finger hovered over the SEND key. I held back. I miss her... Link to comment
Abbie Posted June 11, 2008 Share Posted June 11, 2008 GoldenHillGuy ... giving up smoking is very admirable. Congratulations on making it 3 days. Link to comment
Abbie Posted June 11, 2008 Share Posted June 11, 2008 Day 20 ... ... today I feel quite good. Last night I started re-arranging the house. I'd kind of kept everything the way it was when we lived there together as some kind of shrine. We had very different ideas when it came to the house so it feels good to be able to have it exactly the way I want it without any arguments or compromise. It's going to take me a while to re-organise everything but just making a start has made me feel good. It's starting to feel more like MY house rather than OUR house. Link to comment
ccali78 Posted June 11, 2008 Share Posted June 11, 2008 Day 1 So I am starting today so today will be day 1 for me. I did respond to am email he sent me yesterday this morning. Nothing dramatic, just letting feelings go. I hope I do as well as a lot of you. I want to get through this and be strong. Link to comment
bepositive Posted June 11, 2008 Share Posted June 11, 2008 Day 21; I'm not so much having a hard time not contacting her, but just with wanting her back. Still excited about my new dates for this weekend, though. I've got a lunch and two dinners lined up so far, and they're all interesting and cute (wouldn't have set up the dates otherwise, I suppose). I think this will help put me in a better position to contact the ex in a few weeks and wish her a happy birthday. I don't think this is showing weakness, especially if I'm coming from a position of strength and confidence, which I'm getting closer to. As much as I miss the ex, I have more times where I think she made a stupid decision, and if she doesn't come back, it's her loss. Still my loss too, but at least I'm starting to acknowledge my own value as a person. Link to comment
GoldenHillGuy Posted June 11, 2008 Share Posted June 11, 2008 GoldenHillGuy ... giving up smoking is very admirable. Congratulations on making it 3 days. Thank you. Its not been easy to say the least!!! Its all about improving myself. Next time she sees me, she'll be blown away at the new me. If she doesn't see me, then at least I'm in the best position to attract another woman. Link to comment
wizard71 Posted June 11, 2008 Share Posted June 11, 2008 Ok im in day 2. Have exhausted all the usual routes, said my thing to her, now im done. Im ready to rock and roll!! Feeling ok, still thinking of her but not in the same way somehow. Self protection system up and running, reading 'the secret' Link to comment
BrokenDuc Posted June 11, 2008 Share Posted June 11, 2008 Day 3 for me now my ex kinda broke the NC after just 1 day so it became LC since i replied her, but my reply was to tell her not to contact me unless she is serious about getting back together im planning to get a tattoo this weekend to give me strength (dont worry its not gonna say her name on it!!) i did think about her this morning as she was in my dreams last night so feeling a little heart ache but will read through ENA a bit to keep me strong its thursday, yay almost weekend! keep strong everybody Link to comment
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