smickey Posted June 14, 2007 Share Posted June 14, 2007 DUNZO!!! I know your post wasn't meant to be funny but it did make me chuckle! I wish I could predict the future like you can! I can only reiterate what reasonablegirl said - don't stress about the future, and certainly don't have such a doomed outlook on life! Let's just stop thinking with our hearts and go back to thinking with our heads for a second... How many people on this forum have completed the 30 day challenge, or however many days of NC, or preached and praised about the NC process and how great it is? Too many to count. NC is not a 'well life sucks so I'll just try and get through it' process, it is a 'grab every opportunity and make the most of me and who I am' process. How often do we have this opportunity? We are single and free to work on ourselves to our hearts content, we are allowed to be selfish and because we have just lost a SO everyone is being nice to us! It is a massive chance to change and grow so make the most of it! Plus, the best bit is that at the end, if you have made the most of it, you'll be proud of yourself, and nothing beats that. GOOD LUCK!!! Link to comment
Knightm29 Posted June 14, 2007 Share Posted June 14, 2007 day 23. Tired tired tired of this rollercoaster of a ride, feel good, then sad, then really down then back up thinking positive. Wears you down after a while. Had a low night last night. Was out with all the mates, who were drinking loads, but I am staying off it at the moment and i just could not get in the spirit of things. Felt embarrassed in some respects as I was a right misery. Just an off day I am assuming Link to comment
Pending Posted June 14, 2007 Share Posted June 14, 2007 I realize how much progress i've made. Do I still think about her? Yes...almost daily i it nfact. Do I still get down somtimes thinking about what I loss? Yes... But after all this time(3 months), I have just stopped letting ruin my life. I have accepted that most likely were done and over with, that I have to live life without her. After two months + of complete silence from her, I come back from a pub with a few friends, only to see a msn txt from my ex. Had some info regarding my new summer job, and she sent me a message asking me where I was working. After two months, after having removed me from her msn/facebook a few weeks earlier..she does this? I spent a good 30 mins asking myself * * *. Why now? Why after all this time try & get back into my life. (for record-anyone with any ideas why-love to hear them Ignored it. Was worried at first that I had just screwed up all chances of us getting togather. But a few days have passed, I know it was the right choice. What difference does the details of my daily life have to her? She did everything in her power to remove me from her life. Besides, if she really wanted to make another go of it, she well contact me again. If not...who cares? I'm going to keep going towards the same goal i;v e had since she cheated on me/brokeup with me-moving on. Link to comment
1guygirl Posted June 14, 2007 Share Posted June 14, 2007 hey dunzo glad to see you took the challenge...was worried bout ya...figured you knew what you had to do but didnt want to....hehe - well youve took the first hardest step and it does get easier, you just think of it day at a time...like 'what can i do today that will make me feel better?' wether its putting your spare coppers in the charity box or heading out somewhere nice and the best one...exercise!! yeah i had hard time taking this one up but im glad i did.... see as youve heard, NC is about looking at ourselves, being honest with ourselves as even we played a part somehow in the way things have turned out - tho our beloved's arnt getting off scott free no seriously - its making you YOU again...but a better version able to use any past mistakes and turn them into lessons and learning to love yourself enough to know that when your gut is telling you summit dont feel right, to trust it as my guts never let me down...its like jiminy cricket on my shoulder hehe one thing i will say bout your recent ex....love is PATIENT ...it CAN wait for someone to be sure, to feel right....it doesnt pressurise into their own time frame....think you know what im trying to say.... anyway keep us posted on your progress yeah knight...if its any consolation i know that rollercoaster - now when i have really good day i make the most of it - cos i half expect now that i'll feel like sh*t in a day or two...mabes thats negative thinking but its just the way its panning out...but it is starting to tip the other way..like a see saw... pending.... hmmmmm best not answer it...bet your heart missed abeat tho - we'd all secretly like a lil 'sign' like that but its usually anything but... anything but what we want it to be and usually just abit of mind games. like pretending to throw an eager dog a stick...and you watch it run for nothing (eeek yes i did that to my labrador a few times hands up tut tut i know!!) ...but its the only way i can describe it lol anyway gunna try and have a good day today, do my workout vid which is working in every way...my camping gears come to take son camping but fraid the suns not gunna be out til next week darn... still best things come to those who wait eh! Link to comment
MsBear Posted June 14, 2007 Share Posted June 14, 2007 Day 4 Set out a plan to do research on IB, pretty tough, too much to get to know It rained again I turned on the TV , there were some channels from his country, the appearance of such things made me feel weird, year ago, I watched them with excitement and decided to learn his language... I dont know how I feel, am I upset, disappointed or too indifferent to feel anything ? Deep inside I know there's no chance of getting back because I dont want to, but... Link to comment
CrapAtNC Posted June 14, 2007 Share Posted June 14, 2007 OK, so I had to deliver some medicine for her cat, and I was going to just put it in the mailbox, but the cat needs the meds ASAP, so I reluctantly sent a text message. It was very simple: "meds in mailbox". I've never kept a text that short and blunt before. I haven't contacted her all day, and I know she was expecting me to, as she knew she had left the meds in my car and I had to get them to her. That one day of NC, together with the brief message, set something off. She texted me back straight away, saying thanks, and then again three minutes later! She's asking how much she owes me and how the dog is that we rescued yesterday. Not much, I know, but clearly this is one of her 'friendlier' days, and it's no coincidence that it came after just one day of NC and a much-blunter-than-normal text message. I'm not replying ... yet. I don't want to appear all hurt or angry or in any other way affected by her, so I will reply late tomorrow or the next day - most likely after she contacts me again. I'll just say that I was busy when I got the message (true - I was driving, and then had to feed the dogs), and that I'd forgotten all about it (which I will). Is 100% NC the best way to go? Really? Or is it better to just respond to her contact? You want to reward her trying, right? I read a great book on getting back your ex, and it also insists on a month of NC, but does say that it's a good idea to respond when she (or he) contacts you, and to keep it lighthearted, upbeat, and brief, and to make sure you are the one who breaks off that contact. Any thoughts? I'm not doing NC for my own benefit, to improve myself; I've already made huge changes and know what I want. I'm doing the NC firstly as a way to win her back, and only secondly for any self benefit. Cheers! Link to comment
CrapAtNC Posted June 14, 2007 Share Posted June 14, 2007 And a very valuable two cents it is, although perhaps not as strong as they could be against the British penny. I didn't tell her there would be NC, and as we've been in touch almost every other day since the break-up and it's been mostly friendly and civil, it would appear very strange if I just stopped responding. So, I'm weaning off slowly, but I will not initiate any contact. The two-week holiday in Thailand will force NC, which she'll of course be expecting, and I think it would be more natural to be more NC than LC after that break. I haven't been weak for over a week now, and I'm certain that there;ll be no more blabbering, as I KNOW that just pushes her away. Plus, I really don't want any more tears or pain in my life any more. You're right that the coolness and calmness is more an act than how I really am, but right now it's approaching fifty-fifty, and I really am becoming that way now ... less pretense is needed now. Link to comment
SuperDave71 Posted June 14, 2007 Author Share Posted June 14, 2007 DUNZO.... Quit making excuses.......JUST DO IT!!! -SuperDave71 Link to comment
CrapAtNC Posted June 14, 2007 Share Posted June 14, 2007 dunzo, I have intiated NC. I'm not being friendly. I'm making it clear I have moved on, which is the decision she chose ... now she has to live by it. I'm just responding to messages late and in short - she already sees the difference. She knows I'm fading away. I think that if I just stop responding to her messages altogether, it might look like I am hurt by her ... whereas just fading away will be more natural. (I've told her several times in the past I will not be contacting her any more, so she knows now that if I give any hint of such an action it's probably a bluff ... better to make it look real, which, actually, it's starting to be.) Having said all that, I'm all ears, so if everyone thinks it's truly better to not reply to any of her messages, I'll do that ... but, remember, I'm doing NC to win her back. Link to comment
SuperDave71 Posted June 14, 2007 Author Share Posted June 14, 2007 CrapAtNC, If you are doing NC to get her back...you will fail. I am sorry to be the bearer of bad news but you are wasting time. NC...is for you to get YOU back. If you respond to ANY of her messages...you are NOT implementing NC at all. NO CONTACT is NOT CONTACT.....period. If you learn NOTHING from your mistakes....and just HOPE that NC will allow her to miss you....she comes back let's assume... It will fail....It woudl be like driving a car on a flat tire....sure you can...but it is only a matter of time before it rips, shreads, and falls off completely. -SuperDave71 Link to comment
CrapAtNC Posted June 14, 2007 Share Posted June 14, 2007 I think I understand. OK, NC all the way ... for me. No more contact or responses from me. Link to comment
The One Posted June 14, 2007 Share Posted June 14, 2007 Starting Today, I accept the NO CONTACT CHALLENGE!! It's been Three days, Doing Good, Thanks SuperDave!!! "Angels fly because they take themselves lightly" Link to comment
SuperDave71 Posted June 14, 2007 Author Share Posted June 14, 2007 Welcome to the challenge!!! -SuperDave71 Link to comment
andy5128 Posted June 14, 2007 Share Posted June 14, 2007 Drum Roll....... Day 30.. Yep I got there in the end.. WOOHOO So I got there folks, second attempt mind you!! LOL So folks how do I feel, I kinda got a grin on me face! Just a little achievement makes you feel good I guess.. I am kinda proud of myself even though it may seem a bit daft just not making contact for 30 days but it's tough especially at the beginning. So to you all, do it for yourself it is worth it and makes you feel a whole lot better.. So whats been happening for me then.. Well just getting on with things really. Met a couple of women but just as friends really who I see now and then. Joined a hiking group and making new friends which is good. Went speed dating last night and it was a laugh! A chance to meet lots of new women in one go how cool it that. I went along with a mate and just went and took it as a good night out. One woman I kinda liked so maybe I will get a tick maybe I wont but it's a great confidence booster and helps you feel better about communicating with new people (not that I struggled anyhow but my confidence felt knocked a bit). So folks give it a go if you feel ready as it's a good night out. I will continue to check out the 30 day NC challenge thread and may pop my thoughts on here when having a bad day as we all have them but more to give you guys support as many have done that for me too. So my NC journey continues.. Good luck all, Take Care.. Andy Link to comment
waterbaby07 Posted June 14, 2007 Share Posted June 14, 2007 Day 1- I'm in! (the exclamation point makes me look too enthusiastic). Im sick of crying, sick of seeing him and wanting to touch him and kiss him. Sick of being with someone who has been cold to me for the last 6 weeks even though we were still living together. He said, "someone needs to be strong and end this!" Whatever! I said good-bye to him yesterday and told him if he misses me and wants to reconcile to give me a call, but otherwise- NO CONTACT WHATSOEVER! I'm moving my stuff out this weekend into my own place, but he's going to be away (luckily) so i won't see him. Even though im 30, im scared to begin this new life- this life alone, in my own place- and im excited- excited to become strong again, to make myself happy and healthy- to exercise and get myself into the best shape of my life. Unlike my past break-ups im not going to rush into the arms of another man! This time is for ME!!! (also, i still love him deeply even though he doesn't deserve it!) I cried this morning- the thought of not seeing him is torture- and then i went out to my car and found a $50 ticket- i forgot about crying over him and started crying over my ticket! haha. Anyhow, let the challenge begin! P.S. Congrats ANDY! Link to comment
thelonelydoll Posted June 14, 2007 Share Posted June 14, 2007 ^^ Congrats Andy - knew you'd make it this time! Link to comment
SuperDave71 Posted June 14, 2007 Author Share Posted June 14, 2007 Congrats ANDY!!! And welcome to waterbaby07!!! We got ya covered!!! -SuperDave71 Link to comment
andy5128 Posted June 14, 2007 Share Posted June 14, 2007 Thanks LonelyDoll.. Hope things are going well for you too.. Good Luck Waterbaby.. Link to comment
andy5128 Posted June 14, 2007 Share Posted June 14, 2007 Congrats ANDY!!! And welcome to waterbaby07!!! We got ya covered!!! -SuperDave71 Cheers SD.. Once I got in my head..finally that NC was the right thing to do. It has really done the trick! I am not 100% but well on my way.. So thanks for your advice and wisdom mate.. Link to comment
SuperDave71 Posted June 14, 2007 Author Share Posted June 14, 2007 Andy, You did this yourself....NOT me. You are the one that deserves credit for your accomplishment! NOT me I wish you the best in all that you do....I am here if you need me. Your Friend, SuperDave71 Link to comment
Knightm29 Posted June 14, 2007 Share Posted June 14, 2007 Nice One Andy Mate! Hope to be joining you in 8 Days..... hope to be feeling miles better and get the selfish manipulative woman out of my head! Link to comment
andy5128 Posted June 14, 2007 Share Posted June 14, 2007 8 days eh.. not long to go mate! After about 20 days I lost count to be honest it was only my previous posts that helped me work it out.. My advice sod em.. in a nice and caring way of course. I still love her but I love ME more mate..! It's all about me, sounds a bit selfish! LOL I am kinda liking being single, never thought I would say that a few months back! Yeah I would like someone to cuddle up to who don't eh.. just in no rush.. So my advice mate to all, think about yourself. The world is your oyster kinda thing. There is plenty more fish in the sea and all that. I did and still do love a certain fish but she decided to go to the next pond and I kinda like the pond I'm in! Geez I need to stop talking in riddles! Anyhow go out and party and give speed dating a go it's a laugh! Andy Link to comment
Brownsville Girl Posted June 14, 2007 Share Posted June 14, 2007 Hi everyone! I know I'm late but being a bit competitve, this is sooooo down my ally. When I get home tonight an re-read the thread and see how the progression goes. Great Idea SuperDave! Here are my stats Break-up date: June 11 No contact start: June 12 Days: 2.5 I managed to get through the work day with just welled up tears rather than sobbing, so that's something I guess. I desperately want him back but I'm using N.C. not to get him back but to NOT WANT him back. Does that make sense? Are those motives legit? Thanks and good luck everyone BVG Link to comment
andy5128 Posted June 14, 2007 Share Posted June 14, 2007 Good Luck Brownsville Girl.. welcome to the NC challenge.. Link to comment
Brownsville Girl Posted June 14, 2007 Share Posted June 14, 2007 Thanks Andy! Sounds like you're doing pretty well for yourself. I'm happy for you! Link to comment
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