supercalifragilistic Posted April 21, 2007 Share Posted April 21, 2007 Still on Day 8... Well, around this time yesterday, I was dodging phonecalls from the ex, and I don't know why he was phoning me. Today, wanting to go out on another bike ride in this great weather, I decided not to wear my long workout unitard, but this little shorts-and-top adidas thing. Unfortunately, I discovered this was something the ex had also cut up before he left the country. I also found my favorite bikini in shreds. What else am I going to find destroyed? Plus, I never did find my vintage watch and diamond earrings - whether he took them or hid them somewhere, I've no way of knowing. But all the other evidence sure seems to point to him. It was a lovely day, but now that the sun's going down, I am positively ENRAGED!! What an idiot! I can believe he would do that! Some people...Not that the thought of burning some of my ex's stuff never crossed my mind, but I would never really do that. I'm sorry about you stuff, I hope you watch and earings turn up somehow, that is really upsetting. Link to comment
supercalifragilistic Posted April 21, 2007 Share Posted April 21, 2007 Day 17 Heh. I always have to check macgyver4ever's post to see what day I'm at. I've lost track. But anyways. Today was good, I painted my room in the house I'll be moving to soon. It was something my ex was going to help me with but that never happened and now that ship has sailed I never thought I'd be able to do that without crying my eyes out and wishing he was there with me but I guess things change, and I guess I'm making SOME progress, however small it may be. Not much else to say I guess. NC rules, best thing I've ever done. I would never be feeling this much better if it weren't for it. Thanks superdave! Link to comment
thelonelydoll Posted April 22, 2007 Share Posted April 22, 2007 What an idiot! I can believe he would do that! Some people...Not that the thought of burning some of my ex's stuff never crossed my mind, but I would never really do that. I'm sorry about you stuff, I hope you watch and earings turn up somehow, that is really upsetting. It's not just upsetting - it's grand larceny, as in a felony. And the first batch of stuff, he destroyed when we were still technically a couple. I just didn't find it until after I left him in an airport motel, surrounded by empty bottles of gin and beer. In the past few days I was actually thinking that maybe someday - like a year from now - we could be friends again. But this evening, I've got all sorts of revenge fantasies going on. I know it's not healthy or mature, but at the moment it does feel therapeutic and even fun to think of the ways in which I could destroy his future. I'm in no mood to be sympathetic about his f*cking alcoholism right now - I feel justifiably violated! Supercali - you are making AMAZING progress, the change in you since you first came on (I think you got here two days after me) is HUGE!! Keep it strong, girl! Link to comment
ramsickle1369 Posted April 22, 2007 Share Posted April 22, 2007 Hey NC'ers... Hope you are all doing well... Sounds like a lot of good has come from the NC thing so I am jumping back on the bandwagon... I fell off and hit my head more than once already... Well, I'm back. Officially Day 0 (because I already talked with him today). I'm feeling incredibly horrible at the moment. I work with this guy in a uncnventional setting. We both work remotely and I work independently for his company. There has been no physical connection--or interest from him other than the occasional mention of getting together to "discuss work" which used to be his buzz word, but now tends to really be all work. Since we are typically friendly and I enjoy the work--it's somewhat complicated. But for my own sanity and healing, I'm stepping out. My goal is to communicate ONLY about work, and ONLY return calls when he leaves a message. He tends to call in the car without any real reason. I also plan to minimize all communications (IM/Email/texts). It's really difficult for me because this was agreed to be a physical only relationship since I was coming out of a divorce. But he cut that off, and that created waves of emotions that I wasn't ready for, especially since he was my first after the divorce. Anyway, when I do go a few days w/o talking to him, I feel empowered. I secretly hope that my backing off will make him miss me, but I know that's not the norm. The real goal is for ME to heal and I simply HAVE to not have contact with him to do that. So.... here I be... NC Day 0... Link to comment
Rosie007 Posted April 22, 2007 Share Posted April 22, 2007 Day 69 Woo hoo! It's April 22, a bright, warm sunny day in NJ -- supposed to go up to 77 degrees (that's 25 degrees celcius for all my international friends) -- and I'm headed to the beach. Nude beach that is. And I'm looking forward to seeing some of my beach gang. Just got back from my favorite AA meeting. My doggie wanted to go for a walk this morning around 5:30. When we got home, I set my alarm and went back to bed. It was sooooooo very hard to pull myself from bed, but I'd made a commitment to myself to go to my AA meeting and then head to the beach today. I'm so proud of myself for sticking to the plan. It's extra important for me to take care of myself right now. On top of the NC challenge, I took a bold action on Friday. Some might see it as professional suicide, but I choose to have faith in my higher power and hold on for the roller coaster ride of my fear and other emotions. Late Friday afternoon, my boss and I had a heated discussion on the phone. This is about the fourth time we've had such a talk. As many of you may know, I worked some 80 hours last week to get a portal site launched. In all, 80 sites were actually launched. My whole department has been working at a fast and furious pace since October to make this launch happen. My boss and I have been arguing lately because he's been pushing for me to start another major project before we ended the last one. Because I want to hit the beach today ... Long story short, my boss is still trying to keep the heat on. I'm a very responsible person and I don't require any supervision to work and work hard. I create my own goals, generally speaking, and in the rare times things slow up, that's a time for me to work towards one of my dream projects. After my argument with my boss, I called the vice president of human relations (HR) -- a.k.a., personnel -- because I'm thoroughly fed up. I almost quit my job less than two weeks ago, and I'm getting to that point again. I know that anyone is replaceable, but I have enough sense to recognize me / my work as an important company asset. I respect and admire my boss greatly; he's an incredible human being with so many gifts and talents, and he's really given me the opportunity to shine in the last six years I've worked for him (seven years for the company). BUT He's a workaholic and so am I. And in the last year I've really been focusing on working less and living my own life more. This isn't sitting well with my boss. In many ways Rex helped me make more time for myself, stop working in the evenings. Rex "forbid" me to work at his house. Now the fact of the matter is I don't let anyone in my personal life tell me what to do, but it was exciting and actually kind of courageous of me to heed Rex's words and stop working in the evenings. Point is, I guess you could say I'm taking a stand. The trick is to do it in a professional way. I recognize my boss is probably a greater company asset than I. And I'm afraid that all too often HR isn't really for employees, it should be called company protection management. Fortunately I believe in two things in this world: blessings and blessings in disguise. I reckon worst case scenario is I'll lose my job; however, in some ways that would be a good thing. I know this is career stuff ... but I believe it relates directly to self care, and in this case you could say I might be breaking up with my boss. I had to take a stand with Rex: NO, I'm not going to continue to see you if you start to sleep with someone new. I don't care how much I love you. And now I'm saying to my boss: NO, I'm not going to work an unreasonable amount of time. We're going to have to come up with a new plan; otherwise, I'm ought of there. Rex and I didn't have a committed relationship. But I guess you could say I have a committed relationship with my career. I've got a lot of responsibilities, a lot of people depend on me. Heck, during this last project two people started referring to me as their work mom, or mother hen, because I was tending to people's feelings in the midst of our battle to get the sites launched. By going to HR, it's like I'm going to the marriage counselor. Here's my favorite prayer, to fit any occasion: Higher power (for some and for me, it's God), Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, Courage to change the things I can, And wisdom to know the difference. And now ... I'm off to the beach ... to have some fun, soak up some rays, and leave my troubles behind. Love and kisses to all. Keep up the great everyone! -Rosie Link to comment
Rosie007 Posted April 22, 2007 Share Posted April 22, 2007 p.s. I'm so excited. I put up a bird feeder yesterday -- I love birds ... and trees ... and the sky. They didn't seem to notice the feeder yesterday and I was worried that New Jersey birds wouldn't eat the bird seed I bought in Pennsylvania. When I got home from my AA meeting this morning, there were doves and sparrows eating from the feeder, and several doves in my driveway. Now that's happiness Link to comment
MitchDoan Posted April 22, 2007 Share Posted April 22, 2007 DAY 2 Actually it's day 20 when we had broken but i did some stupid thing on Day 18, i started again...this time i'll standing still, prideful and dignify...... Quite ok rite now Link to comment
thelonelydoll Posted April 22, 2007 Share Posted April 22, 2007 Day One I had about 18 days when I looked at his myspace for the last time, and put myself back to zero (April 1). Then, I sent a text and got a reply 9 days ago (April 13). But yesterday afternoon, after I suddenly discovered more stuff of mine that he destroyed - and thinking the fact that my missing diamonds and watch simply must have something to do with him - I sent an email. He replied that he's not a thief, but he doesn't remember much of that day he went on a vandalism rampage in my house. Furthermore, he wrote: "I'm an alcoholic, what's your excuse?" - Erm, I need an excuse to feel violated and angry? No, I don't. This new NC will be very long-term, if not permanent. I was actually feeling sorry for the drunk this week, but no more! I'm mad as hell!! Link to comment
ramsickle1369 Posted April 22, 2007 Share Posted April 22, 2007 I'm officially on day 1. It's Sunday and no work--so it's easier to stay away. I find myself staring at the IM screen name thinking about all the amazing conversation we used to have--yearning for more. But then I realize, that time has passed and it's time I get strong within myself and stop depending on that itty bit of attention for a "good day". It's hard, but I am committed to it. Went to church this morning... my second seating born of a desire to find peace. Then had brunch with a close friend. It was peaceful, simple. I don't quite feel amazing yet, but I know as time wears on, I will... Back to work Monday, we'll see how that goes... But I'm sticking to minimal contact and not letting him see it's the hurt that's keeping me quiet. Hope I make it. Rosie... I completely commend you on your success, both personal and professional. Sounds like you are gaining strength in more areas than one. That's wonderful! I completely hear you about the workaholic stuff... Since my divorce I've been attached to my work because it was the one thing that held constant over the past horrific year. I know what you're going thru with the boss who seems to always want more--no matter how much you do for them. It's truly a balance to back away and let others do things you don't "HAVE" to do. Sometimes you really need to take that break and get your bearings before you really lose it. One thing I've learned is that you have two options in this situation: (1) either accept the people for who they are or (2) get out. It all depends on the situation. There are times when God is leading you toward a different place with better circumstances and it's often hard to hear that little spiritual voice telling you what to do. Best of luck to all... :splat: (sorry, just thot he was funny!) Link to comment
macgyver4ever Posted April 22, 2007 Share Posted April 22, 2007 Day 18 Yesterday was her birthday. It was one of the worst days I have had in weeks. I could not stop thinking about her, and all the things I had stopped thinking about. I was with a good friend, and she was patient with me, but I was annoying myself, so I know it wasn't good. Wondering if she was happy, if she was ever coming back, if she ever has regrets. All these things were driving me balls. Last night was bad too. I took some meds, went to bed, and woke up feeling okay, which was an improvement. Today has maintained this okay feeling all day. I wanted to go outside, but it was nice to relax, and at least know I would have tomorrow to enjoy the weather. I need some sun!!!! Today is 1 YEAR since she CHEATED on me the first time. I thought it would be a bad day for me, but realize it will be much worse for her. She will be hungover, and have to sit around thinking about this. A year ago she lost everything she ever loved and worked for. It's gone, and what is she doing now? Drinking? With some guy she barely likes? Good job. Today I feel: Buzzed, Okay, Bitter, Confidentish, and Energetic. Link to comment
safetydp Posted April 23, 2007 Share Posted April 23, 2007 Here we go, day 1. Just ended a year and 1/2 relationship (with a few off and ons), but i realized that I have been working my butt off to try to save a relationship that HE kept messing up (cheating...), and he wasnt trying to save it at all. It feels kind of good to be free (i told him that i wasnt going to call or text or email him), but it still feels really scary to be truly alone after a year and 1/2 of being with him. I know its for the best, but that only helps so much, you know? Link to comment
ckydj Posted April 23, 2007 Share Posted April 23, 2007 I am on day 9 for a text, but have not actually spoken to her personally since April 1st. Wish it all could have been an April fools joke, but I was the fool for believing a lying woman such as she. Link to comment
p_fred Posted April 23, 2007 Share Posted April 23, 2007 Mac, Good for you! I know how difficult it was - I was ahead of you because I spent time picking out the perfect card and buying it (since then it took a trip to the paper shreader) I stayed true to NC and it was soo hard - looking back it wasn't as if she invited me to any birthday party anyway. So you saved yourself some money and a lot of heartache! Congratulations. Stay strong, Stay away. Have you ever thought that maybe your need for meds is because of the pain of your ex? I saw a good program on PBS the other day that had a guy on stage with a glowing ball at the other end of the stage. He said that the glowing ball was the universe and it provides for you 24/7 - you don't need to know how, it just does (just like you don't need to know how your body works it just does) its kind of like "The Secret" what he was saying. What you focus on is what the universe provides. It can be a happy place or a sad place, it is all in how your mind makes it out to be. Made sense when he said the harder we try to look for things the more empty space we find (like water for example, made up of H2O, which is made up of molecules & atoms, which are made up of other things, and it goes on and on but they can never find the end only more things surrounded by more empty space!) So think happy that she is gone, it makes room for someone better to enter your life! Link to comment
Keyholder Posted April 23, 2007 Share Posted April 23, 2007 Hello SuperDave, I'm a new member and have only just found this forum and your posts - both are inspiring and very helpful I've just posted a very long message on the "Healing" thread (I'm not looking to get back together with my ex for reasons that are explained in the thread; it's a very long story I'm currently on Day 2 of No Contact and will post here each day! Hugs, Keyholder Link to comment
Tshwane Posted April 23, 2007 Share Posted April 23, 2007 Day 28 - and ex's birthday, well she ain't getting a call from me. Happy birthday Mamello. There it is on enotalone.com. Link to comment
SuperDave71 Posted April 23, 2007 Author Share Posted April 23, 2007 Welcome Keyholder!!! -SuperDave71 Link to comment
macgyver4ever Posted April 23, 2007 Share Posted April 23, 2007 p_fred Thanks for the props. I'm proud of myself for not doing anything either. I was tough!!! As for the meds, it was always something that I needed in my life, to some point. The anxiety caused extremely irrational thoughts and was reeking havoc on my body. I was losing all kinds of weight, and after things ended, I was having such sever panic attacks that I was missing work. Since taking them I have improved my social skills and can control my thoughts better. The meds still aren't out of system yet, but I am enjoying the lack of side effects. It was annoying. I'm going to try to live without them as long as I can. Day 19 Ok Folks, I just reached a new high!!!!! I've never made it to 19 and this is my 4th try! That sound you hear is me giving myself a big pat on the back. Yesterday was ok. I was very lethargic, and drank a little too much, but I felt better. I got some work done, but not enough. I hit it off with this girl last night. She is extremely beautiful. Unbelievable. I spoke with a cousin who made a lot of sense to me. I had asked her what it was that set me apart from other guys. I've always been told what a great guy I am, and the last few weeks, I can't see why anymore. She told me that it wasn't that the "other guy" was any better than me, it was more that he was there to catch her so she didn't have to be alone. He gave her the freedom and partying that she "needs" right now, and my ex felt I could no longer do that. I'm sure he's lame, he has a faux-hawk, and we know those went out of style about 8-10 months ago. Today I feel: Confident, Determined, Excited, Tired, and like something's missing. Link to comment
SuperDave71 Posted April 23, 2007 Author Share Posted April 23, 2007 Mac, It rarely has to do with the other person...it usually has to do with what your ex THINKS of the new person. They are basing what they HOPE they know ...rather than WHAT THEY DO KNOW. I would throw that foolishness away. I thought the same years ago...but it was what my ex THOUGHT she had rather than what she DID have. -SuperDave71 Link to comment
houdini Posted April 23, 2007 Share Posted April 23, 2007 SD, Thats a very good point but what is it that brings the ex to come to this realization? I put myself in my ex's shoes as I've been in her shoes before. When you leave one person for another nothing else matters but the new person because things are great and I can see how my feelings mean nothing to my ex because all she cares about is her new life. What makes that change!!!! Day 60 something...I've lost count, well actually I got tired of counting Houdini Link to comment
SuperDave71 Posted April 23, 2007 Author Share Posted April 23, 2007 Houdini, Nothing can make an ex do anything...period -SuperDave71 Link to comment
SuperDave71 Posted April 23, 2007 Author Share Posted April 23, 2007 Welcome Briant_9999! -SuperDave71 Link to comment
SuperDave71 Posted April 23, 2007 Author Share Posted April 23, 2007 Good job Screenager.... -SuperDave71 Link to comment
Keyholder Posted April 23, 2007 Share Posted April 23, 2007 Welcome Keyholder!!! -SuperDave71 Thanks SD Link to comment
SuperDave71 Posted April 23, 2007 Author Share Posted April 23, 2007 you are welcome keyholder.. How are you holding up? -SuperDave71 Link to comment
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