MasterT Posted March 12, 2007 Share Posted March 12, 2007 Day 18... This has the makings of a hard morning. After a good couple of dreams, I woke up as my ex started to pop up in the last one. Ruined my morning somewhat. Started reading a series of books hoping to get my mind off the whole ordeal. So far it has been working, yesterday I managed to fight off any thoughts through reading. Things should get better, as I've gotten in contact with yet another one of my old friends from high school. She's going to give me a call sometime today, so that should be fun. I can feel myself letting go, one little fragment at a time now... NC really is helping me a lot. It's gotten down to the point now where I'm almost afraid of an relapses, and I don't want to do anything to break NC... Right now, my biggest worry is that she'll be the one to break the NC. It's not that I wouldn't want her back, but more that I'm concerned that if she did break it that she wouldn't reconcile with me. *Shrug* Link to comment
MasterT Posted March 12, 2007 Share Posted March 12, 2007 Day 18 (Continued) I am so proud of myself just now. I finally got the courage to remove her permanently from my facebook friends list, and I've also removed her friends from my friends list as well. I feel like I've taken an awesome step towards healing. Oh and the nice benefit of this is now I can use facebook without worry now, since her profile is set to "friends only", and I removed the friendship Link to comment
drum4god Posted March 12, 2007 Share Posted March 12, 2007 Day 76. Man how time flys. I think I have made progress, but I still have ways to go. I still think about her everyday, and still have this little hope in the back of my mind. It didn't help that I ran into her Mom in church a few weeks ago. It was strange because her Mom told me she (not my ex, but her Mom) missed me so much, she told me to call her, and to even stop by the house. I found that crazy because my ex lives with her Mom. Why would she want me to stop by. That was strange. It made me think, perhaps my ex put her to it. My ex is very very close with her Mom, and is extremely shy. But who knows for sure. I did run into my ex in church last Sunday, and to be honest she didn't look that great. I said hello and moved on. I felt proud that I came off strong and non-challant. With that said, I still miss her, and I try to get info from friends about her. Not a good idea. A friend told me she received an e-mail from my ex and told her she is healing, and trying to move on. Its hard because I really believe she allowed fear to stop her from falling in love. I strongly believe it would have worked if she let go, but what can I do. I have to move on, but its really hard seeing her in church, and with her Mom planting some seeds of hope, I feel I took a few steps back. Anyway, all is good. I have maintained my dignity, and compusure. That is something I feel proud about. Blessing to all. Link to comment
honeyspur Posted March 12, 2007 Share Posted March 12, 2007 C O N G R A T S Master T!!!! You did it - do something to celebrate! Link to comment
honeyspur Posted March 12, 2007 Share Posted March 12, 2007 It didn't help that I ran into her Mom in church a few weeks ago. It was strange because her Mom told me she (not my ex, but her Mom) missed me so much, she told me to call her, and to even stop by the house. I found that crazy because my ex lives with her Mom. Why would she want me to stop by. That was strange. It made me think, perhaps my ex put her to it. My ex is very very close with her Mom, and is extremely shy. But who knows for sure. What is also most likely is that she simply misses you - like she said. You were probably a great guy in her eyes- a guy she approved of. It's also possible she hopes her expression will trigger you to be more aggressive. etc in trying to reconcile. Because you are always looking/hoping/noticing a window of opportunity, it's easy to blow her reaction out of proportion. The truth is, it is the ex that had to be in the relationship with you, not her mom - so the mom has somewhat of a distorted view. This is not a reason to obsess over your ex - that is, unfortunately what may have contributed to the downfall of this relationship. I'm glad you are still trucking along drum - you've been through quite a lot of struggle - it all pays off, as you know...... Link to comment
Scrembledeggs Posted March 12, 2007 Share Posted March 12, 2007 Day 26...I wish I could say it was all getting better, I really do. I feel like my situation is echoing Macgyver4ever's a little bit... I spent the weekend in the city with a (female) friend who is aware of my current situation, and also very understanding of it. What it comes down to is this: I had a great time from Friday night until Sunday afternoon...I get along with this girl really well, and by spending time with her and interacting with / talking to her, I am able to recognize SEVERAL of my ex's personality flaws, as well as some incompatabilities that we had all along. The problem is that every time I actively acknowledge something that was WRONG with my relationship, it makes me miss my ex....a lot! It's like one part of my brain is willing to accept that I may be better off without her, but another part of my brain is completely unwilling to let go, and will not let me stop wanting her back. Even stupid things like cooking a big breakfast for my new friend and her roommates make me really unsettled. I'm smiling and being myself on the outside, but on the inside I'm screaming "THIS ISNT SUPPOSED TO BE YOU....THIS IS SUPPOSED TO BE ___!!!!" Everything just feels wrong; misplaced; like a nightmare instead of a dream. I don't know if that makes sense....it feels like living the wrong life, someone else's life, because my life is SUPPOSED TO BE with my ex. As I said before, I behaved as I should have for the whole weekend, and a part of me had a really good time. She wants me to come visit again in a few weeks, etc., etc. I just can't get past these crazy feelings. Sunday night was terrible. I felt exactly like I did the first couple of weeks we were broken up, maybe worse. I REALLY REALLY REALLY wanted to call or email, and had to keep reminding myself how bad I felt the last time I did call. It's spring break now...of course I'm at work, since I graduated 3 years ago, but she was supposed to be with me this week; just hanging out cooking food together, watching movies, maybe a short road trip at the end of the week. God, I miss her so much. I just want to reach out and have her be there. I want to wake up and hear her say "I love you". So much for progress.... Link to comment
macgyver4ever Posted March 12, 2007 Share Posted March 12, 2007 Day 10 The new relationship is over. I was the dumper this time. My first time. I liked this girl, she was sweet, caring, and fun, but I could feel her growing very attached, and I am not ready for a relationship. She was pushing things WAY too fast for my taste, so this was the only way. I tried to take it slow, but it's hard when the other person refuses. I was planning on doing it in person, but she called me and pressed the issue about what happened Sat night. I just blurted out, "I'm not ready for a relationship." and then just stammered until I got my bearings back. I felt really bad, she cried a little, but all in all I think I did a great just for my first time breaking up with someone. I was honest, put all the blame on myself, because it was my fault for trying to date too soon. I'm sad about it but know it was for the best. Today I feel: Confident, Disappointed, Sad, Tired, and relieved. Link to comment
MasterT Posted March 12, 2007 Share Posted March 12, 2007 C O N G R A T S Master T!!!! You did it - do something to celebrate! Thanks I surely will Link to comment
macgyver4ever Posted March 12, 2007 Share Posted March 12, 2007 I know the feeling all too well Buddy. This is your mind's way of letting you know that you aren't ready for a relationship. Keep it just friends with this friend. Eventually you will get used to things, and your mind will be able to differentiate between your past and your present relationships. I was getting there. This weekend I could kiss this girl I was seeing without feeling guilt or being too confused. Last weekend I was freaking out, so I was making progress. I had to end i t because she was pushing it too far. She wanted to sleep with me, and I wasn't ready for that step. It was way too much too fast for me. I'm fragile. Yesterday, after all of this happened, all I wanted to do was tell my ex how much I loved and missed her. That I know for a fact that I never want to be with another girl, and that she was the one for me. Blah, blah, groveling BS. To get over this I wrote a letter to her, but didn't send it. It let me get it out of my system. I also talked to friends and family for awhile, and came to terms that I needed to end things with the girl I was seeing. My best advice for you is to stay busy this weekend. Every free moment you have you will be thinking about how you are supposed to be with you ex, and think about what you would be doing at this moment. Stay busy, make plans with friends, go out. St. Patrick's day is coming up. Try to enjoy it. I have already made plans with friends for the weekend. I'm going to try to enjoy being single. I will drink, try to make out with strangers, and see what happens. I'm not that type of person, AT ALL, but I'd like to see what it is all about. Some people really enjoy that, so I figure I should give it a try. Stay strong, and if you ever need to talk I am here. PM me for my instant messenger IDs if you want them. Link to comment
Scrembledeggs Posted March 12, 2007 Share Posted March 12, 2007 Thanks, Macgyver4ever...I appreciate your advice, and it's good to know that someone else is going through the same sort of thing. Fortunately for me, I will be following 2 pieces of your advice by default...I will be VERY busy this weekend and through next week, as I'm going out to Colorado for a snowboarding trip. With the combination of boarding all day and being very tired from that at night for 6 days straight, I expect that my thoughts of anything other than snowboarding or sleep will be greatly minimized, haha. Then, the 'new girl' will be away the weekend after that, so it's not likely that I'll see her face-to-face for a while. I plan to keep up with her on the phone, though, as I've been pretty comfortable with that so far, and I genuinely just enjoy talking to her, as she has a pretty interesting life. So basically, I just have to focus on work this week, then I'm set for a little while at least... Link to comment
boston23 Posted March 12, 2007 Share Posted March 12, 2007 This is actually really amazing - thanks for posting! awwww, thanks for saying that. I was all self-conscious about posting it for some reason. So I've continued the story in a post; here I am at this point that I had imagined for so long and it's nothing like I had imagined. Thought I would let you know because maybe you're interested in hearing the continuation, maybe some of you have some thoughts/advice for me, and also because I know that during my long gray days of the NC challenge (SuperDave, I have to say there were so many days where I just wanted the challenge to just disappear) it was nice to read someone else's story of "yay, I did NC and it sucked, but wow it's a great little tool." There were so many days where I just didn't see the point of NC and the only reason that I kept it was b/c I didn't want to start the days over again...and because I didn't want to disappoint Dave. I've been reading people's posts, and I have to say that I love coming here and reading all the encouragement everyone gives each other. Love all around Here's the link: Link to comment
ahhh2jz Posted March 12, 2007 Share Posted March 12, 2007 Day 68 NC - doing good; time to study Link to comment
rsxguy520 Posted March 13, 2007 Share Posted March 13, 2007 day 66...its super hot...today just worked on the my car and my friends..caught up and stuff. again. he was here yesterday at my house but we didn't talk about relationship stuff. you know what sometime it sucks not having a girl. at times. well for me...but im trying hard to remain single for awhile especially since i've been craving the my time factor for awhile. i guess we all have those times were we miss the company. i honestly can say i do. not with the ex, but just having the opposite sex there with you. but yeah. anyways im still have fun, hanging out, enjoying life as much as possible. well time to relax and just soke my face in cold water. i'll for sure update this later. Link to comment
Wandering_Sword Posted March 13, 2007 Share Posted March 13, 2007 Day 11 of the third try and this is all running off my back like water off a duck. I thought about the ex but it wasn't painful. I think I'm finally moving on... Link to comment
Rosie007 Posted March 13, 2007 Share Posted March 13, 2007 Day 28 Just wrote a post and my computer crashed. Don't have time tonight to rewrite it. I worked 13 hours today. No time to think about Rex. I have to be up in less than four hours to fly to OH, and I still have work to do but my head is pounding. -Rosie Link to comment
kate111 Posted March 13, 2007 Share Posted March 13, 2007 It's been about 43 days. He still occupies my thoughts most of the day. Link to comment
mia1207 Posted March 13, 2007 Share Posted March 13, 2007 About NC. I'ts been about 2 months since my ex and I broke up and I've been trying to maintain NC for the past month or so. I'm not sure that it's working for me, especially since he keeps contacting me. Our breakup was very unconventional because we never officially broke up; I just found out that he was seeing someone else when she text messaged me and signed it __'s girlfriend. At first he was all apologetic and even worried about not losing me, but then I pushed for an explanation and I think that scared him away. He started to claim that he had feelings for both of us, then retreated from me. He claimed that in his mind our relationship had been over for a while, but he is still acting as if we are friends and nothing has changed. I've asked him numerous times not to call and give me a break and even stuck to it for about 1o days max, but he always finds a way to text me or something and make me break NC. So my question is: can I do LC instead? And if I just asnwer the phone when he calls, is that OK? Actually, last time we spoke he was updating me on what he had been doing with school and a new job. He refuses to let go or to let me let go. I know it's up to me to stick to NC, but this is horrendous, especially since the breaup occurred at the same time I lost a beloved family member. It's like I'm grieveing twice. I think he has moved on in his mind but refuses to let me do the same. He wants to be friends which I can do if he is with anyone else but the woman he cheated on me with. Help!! Do I force myself to do NC at the risk of setting myself up for failure or do I do LC until I feel stronger? Link to comment
1forthegipper Posted March 13, 2007 Share Posted March 13, 2007 Mia1207, Go full NC and don't look back until you feel ok with being friends with your ex NO MATTER who he is with. Obviously he wants his cake and wants to eat it too. From a man's point of view what I see that he's doing is that he's got this new flame but still cares about you. He's not sure where this new flame is going to go or if it's just a temporary high that we all get with new relationships and his feelings will revert back to you. As long as you are available to him he has no choice to make (either you or her) and as long as he's got you as a safety net he's going to be putting in 95% of his emotions and effort into the new girl and 5% with you to make sure that you're still arround in case things don't work out with the new girl. Have some dignity and self respect and tell yourself "I DESERVE BETTER" and don't be ANYONES safety net. You deserve to be #1 in your partners book and as long as you keep this friendship/relationship going it will not be healthy for you and it will not let you fully heal and move on. After you have moved on and healed then it would be ok to reach out to him and catch up on old times and life and begin the friends process if he wants the same. For now strict NC is the only way to go!!!!!! For your own benefit, don't sell yourself short you truly deserver better!!!! Tha Gipp Link to comment
papalazarou Posted March 13, 2007 Share Posted March 13, 2007 My best advice for you is to stay busy this weekend. Every free moment you have you will be thinking about how you are supposed to be with you ex, and think about what you would be doing at this moment. Stay busy, make plans with friends, go out. To ANYONE. If I could give one single bit of advice for getting over someone its this... Link to comment
Scrembledeggs Posted March 13, 2007 Share Posted March 13, 2007 Day 27...tomorrow will have been 4 weeks since I spoke to her. Isn't 28 days the amount of time that they shoot for in drug or alcohol rehab / detox programs? I umm....don't feel better. This all still seems so insane, so wrong. I had a wonderful dream early this morning that I was sitting with my ex...I wasn't mad at her, and she was so happy to see me, we kissed...things seemed like they would get back on track, like we could give it another try. Then, of course, I became aware that I was dreaming...a sobering realization that left me in not such a good mood this morning. Not gonna blab on this time, but I just feel like I don't know HOW to move on. I feel like this all happened yesterday, not 5 1/2 weeks ago. And sometimes I feel like it didn't happen at all, like we're still together, like everything is as it should be, and we're going to talk later tonight or even during my lunch break, and she's going to say "I love you" like she always did, and my life will make sense again. HOW DO I SHAKE THIS??? HOW CAN I EVER SHAKE THIS??? Link to comment
honeyspur Posted March 13, 2007 Share Posted March 13, 2007 Day 27...tomorrow will have been 4 weeks since I spoke to her. Isn't 28 days the amount of time that they shoot for in drug or alcohol rehab / detox programs? Yes, but it's also been proven it takes the amount of years/months the relationship lasted to be emotionally over it. Moving on with your life in the mean time is a choice. Link to comment
MasterT Posted March 13, 2007 Share Posted March 13, 2007 Yes, but it's also been proven it takes the amount of years/months the relationship lasted to be emotionally over it. Moving on with your life in the mean time is a choice. OMG... I hope you are wrong. Oh I REALLY hope you are wrong. I do not want to have this feeling for the next 2 and a half years. Day 19.... Uggghhh.... This morning has been bad... I woke up this morning to the sound of someone knocking on the window. When I heard it it reminded me of my ex, because she used to run to my house in the morning and surprise me by knocking on my window. I used to love that. That ruined my morning thus far. Here I am trying to move on, and someone does something that reminds me of her. *sob* Link to comment
macgyver4ever Posted March 13, 2007 Share Posted March 13, 2007 Day 11 Yesterday was ok. I had a mild panic attack because I got mad because I got freaked out when the girl I was seeing tried to do me, and realized my ex didn't get freaked out and is actually doing that stuff. That made me mad, and yes I know I shouldn't be thinking about that stuff. I'm human. Last night was good, I kept busy and read a relationship book. It's a bad book, but it gave me some hope and made me realize why I still feel for my ex. Today was rough. I had the most vivid dream about my ex, and us arguing about why we shouldn't get back together. I'm sure she was linked with me telepathically, because it was too real, and I could never think the things she said in the dream. I was busy all day at a trade show, but everything reminded me of her and how alone I am in the big city. At least it is beautiful outside. I might try to get out if nothing comes up. Thanks for all of the compliments and support. Today I feel: Sad, Upset, Not as Confident, and Tired. Link to comment
rsxguy520 Posted March 13, 2007 Share Posted March 13, 2007 day 67..nothing much. weird morning though. my dad woke me up in the middle of the night say 2 am! asked me if im on steriods.. what the hell!? he asked me how i got so big (muscular/buffer)...i told him dude! im on muscle milk, and i've been lifting a lot of heavier weights since the break up. lol. i guess he got worried and what not.surprises me how hard i worked to get were i am at now since my breakup.i guess kudos for me! well im getting ready to play basketball since two weeks ago. hope i last.! Link to comment
ahhh2jz Posted March 14, 2007 Share Posted March 14, 2007 Day 69 - just got back from the gym; last week I was cutting and now back to bulking back up. I'm pretty much beat; but it's good to be sore while studying I guess lol Link to comment
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