SuperDave71 Posted February 13, 2007 Author Share Posted February 13, 2007 Look guys, I am making Cheesecake stuffed strawberries as we speak....all ya have to do is LOVE YOURSELF...don't ban Valentine's Day ya goobs.... Go out with friends and treat yourself to something nice! Why ban Valentine's Day when your ex's didn't want you in the first place? If they have treated you badly in the past....Why be bitter about it? Stuff a truffle in your mouth and call it delicious! When life gives you lemons....add Tennessee Whiskey, sugar, and sprite and have a Lynchburg Lemonade!!! WOO HOO!!! Now cheer up!!! Your friend, SuperDave71 Link to comment
shadow34 Posted February 13, 2007 Share Posted February 13, 2007 Well Its been almost a month since I saw my ex, but only 12 days since NC which was on the phone... Im feeling pretty good, valentines day really doesnt mean much to me, but my two gorgeous boys are going to cook me dinner...they are only 12 and 7 1/2 so it could be very interesting... I could'nt think of any other male Id want to spend the day with Hugs to everyone xoxox Link to comment
SuperDave71 Posted February 13, 2007 Author Share Posted February 13, 2007 Shadow, "Mommy, do you want milk with your peanut butter and fish stick omlette?" BWHA HA HA HA HA HAA KIDDING!!! -SuperDave71 Link to comment
Parsley Posted February 13, 2007 Share Posted February 13, 2007 Cheesecake stuffed strawberries?!?! That sounds like perhaps the best thing in the universe! I'm still in mourning for the cheesecake I got last year in New York. It was the best I've ever had. I've searched and searched, but alas, I can't find any cheesecake that fits the bill. Can't even find baked cheesecake. Tomorrow I will be spending the day with my mum and sister and nephew. I think. Considered going out in the evening, then remembered the the two people who wouldn't have 'plans' are either in Sidcup, or I don't know him well enough to go out just the two of us on Valentine's Day, lol. And apparently my great-aunt is coming to stay for one night only. So I'm going to go into the village at some point and buy myself some Lindor and smirnoff and get slightly hammered. Link to comment
ahhh2jz Posted February 13, 2007 Share Posted February 13, 2007 Day 40 NC! - wow 40 seems like such a long number; hanging in there anddoing pretty good. I'm increasing the number of days I go to the gym now and I feel awesome. Anything I can do to improve myself, I am taking all of the chances I get to do it. Link to comment
Rosie007 Posted February 13, 2007 Share Posted February 13, 2007 Hello ... and thanks for such a warm greeting from SuperDave, Shadow, Shaker, Boston23 ... and to all the other lovely and courageous, noble people here. I've been reading through all the posts and I just think this site and the folks here are truly marvelous. What a great idea. Don't you just love the Internet and how it revolutionizes our lives? SuperDave, your vote of confidence and special words really stuck a chord with me, and again I want to thank you for the challenge AND your Valentine's advice. I do want to clarify that I didn't make up the "Breakup Ground Rules." I believe credit for them goes to a writer named Sandra Ann Miller. I read these rules on iVillage in their "Love & Sex / Common Problems / Breaking Up / Getting over It" section. When my ex, whom from hereon I'm going to call "Rex" (as in "Wrecks" or King of Pain, since Rex also means "king") broke up with me the day before New Year's Eve ... not the most recent break-up; another fun one ... I discovered the Breakup Ground Rules. I wasn't ready to apply the Breakup Ground Rules at that time. I was still hoping so much of the then recent bad feelings and events were a result of the holidays and all the extra stress they tend to add to people's lives, but I learned differently, I reckon. I'm actually home sick today. I think all the crying I did last Monday and Tuesday, plus the three hours I most gratefully spent in a rather ill-heated AA room the night of the break-up (when it was literally 8 degrees out) contributed to me coming down with a bad case of bronchitis, which has been in full swing since Wednesday. I hope it won't make anyone uncomfortable to hear me say I'm sober for 15.5 years (V-day always marks my half-year anniversary ... woo hoo!) and how much I love AA for this gift. I feel blessed that I didn't have to bear this initial heartbreak alone, and had a meeting where I could go, a place where I could turn and share my shock, grief, heartbreak, feelings of betrayal, etc., etc. When Rex told me via IM that he planned to start sleeping with another, one of the thoughts I had was how do I dare share this new, um, low with my friends. Some of them didn't even know we'd gotten back together in the first place. Rex and I had broken up four or five times since November, most recently one week before the final straw. I'm hoping someone can clarify Rule 2 for me: 2. No Contact will be initiated for ONE MONTH from the date that you post. This mean NO CONTACT WHATSOEVER...and I mean NONE. (Including going to picture sites and myspace/or like sites) My guess would be that I should avoid looking at online pictures of Rex or places I know he might visit on the Internet. Might this be accurate? Although I did delete his voicemail, I'm not ready to delete my pictures of him yet, or copies our correspondenace. I'm not sure how other people have handled this, but I'm just not ready for such a step. I think it would probably be wise to avoid any contact / info the Internet might offer me regarding his day-to-day activities, but I'm not ready to completely clear house yet. I do recognize it would just be torturning myself to look at his pictures, which would probably cause me to yearn for him and his touch. Is it a common occurrence to replay so many of the times we spent together in my mind. It's lessening somewhat, I guess, but I wish I knew a way to turn these thoughts off. I don't try to control my feelings or thoughts. But I try to be careful not to act on my feelings, or entertain unwanted thoughts. Love all the ideas and special V-day recipes everyone's offering. All best, Rosie p.s. I wish I could say with honesty that a large part of me wants NC to be a way to get him to miss me, realize the folly of his ways. I have a two-page list of the ways he disappointed me, behaved badly, in the first three weeks of January, that helped me have strength to not see him for the last break-up. Unfortunately, I hadn't discovered this site yet, and called him on a whim, having convinced myself in a flash that this might be a reasonable thing to do. He was distant, hurtful, and very willing to listen to me try to rationalize why I *still* would be willing to see him, despite all the bad feelings (heaven help me). Anyway, I guess I'm just saying thanks again to everyone for the NC Challenge for a truly helpful way to cope during such a troubled time. Link to comment
SuperDave71 Posted February 13, 2007 Author Share Posted February 13, 2007 Rosie, I am referring to Myspace and facebook sites where people go and obsess about their ex and who is number 1 on their friends list... WHO CARES!!!!!!! UGH!! I HATE MYSPACE !!!!!!! -SuperDave71 Link to comment
Parsley Posted February 13, 2007 Share Posted February 13, 2007 Rosie - Hello! It's a shame our paths had to cross because both of us were desperately searching for help, but this is the way it's happened, so let's make the most of it! I was quite the opposite to you with regards to deleting things. As soon as I had the opportunity, I deleted every picture, email, text and msn conversation I'd ever had with my ex. He broke up with me via email. He even sent it to two of my email addresses, so I had to see what he was doing twice. In some ways I wish I'd kept that email a little longer. I deleted it so quickly that I barely know what it said anymore, I can only remember the words "I shouldn't pretend to want to be with you when I clearly don't" They cut me so deeply I can hardly forget. As so many people have said on here, NC is a way to kick the habit. We pretty much do become addicted to our partners. I hope you don't mind me making this comparison - but you said that you've been sober for 15.5 years (Well done! so to me..that makes me think that you are a strong woman who can break this habit just as well as you have before. I absolutely hate those moments when you think that the best thing to do would be to ring them or text them - because more often than not afterwards you feel worse. I had this long before my ex dumped me. For a long time he pretty much ignored me. I'd ring him, knowing he wouldn't answer, and feel worse when he did what I expected. The thing that stops me now is my pride. I don't want to come accross as this needy ex that just won't let go...and the idea of him seeing a missed call from me, or seeing that I've text him or emailed him fills me with such horror and embarrassment that I just don't do it. If he's going to contact me, he will, he if isn't, nevermind. Our relationship ended 4 days before New Years Eve, so we're on similar time frames! Hope everything turns out fantastically for you! *hug* Link to comment
Rosie007 Posted February 13, 2007 Share Posted February 13, 2007 Hi Parsley, Nice to hear from you. That's quite something that he sent you an e-mail to *both* your e-mail accounts. That sounds like a new one. And I'm sorry to hear it. I know what you mean about feeling worse after calling him. The whole time we saw each other, I almost never called Rex because I never knew what kind of mood he might be in. To write this actually embarrasses me. What type of person "goes out" with someone for seven months and doesn't feel comfortable initiating contact? Well, I guess that type of person turned out to be me. It's one of the many things that boggles my mind about the kind of bad behavior or maltreatment I willingly endured. I may not have liked it, I knew it wasn't healthy, but I kept going back for more. It's not even like I can point the finger at him. I'm the one who was conscious of a bad situation, and alway prayed it wouldn't end. I also prayed it would improve, and in some ways it did improve, but it was always like a dance: two steps forward, three steps back. My hope is that from talking to sweet people such as yourself, and the way everyone here cheers each other on, I'm going to put into practice new and improved healthy habits. I hope everything turns out fantascitcally for you, too -Rosie Link to comment
Parsley Posted February 13, 2007 Share Posted February 13, 2007 That dance sounds uncannily similar to one I was jitterbugging along to two months ago myself. It really majorly dents your self-esteem that you really do just grab and feel so ridiculously grateful for every tiny bone they toss you. You just read everything you want to hear into it don't you? You know what makes me laugh about your posts though? I had an insane flatmate last year that we called Rex. It's great that you've chosen that name for him...because I already empathised with you right from when you said that that's what you were doing. She annoyed me so much it gave me energy. Link to comment
TijuanaJones Posted February 14, 2007 Share Posted February 14, 2007 Hi everyone! Im out of the challenge (don't want to go back to her, so I don't count the days anymore) but I want to keep posting about my progress. Today is my EX's birthday... No, I didn't call her, I won't call her, email her, IM or text her... NC whatsoever... nope... I'll let the guy she dumped me for give her all the congrats she can handle... they have been together for almost a month now and they are telling each other "I love you" haha... place your bets (virtual bets)... how much time until they break up? Tomorrow of course I wont contact her and will ignore her attempts to contact me... Don't feel bad about V-day... It's nice to see happy couples... all of us here used to be happy couples take care! Link to comment
Rosie007 Posted February 14, 2007 Share Posted February 14, 2007 I'm hope sick with bronchitis and I've spent most of today reading the first 45 pages of this thread. I've got work to do, but I can't seem to concentrate on it -- perhaps because of medicine or just complete apathy. It took me a while to figure out how to navigate the pages. I also feel a little self conscious because my first threads were so long. I tend to be a bit long-winded when I actually take the time to express myself in writing. I feel that by stumbling upon this forum last night, the universe gave me a very special gift. SuperDave: You gave me a very big smile when you mentioned Garth Brook's song, "Unanswered Prayers." I've leaned on that song a lot over the years when my heart has been hurt. I also like to think about his song, "The Dance." My seven-month relationship with "Rex" may have been my longest adult relationship, and I've felt a lot of pain, but I think / hope / pray a lot of that pain has been growth. Hugs to everyone! -Rosie Link to comment
ahhh2jz Posted February 14, 2007 Share Posted February 14, 2007 rosie hang in there! i hope you feel better Link to comment
Rosie007 Posted February 14, 2007 Share Posted February 14, 2007 Thanks, ahhh2jz I love having read when you started and knowing that you've got 40 days -- and counting. Also great to know how well you're taking care of yourself! Link to comment
rsxguy520 Posted February 14, 2007 Share Posted February 14, 2007 TijuanaJones, don't worry bro..all i know is, the ones they dumped us for are actually in for a "treat"..im super stoke about tomorrow. i ain't gotta do squat for my ex. im glad we're done, the juice for us wasn't worth the squeeze. Link to comment
comfyshoes Posted February 14, 2007 Share Posted February 14, 2007 Here it is! Another valentines day. I'm not sad that i have no cards to open or someone special to share it with. I'm starting to feel like me again. I still think about her a lot of the time but the pain and inexorable sadness has gone from that now. I'm really thinking about asking the nice doctor who was flirting with me at work out on a date. it's so nice to start to have just a little bit of self confidence back again! The devil woman with no soul destroyed me and i'm slowly rebuilding myself. The best part of it all is that i heard from a friend that she is still in pieces over me. Misses so much of me and still cries over me. Tries to cover it all up by going out and trying to pick up women (with no luck due to her histrionic behaviour). And you know what? if she were to come crawling back to me now, i know i would have the strength to tell her where to go. She's never been able to make the changes that she promised she would and is suffering for it now. I made the changes (or undid the ones she made me do) and am beginning to reap the benefits. I believe the germans have a word for what i am feeling right now Schadefreude! My therapist told me last night that it was so good to see me smile. She had never seen me smile before! it's been a good few days for me. lets see how it goes from here! shoes Link to comment
kate111 Posted February 14, 2007 Share Posted February 14, 2007 Apart from arrangements regarding apartment I have not had contact since 3 february. Does it count if you contact regarding getting financial/ living arrangements sorted out? Link to comment
Pisces_Princess Posted February 14, 2007 Share Posted February 14, 2007 Day 13 NC... Happy Valentine's Day!!! I am sure you all wanted reminding of that. I am being my own Valentine today. I am going to buy myself some lovely treats and a big bunch of flowers. Hi Comfy Shoes, Glad you are feeling good. It's a good feeling when you finally feel like 'yourself' again. Well done x Hi Parsley, How are you today? x Link to comment
SuperDave71 Posted February 14, 2007 Author Share Posted February 14, 2007 YOU GUYS ARE ALLLLL MY VALENTINES!!!! SO THERE!!!!! I Luv you all!!! ha ha ha ha Chocolate Martinis for EVERYONE!!!! with a chocolate covered cheesecake stuffed strawberry on the side. -SuperDave71 Link to comment
Shaker Posted February 14, 2007 Share Posted February 14, 2007 Day 24 I have about a week left of the challenge, and I remember thinking that my anniversary and the Valentine's Day stretch would be the hardest... It's not. For Rosie and those of you who are early into this the hardest bit was definitely early on, and I'm really no longer interested in contacting my ex. So, today is a day about love and here we all are practicing our hands at loving ourselves. It's funny that it seemed so much easier to love someone else a couple of months ago, but loving myself feels like such a better investment of time and energy. I realized today that not only had my ex fallen out of love with me, but I had fallen out of love with me! Each day of the challenge, I recognize myself a little more. While there is less space in my life for my ex, there is more space for me to come into being fully present in my life. A beautiful thing, and something to celebrate today. I may even wear red! Link to comment
papalazarou Posted February 14, 2007 Share Posted February 14, 2007 Chocolate Martinis for EVERYONE!!!! with a chocolate covered cheesecake stuffed strawberry on the side. Im sure the girls on a diet would really appreciate this !!! Link to comment
SuperDave71 Posted February 14, 2007 Author Share Posted February 14, 2007 ok ok ok ...DIETING WOMEN....um....er.....HERE'S SOME ROSES!! image removed Better papalazarou? HA HA HA HA -SuperDave71 Link to comment
Shaker Posted February 14, 2007 Share Posted February 14, 2007 Shoes! So glad to hear you're smiling. Pisces: I love that you're celebrating in style. RXGuy: That's so funny....the juice definitely wasn't worth the squeeze! Kate: I started the challenge over every time 'living' and 'financial' things needed to be sorted out because it worked better for me that way. It meant starting over a few times but I think I always suspected that I could find a good reason to open the lines of communication about that stuff...so I needed to force myself to let it all go. Link to comment
papalazarou Posted February 14, 2007 Share Posted February 14, 2007 Valentines Day. Well I heard someone say that the bars and clubs will be full of single people, so if you wanna take the plunge its a good night to meet fellow singletons because all the couples will be indoors or restaurant or cinema! Much better Superdave...!!!! Link to comment
macgyver4ever Posted February 14, 2007 Share Posted February 14, 2007 Hi, my Name is Matt, and it's been 13 hours since I last talked to me Ex. I will be starting the NC challange today, Valentine's Day 2007. I do want her back, but know that there is nothing I can do anymore. We went to counseling, and addressed some issues, but she is falling in love with another, and pushed me out of her life because of guilt and shame. Today I feel empty, sad, depressed, hurt, and alone. Link to comment
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