THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE - SuperDave71

[Pisces_Princess]

Hi Parsley,

 

I know exactly how you feel.

 

It's probably worse for you because this has come out of the blue and you had been really strong with your NC.

 

It's not such a big shock for me because we have had to sort thngs out with the house/move etc, but he tends to text me so when he does call it is always a shock!

 

Would you get back together with him if he asked? xxx

[Parsley]

Pisces - It's a possibility. I don't think I could go straight into a relationship though. I think if that situation were to arise I'd want to start from scratch and go back to how we were before we were together. I lost all trust for him and a huge chunk of respect. Disregarding any other reason, it wouldn't be fair on him for me to be with him before I had built that up again. Also I'd have to do a lot of explaining to my friends. I don't want the reason I don't try again to be because they don't think I should. The ones that know he spoke to me were pretty vitriolic about it, I don't want to ignore their advice but I don't want to take only that.

 

How are you today? Better tahn yesterday I hope? I'm glad to hear your cat's ok!

[Pisces_Princess]

Hi Parsley,

 

I am much better today, thank-you for asking.

 

I had an appointment with my therapist last night which always helps, plus I have made a decision. I am going to decline my ex's offer of friendship. It wouldn't do me any good. It is better that I do not know anything about his life or what he is doing.

 

My friends think that I should be his friend as many of them think we will get back together and it will be easier if we keep the line of communication open, but I feel it will hinder my healing process.

 

I think it is better for both of us if we just live our lives without each other, because I know that I will always be drawn to him and him me. If we had a chance of working we wouldn't be apart now and that's the fact I have to face. Stark but true!

 

So this is now not a 30 day NC but a forever NC

 

XXX

[Parsley]

I hope that works out for you, and doesn't prove to be too difficult *hug* Why do your friend think you'll get back together? Like I said, every single one of mine are anti-ant.

[Shaker]

Parsley,

 

I'm sorry you heard from your ex. Your postings about it seem to show that you feel almost violated by the contact, especially when you address his use of pet names, etc. One would hope he'd know better....

 

Pisces,

 

The word 'forever' has force, doesn't it? I've gone in and out of feeling like NC with my ex is something I plan on doing forever as well, I think because it's something I can guarantee myself whereas now so much seems to be in flux. Glad to hear you're better today.

[Pisces_Princess]

Hi Parsley,

 

I think because he hasn't left me for somebody else and the reasons we broke-up are genuine. We went through a very tough time after I had a miscarriage in September 2005. We tried to make the relationship work but it just didn't, but our feelings for each other are the same.

 

I think when some people say they are confused, want space etc then it is just an excuse but I do believe that he is being honest. He is not exactly having a super single life, he doesn't go out much and he isn't dating.

 

Plus he has told his friends that he still loves me and doesn't want anybody else, but for now he does want to be alone...x

 

Shaker,

 

Somehow forever doesn't seem as limiting as 30 days, don't know why...plus I have never been very good at responding to limits x

[boston23]

hi everyone! I'm sorry to hear that things are tough for a couple of you guys right now. Hang in there!!

 

As for me, I'm feeling better again. I mean, yesterday I felt good and today I feel good again. Also, I had a good dream last night, first time in months and months and months that I've had a good dream not filled with tons of angst and where someone's about to be eaten/kidnapped/killed. Instead, it was on a cruise ship where they had these really nice dolphins

 

I went out with a friend last night for dinner, so far she's really the only person that I've told about my decision not to become a doctor (and said that she can tell I've made the right decision since I seem so happy). I want to tell my mom today, and I feel like I'll have to convince her that this is really what I want.

 

As for NC, day 15 I think. Yesterday still a little weird (seeing my ex at the gym). My birthday is coming on the 3rd (turning 25) and I always hate my birthday for some reason...I think because I feel awkward about telling people about it, and then awkward because I didn't tell people and then they feel bad they didn't know. And I'm not really an awkward person. And I feel weird too because I know my ex won't contact me, but I still kind of hope he does, just to say happy birthday. I know he won't, and I'm not really sure why I hope he does. Ugh.

[Shaker]

Boston,

 

Happy soon to be 25! That was one of my favourite birthdays. My family asked what I wanted, and we went with a '25' theme. One of the perks was I got a bunch of quarters for my laundry! (I'm glad I've left the coin-op days behind me....)

 

Beginning of Day 11:

 

Lucky eleven, make a wish! Newest discovery: laughter (and lots of it) helps tremendously.

[SuperDave71]

Goood morning everyone,

 

It's a cold, wet rainy and snowy day here in Memphis BUT..

 

Please remember, if you have completed the 30 day challenge. I would like for you to post a heading of:

 

 

30 Days - Completed the Challenge

 

 

I would also like for you to post a detailed thread on how you felt the first day of the challenge and how you felt the last day of the challenge.

 

What have you learned along the way? Did it get easier? Did you break N.C. whatsoever during your 30 days?

 

If you were a friendd of someone that wanted to do N.C., what would you tell them and how woudl you help them along the "tough" times?

 

 

 

In conclusion, tell other eNotAlone members wat it meant for you to take and complete this challenge. Did it help you find YOU again?

 

 

You have NO IDEA how proud I am of each and everyone of you out there..

 

You keep your chins up and keep doing this for you....

 

You will be happy you did!!

 

 

 

Your Friend,

 

 

SuperDave71

[Parsley]

SD - I had done the 30 days. Contact has since been made...should I still post?

[SuperDave71]

Parsley,

 

 

 

Yes if you accepted the challenge...broke or not broke NC..please post ONLY if you completed the challenge.

 

 

**Remember**

 

If you contacted them, you had to start the challenge over again.

 

 

If you still completed 30 days ( in a row ) ...yes, please post yoru results!

 

We would love to read. Be as descriptive as you can....

 

 

 

Thank you!!!

 

 

 

SuperDave71

[Parsley]

30 Days - Completed the Challenge

 

Right. I started NC 2 days after my ex broke up with me, and carried on straight through with no breaks or starting over. That's not to say I wasn't sorely tempted.

 

I started NC firstly just because I had nothing to say to him. He'd ignored me and made me think I was losing my mind. It was easy for the first 2 or 3 days. The day that I actually joined this thread would be the 5th or 6th day I think? That day was the closest I've come to contacting him - right up to writing the email. The only reason I didn't send it was because I accidentally closed the window. After swearing for awhile, I opened the window to start over again. I got maybe a couple of lines in and found that I couldn't be bothered anymore...which meant that it obviously hadn't been that important. That's when I realised the power of ranting, whether on here in an email that I would never send, or in my diary.

 

The days passed...not slowly, but not quickly either. It was difficult. Every day I come on here as a way to release and not contact my ex. When the temptation got strong, I'd come here to find someone to reassure me that it wouldn't be a good idea. This thread helped more than I could have imagined. It has become like a forum in itself...I know I'll find help from the people who post here, and I feel good when I can help them back.

 

The thing that a lot of people here have had to worry about regarding contact, is birthdays. I found it to be a tough day too. I spent the whole day wondering whether or not I should talk to him. Luckily for me, it took up so much of my attention finding out what people thought...that I didn't contact him.

 

I think NC has been a lot easier for me than others. Neither of us attempted to contact the other during those 30 days. It was just a question of resisting my own temptations.

 

I was happy when it got to the 30 days. It had gone a lot quicker than I had imagined. I'd got the idea firmly settled in my head that my ex didn't want to talk to me, and wouldn't, so why bother thinking about it?

 

Unfortunately for me, I only managed to enjoy this for 3 days, before my ex contacted me and set me back a couple of weeks. I'm back into a state of confusion and a lot of thinking. This here is the reason you shouldn't contact your ex as well. Not only for your sake but for theirs. Don't contact them...it will only cause them pain. And surely what we aim for here is complete healing. You can hardly call yourself healed if you are willing to inflict pain on the person you once loved.

[Pisces_Princess]

Very nice post Parsley...the last couple of sentences really sum it up x

[SuperDave71]

I agree...

 

Thank you Parsley!! That was exactly what I wanted people out there to read.

 

 

Thank you so much for sharing your story.

 

 

 

-SuperDave71

[luciand]

Day 20: lol.. yes i haven't posted since day 8. I've been REALLY busy and the days seem to fly by faster when you're not counting them.

 

I've been moving on pretty well. Don't think about my ex unless a memory slithers in, working out more, and trying to talk to more new people. Or at least that's how I think things have been going. However, lately I've noticed that I'm not caring about things as much as I used to. Something that used to thrill me or get my curiosity going isn't doing it anymore. Sexuality/desires... dead. I'm starting to consider just going into my University's counseling center to straighten myself out, because this just isn't me.

 

O... and recently I just had to stumble upon some irritating information. I was bored, so I decided to check my friends' livejournal all at the same time. So I'm reading all of the updates, skipping any of them made by my ex. When I come to a post with her replying in it. As i continue to scroll down avoiding the reply, I notice her icon changed. It's her kissing another man on the lips.

 

..... So either a) I was right about her cheating on me if not physically then emotionally or b) she lowered herself to getting into a rebound relationship.

Both things REALLY piss me off. Reason a) is obvious, b) is because she isn't that type of person who would do that and lower her standards, but I guess I'm wrong. It hurts to know that someone I respected and thought I understood could do something so low.

 

Ugh... looks like I'm going to be exercising till I can't move in order to get my anger out.

 

Bloody hell... I've been threatened to an inch of my life before, but THIS is SO much worse.

[boston23]

yuck. i'm feeling the urge to break NC. Not that I will, but I want to and it's really annoying. There's nothing that will come out of breaking NC, but I still want to...why would I want to put myself through that? Ugh.

 

It's probably got something to do with the fact that we saw each other for the first time in about 2 weeks yesterday and didn't even say hi. And I guess I just want everything to be ok between us and they obviously aren't. I want to tell him about my huge decision about my life and what I'm planning to do with it (not becoming a doctor). But that's none of his business anymore. I definitely plan to talk to our mutual friends about it (the ones he accused me of "taking away" from him) because they are my friends. But I'm going to wait until next week to tell them because right now I think one reason for telling them would just so he would find out.

 

So no worries, I'm not breaking NC, but these feelings are annoying.](*,)

[Parsley]

I am extremely unimpressed.

 

I felt so good before all this...and now I miss him so much more, all I can think about is him and beign with him again. I've already cracked and texted him once, and it's taking a lot of strength not to do so once more. I barely even considered the notion of getting back together with him before this, and now look where I am. AGH, I'm so annoyed about it! I felt so good before (amazing what hindsight gives you) and now I feel terrible.

[ahhh2jz]

- boston good job keeping yourself from breaking NC! im proud of you!

- parsley just try to keep cool and calm; i know that feeling when your mind is racing with the emotions that you thought you put behind you for good; and to have the gates just open again with all those emotions must be tough... we're here for you!

 

 

anyways, Day 28 NC; almost there. After reading Parsley's post, I, too am kind of anxious and worried about what would happen if an email or text came my way with a simple "hi" or "miss you". Can I really hold back my old feelings? Can I respond to her? These are some of the questions that I am currently contemplating, but thankfully this forum is here and that I can post here first before making any rash moves. Gosh, I hope I can keep my own advice and actually post here before making moves, I know I can say what my plan will be but putting it into action calmly and collectively will be a different story. We have to stay focused on ourselves and most importantly the goal of healing.

[littlebylittle]

Come on Parsley.

 

Just take a step back. Suck in a deep breath and pick up NC again - it sounds like that is what you want. It's just unfortunate that you have been put back in that initial "AHHHHHHHHHHH - it's all too much" stage.

 

It's been working for you up until now, so just get back on the wagon and keep it going.

 

You sound like you still are too hurt to consider even thinking about reconciliation, so maybe for now just keep moving forward and dealing with yourself. If in time you still feel you want him back, then if it's right he'll still come knocking.

[rsxguy520]

day 26!!! 4 more days till i post my big 30 day conclusion who ra ra.. anyways today was extremely tiring. only for the fact that i commute to school till i find a place to live. school started off well. then after my calculas class i went to the bookstore and on the way out in the corner of my eye i c my ex from about a couple of yards away. i knew she saw me, but i just continued to walk along and ignore it. then my class went on then after class, i walked my way to the structure were my car was park, then along the way i c my ex pulling up in her car, i just continued to walk, and i knew she saw me clearly. but whatever. anyways after that i headed home and straight to the gym cause for some odd reason i started thinkin again. oh well stuff happens, but my thoughts i wouldn't really consider a set back more of a way of assuring myself im completely over her. its kind of interesting to find out that seeing someone after a couple of months would make you think what will happen. i found that out today, i see her, and i didn't feel or think of anything. it feels like she's just a stranger to me. anyways, im tired and i want to update this later.

[ahhh2jz]

damn doot, you keep seeing her everytime ur at school! has she tried talking to u ?

[daredevil]

Just one question.

 

This situation regarding an update often about the nc situation, wont that make the person think more of the person he should be missing instead of moving on. Because the actions he is taken to move on is regarding her, hence he will think of the person and can't that be a set back in it self?

[rsxguy520]

damn doot, you keep seeing her everytime ur at school! has she tried talking to u ?

 

nope.i've been in school for 4 days, seen her twice this week so far. i don't think she would talk to me. considering her new b/f or whatever is way older than her, i think he has her on a dogleash. i definitely know he doesn't want her to talk to me if anything. i don't really care either, cause i go to school for school not her.i just avoid her if anything.

[Shaker]

Daredevil,

 

I haven't found that posting keeps me dwelling on my ex. Maybe at first (when he was always on my mind anyhow)....but as time passes I definitely think more about myself, or about myself in relation to him (what am I learning, eg.)

 

Good question, though.

 

 

Parsley:

 

My dear lady! I don't like what the contact is doing to you. I'm almost ready to arm-wrestle you into restarting the challenge.

[Parsley]

Shaker - I have a very similar internal dialogue going on right now. I've had to convince myself not to text him about once every 10 minutes I think? At least. It's getting so annoying. It's like...it's not just my heart battling my head, it's my heart battling my heart, and even then my heart agrees with my heart, but is just fighting because her friends have done nothing but tell her all day that she MUST NOT get back together with this man, and she doesn't want them to think she's ignoring them. I really want to text him...but I don't. (except I do). Help! ](*,)