ToodlePip Posted March 18, 2009 Share Posted March 18, 2009 Got an email earlier. Just seeing her name in my inbox made me feel panicky. Not going to look at it for a couple of days, won't respond until Monday. If it's important she can do better. I do wish she didn't bloody well email me at work though, it toxifies my entire inbox up cos I can't look at it with her name there without panicking and wanting to read the email. Link to comment
philove Posted March 18, 2009 Share Posted March 18, 2009 Ask yourself how you would feel if she did email you, assuming it won't be with any "good" news. Feel that sickness in the pit of your stomach? Hold onto that. Accept that it's best if she doesn;t email you, cos 90% chance is that it won't be anything that will make you feel truly better. If she does, fine. But expecting it will never result in anything good, and the way the universe works she won't do it until you don't expect it anyway Thanks ToodlePip, A good email from her would say something like "I have really missed you and I want to let you know I haven't stopped loving you" A bad email would be "Hi, I haven't heard from you in awhile and I just wanted to let you know how good life has been for me recently (then she talks about her future plans, new boyfriend etc)" The good email would empower me and make me feel like a god! lol, but the bad one would set me back considerably. In the past she has only contacted when she had plans to get back together with me but it's so different this time because we tried to have a relationship but it didn't work so I honestly don't know whether I will hear from her again. It does make me feel quite sad but I know deep down I am so much better off without her. Link to comment
philove Posted March 18, 2009 Share Posted March 18, 2009 Got an email earlier. Just seeing her name in my inbox made me feel panicky. Not going to look at it for a couple of days, won't respond until Monday. If it's important she can do better. I do wish she didn't bloody well email me at work though, it toxifies my entire inbox up cos I can't look at it with her name there without panicking and wanting to read the email. You're stronger than me, I would have read it straight away! Link to comment
CoCo2009 Posted March 18, 2009 Share Posted March 18, 2009 last night all I did was dream about him, about him being with someone else. whoopie, I see him in my dreams too. Link to comment
JohnGalt Posted March 18, 2009 Share Posted March 18, 2009 last night all I did was dream about him, about him being with someone else. whoopie, I see him in my dreams too. CoCo, your boyfriend is a loser objectively speaking. I know you love him and all and maybe he's got some good qualities, but I PROMISE you will find someone much better when you drop you obsession with this dude. Link to comment
ToodlePip Posted March 18, 2009 Share Posted March 18, 2009 The good email would empower me and make me feel like a god! lol, but the bad one would set me back considerably. Would it really empower you though? Maybe in the short term, but what about later, when you start thinking "er, but wait a minute, does this mean she's having second thoughts??" And back on the rollercoaster... You're stronger than me, I would have read it straight away! I can't bring myself to. I know it's probably just nothing of any consequence (ie. your second email above). If I don't know, it can't hurt me. If it's more than that, she's going to have to do better than email anyway. Might even be "sorry, but i can't be friends" which is unlikely cos I haven't done anything bad, but you never know. Just literally can't be bothered and yeah, maybe a bit scared to read it and find out. Link to comment
philove Posted March 18, 2009 Share Posted March 18, 2009 Would it really empower you though? Maybe in the short term, but what about later, when you start thinking "er, but wait a minute, does this mean she's having second thoughts??" And back on the rollercoaster... I can't bring myself to. I know it's probably just nothing of any consequence (ie. your second email above). If I don't know, it can't hurt me. If it's more than that, she's going to have to do better than email anyway. Might even be "sorry, but i can't be friends" which is unlikely cos I haven't done anything bad, but you never know. Just literally can't be bothered and yeah, maybe a bit scared to read it and find out. I can honestly say it would empower me but yeah you're right it would make me think she might be having second thoughts! You're a good example of how everyone in NC should act and much respect for that. What you don't know can't hurt you is so true it's just a shame curiosity often kills the cat. Will you reply to it after you have seen it? Link to comment
CoCo2009 Posted March 18, 2009 Share Posted March 18, 2009 CoCo, your boyfriend is a loser objectively speaking. I know you love him and all and maybe he's got some good qualities, but I PROMISE you will find someone much better when you drop you obsession with this dude. What do you mean objectively speaking? Link to comment
ToodlePip Posted March 18, 2009 Share Posted March 18, 2009 Ha! Thanks for the compliment philove, but I'm also a perfect example of someone who'se not great at taking his own advice I might do depending on what it says. I'm trying not to think about it, hence why I don't want to read it. Last week I got one and unfortunately glanced at it before ignoring it, so saw a few lines, and they haunted me for the 4 days ti took me to respond. Not making that mistake again this time. Link to comment
LemonCheesecak Posted March 18, 2009 Share Posted March 18, 2009 Trying to decide whether I should go out with a few friends tonight to take my mind off things. I bailed on a few of them last night when I hit a downer and I've said I'd go so I probably owe it to them. My moods are just so unpredictable I dunno if I'm up for being in such a situation. Going to a club is like lining up waiting to be picked for the football team. Except I'd actually get picked for the team, but not for this. And if I do go my drinking is under close observation, too many nights recently I've just went with the flow of it and ended up horribly drunk. I don't like doing that, I don't like being the drunk. If I'm being honest I'm not even that sad right now. I just feel like I'm having an introspective moment, really assessing who I am anymore. Then again, do we ever really know? Link to comment
ToodlePip Posted March 18, 2009 Share Posted March 18, 2009 Go for it dude. But go telling yourself you are not interested in pulling, but actually just chilling out. Remove yourself from the pressure of performing. Go as an observer. People watching in clubs is great fun! Pretend you're Richard Attenborough. Link to comment
LemonCheesecak Posted March 18, 2009 Share Posted March 18, 2009 I like the sound of this! Me and my best mate are notorious people-watchers, often seen at a window seat at Starbucks observing. Dunno why I never thought to do it in a club before! I don't plan on pulling, I'm more the 'shy' kind of guy, but I still get very self-conscious a lot of the time. I'm improving on that though. Grew a ridiculous beard as part of a competition haha. Link to comment
ToodlePip Posted March 18, 2009 Share Posted March 18, 2009 I can't help but see a bunch of animals following their instincts when I go into clubs now. Very amusing You also learn a lot from watching the players operate! Link to comment
brazilgirl21 Posted March 18, 2009 Share Posted March 18, 2009 Day 30. I miss him. I need him. I don't know how longer I'll keep NC. I guess I'd rather have him as a friend than not have him in my life at all. Link to comment
JohnGalt Posted March 18, 2009 Share Posted March 18, 2009 What do you mean objectively speaking? Well you posted all that stuff about him. People with no bias think he is a loser (objective). You still love him because of your feelings (not objective). Once you get control of your emotions and look at the situation objectively, you'll see what we all see. This is not to rag on your ex, but just to show you that you deserve better. Link to comment
CoCo2009 Posted March 18, 2009 Share Posted March 18, 2009 Oh I understand what you are saying, Its okay I know he has a lot of bad qualities. I just miss him a bunch. I feel like I need to be held or something. Link to comment
brazilgirl21 Posted March 18, 2009 Share Posted March 18, 2009 Anyone feel like they would rather have their exes in their life as a friend than nothing at all? I really feel this way right now. Link to comment
LemonCheesecak Posted March 18, 2009 Share Posted March 18, 2009 Anyone feel like they would rather have their exes in their life as a friend than nothing at all? I really feel this way right now. Definitely. I've always said, if that's all we can ever be, then I'll go for it. She is my best friend. Just right now I know I'd end up alienating her more, I'm still in love with her even though I don't think she's in love with me. So I'm going NC to better myself and better our chances at a friendship. Even if it means I have to be a jerk and ignoring her attempts to contact me for a while Link to comment
philove Posted March 18, 2009 Share Posted March 18, 2009 Anyone feel like they would rather have their exes in their life as a friend than nothing at all? I really feel this way right now. At the moment, no it's too painful to hear what she's up to. In the future maybe but it wouldn't bother me if we weren't because she wouldn't even be the type of girl I would have as a friend. Link to comment
JohnGalt Posted March 18, 2009 Share Posted March 18, 2009 Not me. If she's not my love/partner, then good luck. Being her friend would hurt too much. Too much shared history. Link to comment
lauramed Posted March 18, 2009 Share Posted March 18, 2009 Absolutely not. I couldn't be friends with someone that I have shared an intimate relationship with. Just too many memories. Link to comment
brazilgirl21 Posted March 18, 2009 Share Posted March 18, 2009 It's funny how we all cope with loss a different way. I guess I deal it in the most unhealthy way possible. It's like, I'd rather see him, than not see him, be his friend, than not be anything at all. I am definetly a masochist. But I'm on Day 30, that's a big one for me, and I'm going to continue trying to stay away/heal. At least for a longer while. Link to comment
lauramed Posted March 18, 2009 Share Posted March 18, 2009 No you're not. You're still in the early process of healing. When my ex first broke up with me in July I stayed friends with him....not healthy at all for me. Then he disappeared for three months before he started to contact me again. That three months allowed me time to become stronger and realize just what it is that I want out of a relationship with him and that's not friendship. Stay with the NC and see just how much stronger you become and will realize that you deserve much more than just being a friend. Link to comment
agape-mama Posted March 18, 2009 Share Posted March 18, 2009 Not me. If she's not my love/partner, then good luck. Being her friend would hurt too much. Too much shared history. I agree with John. Perhaps a friendship down the road, but right now - no. Ouch. I really would rather not hear about his new gf (if or when there is one, ya know?!) Link to comment
agape-mama Posted March 18, 2009 Share Posted March 18, 2009 Day 8 Still does not feel any easier. I wonder if he misses me at all. ? I think part of the pain is the pain of being ignored, (still no reply to my email!)... while certainly the other part is missing him and what I was hoping could be there between us. Link to comment
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