GetMeBack Posted March 17, 2009 Share Posted March 17, 2009 Oh right, thousands. maybe you wont bump into him...but you know thats likely right? Hey, I am all for a girl pampering themselves, I spend a criminal amount on my nails..lol But as long as its for YOU and not for HIM.? You should go to the graduation if you have shared friends, im just worried your going to go with expectations, and you will leave feeling hurt. I dont want that for you. GMBX Link to comment
Eleanor Rigby Posted March 17, 2009 Share Posted March 17, 2009 actually, i've been reading your posts. I don't know why you're avoiding this guy? he's your cyber friend, no? i really liked him.. we would talk on the phone for hours.. and chat.. I know it wasn't a "real" relationship like all of yours.. but it still affected me and having it stop all of a sudden has been hard to deal with. It's hard to stop doing the things that brought me pleasure not too long ago. Link to comment
LemonCheesecak Posted March 17, 2009 Share Posted March 17, 2009 Day 10 Really on edge today. Like I sense something bad is going to happen. Also spent most of the morning feeling bad for ignoring the text I got yesterday...that was until a PR girl from a club handed me a leaflet and then wouldn't let me go and started flirting. Sure, she was just trying to get me to go to her club, but its funny how the little things can pick up your day. And it may have worked, I'm tempted to go and take my mind off things. I've also realised I don't enjoy the single life. I'm remembering what it used to be like, frustrating, boring, and lonely. I wouldn't say I'm a very needy/desperate guy, I just like female companionship Link to comment
ToodlePip Posted March 17, 2009 Share Posted March 17, 2009 Day 10 Really on edge today. Like I sense something bad is going to happen. Also spent most of the morning feeling bad for ignoring the text I got yesterday...that was until a PR girl from a club handed me a leaflet and then wouldn't let me go and started flirting. Sure, she was just trying to get me to go to her club, but its funny how the little things can pick up your day. And it may have worked, I'm tempted to go and take my mind off things. I've also realised I don't enjoy the single life. I'm remembering what it used to be like, frustrating, boring, and lonely. I wouldn't say I'm a very needy/desperate guy, I just like female companionship What activites are you getting involved in right now? I was getting bored of the single life after a couple of weeks, but I've found a local college and just signed up for 3 courses. Suddenly I don't feel so bored And about the fear of something bad happening - I wouldn't worry about it. Nothing will happen. Until you stop thinking about it happening Link to comment
LemonCheesecak Posted March 17, 2009 Share Posted March 17, 2009 What activites are you getting involved in right now? I was getting bored of the single life after a couple of weeks, but I've found a local college and just signed up for 3 courses. Suddenly I don't feel so bored And about the fear of something bad happening - I wouldn't worry about it. Nothing will happen. Until you stop thinking about it happening I know its just a general uneasiness, my friends said they could feel it too. Perhaps because its the first NICE day in Glasgow in a long time. I can actually see the SUN! But activities-wise, I've been doing badminton weekly, back to the cardio suite at the gym as of later this week, been catching a lot of movies I've wanted to see, out for catchup drinks with old friends etc. I love doing all that kinda stuff, its think the problem is I do it as a group. There's no real closeness or intimate conversation etc. For example, if I was still with my ex, I'd be tempted to call her up to see if she wanted to go for a drink or cook something together. I generally have quite a busy lifestyle...it just bores me at times Link to comment
CoCo2009 Posted March 17, 2009 Share Posted March 17, 2009 I don't have anything to say Link to comment
CoCo2009 Posted March 17, 2009 Share Posted March 17, 2009 I don't have anything to say Link to comment
JohnGalt Posted March 17, 2009 Share Posted March 17, 2009 I don't have anything to say It takes time CoCo. I started over 4 or 5 times before I finally got it in my mind to really stop contacting her. Link to comment
JohnGalt Posted March 17, 2009 Share Posted March 17, 2009 I don't have anything to say It takes time CoCo. I started over 4 or 5 times before I finally got it in my mind to really stop contacting her. Link to comment
ToodlePip Posted March 17, 2009 Share Posted March 17, 2009 LemonCheesecak, yeah lovely day here in London too! I see what you mean. I'm going for a few games of pool before my weekly footie league tomorrow, with just one of the guys - could you not arrange that with one friend? Like if you're suppose to be meeting friends on Saturday, you arrange to pop by one person's house before and you leave together, but it gives you some time to chat before hand. I'm quite lucky in that I have a very close friend (pretty much an old married couple!) who I meet once or twice a week to catch up and * * * * * about life with. Link to comment
LemonCheesecak Posted March 17, 2009 Share Posted March 17, 2009 I wish I'd noticed my username cut off at "cak-" when I was selecting it. Never fails to bug me now. I can of course spell cake but alas... I think the problem is that all my friends are tied up with relationships right now, and that I've chosen to surround myself with bone idle pessimists who are never up for having any real fun I'm just used to having someone there and it'll take some getting used to. Hit a bit of a wall tonight, had to boot up my old PC as its the only one I have running a copy of Flash (wanted to do some drawings for a project I have due) and found a whole load of pics of me and the ex in the images folder. They're gone now, but they hit home quite hard and I'm on a bit of a downer. But on the plus side my NC must be getting to her, someone is still vehemently viewing my Bebo page around any times she's online. I've decided however if she tries to actually phone me I will probably answer it. As for texts, emails and IM's, they're too impersonal, and if its anything important and worth breaking NC for, it'd be said in phonecall. Link to comment
Ixtapa Posted March 17, 2009 Share Posted March 17, 2009 Not counting days anymore.....trying NOT to think about him but aaaargh....I still DO think about him (and long for him). Oh...and I still think he is the most handsome, sexiest guy alive ......what an idiot I am !!! Link to comment
agape-mama Posted March 17, 2009 Share Posted March 17, 2009 Day 7 of the challenge, but really it's been 12 days since I sent my last email - still no reply. Still Frustrated. The weekend was good - stayed busy being social with my daughter. But it seems like thoughts of him are never very far. This will get better, Right?? I just have such a hard time accepting that he is fine ending things like this... So, I continue to try my best to not dwell on it. Link to comment
_ash_ Posted March 18, 2009 Share Posted March 18, 2009 day...dont remember i think its like day 3 or 4..i keep forgetting anyways.. ive been thinking today about why this happened.. ive never cheated, yet so many guys go straight back to that girl.. we get along soo well. we WERE best friends. he is trying to just be "21" and figure out what he wants in life and yet im here upset, and missing him like crazy...i know what i want in life i know exactly what i want to do and when i want to do it.. he doesnt so maybe my plans scared him? although he was all for it for about a year or so..and now he is "too young to tlak about that" im 19..Im not too young to think about my future..why is it so wrong to plan my life?? why did he change his mind so quick?? is it that his 21st birthday is commig up?? ughh i still dont get how he could just walk away like nothing happened.. Link to comment
LostPartner Posted March 18, 2009 Share Posted March 18, 2009 How do I start? My story is long and pathetic. I am 42 my H is 42. We were married 8/9/86. In April 07 my H came to me out of the blue and said "I am not happy. I am miserable and am making you miserable. I am worthless. I don't do anything for anybody. I want a divorce". He moved out to our camper the next week. By the end of May I found out he was seeing a woman from work that he had had a 2 night stand with back in 1993. He moved to a house in town in Aug. I still to this day have no idea what happened to us. We were each others best friends. My H called us "partners in life". He is 100% the opposite of the person he was. He is still seeing the OW on occasion but still in hiding. Not once has he brought her out into the open or admitted her to anyone. He has threatened D more than 15 times. Never has seen a L. We were having sex up until this last Dec. I stopped it. He asks when he is drunk, I say I need more. We have 1 D she is 17 and graduating this year. We adopted his niece (15) 7 years ago. He has abandoned them as well. We farm. It's his passion, and he's pretty much giving that up as well. But I do believe it's what has kept him partially grounded. So, why am I still here? Good question. I love my H very very much. At least the man that he "really" is. I know what I want out of life, and that is to grow old with him. I have done absolutely EVERYTHING to hold this M together. Including stuff that I've made up along the way. The only thing I haven't done is go NC. I've tried and failed soooo many times. I can't seem to do it. I think the longest I've made it is one week. So here I am. Day 1 Link to comment
JohnGalt Posted March 18, 2009 Share Posted March 18, 2009 Day 6 A week ago today, we went on our date. Can I even call it that? It was dinner and a movie. The restaurant was nice. It felt like a date. But now I feel like one of those people who goes on a date that they think went really well, but the other person just hated. I haven't heard a peep from her since last Wednesday. I haven't been able to sleep tonight. I've been going through the different scenarios. I'm hopelessly confused. I want her to come back to me, but I know that there are many obstacles in her way. Yet I know we had true love, but she wants those fuzzy feelings. No matter how hard I try, I cannot give those to her ever again. Perhaps, I should just adopt the mentality that is it better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all? I guess being with her for so long is something to be thankful for? But I'm not satisfied. Not even close. She is my soulmate. Link to comment
Anon21 Posted March 18, 2009 Share Posted March 18, 2009 Day X This is gonna take a while to work out. Hope Viper is okay, last post didn't seem hopeful at all. If you read this viper, we're in this boat together, stay strong bro. Link to comment
BrokenheartUK Posted March 18, 2009 Share Posted March 18, 2009 Perhaps, I should just adopt the mentality that is it better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all? I guess being with her for so long is something to be thankful for? But I'm not satisfied. Not even close. She is my soulmate. This is how I feel today. Hang in there John and whatever you do, DON'T contact her, as much as you want to! The last thing you want to do is come off as needy and desperate, especially after you've come so far with your NC. I'm on Day 44, which is about 6 weeks NC now and it feels like 6 months. I was okay there for a while, even took a break from here and stopped reading the hundreds of assorted relationship forums and blogs that we all seek out for comfort. I still think about her all day, every day and I'm getting quite worried that I can't stop...I need some miracle injection or something to break the cycle. I've started thinking about her as soon as I wake up again, which is something I thought I'd conquered a long time ago. I'm keeping busy, making new friends, going out, keeping a journal, flirting with girls, have just started exercising again and am making plans on how to specifically improve my life over the next year, but I still can't let go of her. It's like I'm afraid to. Why do I still pine for a girl who doesn't want me, is in love with someone else and that I've had absolutely ZERO contact with for 6 weeks? One VERY important thing to add is that I don't actually want her back right now, but in the future when I'm stronger and ready for a committed relationship with her. It's such a selfish attitude to have I know, but if I don't want her at the moment, why can't I just let go NOW? It defies all rational thought. Take a look at my signature - all of those points should tell any rational person that I should just forget about her and move on, but it is impossible for me. I hate NC, all it does is help her forget me and fall harder for her new man, but I know it is my best friend. Today can suck it Link to comment
lauramed Posted March 18, 2009 Share Posted March 18, 2009 Day 2 I don't know why I keep doing this to myself. He calls, I answer and then continue to get my hopes up and then won't hear from him for another week. I'm not even sure if he wants to get back together and I know that he will never bring it up. Too much pride in admitting that he was wrong. Yet he always wants to know if I'm seeing anyone. I don't understand what that is all about, because if he still doesn't care about me then it wouldn't matter to him. Or at least that's what I tell myself. I never ask him because quite frankly I don't want to know...don't want to have to imagine what he would be doing with "her" if he was. So I guess it will be up to me to ask him just what it is that he wants from me...I'm never going back into that casual relationship that we had for 6 months after the initial breakup but I was just to weak at that time to stop it. I'm not that weak anymore so I know that NC has served some purpose for me and has allowed me to grow as a person and has made me realize just what it is that I want and deserve. The odd thing is that when he disappeared 3 months ago and I was so tempted to call my sister told me that I was a fool and he didn't deserve me at all. Now she thinks that since he has made quite a few attempts to reach out (the first call was the most lame excuse for calling me) that he's waiting for me to call him and I should be trying a little bit more at reaching out to him. Not going to do it though....not unless I know that he's interested in trying to work things out between us. I do have to talk to him though and ask him just what it is that he wants from me. Bringing up that conversation is so hard. I don't want to say anything too heavy and don't want to put pressure on him, but I also can't continue this way. So I'll keep NC until he breaks it again and let him do the pursuing. Link to comment
JohnGalt Posted March 18, 2009 Share Posted March 18, 2009 Likewise. The stomach aches have returned in the morning and the first thing I think of is her. I don't know about the NC man. I've been advised by DN to contact her when I get back from Spring Break and ask her on another date. He says she made the first move, now it is my turn to make the second move and get this show moving. I won't beg for her back, of course, but if I want her back, I am going to have to bite the bullet and start spending more time with her. Problem is...I have no clue what SHE'S thinking. And I don't want to go through this only to find out i'm friendzoned. That would be devestating. It doesn't matter though, I suppose. No pain, no gain. haha. I'm going to set an ENA for using cliches today. Hang in there, man. Link to comment
JohnGalt Posted March 18, 2009 Share Posted March 18, 2009 This may be a little off the NC topic, but since UK mentioned it, I'll ask.... I can't find any other forums as useful as this. Are there any other forums that you guys use that are relatively active to help you with this. If so can you post a url or send me a PM? thanks. Link to comment
philove Posted March 18, 2009 Share Posted March 18, 2009 Day - 26 I had a moment of weakness last night but that soon passed. I had no urge to contact her but I kept on having recurring thoughts about her and it just made me feel miserible. I obviously still have a long road ahead of me but overall I have been healing well. I just need to kerb the habit of expecting her to email me. If I can stop myself checking her Facebook I don't know why I can't do this? Any advice will be much apreciated. Link to comment
TLguy Posted March 18, 2009 Share Posted March 18, 2009 Day 23. Had a very weird day today. Was fine for the most part but had these weird little phases where I really missed her...I havnt felt anything like that in a few weeks now. It was weird in that it wasnt a sort of painful longing for her that I used to feel, it was more a just thinking how nice it would be to be lying with her in this lovely weather we're having. And Ive felt different ever since. Maybe Im just lonely... Link to comment
LemonCheesecak Posted March 18, 2009 Share Posted March 18, 2009 Day 11 Found out the other girl I was partially interested in has been in a relationship for the last 5 years so I won't be pursuing that one haha! I still miss my ex a lot though so I don't think I would have acted on that attraction just yet, but as I've said before its a positive sign. Link to comment
ToodlePip Posted March 18, 2009 Share Posted March 18, 2009 Day - 26 I had a moment of weakness last night but that soon passed. I had no urge to contact her but I kept on having recurring thoughts about her and it just made me feel miserible. I obviously still have a long road ahead of me but overall I have been healing well. I just need to kerb the habit of expecting her to email me. If I can stop myself checking her Facebook I don't know why I can't do this? Any advice will be much apreciated. Ask yourself how you would feel if she did email you, assuming it won't be with any "good" news. Feel that sickness in the pit of your stomach? Hold onto that. Accept that it's best if she doesn;t email you, cos 90% chance is that it won't be anything that will make you feel truly better. If she does, fine. But expecting it will never result in anything good, and the way the universe works she won't do it until you don't expect it anyway Link to comment
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