THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE - SuperDave71

[thedude27]

Goes to the calendar...counts..Yep 14 days.

 

Havent heard a peep from her. Kinda makes me sad...ah well enough of that.

 

Its funny that I'm sitting her upset she hasnt contacted me and 1/2 of you are upset your ex'es are contacting you.

 

Trade ya?

 

 

For a while there was I glad because it was easier. Now its bothering me a little.

[jennamajig]

Goes to the calendar...counts..Yep 14 days.

 

Havent heard a peep from her. Kinda makes me sad...ah well enough of that.

 

Its funny that I'm sitting her upset she hasnt contacted me and 1/2 of you are upset your ex'es are contacting you.

 

Trade ya?

 

 

For a while there was I glad because it was easier. Now its bothering me a little.

 

Hey, I'm in your boat, thedude27. Makes NC easier, yes, but the closure is a little harder to get. But at least you know, right?

 

Me, still not counting. I'm actually in a better mood today as I may be going out a semi-date (drinks) and I'm nervous/looking forward to it. The guy and I have been chatting back and forth as friends for over a month after we both ended relationships at about the same time. So there is no pressure at all and he could be an awesome friend. Careful with my heart as always, but nice to get out a little.

 

After that, I am seeing a show my friend is in. Then tomorrow I am hitting up a cultural fair with another friend. And I just joined Netflicks to catch up on the all movies I wish I'd seen, but never did

[thedude27]

Hey, I'm in your boat, thedude27. Makes NC easier, yes, but the closure is a little harder to get. But at least you know, right?

 

Me, still not counting. I'm actually in a better mood today as I may be going out a semi-date (drinks) and I'm nervous/looking forward to it. The guy and I have been chatting back and forth as friends for over a month after we both ended relationships at about the same time. So there is no pressure at all and he could be an awesome friend. Careful with my heart as always, but nice to get out a little.

 

After that, I am seeing a show my friend is in. Then tomorrow I am hitting up a cultural fair with another friend. And I just joined Netflicks to catch up on the all movies I wish I'd seen, but never did

 

 

Hi Jennamajig,

 

Yea nothing like a little rejection to keep that NC going lol. I gave up counting a while ago, I have no idea what day I'm on from day to day. I just go back and count every time so I can post here. Its been around 4 months since the beginning of the breakup. I think its been around 45 or so days of real nc, she called 1 time about some work issue, nothing personal. I still miss her of course, and I know she misses me whether or not she wants to admit it. I'm just going on the facts at this point and that apears to mean she doesnt want me back. On I go.

 

Thats awesome that you have a date. I hope it goes well for you!! Definitely something to look forward to

 

I have quite a few female friends (I'm told I'm charming lol) so I talk to them which helps a lot. I've made friends here too that defintely helps.

 

I'm not ready for anyone else in my life at this point. I still have some pretty big issues in my head with her to overcome before I feel normal again. It will come tho.

 

I'm a fan of netflix, I think I have a queue big enough for 3 maybe 4 more breakups lol.

 

Good luck to you tonight

[Abbygail]

Day 2, I believe. He still hasn't deleted me off MSN, and I wish he would. I'm thinking he blocked me or switched e-mail addies. I'm thinking I'll switch e-mails so I don't keep checking to see if he still has me added.

 

I checked his MySpace briefly.

 

Other than that I've been doing okay. I had a pang of pain from hearing one of his favorite songs which is why I checked his 'space.

[cemlaw]

Only 2 days of total NC, but he was contacting me without my initiating it for the last 5. Broke up 14 days ago. I have to see him tomorrow and Sunday as I move the rest of my stuff out of his house. Then I return the key to the house and the garage door opener and I guess that will be it. We're not being ugly to each other- in fact quite friendly, but I don't want to be his "buddy" so I guess after Sunday, I am to complete NC.

I am still at a loss as to what to do when when he contacts me, as I know he will.

[Jester1586]

Horrible dream last night. I dreamt of her and another guy. Namely the guy who was trying to steal her away from me during our relationship. And the dream. Well, the dream was extremely vivid. I'd rather not go into detail as I don't want to even think about some of what I envisioned, but the mere thought of what I saw was enough to wake me in tears. I laid awake for an hour, just wanting to call her to see if it was a reality, but I didn't. Part of me knows she's not over me and wouldn't rebound that fast, and the other part of me doesn't want to know the truth in case it is true. Needless to say, when I fell back asleep I fell right back into a similar dream with another guy.

 

I really hope it doesn't happen again tonight.

 

Today though, wasn't hard at all. I thought about her a lot, but again, it wasn't painful. I guess just the idea of her with another guy really hurts now. I know it's only been five days on here, and just over a week in actual no contact, but I feel like I'm really making strides. I'm recognizing my flaws, and I'm living without her. Still a long way to go though. I know I'm not healthy enough to contact her, and probably not talk to her if she did contact me.

 

Just taking it one day at a time...

[jennamajig]

Day not counting.

 

I had a semi-date last night, as I mentioned before. The guy and I had been e-mailing back and forth for over a month before meeting for a drink last night. I could only spend an hour with him and you know what? It was a pretty nice hour! He's cute and we seemed to hit it off. We exchanged numbers and I went to the show I had to. He texted me later that night to say "Great time tonight. Hope you had fun." Didn't get the text until late as I'd turned off my phone for the show, and texted back "I definitely did! Pick out a good tree tomorrow!" (He was going Christmas tree shopping). Hopefully there will be a date #2.

 

The strange thing? Didn't think about the ex once! Called my mom to tell her about the date and for once I realized I sounded closer to my normal self than I had in ages! I went to the show and went out with the friend that was in it, stayed out later than I had in ages, realizing there was no one I had to check with besides myself. Thought I would be sad about that, but it just made me realize that all I was missing was my ex hogging blankets.

 

Now, mornings still suck. This morning my stomach isn't as strong as it should be. It is improving and I know only time will help the morning issues. I'm supposed to go shopping with a friend today, so pushing myself to go out. Yesterday started out not so great and ended much better. A few more much better days and I can do this. I get past Christmas and I will be 100% okay. I know it.

[crab62]

Goes to the calendar...counts..Yep 14 days.

 

Havent heard a peep from her. Kinda makes me sad...ah well enough of that.

 

Its funny that I'm sitting her upset she hasnt contacted me and 1/2 of you are upset your ex'es are contacting you.

 

Trade ya?

 

 

For a while there was I glad because it was easier. Now its bothering me a little.

 

hey dude... you're not so alone... I haven't heard from my exbf in 4 weeks one day... since the break-up.

 

but at this point, it's probably best cause what could he say now "how are you?"... that's laughable... after how he walked out with no warning, nothing.

 

so don't feel so bad... you, me and jenna are all paddling in the same boat,LOL!! to another lake with some more fishies that are bigger and better and hopefully sweeter!!

 

hang in there!

[crab62]

awww... good for you Jenna for you date, yay!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Just because we are grieving, do not mean we have to stop living... good for you going!, and it sounds like you made a new friend... that's awesome!! I hope he's sweet... ... and sometimes it just helps to have someone in your corner you know... somone who cares just a little and somone to take your mind of things... I'm so glad you had a good time!!

 

and yes you will get past Christmas... just one day, that's all... 24hrs... if you think about it, you could sleep it away if you needed to... haha... not that'd you do that... but it's only one day... and you'll be fine.

 

as for the morning stomach ache, I know how that is... what has helped me in the past is to "give" myself permission to let go of the grief and the pain and give my stomach a break. I sometimes say "okay for the next hour I'm just going to let my stomach relax"... and I can come back to grieving then... after 1hr. Sometimes we have more power over our feelings than we realize. Try to give your stomach a break in the morning.. maybe even 10min. I do that... I tell myself to just stop feeling it in my gut and I let it go.. and it works.

 

Okay, I'm rambing and preaching, LOL!! Glad you had a good time last night... you deserve it!

[crab62]

day whatever whatever... not counting nc either... what matters most is that i stay in nc and keep moving forward.

 

went out to dinner last night with girls from work as well as my sis and it was fun did not talk about the exbf until the end. my girlfriends are great, and had gone through the breakup with me the first time... so they would institutionalize me if i went back to him after this break-up, LOL!! they are great support, I love them.

 

so i'm doing okay. when i think about the exbf calling, i can't imagine what he'd say. the longer time passes, the more unbelievable it all is, and the more i know he can't call. in a way, he kind of screwed himself... cause if he ever wondered how i am doing and wants to small chat, he can't call at this point. but who knows... maybe he will never care how i am. i'm sure in the spring summer i will most likely run into him at some point on a ride... and honestly, i don't think i could look at him. he's not the guy i dated for a year... or maybe he is... maybe this is the real guy... maybe that guy back there was just a mask...

 

anyway... onward. i have my horse riding lesson today and i will probably be riding Lady... I love her... she's awesome, and fast!! i'm going to stop and get some carrots for the horses, it's so cute how they love them. also dropped off my quilt yesterday to have it long arm quilted... that will complete my 2nd quilt for show. i hope to get at least 5 or 6 by Fall 2009 and have a booth at a fair or something or show/sell them with another booth. ... and so now it's time to start another quilt yay!! i'm very good at disciplining myself to not start a new quilt until i completely finish the one... i hate unfinished projects, LOL!!

 

so i'm doing good day. small stomach ache still from the break-up. i do think of him often and i'd be lying if i said i don't miss him... cause i do. but he wanted this and he hasn't tried to contact me since 4 weeks ago yesterday... so i need to go find me peeps who want to hang with me and quit missing the one who doesn't.

 

hope you all have a good day... and wishing you all peace. i know how much this stuff hurts... but we'll get there, one day at time...for us all

 

{{{{HUGS}}}} to everyone.

 

also jenna... i started emailing this guy in my bike club. i kind of like him last year before the exbf hunted me down, LOL!!... and i heard from the bike club girls that this guy was going to ask me out (last year) but the exbf got me to first instead. so i've started emailing this other guy... i dont know if he knows of the break-up, but he might guess. in anycase, it's just kind of fun to have a male friend... and someone to chat with. not sure about going on a date with him at this point... that's probably too far off... but it's fun to think about kissing another guy and laughing and having fun... i guess that's progress.

[fiffy]

Day 1

 

Back to day one after a few days of contact finally getting all my stuff back (only 6 months late!)

 

Just feel terrible most of the time. Wondering if I am ever going to get better? Have seen people come and go on this challenge and wonder if I will ever leave it or if I will stay perpetuating my same little circles?

 

Dqueen your doing really well- so proud and can't believe how long you have gone! well done!

[Kurt75]

Kurt, you can read about my breakup story here if you have the time:

 

 

 

15 months IS a long time but my ex is adamant that he truly is the man for me and I am making the biggest mistake of my life by leaving him. The saddest part is that I still love him despite everything he's done when I shouldn't. Why is it so hard to hate him?!

 

I read it. I only work 2 days a week so i always have time!

I know that he thinks he is the man for you but we all know he isnt. The man for you is one that will not do what i would call "Severe Damage". I of course now know why its been 15months as if he is still contacting you reguarly that must be a pain. I know if my ex contacted me I would struggle.

I think deep down you dont want to HATE him so thats why its difficult.

Your going to make it though. Sticking to NC and keep coming to ENA will help.

All the best Dqueen

Kurt.

[deff808]

What happeneds if i work with my ex?

 

Been going out for 6 months. Broke up like a month ago.

 

NC outside of work is about a week....

 

But i do bump into her outside of work, like grocery shopping. But keep the conversation minimum as possible.

[Robert013]

Day 2

 

Ran into her Dad yesterday. i talked for a while told him how I was told him what I have been doing and so forth. It will get back to her so I am counting it as contact. It is just like sending a message.

 

When i was walking away he calls for me to come back and then he starts spilling his guts. he said he doesn't know what is going on with her he said she sleeps until like noon everyday. Sits in her room until like 9 o'clock at night then goes to her new boyfriends house every night. He said he has been trying to ask her questions about what is going on and she will not answer him at all. He said she quit her job but didn't tell him about it. he said she has not been doing her school work. He said she has not been paying any of her bills. He said he is going to kick her out if she doesn't start talking and paying her bills. He thinks she is having a harder time with this then she lets on. Givin what he said I think she is just putting on a happy face and using this guy to get over loosing my son and I. I told him she has been trying to text message me every week. I told him about the last one she sent that had to do with him and he said he never mentioned that to her. She told me her family has met him but he said he did not. Her mother might have but I haven't talked to her yet. he asked me to keep in touch and I told him i wanted to but it wasn't a good idea right now. He understood. I told him when its over its over. I told him I haven't talked to her in a month. i told him that she is not allowed to see my son and do not bother to send any presents because it will just give him the wrong idea.

 

She doesn't talk to her friends anymore and never hangs out with them. She just sits at the new guy's house with his roommate.

 

Well I have been doing fine but I am now concerned that her life is falling apart. She made her choice now she has to live with the consequences. Back to NC it is for me.

[Jester1586]

Good day in terms of emotions. Again. That's like three straight. Alright day overall in terms of my life though.

 

Car accident, I'm fine though. I wasn't actually in the car when it happened, but my car was hit, and the damage is severe. It got my mind off her. Having to deal with insurance and everything. At least for a few hours.

 

Also went out tonight. Some girls I work with. Not a date in any sense of the word, just a group thing to the movies. Saw Twilight. Meh. Made me think of her, as she's obsessed with that book series, and I know she's seen it like four times already. I didn't care for it, but I really didn't focus on it. Just a night put. Ended with going back to a friends for a few drinks and then home for bed.

 

Tomorrow should be easy. Out all afternoon to watch football with the guys, then work at 10pm. My mind shouldn't wander to much, but it seems like when I'm occupied, my mind does wander, and when I'm alone and bored, I'm happy. Weird, but hopefully it's a good day too. I'm really getting used to not talking to her.

 

Part of me wants to contact her to tell her that it's all or nothing from here on out. She either gets back with me, or I'm out of her life for good, but I don't want to burn that bridge yet. I'm sure I'll hear from her around Christmas, just not sure what it is I'll hear. We'll deal with that in a few weeks though.

[crab62]

I'm sure I'll hear from her around Christmas, just not sure what it is I'll hear. We'll deal with that in a few weeks though.

 

Jester... I was thinking about this yesterday... if my ex would be so crude as to send me a card after all he has done... gosh I would hope not. That would be like the biggest slap in the face to me to send me a card after walking out and not hearing from him. I hope he doesn't... cause then I'll have to deal with those emotions.. sending it back as "return to sender' and all that crap.

[crab62]

day whatever whatever... not counting NC but staying in NC...

 

let's see... today is officially one month since the b****** walked out... 11/7/08... hopefully one day I'll forget that date...

 

I'm doing good... I'm doing better, day by day. My stomach still has a small pit when I think of him... and I do think of him alot, but I am no longer shattered by the break-up, and I'm hoping the hardest part of the grieiving is over. I don't miss his presense much... and am not looking for him to call, etc, etc.

 

Yesterday I had my horse riding lesson and rode for about 2.5hrs... and when I got done and was brushing the horse, I realized I hadn't thought about it the entire time!! That's such progress... I was so elated!

 

So I'm doing good. I slept 12 hrs last night!! This is the first weekend where I've been able to really sleep without my gut feeling it's torn into shreds. After his cold hearted email on Thankgiving... after my relapse... I made the decision to let him go... and it's been positive ever since. I am not sure what was behind him leaving like he did and why he could never call... but to me it was incredibly cruel and ruthless... and for me to continue in pain because of something "he" chose is a big waste of my time and life.

 

So I'm working it day by day. I would never take him back anyway... not have done this to me twice... so I must move on... it's my only choice.

 

... and it sure felt good to sleep 12hrs last night, wow... I hadn't slept good in over 4 weeks

[fiffy]

Day 2 feel as alone as ever

 

Just wonder how all this is so easy for him yet I struggle to make it through each day

[jennamajig]

 

... and it sure felt good to sleep 12hrs last night, wow... I hadn't slept good in over 4 weeks

 

Good for you! I, too, got a decent night's sleep for the first time in a couple of months. I hope it continues as the lack of decent sleep had been killing me!

 

Right now, I am sitting at home and watching TV, reading. Me time. My grandmother just called me to let me know she entered m name into a drawing at church and I won 2nd place - about $280. Someone gave me a bit of good luck, I suppose! I am just taking time to enjoy time with myself. I am going to church tonight as usual, and they are having a simple dinner afterwards I will go to.

 

The guy I had drinks with on Friday has been texting me this weekend. Short and random, but I figure he must be interested to contact me at all. I am going to text him today and tell him it's okay to call me, lol. We will probably e-mail again during the work day like we have been. Not sure where it will go, but hey baby steps, right?

[Jester1586]

Well, despite my plans of seeing friends all day not going through, it was still a fun day. Sat around watching football all afternoon, caught up on my sleep, and just enjoyed myself. Aside from being a tad sick from dinner last night, and a stomach ache most of the morning, it was good.

 

Worked tonight, which kept me busy. Got home an hour ago, and checked my Myspace, and what did I find? I message from my ex! Stunned to say the least, I had no idea she'd contact me. What was it? Well, just a reply to a message I wrote just before I started no contact. Here it is if you're interested:

 

"I don't really know what to say. I understand, though. I know that it's hard and I will respect what you have decided, as well. If you change your mind, though, let me know. I'll always be here to be your friend and to talk."

 

Nothing about getting back together. Shucks. Still wants to be friends, and is saddened that I don't. That was what I wrote her, just telling her I can't do the friends thing, and need to go my own way for now. I honestly never expected her to reply when I sent it. I'm even more surprised that she replied about two weeks after she got it. I know she got it the day I sent it, Myspace has a way of telling you if someone read a message you sent them. I guess that means she's been thinking of me, and not talking to me is getting to her a least a little bit.

 

Obviously, I'm not going to reply. She made no comment about getting back together, and that's what I want. Really nothing more I can add that I haven't already said, and my mind hasn't changed, no need to tell her again. She'll know I'm serious when she doesn't see me reply.

 

I really feel like I'm getting better though. Whenever I think about her, I don't get sad anymore. It's only been a few weeks, but I lived without her before, and I can do it without her now, I'd just rather have her in my life, as it feels better, but I can survive without her, and it's nice to realize that.

 

I hope everyone else had good days too.

[jennamajig]

Day ??

 

I'll probably post in this thread less, I think. I have made real progress, I know. I spent some time of NC being angry, and sometimes I still am. But right now I'm beginning to learn indifference. By throwing out the ornament I found, it many take a little more time, but I learned it's coming.

 

A tiny piece of my heart will probably still love the him he used to be. He was nearly my first everything and that is hard to lose. But I've let go of it. I'll never see him again. He may deserve to find happiness, but frankly that isn't something I need to think about. I deserve happiness. You can only make yourself happy. Yes, someone else can help you, but at the end of the day it is the choices you make in life that make you happy.

 

I hope I find someone that respects my choices and supplements them. Until then, the love I give is to my family, friends, and the one constant roommate in my life - my kitty

[crab62]

day ????

 

i'm off work today and shouldn't be spending my time on this, but i am.

 

i found out he's on a single website?... ugggh... i'm sick. how can that be?... it's only been 4 weeks since he split, and he's already on a single's site?... that makes me ill to the core.

 

but then again, it's more motivation to keep moving forward. this guy was a fake... stuffed every emotion he could... good and bad. he wrote me text messages that said he loved me the day before he walked out. he walks out and then goes on a singles site?... ugggh... while i can't even think about going on a date with someone.

 

what a cruel heartless bastard i was dating... holy crap.

 

i'm off work today and should be sewing instead of focusing on this loser piece of nothing... i digress...

 

but i will forever stay in NC.... trust me, i have absolutely no desire to contact this monster again.

[jennamajig]

Crab62, that sucks, but take it with a grain of salt. I put myself up on link removed recently, and at first, wondered what my ex would think if he saw it. When we broke up, he knew I loved him.

 

Then I realized, who cares? They aren't part of our lives, we aren't part of theirs. When they move on, it hurts, but it just shows us they aren't the one. It's normal to feel a little hurt. But don't focus on it. Focus on your happiness - do something for you today. Go riding or sew or just sit in your living room with a good book or a good movie.

 

and hang in there, you are doing great. In fact to everyone on this thread. Hang in there, each one of you. In the end, you will find out you are a much better person for it.

[Abbygail]

So... I'm going to consider today the official NC day 1. I haven't spoken to my ex in a week, but today he finally deleted me off MSN and it felt "final." I also found out from a mutual friend that he's doing okay. (I was worried about him dying due to his illness.) I'm guessing that's why ex decided to check to see if I still had him added... since obviously if he was on my MSN list I'd know if he was doing okay or not. So he deleted me since I hadn't.

 

Anyway... Soyeah, Day 1. I guess technically Day 1 should be tomorrow. But I have no more excuses, no more worrying, and he's deleted me so no more wondering if he'll contact me.

 

It's been five months since the break up and I feel as if I'm only slighty past Square 1. Hopefully it'll get better, and I know I'll stick to NC this time since I faced the consequences of not sticking to it before.

 

I wasn't counting the days because I thought of it as a bad thing... but I think I'll start now. I realize that if I could say it's been, say, three weeks since I last spoke to him, I'd feel as if I was doing a lot better rather not really knowing the last time I talked to him.

[goincd3]

I accept...and today was day 1. I feel terrible. I've never felt like this my whole life. Very lonely and depressed. hoping tomorrow will be better, but not getting my hopes up. I've been trying to keep her off my mind and I just can't do it for extended periods. It's too hard for me right now.