babes23 Posted September 3, 2008 Share Posted September 3, 2008 i'm not using NC as a tool to get her back, i'm using to NC to move on and trying to bury any thought of reconciliation as it will give me false hopes and lead myself on to failure i am doing a lot to keep myself busy but at work and at home is where i do most of my thinking, my job doesn't require much mental power and i can only browse the net so much before my brain reverts to start thinking about her bah bah sheep i'm calming down, but i hate that burning sensation where i should just blow up and destroy everything, i used to have a temper problem when i was a kid and i had it under control up until this breakup bad habits that i don't like resurfacing, i don't like this part of myself! It's still early days hun, for the both of us. I really do, hate, hate, hate all this. All i want for him is to contact me and to tell me that everything is going to be okay, but that is not going to happen. He's detached himself from me now and i have no other choice than to do the same. Link to comment
lkonohalanbu Posted September 3, 2008 Share Posted September 3, 2008 It's still early days hun, for the both of us. I really do, hate, hate, hate all this. All i want for him is to contact me and to tell me that everything is going to be okay, but that is not going to happen. He's detached himself from me now and i have no other choice than to do the same. i feel much better after going to lunch with a coworker and venting, that and eating fast food, i don't eat out a lot regained some of my sanity and maintained my composure and status by not calling her LETTING IT BURN! OH YEAH! Link to comment
PrettyGood Posted September 3, 2008 Share Posted September 3, 2008 Day 13 I feel much better. It's only the middle of the way and I'm sure it can be worse if on 23rd day he will tell me that he doesn't want to refresh and continue our friendship. Maybe I became too melancholic and pesimistic, but I'm preparing for bad events too. So, what's new... He's writing me himself these days. Nothing personal, just asking what I'm doing, tells me about past events in his life when he's living on his own (not telling about present or future time). And sometimes dropping some hyperlinks to my Skype to watch. Mmm.. I'm trying not to take it too personal, maybe he just try to keep contact. That's all... Oh, I'm tired today... the studies began and I feel exhausted, but it has a good side too - I'm thinking about him less. :sleeping: Goodnight... Link to comment
DavidWRosario Posted September 4, 2008 Share Posted September 4, 2008 Day 5 Good Day for the most part. Thought of her a little, not wanting as much. More or less trying to figure out which way is up. Still cant seem to get traction. I wonder if recovery is nothing more than just hanging out and thinking. I cant imagine how to possibly start dating again. . . . ever. Link to comment
Steve 7745 Posted September 4, 2008 Share Posted September 4, 2008 I'm staring at this screen... and for the life of me, I don't remember why I'm here. I try to make sense of it. I reread the posting descriptions. I try to grasp the reason for taking this challenge. I'm looking over the old posts I made. But it's just a blank to me. Link to comment
Rosie007 Posted September 4, 2008 Share Posted September 4, 2008 i feel hurt and why i want to speak to her is beyond me, i don't want to miss her, i'm going back and forth and i'm going nuts doing the best i can to let go, i need words of strength, i'm running on pure determination but i'm starting to lack after time has starting to erode it away i hate this, i hate loving her, i hate missing her, i hate feeling this, freaken feels like i'm on fire and nothing can calm me down except talking to her Hi lkonohalanbu, Do you think it would help you if you wrote here what you'd like to say to her? Maybe you just need to express the feelings and thoughts you're having, and it would help to do it here, where it's safe, instead of with someone who recently hurt you, where you might not feel safe? Just a thought. -Rosie Link to comment
lkonohalanbu Posted September 4, 2008 Share Posted September 4, 2008 actually i already did before i posted that, i just had a moment of weakness, my mind is conflicting with what my heart wants and what logically makes sense any who it's a nice letter, i will never send it, enjoy the read and thanks for your concern! i just hate my conflicting thoughts causing me stress, cognitive dissonance for the win! i'm okay now after an hour at the gym and music class Link to comment
livingitup Posted September 4, 2008 Share Posted September 4, 2008 I want in. Contacted her yesterday for the last time to tell her not to contact me any more unless she wants to discuss reconciling. She can't figure out how I knew she was working yesterday. Truth is...I didn't, but I was in her town for a seminar, stopped by, and got lucky I guess. Handed her a letter, told her to have a good day, she said "Thank you," I walked out, and let it all go. It's up to fate now. As for feelings...just numb. Really too tired to care right now, I guess. And so it begins. This is going to be tough as my roommate is dating her roommate and thereforee he is always over there hanging out with my ex. I'm jealous! Link to comment
atelis Posted September 4, 2008 Share Posted September 4, 2008 day 14 and i really am fighting with myself. i want to contact her, but i'm just not sure if i can cope with a negative or even neutral response. very tough Link to comment
PrettyGood Posted September 4, 2008 Share Posted September 4, 2008 Day 14 As I see, my ex darling is writing me everyday now. It wasn't some lucky accident before some days. Also he writes me only when I'm using NC method. So when I appeared on Skype today, he asked me again - "How are you?". Well I tried to be as kind as I can be, so I told I'm fine and asked him the same. Well the conversation was short, but pleasant. He told me about his plans for this weekend (he will go to drink with his friends), and I told him about my plans to go to visit my parents. I asked about his pets and told that I learned how to cook tasty food at home, and seems that he looked surprised some. Also I asked him "Didn't you miss me yet?" and he told "I miss". He didn't add some words like "but just a little", "but just a part of me" and similar. Ok I told him, that I'm not rushing him and I will wait for his answer. Also I told him, that I won't plan anything with him until I don't know his full answer about friendship renewal yet. I'm feeling better today for this easy conversation. Link to comment
babes23 Posted September 4, 2008 Share Posted September 4, 2008 Day 3 Fed up, fed up, fed up.... A few things have been put into perspective, think i've seen him for what he really is, doesn't make any of this any easier but i know this is going to be the best method for me. Link to comment
StillSmiling Posted September 4, 2008 Share Posted September 4, 2008 Day 1 Again. WHY I opened this door again after 36 days of NC, I will never understand. Last night when I got home from work, a large bouquet of my favorite flowers and a card were left on my porch. A belated birthday gift and he knew I was just back into town. Nothing overly sentimental, but he continues to sign everything with "love". Then again, I still do as well. And an email he wrote late last night setting up having "that martini" sometime next week. It was a special ritual for us to do at times. Tuesday it will be one year that we met. Hard to believe how much has happened and how much emotion this past year. The incredible high and never feeling so happy in a relationship ... to the worse pain in a breakup I have ever felt. Can't figure out why I am so stuck this time... All of my head is screaming to go back to total NC and not go out with him. My friends continue to tell me to not see him, or even think of him as they know how wounded I still feel. Except for one, who thinks I need to walk that path and see what happens. I am so confused. Once again, he is sending mixed signals. And even more than confused, I'm scared to see him. It's been over 3 months since I've seen him. It was a disaster the last time. No harsh words, just a soft and sweet statement that he can't go back to what it was. Is there anything more painful than being "friendzoned" when you are still in love with someone? I can't think straight anymore. I just want to forget him and move on. I don't know what to do. Perhaps if I don't go out with him, I would always wonder. I'm just afraid of starting that intense pain all over again ... I'm not sure how much more I can take. Link to comment
blue_dahlia Posted September 4, 2008 Share Posted September 4, 2008 I texted K on Saturday. He didn't respond. I haven't contacted him since. 5 days NC. Link to comment
blue_dahlia Posted September 4, 2008 Share Posted September 4, 2008 Day 1 Again. WHY I opened this door again after 36 days of NC, I will never understand. I can't think straight anymore. I just want to forget him and move on. I don't know what to do. Perhaps if I don't go out with him, I would always wonder. I'm just afraid of starting that intense pain all over again ... I'm not sure how much more I can take. I don't think you've opened the door yet. Personally, I would just ask him over the phone if there's a chance of reconciliation. If he says no, don't go. Continue with NC and healing. Wishing you the best, Link to comment
StillSmiling Posted September 4, 2008 Share Posted September 4, 2008 I don't think you've opened the door yet. Personally, I would just ask him over the phone if there's a chance of reconciliation. If he says no, don't go. Continue with NC and healing. Wishing you the best, Thanks for the wishes. I'm pretty sure he would answer "NO". I suppose it's that silly thought some of us get that "if I can only get in front of him again, he will see what he has lost". I'm not even sure I want it back, truth be told. I think I want back what I THOUGHT it was. Stepping back, perhaps the real people were starting to emerge. Maybe I just want the chance to end it on my terms this time ... And I am terrified that he would do it again ... walk out leaving me shocked. Link to comment
babes23 Posted September 4, 2008 Share Posted September 4, 2008 I broke no contact always tomorrow eh.... Link to comment
Ixtapa Posted September 4, 2008 Share Posted September 4, 2008 The weather is awful, Im sitting here alone thinking of him....Im sad Link to comment
StillSmiling Posted September 4, 2008 Share Posted September 4, 2008 The weather is awful, Im sitting here alone thinking of him....Im sad I'm sorry you're hurting. This is NOT easy. I too am alone sitting here re-reading his last email for the 50th time and looking at my flowers ... Once I got through the first week, I felt so much stronger. Got real busy with friends and I really felt I was on my way. Then, for some reason he puts me back on his buddy list and the whole damn thing starts again. I KNOW it gets better. I felt it getting better before. It's all about time. Link to comment
lkonohalanbu Posted September 4, 2008 Share Posted September 4, 2008 I broke no contact always tomorrow eh.... what happened and what are you feeling? Link to comment
babes23 Posted September 4, 2008 Share Posted September 4, 2008 what happened and what are you feeling? He didn't reply. His phone goes straight to voicemail and he's on holiday at the minute so think he's left it at home. He gets back late next week so just feel foolish now Link to comment
Ixtapa Posted September 4, 2008 Share Posted September 4, 2008 I'm sorry you're hurting. This is NOT easy. I too am alone sitting here re-reading his last email for the 50th time and looking at my flowers ... Once I got through the first week, I felt so much stronger. Got real busy with friends and I really felt I was on my way. Then, for some reason he puts me back on his buddy list and the whole damn thing starts again. I KNOW it gets better. I felt it getting better before. It's all about time. Thank you. I don't understand why Im still so attached to him. I haven't seen him in months (it was a ldr) but my connection to him was very strong. I want to let go so bad but its like my heart won't let me.... Link to comment
lkonohalanbu Posted September 4, 2008 Share Posted September 4, 2008 He didn't reply. His phone goes straight to voicemail and he's on holiday at the minute so think he's left it at home. He gets back late next week so just feel foolish now i see, what made you want to break it? take this as a lesson and learn from it, be stronger the next time around, okay? Link to comment
StillSmiling Posted September 4, 2008 Share Posted September 4, 2008 Thank you. I don't understand why Im still so attached to him. I haven't seen him in months (it was a ldr) but my connection to him was very strong. I want to let go so bad but its like my heart won't let me.... I don't understand it either. I have not seen him for almost 3 months, and we live 20 minutes apart. Our conncetion was also VERY intense ... and then it was just gone without warning. I suppose that is part of why I too am so stuck. No fights, no warning, mixed signals that it was all so great ... We'll get through this. At 30 days I was getting there. Could kick myself in the ass for re-opening the door. Link to comment
babes23 Posted September 4, 2008 Share Posted September 4, 2008 i see, what made you want to break it? take this as a lesson and learn from it, be stronger the next time around, okay? I don't know, just feeling down i guess. Yeah i will, he's never going to change and me contacting him will only give him that ego boost, nothing else. Link to comment
Ixtapa Posted September 4, 2008 Share Posted September 4, 2008 We'll get through this. At 30 days I was getting there. Could kick myself in the ass for re-opening the door. Guess I should just stay strong and NOT contact him again. I just can't accept the fact its over....but hopefully with time I will be okay.... I've been down for the past 4 weeks or so now....so its hard. I just want to feel happy again. Some friends of mine tell me to "just not listen to myself and tune down the bad feelings". I find this very hard to do. Im trying not to wallow but I can't help feeling sad deep down. Oh well....it has to get better at some point... Link to comment
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