ghostgirl116 Posted July 15, 2008 Share Posted July 15, 2008 hey daveR... you two were together for a really long time, so expect the more negative feelings to pop up and stick around sometimes for a while. it really sounds like you're doing good, and i sure know how it is when you have a kid and you have to deal with the ex!! we are all here for each other gg Link to comment
ghostgirl116 Posted July 15, 2008 Share Posted July 15, 2008 cried a little last night. have a few moments of depression today, even a few of anger, but they don't last. i keep faith in the goodness of the universe, so maybe some day i'll actually meet a guy that it will work out and be good. Link to comment
bepositive Posted July 15, 2008 Share Posted July 15, 2008 Hi, all Kind of a rough day today; thinking about the ex's last voicemail. She has been wanting to call or e-mail, but "wanted to give me time and space." Sounds like she's looking to be friends, which I'm not willing to do. She also sounded pretty happy, so I imagine things are going well with the rebound. I didn't expect any kind of reconciliation this soon, but it's a bummer anyway. Since they're in a cross-country relationship, every time they get together is like a vacation/holiday. She might have to move to his town and be with him all of the time to really get a taste of her new life. I think the part that really hurts is that we were so close to reconciling before, but she decided to stay with him. On the plus side, in 40 years I'm the first guy who ever loved her enough to propose to her, and relationships generally don't work anyway, so there's a good chance that the new guy will eventually call it quits from his end. I've been dating a few other women, but it's just not the same. Ah, well. Link to comment
ILikeHockey Posted July 16, 2008 Share Posted July 16, 2008 Sign me up (assuming I can shave off a couple of hours. And I'll try my best to post every day, but I can't guarantee it). I just got off the phone after a lengthy conversation with the ex, about what went wrong and what we were going to do now. Not the happiest of conversations, with her crying pretty much the whole time (she broke up with me). She's got some things to think about, and work on, and I've got to try to move on, so we agreed to not talk to each other until the 15th of August. Right now, I honestly don't think that if she wants to be friends then, that I'll be able to. Her initial reason for breaking up with me was that she doesn't feel the same way about me anymore (that she loves me, but doesn't wanna be with me). But on the phone she said she doesn't know how she feels, which I can believe more than that. We talked about how she feels that we're always doing stuff I want to do, and how she feels like she's kinda losing herself around me (explained in a second). We've talked about doing things that she wants to do before, and I agreed with her that we should. Since then, we've been doing more things that she wants to do, and making more plans for things that she wants to do. But she says that when we're doing things she wants to do, she's more concerned with how I feel about doing them, and wanting me to be doing something that makes me happy (I explained to her that being with her made me happy), which is how she felt she was losing herself (this DIDN'T come up in the previous conversation about doing things she wants to do). Clearly, we've both got things to work on. She's got communication (I really wish we had talked about this before it came to a breakup) and... I don't know how to word it issues. I've got to figure out how not to cause this problem in the future (I honestly have no idea. I think I need to be a little more sensitive to what my girlfriend would wanna do, but I'm not sure how I caused her to constantly feel like what we were doing wasn't good enough for me. I'd like to think I was acting like I was enjoying being with her, because I was). Any advice on that would be most welcome. Hopefully we can both come out of this for the better, and I still hope that things'll work between us. We've split once before this though, so I dunno... Right now, I don't feel that after a month, I'll be able to be friends, if thats what she wants. I think it'll be a LONG time before I'd be comfortable hanging out with her and a guy she was dating. I really love this girl, and I still hope that we can have a relationship together, and be together. The last time we broke up, I had some major issues that I needed to work on and figure out, and I guess this time its her turn (last time we did it completely differently, and stayed friends throughout. Two months of pure torture, for the both of us, because we were both still very much in love). I'm not breaking NC this time. Its best for the both of us, and the best chance of getting what I think I want (no matter how stupid it seems, to more people than just me). Link to comment
KaylaJoy Posted July 16, 2008 Share Posted July 16, 2008 It's so weird how things can change in the matter of hours....earlier today I was in a good spot emotionally, not thinking too much about Mark. Tonight I miss him. I miss my friend. I miss the guy I felt safe with. I miss the guy I felt at home with. I miss the guy who I felt like I was right where I belonged, totally at peace, totally comfortable, totally happy to just be in his arms. I felt like the world was right, and nothing else mattered at that very moment then to just be where I was, with him. I used to sing that song by Diamond Rio, "I know how the river feels", because I always felt like I had come home when I was with him. I miss THAT feeling. I miss it with him. I miss him. Link to comment
GoldenHillGuy Posted July 16, 2008 Share Posted July 16, 2008 DAY 15! I miss her.........but can live without her! Link to comment
DavidWRosario Posted July 16, 2008 Share Posted July 16, 2008 cried a little last night. have a few moments of depression today, even a few of anger, but they don't last. i keep faith in the goodness of the universe, so maybe some day i'll actually meet a guy that it will work out and be good. I firmly believe there is someone out there for all of us. You met your ex and thought "this is the person for me", that did not work, we all have to have hope. Life would not be worth living if there were no chance at all. Keep the Faith. Dave Link to comment
DavidWRosario Posted July 16, 2008 Share Posted July 16, 2008 Day 7 Yesterday went fairly well, work is good, keeps my head clear. We are having problems with the visitation schedule and she is being hardheaded. She wanted to start over, So I gave her everything. She wanted custody of the kids. I did not argue. Now She is complaining she has the kids all the time and she is tired. She is enrolled in college this fall and says it might be too much with the kids. I am sorry, I did not throw me out and ask for a divorce. Like I am supposed to care. Now she says if we can't agree on visitation, then why dont I take full custody of the kids. Let's see, because you have the house, the cherokee, the money, furniture and all the other stuff that you wanted. I live in a basement. HELLO. Can we tell she called yesterday. On the way home I bought the biggest bottle of wine I could fine. Drank the whole thing, good night of sleep. Back to dealing with reality now. I dont think I broke N/C this time. That was all business about the kids. No relationship talk, No how you doing, No I miss you. Oh well and begins Day 7 Dave Link to comment
joshparker Posted July 16, 2008 Share Posted July 16, 2008 its time for me to take the challenge. i think i can do it! actually i know i can do it! DAY 1 Link to comment
ghostgirl116 Posted July 16, 2008 Share Posted July 16, 2008 just feeling sad and tired today. Link to comment
Johnathan Posted July 16, 2008 Share Posted July 16, 2008 Tonight I miss him. I miss my friend. I miss the guy I felt safe with. I miss the guy I felt at home with. I miss the guy who I felt like I was right where I belonged, totally at peace, totally comfortable, totally happy to just be in his arms. I felt like the world was right, and nothing else mattered at that very moment then to just be where I was, with him. The hard thing for me is knowing that the girl I'm on day 7 of NC with is going thru this exact same thing as well.... but not with me....With her BF of 7 years who is leaving her because of me. So even though she and I shared an awesome relationship for awhile, and even though I miss her exactly the way you just described, she's feeling the same way too...for him, not me. It's like a messed up chain. I was never her #1. But I just made her #1 walk out of her life, so now she walked out of mine and 'hates' me. It sucks. In time, I hope this NC will help her to love herself and then love me. Link to comment
The Mad Pagan Posted July 16, 2008 Share Posted July 16, 2008 It's been about a month and a half since we last had any communication, but again not for my lack of trying. One thing I will say about his ignoring me: it's really helping the healing process. Without the setback of false hope, I am moving on with aplomb. I barely think about him anymore except negatively (in that I know we couldn't have worked out based on our personalities). I still miss him daily, but I know I wouldn't get back together with him now unless he proved he could work on his conflict avoidance issues as I have been working on my self esteem. He won't, I'm done. Staying strong! Link to comment
KaylaJoy Posted July 16, 2008 Share Posted July 16, 2008 The hard thing for me is knowing that the girl I'm on day 7 of NC with is going thru this exact same thing as well.... but not with me....With her BF of 7 years who is leaving her because of me. So even though she and I shared an awesome relationship for awhile, and even though I miss her exactly the way you just described, she's feeling the same way too...for him, not me. It's like a messed up chain. I was never her #1. But I just made her #1 walk out of her life, so now she walked out of mine and 'hates' me. It sucks. In time, I hope this NC will help her to love herself and then love me. Wow...that is a strange sequence of events Johnathan....I don't envy you, but I do understand, because there was a time when Mark was crying over another girl to me, and lamenting over how she just couldn't see him for anything other than a friend, and I was dying inside because that's exactly the way I felt about him, and I as much told him so. But it didn't matter. It sucks bigtime, and I'm sorry you have to go thru this, I hate for anyone to have to go thru this. 1 Link to comment
KaylaJoy Posted July 16, 2008 Share Posted July 16, 2008 Day 11 for me with Mark. How many different ways can one say "I miss him" I wonder? In a thousand different languages I miss him. I am consoled by resting in whatever plan God has. But I still miss Mark. Link to comment
desi1987 Posted July 16, 2008 Share Posted July 16, 2008 Wow..tomorrow will be 1 month of no contact..no texts/phone calls/emails/nothing.. We've been broken up for over 2 months..the last month wasnt nearly as hard as I thought it would be. Not nearly as tempted to call or contact her. BUT the last few days have been rough. I find myself thinkin about her all the time..wanting to hear her voice...it kind of came out of nowhere. Link to comment
ILikeHockey Posted July 16, 2008 Share Posted July 16, 2008 Day 1: Not contacting her is gonna be difficult, but I think I can get through it. I'm just so used to being able to talk to her for an hour or two after work every night, and being able to tell her anything, and all that stuff. But I can do this. If I don't, I'm pretty sure neither of us will learn anything, and all of what her (because she's clearly hurting from this too) and I have been going through these past few days will be pointless. A month just seems like such a long time at the moment. I need to use this as an opportunity to become a better person. There are things I've done wrong, and things she's done wrong. She's (hopefully) taking this time to sort through things, and become a better person out of all of this, and I need to do the same. I need to be far less stubborn about things (did some thinking today, and yeah... I've been pretty damn stubborn lately). And the over-thinking I knew was gonna happen has happened. During the phone call last night (while we were discussing the NC), I brought up something that I thought might've been a solution to her feeling like she can't do things she wants when I'm around (I really wish she'd have been able to talk about that, but, hopefully she learns from this), and her response was "its not the 15th yet." Which, of course, leads me to think that there's hope for everything, since it kind of implies that she'd be willing to try it out. And after that, she (jokingly) said "its only Wednesday." Which, out of context, means nothing, but during our last breakup, when we decided to try the friends thing for a while, we set a date to determine what was going to happen, and whether we were going to get back together. "Its only (insert day here)" was her more or less standard response when I was doing the whole begging/asking/constantly inquiring thing. That time, I knew she still loved me, and she just wasn't sure if she could handle the stupid fights anymore (which we've cut down on significantly since). And of course, in my over-thinking, I'm wondering if the same thing is gonna happen this time, and at the end of the month, we'll be able to get back together and be all happy again. And she was crying throughout the entire phone call, so she's obviously not happy about this. Urg, I can't let myself think this way. I'm not even sure if us getting back together would be the best thing for me. This is our second major breakup, after all. And if she can't communicate when things are wrong, its just gonna happen again. She ended up having to say everything anyways, why couldn't she do it when we could've fixed things? How do I even tell if she's learned communication from this whole thing? On the other hand, I really want things to work with her, because I really love her. And this is only Day 1 of 31 for NC, I shouldn't be thinking about this at all right now. I should be more focused on becoming a better person, and dealing with how I feel, not with situations that may or may not even happen. Link to comment
DavidWRosario Posted July 16, 2008 Share Posted July 16, 2008 just feeling sad and tired today. hey gg, Cheer up, The highlight of my days is reading some of the encouraging things you say. Please be happy. Many of us need the cheerful things you say and how you seem to be able to go on. I was thinking about starting a "Bucket List" have you seen the movie ? 1. Buying a Motorcycle 2. Traveling somewhere for a weekend by train. 3. Visiting the Alamo 4. Paying my respects to SSG Randell Brownfield 5. Learning Guitar Still working How bout some help with the list ? Have you seen the movie "Get Smart" There is some great slap slick Dave Link to comment
DavidWRosario Posted July 16, 2008 Share Posted July 16, 2008 Day 7 - yesterday was strange, I was very conflicted. She has a friend in South Carolina who is a bitter divorcee. She dumped her husband of 15 years for a college buddy looking for a booty call. Now her marriage is trashed and she is my ex's confidant. Anyway I can tell when they speak, since after they talk, my ex is all full of p@#$ and vinegar. When she doesn't speak to Jane, you can hear the remorse in her voice. She is not doing this single mom thing well. She is burnt out and now sick at home. We are trying to work out visitation with the kids and one moment we can work this out. (Visitation not the relationship) the next she is like I will not give you anything you ask for. N/C works well since I have no desire to work out the relationship, I have too many blades in my back. My problem would be if Jane moves on and she realizes that she wants to work things out. I would feel no better than her if I tell her to move on. If I sit here and wait, it will never happen. Thats why i got the biggest bottle of wine i could fine and downed it last night. Pretty good night sleep, but the conflict is back today. I miss the relationship - not the woman. I could never do enough to satisfy her. I would love to find someone, someday that could be the love of my life. Thought I had found that once, guess I was wrong. I am going for a brisk 5 mile walk, I need it. See you guys in a hour. Dave](*,) Link to comment
The Mad Pagan Posted July 17, 2008 Share Posted July 17, 2008 Good on you, Dave. You're making excellent strides! Realizing that it's the relationship you missed in one good thing. Exercising is another. I find going to the gym very cathartic, myself. Not only do I look better than I have in ten years, I also feel healthy and vibrant. Link to comment
ghostgirl116 Posted July 17, 2008 Share Posted July 17, 2008 hey gg, Cheer up, The highlight of my days is reading some of the encouraging things you say. Please be happy. Many of us need the cheerful things you say and how you seem to be able to go on. I was thinking about starting a "Bucket List" have you seen the movie ? 1. Buying a Motorcycle 2. Traveling somewhere for a weekend by train. 3. Visiting the Alamo 4. Paying my respects to SSG Randell Brownfield 5. Learning Guitar Still working How bout some help with the list ? Have you seen the movie "Get Smart" There is some great slap slick Dave you know, i started a myspace page sunday night. i had no intention of looking at his profile, and i haven't. but what did occur not very long ago (today) was in my search for friends i ran accross his ex-wife's page. i know that i shouldn't have, but i clicked on it. curiosity got the better of me. he is one of her friends, but she wrote this blog a few months ago about how she felt used by him. and he had sent her a few comments, nice ones, like a happy mothers day. i'm kind of glad i looked, although i guess because i did it puts me back to day one. oh well, don't mind starting over. but something about seeing it makes me feel like i don't know that i would want him back in my life. does that make any sense? ok... the bucket list. haven't seen the movie, but i like the concept!! 1. hang gliding. esp. given my fear of heights!! 2. i would love to travel all over the u.s. with my daughter in a camper/rv. just the dog, the cats, and us girls. yeah! 3. go to china, japan, germany, and scotland. i will definitely think of more!! thank you for the words of encouragement!! they were so helpful. gg Link to comment
Fireman Sam Posted July 17, 2008 Share Posted July 17, 2008 Silly boy.....I called her and now feel like crap. Back to day 1 again. What pisses me off is that I am treated with less friendliness then she would treat a professional associate on the phone. I have never ever gotten angry with her in 11 years.....but boy am I close to really losing it. That would scare the * * * * out of her......but probably get me a restraining order. Link to comment
DavidWRosario Posted July 17, 2008 Share Posted July 17, 2008 We are so thinking on the same lines. A earlier post of mine, I came to the conclusion that what i really missed was the relationship. I could never buy the right flowers, give her flowers often enough, pick the right movie, I never hugged her the right way, kissed her long enough. I don't know who or what she was compairing me to, but enough is enough. I may not be what she wanted or what she needed. But I loved her, was faithful, and definetaly (sp) not a Cad. Another divorced buddy of mine agrees if we had slapped our wives around a little. Maybe we'd still be married. It's a little over the line I know but sometimes you wonder. I gave her everything she asked for and then some, I never told her no. Now why am I alone again ? I am adding Scuba diving in the US Virgin Island - My family is from there, to the bucket list. Been to Japan,Korea ,the Phillipines, Texas, Kansas, Maine, New Hampshire, Canada, Vermont, Rhode Island, New Jersey, Pennsylvania, D.C., Virginia, West By God Virginia, (Going there this weekend, I hear Banjo music - run faster), North Carolina, South Carolina, Georgia, Florida, Massachusetts, New York Can you tell I was in the military ? Hey gg, You looked at a My Space page, I dont see how that puts you at Day one. N/C I thought meant not talking with your ex about how I miss you, wish we could work this out - Yada, Yada, Yada Looking at your ex - seeing a website to me would be like looking at a picture and thinking of the good times. Maybe even eating at a resturant you use to go to. I have a hard time sometimes because I still shop and eat at places we use to go. I always liked those places and just because she wanted out of my life doesnt make me have to shun those places. It definitely doesnt put me back at Day one, It should not put you there either. If you need a penalty, then 15 yards for unsportman like thoughts. . . . . Game on. Dave Link to comment
The Mad Pagan Posted July 17, 2008 Share Posted July 17, 2008 Silly boy.....I called her and now feel like crap. Back to day 1 again. What pisses me off is that I am treated with less friendliness then she would treat a professional associate on the phone. I have never ever gotten angry with her in 11 years.....but boy am I close to really losing it. That would scare the * * * * out of her......but probably get me a restraining order. Don't beat yourself up too much, man, and don't let her get to you like this. She probably hurts and doesn't want to give you any false hope, so she is acting cold with you. I have had it happen to me in a few past relationships (though not my most recent!) and I only let it bug me for a little while. Be as positive as you can and stick to your guns. There's no need to let your anger cloud your reason, especially since you're trying to heal. Link to comment
DavidWRosario Posted July 17, 2008 Share Posted July 17, 2008 Good on you, Dave. You're making excellent strides! Realizing that it's the relationship you missed in one good thing. Exercising is another. I find going to the gym very cathartic, myself. Not only do I look better than I have in ten years, I also feel healthy and vibrant. You Da Man, I read your earlier post and By Jove I think your gonna make it. There are bigger and better fish in the sea. I am back in and I feel like I have slept 15 hours, I am pumped. I am uping the walk to 10 miles a day 5 in the morning and 5 in the evening. I am about a C note over weight. Getting rid of her dropped 150 lbs. Now just gotta fix me. Rock on Dave Link to comment
Fireman Sam Posted July 17, 2008 Share Posted July 17, 2008 Don't beat yourself up too much, man, and don't let her get to you like this. She probably hurts and doesn't want to give you any false hope, so she is acting cold with you. I have had it happen to me in a few past relationships (though not my most recent!) and I only let it bug me for a little while. Be as positive as you can and stick to your guns. There's no need to let your anger cloud your reason, especially since you're trying to heal. What I really don't understand is that she moved out of our home with only her clothes. I have always...and still am managing all our finances...mutual funds, brokerage accounts, etc. Why does she trust me to not restructure the finances so that they would be more benificial to me in this does really go south?? Surely she isn't taking it for granted that I will play fair?? If I determine that she is never going to come home...I think my game plan might drastically change. Link to comment
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