THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE - SuperDave71

[fairytalefox]

Im accepting this challenge. 30 days huh? Dont think ive EVER gone that long without any contact. Lets see how it goes...

[DavidWRosario]

Right on MP.

 

I hope you did not take my asking a question as some form of a attack. My Christianity is for me. I have enough things to ask forgiveness for and enough things to straighten out in my life, before I can even question some one elses views.

 

I was at one time very judgemental. As a matter of fact you use to be able to call me a phob. The world has changed in 60 plus days and I am very accepting or maybe just humbled. My God has told be to love my neighbor, and some might call me a robot, but I did it my way for nearly 40 years and that did not work. So I think I might just try a different approach for the next 40 and see what happens. Besides this way there may be less bodies to hide

 

Dave

[DavidWRosario]

Day 3 -

 

Picked up the kids for Church, one of my son's friends came along, Mom has come to church for 3 weeks, anybody else and I am gonna need a bigger vehicle. Spent a awesome day in church with the family. Went to Lunch then shopping. My family is my world, 60 some days ago, I had nothing and thought about Suicide, wow how the world changed.

 

I am a little amusied by one thing. My ex is furious, she wont come to the door or anything. Fine by me. I wonder if she has gone N/C on me. Not a problem if she has. I told her the other day not to contact via phone since I wont answer it.

 

May 9th, 2009 is one year of seperation, and she is supposed to file for divorce. I use to think that day would be the end of my world. It might just be the 1st day of the rest of my life. Hey gg or kaylajoy if your not busy May 10th 2009 would you like to go out for dinner, I'll buy

 

I actually feel pretty good, I fear that tomorrow may be a really bad day. Let me put a question out there. She is planniing on completeing her teaching degree this year and asked me to watch the kids for a week in August. I see this two ways.

 

1 - I could do it, and have a week with my kids, like normal.

 

2 - I could tell her, she left me, she wanted to be the custodial parent, so be it. This has nothing to do with my responsibilty for providing for my kids.

 

I find answer #2, a little on the cold side. I could care less about getting back together, she has said and done too much. Now my fellow Christians, I can forgive her for what she has done. I might even forget it. I just dont see myself subject to her control and abuse any more. Fool me once shame on me, Fool me twice shame on you. ( I think)

 

My big problem with actions in all of this is that, some choices i may make, may make me no better than her. I am trying to avoid that.

 

Dave

[KaylaJoy]

Hey Dave - I say watch the kids, have a ball, be thankful for an uninterrupted week with your babies, and forget about her motives! It doesn't sound like she's playing real fair anyway, but your kiddos come first and that would be fun to have them for the whole week. My ex John (the idiot who keeps texting me) was divorced and had joint custody of his two little ones, and he relished every minute he got with them, and sometimes his exwife took advantage of that a little, but he didn't care as long as he got the kiddos. One of the FEW endearing memories I have left of him. He felt like he came out the winner as long as he got his kiddos.

[DavidWRosario]

Thanks- that is what I was thinking

[...John...]

Day 6... slow and moving slower... time decides to take forever today... she keeps poping in my head... i wish it would all go away... I wish my love for her would just disappear just to make it all easier instead of painful torment... but slow and slow none the less... i wait for the next day...

[Oedi]

day 51 hmm. This is still hard for me -_- feels like i have OCD or something and can't stop thinking about her when someone or something reminds me of her. annoys me to no end.

[The Mad Pagan]

I broke no contact today to write an email. I know the communication is one-sided because he won't give me the satisfaction of an answer, but I just told him why I think breaking up was a good idea (which I began realizing as soon as the anger stage hit) and wished him luck in his future. I said nothing hurtful, and I expect he won't even read it. It was just for me.

 

As for how I'm feeling... I'm still very angry that I've been ignored for a month and a half, but I'm being the better person here. It's what's fair to me. I don't judge myself for doing it, because the idea didn't come from a place of desperation, but rather a need to truly close things in my own heart. I have been praying for a wall to be put up against him, and it seems to be working very well.

 

I am at work, and starting at midnight tonight it'll be day one again. Stay strong, everyone!

[DavidWRosario]

MP

 

Your gonna be Ok. Keep the email. You have said what you need to for yourself. If you need to say something like that again, you can re read your email. That way you wont need to break N/C again.

 

like you say "Stay Strong"

 

Dave

[ghostgirl116]

hey dave, be careful with that #2 on the list about taking your kids. you never know how it might come accross to the kids.

 

gg

[The Mad Pagan]

Feeling great! Anger has galvanized me, and sending that email yesterday had the opposite effect of all the emails I sent before. Rather than depressing me, it fueled my hunger to live.

 

I'm enjoying socialization at work, as it allows me to see all the different kinds of people in the world. I do believe that I will meet someone who's going to make all of this look like a bad dream. For now, I'll stay single and enjoy the free life for a while

[DavidWRosario]

hey dave, be careful with that #2 on the list about taking your kids. you never know how it might come accross to the kids.

 

gg

 

Thanks,

 

by asking I was kind of doing a sanity check. I feel like she knows the kids are my weak spot and she is using them against me. On the other hand. I feel like spending time with my kids benefits them and me. If by chance it benefits her, so be it. I dont care to hurt her, like she has hurt me. I also do not care to stoop to her level of conduct either. When the smoke clears from this thing, I want to be able to believe i took the high road.

 

dave

[ghostgirl116]

once again its early, but i've committed myself to nc, and TOLD folks (ena) i'm committed, so i know i can do today!!

 

the thing is, i really feel a strong urge to contact him. i'm starting to regret that i wrote/sent the email calling him a cad. why??? but i do this to myself. i make a stand, and stay strong for a week or so, then the nice girl kicks in and says, "really, you shouldn't have been so harsh." and not reading his reply (which i did not expect), i find myself wondering what he said.

 

but i'm sure that it was a better idea for me not reading it!

 

on a positive note, i put up a new myspace page yesterday. i snapped a few snazy pics of myself to post up with it. ok, i will confess, i hope he comes accross my page somehow and sees the pics and feels a bit of regret for blowing me off because i look rather fabulous in them.

i had a page before, but a month or two ago, i deleted the whole page. i've managed to contact a few of the "friends" from it (all men so far...), and got a few compliments, and i know its silly, but it was such an ego boost.

 

wow. this is long!

 

bessings to you guys.

 

gg

[Marus]

Ghostie

 

Getting through a break-up using no contact can be like withdrawal. When there is an urge to talk or check on the person, you need to find someone to help you through it. I was in a state last night where I actually broke down and checked some things and was freaking out and nearly called my ex at the most inappropriate time (3:00 in the morning) because I had no one to vent to.

 

Eventually I talked to a random person and surfed for a few hours till I had calmed down and could actually get to sleep or at least think about the ex without going insane. It's about a week of no contact for me since I was blocked. I have the ex's e-mail, but haven't sent anything there. I think she assumed I would send an e-mail there and ask her why, but no.

 

So again, we are here for support in the times when you want to do something really stupid. The no contact is for us, to become independent and make our lives our own again.

[DavidWRosario]

Day 5

 

I am exhausted It's Monday and only 8 1/4 hours to go for 40. Is it Friday yet ? Had some interesting thoughts about her today. I think I am done with Anger, Bartering, denial, still deal a little with depression and acceptance. I think I may be done with acceptance too. I accept it is over, I dont see anyway that things can mend. I have hurt her too much, because I did not live up to her expectations that she never voiced. For that I am truly sorry. I never made her accountable for the things she did, I let her be a spoiled little brat doing what ever she wanted and the second time in our life I questioned her judgement she threw me out.

 

Well enough of that. Since the breakup she had said and done hideous things, I forgive her for what she did, someday I may forget. I'll try. I will achieve that some day.

 

The interesting thought is I dont mourn losing her. I mourn the relationship, alone sucks. I was invited to a bbq yesterday and absolutely freaked when this really nice person was laughing at my jokes. I felt like I was cheating, but on who. Must be my Catholic upbringing. ha ha

 

Lord help me get through this night, not to do anything stupid - watch over my kids. Guide me and lead me. tomorrow is another day and I will need your help even more tomorrow.

 

I feel sad now and dont know why, I think I am just tired. I hope y'all had a better day.

 

Hi and hello gg, kaylajoy and MP. Your all really good people, I believe each of you has something special to offer the right person. I wish you all well. Someday this will all be just a memory and we'll all be wondering what we were so concerned about. I bet you wish that day was today, me too

 

Good Night

 

Dave

[Fireman Sam]

I feel dead inside.

 

I have virtually no friends here. I'm sure all our old circle have rallied around her since they probably think I'm the stronger one of us and I'll pull through without needing any help from anyone.

 

I'm no longer a participant in life.....I feel like a spectator watching everyone else go about their business.....lonely.

 

I don't want to have to spend years getting to know a new partner again.

 

This just sucks.....never thought it would happen to me.

[rohded]

I'm no longer a participant in life.....I feel like a spectator watching everyone else go about their business.....lonely.

 

I remember this feeling all to well. It gets better, trust me. I still get twinges every now and then of loneliness but not nearly as intense. I remember when she first broke it off and I felt I didn't care about anything anymore. Stay strong Fireman, stay strong. Things will get much better as long as you stick to NC for awhile and let yourself heal from this. Rediscover all the hobbies you once loved, start working out, reconnect with lost friends, but most of all, keep your mind busy until you are strong again. If you ever have a moment of weakness and think you are going to contact them or are feeling down call a best friend, or come to this site! Keep strong, we are here for you!

[...John...]

Day 7... boy is this getting interesting... things were going good, I was helping the neighbor move her things into her uhaul and well then I left to go to my church activity that we have every monday night, and well when i get back i chat with one of my friends online and then get on myspace and see she is online.... boy I felt so weird... i felt like that was the only thing we had in common anymore and it was all coincidence... we just happen to be online at the same time... my heart was pounding I could feel it through my chest... My mind was racing thinking about all the memories I have with her... then it all stopped, she got offline, and things cooled down... i decided I would post to my blog and well things cooled off... it was just weird... any comments???

[The Mad Pagan]

It's the second day of NC after emailing the ex, and I still feel dandy. I haven't thought about him much at all today, and I'd like to keep it that way. Anger at him sure did a lot to show me how inappropriately I've been treated by him.

[DavidWRosario]

Day 6

 

Just got in from 4 1/2 miles man I feel good. I have to wonder what the outcome is from this N/C challenge. After 30 days what happens ? Do you not care anymore ? I mean really what is the result ? Does there ever come a time that you can speak to your ex and not have feelings ? Like anger, hatrid, longing, discust, loathing I mean really. My ex and I have two kids and i have to deal with this betrayer for at least 8 1/2 more years.

 

My Post might sound bitter, really its not. It is just that when I dont see her and dont have to deal with her I am great. When I have to deal with her, she still has power over me and that bumbs me out.

 

Any thoughts

 

Dave

[imsoalive]

well mine is a little complex..I'm separated and its almost been a yr, and up until July 4th weekend, I was doing ok. Then the whoooole week she asked me to come to the beach w/ her family..which is what wwe've done since we've been together(7 yrs). The whoooole way there to the beach, in the back of mine there was this little voice saying, " DON'T GO!". I did anyway because I was like, "well Im only gonna stay for a few hrs, and come back..no biggie.." Yeah..it turned into the whole weekend..

 

And honestly, I think she just wanted me down there because her sisters, had their bf's and she didn't want to be left out. Our son was down there also, but I just kept him the whole week. Clearly I wasn't ready to be in that environment, and its obvious that she hasnt told her family ALL that she's done..not that its their business, but I know her and her gossiping *** sisters talk(I could tell by the way they received me).

 

SO..ever since we've gotten back, she's been acting funny. I read somewhere that when you dont care about your ex or whoever, or dont give attn to them, they come around and call/txt more..well she was doing this up until after that weekend..I think she was feeling me out to see how/where I was emotionally or something..

 

Now Im back to being depressed and feeling the way I was before the weekend..I dont like tat and wanna get back to where I was....SO..

 

NC day 1

[ak_snowgirl]

DAY 1 --- i'm starting NC today. its been about a month since the break up. we've been talking since the break up and i went to his house last week to pick up a plant etc. it was nice seeing him and just being able to bull * * * * like usual.

but this weeks been a lil rough. i thought we were taking more of step forward when we really had a conversation about what happened. and the fact that he got so jealous and flipped out. i still believe his reason for breaking up is a bunch of crap and he's running cuz of a bad marriage. but i still hope in the future he'll figure it out.

it just bugs me. he finally got text messaging on his phone. so he texts messages me like everyday. seems like he's checking up on me. depresses me cuz he'll send a simple 'how are u' when he's in a middle of a golf game and make me feel important again and then the next day i get the cold shoulder. we use to spend hours iming each other. i just really miss talking to him

but yesterday i broke down and cried. i haven't cried that hard over him since the first week. and basically its because he doesnt really talk to me. and because it was such a stupid reason to break up. it seems so easy to fix

but anyways... i've been playing with the idea of complete NC the past week or so.. and i'm going to give it a try. i have been just letting him contact me and i'll talk to him. but i'm done with that. i cant handle the hot and cold from him anymore.

NC probably won't last but i'm going to try my best. improving myself and moving on is all i have left. maybe this all is for the best

[KaylaJoy]

day ummmmm....let's see, it's 9 I think. Or is it 10. I lost count. The whole realization that I am in God's will by letting this go is empowering. I am not in mourning anymore. I have moments where I think about it, and every single day I think about him, and miss him, and last night I confess I did lay in bed bashing myself for some of the stupid things I did while we were together. Feeling like it's my fault it didn't work out, but knowing really it's not. It's no one's fault, it just wasn't meant to be, and all the wishing and praying and stressing and hurting and mourning and talking and - and - and ----all of it didn't make it meant to be.

I heard on the radio yesterday about a woman who's fiancee left her 10 years ago, and she just recently came to the acceptation that it was over, and he was never coming back. And I thought THANK YOU JESUS!! that I didn't hold on to this man for 10 years!! Because there were days I thought I'd love him til I died!! And a part of me probably will, but my life is going on, thanks be to God!

There is still unfinished things I think about...things I wish I could tell Mark, discuss with him, but I don't know that it's expedient or profitable...it's all in His Hands.

 

Dave R....you take care and hang in there. Pray pray pray!! And then rest.

[DavidWRosario]

Thanks for the thought. I did get a goods nights sleep, Went for my morning walk today at 4 am and a car was speeding up the road. I stepped to the side of the road and lost my footing, falling face first back into the road. Who ever was in the car had really good brakes and they were not anti lock I heard the wheels, they stopped about 75 ft from me. The only damage was a jammed thumb. I am sure I walk with Jesus, I didn't know he was that close. Thank God.

 

I realized something yesterday, I do not think I mourn for my ex, I actually mourn the fact that I am alone, with nothing, starting all over again. They say it is better to have loved and lost than not to have loved at all. I wonder about that. I would tend to think if I ever get into another relationship I will do alot of things different. For one I will not lose myself like I did this time.

 

 

Dave

[Johnathan]

Day 6. She's still on my mind constantly, but the heartache has thankfully let up some.

I wonder constantly what she's going through, and worry that she regrets ever meeting me because she has now lost her boyfriend thanks to me. It will be awhile before I ever talk to her again. Until she stops feeling the pain of losing him, I don't think she'll have any desire to contact me, and you don't just get over a 7 year relationship overnight