hfc65 Posted June 19, 2008 Share Posted June 19, 2008 Day 34. And life goes on.... It sure does huh Link to comment
BrokenDuc Posted June 19, 2008 Share Posted June 19, 2008 i stopped counting and thats a good thing Link to comment
Raistlin Posted June 19, 2008 Share Posted June 19, 2008 Today was a very, very bad day. I cried a whole lot because I realized that I want to protect her from herself and the guys she draws in so badly. I know I can't and I know I shouldn't even waste my time or energy worrying about it, because she broke up with me and she abused me. But I still care for some reason. Link to comment
Abbie Posted June 19, 2008 Share Posted June 19, 2008 Point is........... Who cares about what THEY think. The progress is for YOU!!! Goldenhillguy - I completely understand what you are saying and agree whole heartedly. Speaking for myself, knowing that at some point my ex will hear about all the cool things I'm doing helps give me the motivation to do them. I'm sure in the future, I will get to a stage where I honestly don't care what the he thinks ... but I am not there yet. For the moment, I am content with the fact that I am at least doing them as it wasn't so long ago that I found it hard to drag myself out of bed. Getting to this stage is progress and I'm sure I will soon make further progress and get to a stage where I don't give two hoots whether he thinks I'm great or not. I will purely be doing exciting things simply for me. As I'm sure you are aware, there are no exact time frames with this whole moving on business and you can't expect people to run before they can walk. Link to comment
Mustang Posted June 19, 2008 Share Posted June 19, 2008 Day 6 Missing her a lot as always. I was playing with my phone last night and spent ages trying to compose the "perfect" text to send her. I realised then that I have nothing to really say to her anymore that I haven't said before so I didn't text her. Sure, I could ask her how she is and what she's up to but that'd all it'd be and I'd be back to square one. Like a lot of other people I am wondering how she is and if she is wondering about me. I try and think of something else when she comes into my head but it isn't easy. I can't stop thinking about Glastonbury next week. She is going to be there. I'd really like to see her but I know that asking her to meet up is weak. So I'm trying so hard to not ask her. But I honestly think it'd be OK. It'd be nice to see her and catch up. Plus it would give me the opportunity to show her who I really am. Text messaging isn't a true reflection of who we both are. Things get distorted. It's so distorted now and I want to clear the air. But I know that I can't pressure her into meeting me. I'm off job hunting today. It's good to keep busy. Link to comment
needhimso Posted June 19, 2008 Share Posted June 19, 2008 Today is an ok day. I just really miss him. Link to comment
GoldenHillGuy Posted June 19, 2008 Share Posted June 19, 2008 I agree....... But, I woke up the other day and suddenly had 'let go'. I've been doing so well with all the changes I've been making. But now it seems I'm having more of a problem focusing on the things I was working on. Make sense? It seems that now that I really don't care what she thinks, I'm going back to my old self. I guess what I'm saying is: When you've finally let go, it will be much harder to stay focused on the changes you're trying to make because you're not out to impress your ex anymore. Confusing, but for me that's been the case. Stay focused, and in time SOMEONE will see the changes. Link to comment
Mustang Posted June 19, 2008 Share Posted June 19, 2008 When you've finally let go, it will be much harder to stay focused on the changes you're trying to make because you're not out to impress your ex anymore. I can see what you mean. But I wouldn't say that the lessons I've learnt about myself during this break up will suddenly go away when I get over my ex. I am learning a lot about myself and the sort of person I need to be in a healthy relationship. I wasn't towards the end and I know that I won't make the same mistakes again - with or without my ex. Link to comment
rohded Posted June 19, 2008 Share Posted June 19, 2008 Day 3 is over. I burst out crying today thinking about not ever seeing her again or never sharing the same kind of connection we use to have ever again. It hurt a lot. Link to comment
MemoriesDust Posted June 19, 2008 Share Posted June 19, 2008 Okay, I screwed up.. I contacted her on day 1, she contacted me the day after.. I panicked and tried to call her... she texts 4 hours later saying her phone was in her bag, and she loved me... I didn't reply... she calls from a private number so she'll know I'll answer... we have a brief conversation about me taking down my blog... she accuses me of telling her off... I text her afterwards to explain it has nothing to do with her, it's to do with people who are spying on me that care about her and not me... she texts me about my meeting in regard to my job, I tell her it went badly, she sends me hugs.. Before I go to bed I send hugs back... I go about 18 hours, and then notice she's on MSN, I feel I have to say "Hi", she's incredibly cold with me and rushes off... This has helped... I like her being cold it gives me a reason to not be in contact, if she's needy and desperate I feel awful and bad. So back to square one... M&D Link to comment
bepositive Posted June 19, 2008 Share Posted June 19, 2008 Day 3 is over. I burst out crying today thinking about not ever seeing her again or never sharing the same kind of connection we use to have ever again. It hurt a lot. Sorry, rohded, I remember that feeling well, and it still hits me from time to time... Link to comment
BrokenDuc Posted June 19, 2008 Share Posted June 19, 2008 im at about day 10 its a friday i usually dread weekends but for once im looking forward to the weekend as i have stuff planned its time to get out of this rut i was placed in and move on Link to comment
KaylaJoy Posted June 20, 2008 Share Posted June 20, 2008 I really really miss him. Really. I hate it and it sucks. I wish his memory would just leave me alone like he has. Link to comment
bepositive Posted June 20, 2008 Share Posted June 20, 2008 I've actually got a few women chasing me now, which should be a real ego boost; but, it just makes me wonder why my ex hasn't come back yet. But, I think it's still less than two months, so things are still fresh. I still miss her quite a lot. Link to comment
Lynn07 Posted June 20, 2008 Share Posted June 20, 2008 I never "officially" accepted this challenge...I was not a part of this site when i started no contact. I have not had contact with my ex-boyfriend in 6 weeks. we dated for 4 1/2 years. it actually feels pretty terrible. he was my absolute best friend, and i still miss him a whole whole lot. it's also very hurtful that he has not contacted me. it feels like he could care less that he ripped apart my heart, and has not even checked to see how i'm doing. i know in my heart that he is a good person, so i just have to believe that somehow he thinks this is the right thing to do, but it hurts so incredibly much right not. Link to comment
Raistlin Posted June 20, 2008 Share Posted June 20, 2008 Day 7 Today was easier than the last few days. I decided to let my friend convince me that I need to be going out more and meeting women. I am a conceptually spiritual person, and I realized that I was holding my spirit inside myself. I've always believed that I was able to sense her spirit, because I could tell how she was feeling and have actually told her what was going on around her without contact for over 16 hours. When I opened my spirit, it fled to her. Her spirit recoiled at the sudden contact of mine, but has accepted it and it feels like she is thinking about me. Sparingly because she is busy at work, but still. I decided to actively seek my own spiritual solution and not to hold myself in from the world any longer. I will concentrate on allowing my spirit to be free to interact with others as I do, as well as work on building my own self confidence. I already have plans for next month to go out with a lot of single women, so hopefully I can make a positive impact and make new friends at the very least. I hope that by releasing my spirit from inside and trying to let go of the past, that I will no longer feel like I NEED her. I know I don't want her anymore, just some special attention... the want to be loved. And by letting go and freeing my spirit, I hope to be able to find that within myself, and then being able to allow someone else to love me as well. Link to comment
BrokenDuc Posted June 20, 2008 Share Posted June 20, 2008 that is a good attitude you have now steveandor much improved from your last few posts you can do it buddy Link to comment
MemoriesDust Posted June 20, 2008 Share Posted June 20, 2008 Day 1 - Leave the frickin' phone alone. Got big plans over the weekend... Thankful for that. Link to comment
Mustang Posted June 20, 2008 Share Posted June 20, 2008 Day 7 One week down. A long way to go. I really miss her. I didn't tell my ex I was going NC so part of me wonders if she'll contact me at some point. It's been me that's kept the lines of communication open. So I suppose this is also testing whether or not she really wants to speak to me. As I've said before, she could just be being polite. If she never contacts me then I will know that her telling me she wants to be friends was a lie to make herself look and feel better and that my sense that there's still something there will be blown away. Which will make it easier to move on. We are both going to Glastonbury next weekend and she will expect contact from me by then I am sure. Obviously I keep thinking the usual things of "is she thinking about me?" etc but I try to not let it play on my mind for too long. I am worried that she'll never contact me and it'll confirm my worst fears of her talking to me but not really wanting to. Mind you, at least I will know and I will not make an idiot of myself anymore. Link to comment
Stella Sleepwalks Posted June 20, 2008 Share Posted June 20, 2008 Nearly three weeks since I broke NC. He gets his uni results on Monday, and I will text him again, but never again after that. I'm over it. Link to comment
needhimso Posted June 20, 2008 Share Posted June 20, 2008 It's been 4 months to the day since he wanted a "break." Through about half of that he's been with someone else. I'm neutral for the most part today, but still a little sad. Link to comment
rohded Posted June 20, 2008 Share Posted June 20, 2008 Day 7 I didn't tell my ex I was going NC so part of me wonders if she'll contact me at some point. It's been me that's kept the lines of communication open. Me too, me too. Day 4 is over and I tried to convince myself all day at work that I was over her. It just made me sadder and feel empty. Hopefully I have fun this weekend, but it's going to be hard. She's out of town visiting some of her friends from college, one who has a crush on her and has told her so. So I'll be worrying this weekend. I kind of wish she would make an attempt to contact me. Link to comment
KaylaJoy Posted June 20, 2008 Share Posted June 20, 2008 Miss him alot, thought about him alot. I've also missed John in a weird sad way. I realized today that probably the reason I am still mourning over Mark is because I never really grieved last year. I went from Mark to John very quickly, and never really had a chance to truly "get over" Mark. Now it's as if I'm grieving over two men, if that's possible. I feel very depressed, very sad. I pray that God will give me peace over this, it weighs on my mind heavily each day. Link to comment
feelinblu Posted June 20, 2008 Share Posted June 20, 2008 I saw him 5 days ago. It was only to pick up the last of my things, and drop off the last of his. I'm sad. I miss him, but I'm doing better than I thought I would be. I get stronger every day. Though we haven't talked about relationship stuff in about 3 weeks, I'll still count this as day 5. I knew when I dropped the last of his things off, I may not ever see or hear from him again. And that sucks. I'm still in shock I think. Link to comment
Nearwater Posted June 21, 2008 Share Posted June 21, 2008 pulled in my driveway and the little tiny dog from down the street jumped in my lap when I opened the car door. Burst out crying like and idiot, but only for 2 minutes. NC is hard, the mind goes to dark places, too much time on my hands, need liquid numbing agent, going to wait till..sunset Link to comment
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