Priphea Posted June 6, 2008 Share Posted June 6, 2008 Day 1: Caved and looked at her webcomic. Got depressed, deleted webcomic from daily friends read. Spent a good deal of the day thinking I'm making a mistake by hurting her by going NC, but eventually keep realizing I'm doing what's best for me. Link to comment
Abbie Posted June 6, 2008 Share Posted June 6, 2008 Day 15 ... ... half way through. I feel ok today but I still miss him. I hope he's missing me but I will probably never know. My worst time is at night. it's so lonely without him. I hate having the house to myself ALL the time. Link to comment
needhimso Posted June 6, 2008 Share Posted June 6, 2008 I miss him like crazy. I had a dream about him last night, and I woke up hugging my pillow. I just wonder if he's thinking about me, or if it's out of sight out of mind. I've been forcing myself to work out a lot, especially when things get too hard to think about. I just want him back. I'm hoping the "thing," whatever it is, with his new girl fizzles before I move closer to him to go to school in a few months. I hope he is going to be ok with that move. He told me not to move because it would be creepy if we aren't together, but he doesn't know I got into that school yet. I just don't know how to tell him. My gut is telling me to go for several reasons, and I do feel good about the decision. For the sake of getting him back, I hope he's ok with it. Link to comment
KaylaJoy Posted June 6, 2008 Share Posted June 6, 2008 What can I say??....I miss him, yeah. I wish he wanted me, yeah. I wish he loved me, yeah. I wish he would come over, care, pursue, make it matter, and much more, yeah. He doesn't, probably won't, so in the meantime I just hurt, miss him, and wait for it to someday go away. Link to comment
IMAbadman Posted June 6, 2008 Share Posted June 6, 2008 Day 22 I'm in the anger phase. I hate her for what she's done to me. How childish is that? Oh well I still miss you. Butt munch. Life goes on. Link to comment
Samurai Posted June 7, 2008 Share Posted June 7, 2008 Day 19 Usually the weekends suck after a breakup, but tonight should be good, going to a birthday party..funnily enough it's one of my ex's parties, but we get on really well. Hoping it's a lot of fun! Link to comment
Nearwater Posted June 7, 2008 Share Posted June 7, 2008 See my thread.. {Evading swear filter} happens, finally but I think I am going to stay NC if she wants her leaf blower back that bad she can call again and it will appear in the carport like santa left it! Neil young quote from the album "ZUMA" Your'e such a beautiful fish Flopping on the summer sand looking for the wave you missed while another one is close at hand your such a stupid girl... you really got a lot to learn to start livin again forget about remembering your such a stupid girl... Link to comment
tushboy Posted June 7, 2008 Share Posted June 7, 2008 Day 6 It's my holiday today...It's the day we would catch up for lunches and movies. But that has changed now for the moment. So I have decided to keep myself busy. I miss him a lot today, but I know that he's safe and he's happy and he's carrying on with his life. I am at peace today, there's an urge to connect. I switch my phone off whenever I get tempted to text/dial him. Even if I do call, what will I say ? Silence is much better an option when two individuals are not wanting the same thing. Something tells me he will be back in my life, and it will be for good. We will make it work this time around. Something tells me that I will have to wait for it to happen. But happen it will. Link to comment
needhimso Posted June 7, 2008 Share Posted June 7, 2008 Last night was terrible. I cried all afternoon and just missed him. I miss absolutely everything about him. Today is a little better. I'm still feeling hopeful that he'll come back one day. I just wish I could sleep for months until it's time for me to move there. I'm hoping he won't think I'm being a crazy, stalker ex-girlfriend. I thought about not telling him I'm there until I've been there for a while, but I don't know. I guess I'll have to think about it some more. I wonder if he's thinking about me at all. Link to comment
Abbie Posted June 7, 2008 Share Posted June 7, 2008 Day 16 ... ... today I bought myself a car. I can't really afford it now that I'm covering all the household bills instead of just half, but not having my own transport got me down. Now I have my indepence and freedom back. I don't have to rely on other people and I can do things for myself again. There is a speed dating night next week which I can now go to as public transport was not convenient. I feel good today and although I miss him still, I'm starting to feel like I can get through this. I feel more powerful. Link to comment
desi1987 Posted June 7, 2008 Share Posted June 7, 2008 DAY 2 Well today would have been a wk before she contacted me wed..sigh. I talked to her wed..txted/emailed her thursaday..no contact at all fri...soo today makes DAY 2: its so hard and i dont know how i will make it sometimes..sigh but i just take it day by day. Link to comment
KaylaJoy Posted June 8, 2008 Share Posted June 8, 2008 Can't believe I've made it almost a month! I miss him, seems like he's there everywhere I go, in little places. Went motorcycle riding last night with a friend in a completely different state, and all I could think was wish I could see him driving down the road. Wish he could see me going along having a good time, and wish it was him. Wish he would be the slightest bit jealous or envious of who I'm spending my time with. I drove by his best friend's house at 1 am this morning, just to see if his car would be there. I wouldn't have dared knock or let him know I was there, I just wanted to see if he was there for some reason, and he wasn't. I thought about it a lot today, and for the most part I think there's not a chance that we will ever reconnect. But deep inside there's some little part of me that refuses to accept that, and I kinda hate that part, because it keeps me from letting go completely. There's that tiny little voice that says what brought him around the time or two before may still bring him around again sometime in the future. And truthfully I feel so stupid for even thinking that, and admitting that I think that. So I'm trying to just keep busy day by day, trying not to dwell on the painful stuff, trying not to remember all the stupid things I did trying to hang on to him, and hoping somehow he doesn't hate me. It's not that heavy cloak of sadness I used to wear, but still I'm constantly remembering how much I loved him, how much I wanted him, how much I hoped for him. And how I'm having a really hard time completely letting go of him. Will I ever?? Do I REALLY want to?? Link to comment
Samurai Posted June 8, 2008 Share Posted June 8, 2008 Day 20 Had a blast last night at the party, met a lot of new people which is always good! Still not feeling great today though. Link to comment
tushboy Posted June 8, 2008 Share Posted June 8, 2008 Day 7 Broke NC last night accidentally when I bumped into him at a party....Tried to resist hard not talking to him but ended up doing it eventually! I don't regret what happened, cause I've got used to the NC now...so going back into my shell won't be a problem....I ll be meeting him in a week's time for my birthday party. Link to comment
needhimso Posted June 8, 2008 Share Posted June 8, 2008 I cried myself to sleep last night and had a dream about him. It was a happy dream, and it felt so real. I just want him to hold me and tell me I'm the one. I know nothing good could come from talking to him at this point, but it makes me sad that he hasn't tried to contact me. Does he ever think about me? Does absense really make the heart grow fonder? I do believe he still loves me deep down...since he couldn't tell me he didn't... so let's hope so. Link to comment
GoldenHillGuy Posted June 8, 2008 Share Posted June 8, 2008 Day 8........... Thinking about her is making me angry. Its been over 2 months since the break up. I'm feeling better every day, but it still hurts. I'm coming to the realization NOTHING I could've done would've made her happy. She is not a happy person with herself. She needs constant attention to feel good. I'm happy its over, and I can now work on myself. I pray for her everynight that she will find happiness. I just wish she would stop sending me text messages. Link to comment
Abbie Posted June 8, 2008 Share Posted June 8, 2008 Day 17 ... ... I've been quite productive today which I'm pleased about. I am getting better but I still miss him. Whenever I leave the house, I'm always looking for his car. I've discovered that the new woman only rents her house and owes money to the council so I'm assuming she must be in debt. My friend saw him, her and her son in the car a couple of days ago and he looked fed up. I can't help hoping that he's miserable in the new relationship. That probably sounds selfish. I'm definetely not at the point where I wish him unconditional happiness. I only wish him happiness if he's with me. Link to comment
KaylaJoy Posted June 9, 2008 Share Posted June 9, 2008 Day 24... Just another day it seems. Thought about him today off and on. The NC thing is a good thing though because it's not quite so freshly painful in my mind. It's like a dull ache in the back of my mind. I'm quite aware that after my cool reception to him at the picnic on Memorial Day that he probably has washed his hands of me. He, after all, always thinks I'm in the wrong anyway, and doesn't ever think he's wrong about anything. He has very very rarely ever come back to me on his own accord and apologized, and so I don't think he'll start now. NC is not going to be too much of a challenge for this reason alone; the burden will fall on me, not him, because he doesn't usually contact me on his own. All of this in which makes me sad, and makes me now realize how much effort I put into this, and how little he had invested of himself. Link to comment
Samurai Posted June 9, 2008 Share Posted June 9, 2008 Day 21, finally hit the 3 week mark. Aiming for a month now. Easily done. Link to comment
KaylaJoy Posted June 9, 2008 Share Posted June 9, 2008 Day 17 ... I'm definitely not at the point where I wish him unconditional happiness. I only wish him happiness if he's with me. That's where I'm at...I'm trying really hard to work at being happy for him no matter what, and I'm sure there is going to come a day when I'm going to hear from his sister or his brother or his mom that he's got a girlfriend, or dating someone, and right now my reaction would be to crumble inside. Maybe one day I can smile and be truly happy for him. Today is not that day. Link to comment
Mustang Posted June 9, 2008 Share Posted June 9, 2008 I just sent my ex a text saying that I feel awful for what happened at the weekend and I hope we can forget about it. I also said I'd understand if she rather us not speak anymore. I asked her to let me know either way and I wished her well. Will she respond? I don't know. But at least I've done my best to clean the air. I hate how things have become. I miss her and get upset. Then I get angry. Then I'll contact my ex in an upbeat way and then every now and then I'll get angry when she doesn't respond the way I want. Like Friday. I took out two months worth of frustration out on her. I look so pathetic. The casual contact was going OK but it wasn't what I truly wanted. Until I don't want her back then contact is only going to make things worse. I've dragged this out for seven months now and my ex has been very patient with me to be fair. But had I just walked away on day one then I'd either be over it all by now or possibly be back with her. I've put her under so much pressure and not only have I ruined any change of getting back together but I think now I've ruined any future friendship too. The worst part for me is that she will have memories of me since the break up that are more recent than the good memories of being with me. I haven't been myself since the break up at all. I hate the thought of her forgetting the real me. NC is the best and only option for me. I managed 4-5 weeks before and I was in a much better place. I thought I was doing OK and was happy with everything. I thought I was ready to move on and be friends with my ex. So I started contacting her again. Oh how wrong I was. I'm in a worse place than ever now. Link to comment
Abbie Posted June 9, 2008 Share Posted June 9, 2008 Day 18 ... ... I feel like I'm getting stronger each day. He still occupies my thoughts almost constantly but it's in a less intense way and I don't feel the pain that I used to. I still daydream about what would happen if he said he wanted to try again but instead of leaping on him and screaming 'yes', I would now be calm and tell him I'd have to think about it. I'm not even 100% sure if I would take him back. I never thought I'd be able to get to this point and it's only been 2 and a half weeks since I last contacted him. I wonder how I'll feel in another 2 and a half weeks. Link to comment
needhimso Posted June 9, 2008 Share Posted June 9, 2008 Well, it's been a week since I last heard from him. I wonder if he'll try to talk to me because it's usually taken him a week to break down and contact me. Granted, it took two for him to talk to me this last time. Everyone's telling me to move on and forget about him, but my heart just can't do it. It's telling me to still have faith in him. He's the love of my life I wish I knew if he's thinking about me or missing me. Link to comment
IMAbadman Posted June 9, 2008 Share Posted June 9, 2008 Day 25 Still a bit anger. Missed her this weekend. Link to comment
bepositive Posted June 9, 2008 Share Posted June 9, 2008 I'm definetely not at the point where I wish him unconditional happiness. I only wish him happiness if he's with me. Don't worry, Abbie and Kayla. I told my old therapist the exact same thing a few days after the breakup. He said, "You can be happy for your ex in a year or two. Right now, worry about being happy for yourself." Tomorrow will be 21 days since my ex broke NC and called me. It makes me sad that she hasn't called again, but I'm sure she's thinking of me, and I'm still convinced that as much as she loved me before, someday we'll be back together. Spoke to another friend of mine over the weekend, and she thinks my ex is definitely confused and just needs time to sort things out. I'm convinced that the new guy is a rebound, and the therapist also thinks that my ex was no where near ready for a new relationship. Her birthday is in a few weeks, and I'm going to break NC to call and wish her a happy one. It's the adult thing to do, and I'll be in a much more secure and confident place by then. My birthday is a few days after hers, so we'll see what happens. She's also supposed to be going to see the new guy around then (LDR), so I'll be fresh in her head when she goes. Muah ha ha haaaa! In the meantime, I've been doing better. Still hard to get into less interesting things at work, but I got a lot done around home over the weekend, purchased a piece of artwork from a local gallery, and Orchard Supply and Hardware had a "no sales tax" weekend, so I picked up a new mini gas bar-b-que and a power tool that I've needed. I've also been chatting with a few women from the personals. None are up to the par of my ex, but one in particular is really cute and a lot of fun to talk to, so at least I'll be keeping occupied. I've been very up front about just looking for casual dating. Best wishes to you all, thanks for all of the support, and I hope we all wind up with the best for us. Link to comment
Recommended Posts