THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE - SuperDave71

[pumpkinmoon]

I think NC makes us feel worse because we know we are not ALLOWED to contact them and this makes us want to all the more. There is also a hypnotherapy one called positive thinking by our friend paul lol I'm gonna get that one next i think.

[Mustang]

You need to wait until having contact with her no longer bothers you. Then you can contact her to see how things are. But until then don't bother. I know how hurt you have been and you can do without it.

 

I agree. I am not there yet. Plus I think knowing she "probably" has a boyfriend puts me off because I'll just be this ex that she thought she was rid of contacting her again. No matter what state of mind I am actually in, I will look clingy again.

 

I don't want to look like this clingy ex and that's why I walked away. But I guess I just know deep down that no matter what becomes of the rest of my life, I will always be a clingy and needy ex in her eyes. Which is frustrating.

[brian123]

I dont think you can or should put a time limit on it. If and when you decide to contact her then you will feel ok about it and know when you are ready. A month really isn't very long. You could wait to see if she contacts you on your birthday, maybe you will feel ready, and you will already have contacted her by then and maybe you wont. Just give it time. I know it's hard but time really does help.

 

 

I called her last week. Didn't leave a voicemail. She didn't respond back. My bday will be a bit over 2 months since our BU. I just hope I didn't let too much time pass by, by then I get so many mixed opinons. Many people say I should contact her, let her know I care (esp with all she is going through) On the other hand, I feel like I will push her away if I contact her again (it seems like it should be up to her to initiate based on the circumstances)

[pumpkinmoon]

I called her last week. Didn't leave a voicemail. She didn't respond back. My bday will be a bit over 2 months since our BU. I just hope I didn't let too much time pass by, by then I get so many mixed opinons. Many people say I should contact her, let her know I care (esp with all she is going through) On the other hand, I feel like I will push her away if I contact her again (it seems like it should be up to her to initiate based on the circumstances)

 

 

I'm not sure there is such a thing as too much time. Time heals all, that's what they say isn't it. I think that if its meant to be it will be, you're probably sick of reading this statement, I know I was but I really think it is true and whatever way it goes you will be fine. In time, you will stop worrying so much, I know I have. I think we get to the point eventually when we get fed up of feeling like we do and then the healing really begins then

[pumpkinmoon]

I agree. I am not there yet. Plus I think knowing she "probably" has a boyfriend puts me off because I'll just be this ex that she thought she was rid of contacting her again. No matter what state of mind I am actually in, I will look clingy again.

 

I don't want to look like this clingy ex and that's why I walked away. But I guess I just know deep down that no matter what becomes of the rest of my life, I will always be a clingy and needy ex in her eyes. Which is frustrating.

 

I know, but it may not be the case, especially if when you contact her she can see that you have moved on. But when you do get to that stage you will either not contact her or you may wish to just to see how she is doing and maybe you wont even care what she thinks

[brian123]

I'm not sure there is such a thing as too much time. Time heals all, that's what they say isn't it. I think that if its meant to be it will be, you're probably sick of reading this statement, I know I was but I really think it is true and whatever way it goes you will be fine. In time, you will stop worrying so much, I know I have. I think we get to the point eventually when we get fed up of feeling like we do and then the healing really begins then

 

I agree. It is getting easier because I am beginning to forget her. Part of me doesn't want to let go because I think we were good together, and all the total confusion over the breakup/what would happen in the future.

[theredrocket]

Congrats to you!!!

 

Day 34 for me feeling good

 

Going to break NC tomorrow,send her a text and email,wish me luck.

 

hfc,

 

GOOD LUCK!

[theredrocket]

42 days to go

 

Went to the gym but had a terrible work out as I had 0 energy. Afterwards I went to a sportsbar to watch the laker game. The bartender was cute and I asked what her name was. It's nothing big I know but it's progress for me. I think my biggest weakness right now is a lack of self confidence. working out has helped but I need to get to the point where I have confidence enough to go talk to strangers, who are female and pretty

 

I've been doing a lot of thinking on what I should do to work on myself during this time.

 

There are two issues in my life which I am currently taking care of and I have done a great job working out but there needs to be more. I need to find happiness in myself.

[mankow]

Day #13

Now she is definitely openly avoiding me at work, when enter the same room (where we get coffee) she says something like she will be back later, put an order and go. Woman working there asked me if two of us are not talking to each other and I told few words about the situation, first time talking after break up with common friend. Somehow it felt good, because holding all of it inside me or with my friends who didn't know my ex is not working for me.

Weird because yesterday I had an idea to talk to this common friend, not in the way of starting negotiation but only to ease myself. I think she can understand me on this because she(we-I don't know why I typed that in first time) knows both of us in a way. Today she started first time on this topic because it was so obvious my ex is avoiding me since last time breaking NC which was 13 days ago. Last week I was sick, but to be honest I just could not go to work in that low energy level looking like wreck (was really feeling bad and looked that way too). Maybe I was capable to do my work, but did not want people to see me such a mess!!!

Blah blah blah, talkative I am.

 

OK: to add this. two weeks ago I have seen my ex 4 times during working hours and it was too much for me so I sent one long message to her. I tried too shut down my phone but message went through very fast (usually it takes longer), so I was really trying to avid bumping into her last week, with this being sick was perfect. I was just fed up with seeing her, which is a must do if I want to get my morning coffee and I don't want to look like I am openly avoiding meeting her. Now she is all into that. It is just strange how we both function like mirror image of each other, same ideas in same moment. Even not being together there seems to be some supernatural connection. Like today being in the same time there, just we attract each other subconsciously even if we both try to skip that. It is confusing me! I like to see her, but it really is hurting me after during the day.

[brian123]

I saw her at the supermarket today (she didn't see me) It rekindled alot of feelings I had for her (I still think she looks really good)

 

Still in total confusion

[HoTung]

After 22 days of NC on my part - i failed and emailed him a one liner regarding a ticket. i really did try to have NC but today was I was bursting to talk to him. I even called him loads of time but his phone has gone to voice mail (I think it is off as no ring tone what so ever).

 

I feel so uselss - i really want him back

 

help me please? what should i do?

[swtchx]

day 11. i still wake up missing him and feeling like sh*t, but in the day when im busy at work and doing good things for myself i waver between thinking im gonna be alright, and then thinking that im not. at least it goes both ways now. i know im still in fantasy world hoping he'll come back to me, hoping he misses me, but that's the trouble--not knowing what he is feeling. he could be thinking he's free of me forever, hooking up with girls, etc. im planning to go home for a bit, hopefully that will clear my head lots and make me realize that there's other more important things in life than him. i also started thinking that although I wasnt perfect, maybe he is the one that has changed...more superficial and all that. physically, yes, he is still there, but the person i love may not really be in there anymore...it's hard to think but it does help me a little. maybe im just holding on to memories.

[Brokenhearted87]

Well it is the end of day 3....never made it this far before. So I guess that is something. Missing his friendship desperately, just talking about things. I hate the mornings....especially the ones where you wake up from a nice dream about them and have temporarily forgotten they dumped you, wake up smiling about them, then remembering they are no longer yours to kiss or touch...had one of them this morning.

[Landon]

ya i hate mournings too, i wish i could just sleep all day so then you dont think about that lol

[hfc65]

hfc,

 

GOOD LUCK!

Thank you

Day Zero?

 

Sent her a text just saying hi,she replied with a hi text

Sent an email message asked her to contact me,will wait to see

[EyesOnThePrize]

Day 16 - I had a phone consult with Al Turtle this morning, its given me a lot to digest. I'm realizing that NC isn't doing much for me anymore, as its just not that big a deal. I'm pretty sure I can deal with her normally now. However, I promised myself 30 days and its only 2 more weeks, so I'm going to stick with that. Its funny, when I started I couldn't imagine going 30 days, now it doesn't seem like a big deal. I'm really taking a long term view of things and more confident that I'm working on myself, and that's what's important.

 

I went to a business networking event tonight, and did something I usually don't do, which is introduce myself to people. In the past, I kind of hung on the fringes, and hoped to see someone I knew. I started to fall into that and said "Dang it...this is about doing things differently and getting over some of this past behavior." So, I got out of my box and was social. I expected to stay about an hour, and ended up staying more than 2. I met a couple of cute women, and if I do say so, was pretty damned charming. One especially kept touching me on the shoulder and arm. It could mean nothing, it could mean something. Either way I'm going to give her a call and see if she wants to have lunch for meet for a drink or something. One of Al's suggestions was to start dating for practice on the communications skills, and just being up front about what I want out of the relationship (which is not a LTR...I'm not interested in that now The second one I met struck me as more superficial, but was still nice. Maybe I'll give her a call, too. Hey, all she can say is "no." Heck, I just survived a divorce. I think I can handle someone I barely know turning me down.

 

I made some good business contacts, too.

 

I think I'm going to go to San Diego next weekend to watch the Red Bull Air Races. I jokingly suggested going with me to one of the women (the touching one). She didn't say no...lol. If not, I'll bring my puppy...or maybe nick...or both.

 

Not much more going on tonight. I want to do some more reading and get to sleep early. Tomorrow is a busy day. My business partner and his wife have asked me to dinner with a single friend of theirs. His wife is desperate to set me up. I'm going to go. It should be a fun night out, if nothing else.

[MeSilly]

Day 10. I missed her, but it's getting better. Slowly, but surely.

[Brokenhearted87]

10.40am Friday morning. Last contact was circa 6pm Monday evening. So Day 4....have never made it past day 3. I'm proud. I'm also sad, as I am pretty sure despite everything he said, that I won't hear from him again. Just have a feeling. It turned out he lied about everything else so it would figure.

[Mustang]

Day 23

 

I don't think a day goes by where I don't think about my ex. I am trying my best to get over it all mind you.

 

It was three weeks ago today that my ex emailed me. I still don't really know what to make it. It does still linger in my thoughts.

 

I miss her a great deal and I have the natural feelings of "does she miss me?" going round my head. I won't ever know but I hope she is doing OK anyway.

[AronSchneider]

Well! I’m almost there!

 

Why not go through what I have done under these weeks. Well, drinking, drinking, studying, drinking and drinking some more. It works okay. I have always excuses to go out to bar or a nightclub on little Saturday (Wednesday) and I’m on a nightclub every Friday and Saturday. I feel like a teen again. Now I’m sitting here at the University and try to write on my final paper. But I’m a dumb as so I checked my facebook and see that my ex also is rather busy. She is also out partying or drinking a lot with her male gay friends. So now I’m little sad. It feels like she doesn’t miss me.

 

I’m still thinking about if I will stay NC a couple of weeks more. I’m in no hurry to meet her and with little luck I will score tonight

 

My friend said today that he was thinking about dumping his girlfriend of three years because he wants to be free during the summer.

[pumpkinmoon]

Well! I’m almost there!

My friend said today that he was thinking about dumping his girlfriend of three years because he wants to be free during the summer.

 

Well done for keeping it up but why the smiley face when you mentioned your mate dumping his gf? Thats awful

[AronSchneider]

Well done for keeping it up but why the smiley face when you mentioned your mate dumping his gf? Thats awful

 

Well! The background is as follows. His girlfriends don’t like living in their rental apartment. She do not like the area, I understand her because they live in a bad area. Instead of moving to another apartment together she tells him that she wants to separate. No break up, just separate. She has moved to an apartment in the city and he has moved to another apartment not far from their former apartment. He thinks that he most dump her first before she dumps him. But he has never dumped anyone so he doesn’t know if he has the guts. So it is a clean break up, mutually. Still, I like when my friends are single because very few of them are. That’s why I’m happy =) and yes, its nice if he dump her because she is a girl and girls are bad because they dump guys!

 

As I said, Im a teen again

[pumpkinmoon]

LOL i see!!! well thats something then if she wanted the separation anyway Very few of my friends are single, well actually none come to think of it which makes things even harder. I need some single friends On a lighter note though I wouldnt want any of the relationships they have with their partners so maybe I am the one who is better off after all

[AronSchneider]

LOL i see!!! well thats something then if she wanted the separation anyway Very few of my friends are single, well actually none come to think of it which makes things even harder. I need some single friends On a lighter note though I wouldnt want any of the relationships they have with their partners so maybe I am the one who is better off after all

 

Its just three of my friends that is single. When I had my ex, we were together for five years. I was under periods the almost the only one with a girlfriend. I think my ex has the same problem like me, that’s why she hang around with this gay men, her best friend, that is of course single and try to make new single friends. I’m in the same position like her so why not make new single friends and why not hope for that more of my friends will be single soon.

 

Its does not matter, because in four months I’m heading for new city for Master studies and I will have so much fun with all the fraternity’s, cage parties and everything that come with a really student life. A student life that I have missed because I stayed in my city just so I could hang around with my old friends and my ex-girlfriend. But now when my best and closets friends has moved to London, Barcelona, New York and other Swedish student towns. I feel that I have nothing left here so why not

[theredrocket]

Day 4, 41 days to go

 

Went out last night. Going out seems to make miss my ex more. I think it's seeing couples and seeing other girls and remembering how happy I was with her. For the first time I'm feeling fear. Fear that she has or will find some one else, fear that I will never be with her again, fear that she will move on.

 

I've been visualizing when I contact her again. I see myself being ultra confident and happy with the person I am. I have dealt with the issues which were weighing heavily on me.

 

The end of the day will be the longest we have gone without contact since meeting