THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE - SuperDave71

[AngryHeart]

Day 21 - We've been broken up like 5 months now, that's almost the same time we were together for, lol. Yet I'm still finding it hard to let go off. I'm having a bit of a hard time today for some unknown reason. Just want to talk to him again. It hurts that he's not bothered to contact me at all in these last 21 days, and didn't reply to my last "goodbye email" But then again I did say I couldn't speak to him, needed to move on,etc. maybe he took that as me not even wanting a reply, I dunno, who knows apart from him! He not been in his local pub for quite a while now. At least not anytime my mum is there. And I went in there the first time in months, and since the break-up, and he wasn't there then either. I dunno what is going on in his life, but just can't help wonder if he has a new gf or what That thoght reallly sucks! I also have that old age question -- did I mess up by saying I wanted NC? What if he WANTS to contact me, but because of what I said feels he can't??

 

Good luck to everyone else *hugss*

[littlej]

I am fighting NC hard right now. This is the toughest it has ever been...

[mankow]

Entering day 21 at 22h

congratulations to myself how I disciplined myself not to call and send messages, I will not be so disciplined after 30 days, but it is obvious I tossed that option out of my head till now!!!

Even when last time I went out and was drinking and missing her I did not contact her!!

[GizMo567]

It will get better everyone. I promise. If you can look forward and start working on you, NC will get better. The pain and torture is tremendous but i hope everyone finds the strength to move forward.

 

shoefairy - It is difficult but i hope you stay strong enough to get through this. You will have to fight the roller coaster of emotion, but in the end you will be stronger for it.

 

little - try to take things one day at a time. I know as hard as that sounds, try to breathe and take it minute by minute. It sucks when the ex moves on and we are stuck in the past wishing for them to come back. Stay strong and continue NC.

 

man - Try not to drink the problems away but even more so, when you hit day 30, continue moving forward. It sucks and hurts a lot but try to keep positive and try to look forward even a little bit. It's good that you didn't contact her, hang in there.

 

Angry - Hang in there. From reading all your posts, it is better that you went NC. It is not a mistake since the relationship was very rocky. I hope you can find the strength inside of you to start moving on. Eventually the pain will let up and everything will be ok. Stay strong girl.

 

To everyone else: I wish everyone the best in the quest to put the pieces of their heart back together.

[bronte]

Day #22...I had a sudden realization while I was getting ready to go to lunch earlier that I hadn't thought about him all morning!!! It was an amazing thing...though of course I ruined it then, because after realizing it he kept on creeping into my thoughts for the rest of the afternoon.

 

But still...Being able to go a couple of hours without wondering what he's up to or rehashing the relationship in my head? Not instantly thinking of him the moment I wake up in the morning? Major progress!

[TAB1234]

i read a quote on here angry -'you can't say the wrong thing to the right person and you can't say the right thing to the wrong person' -keep remembering that and don't beat yourself up over it. can't change the past only the future -hang in there (HUGS)

[Hope_Springs_Eternal]

Day #22...I had a sudden realization while I was getting ready to go to lunch earlier that I hadn't thought about him all morning!!! It was an amazing thing...though of course I ruined it then, because after realizing it he kept on creeping into my thoughts for the rest of the afternoon.

 

But still...Being able to go a couple of hours without wondering what he's up to or rehashing the relationship in my head? Not instantly thinking of him the moment I wake up in the morning? Major progress!

 

Bronte, thats great.. I dream of waking in the morning and my ex not immediately popping into my brain.

 

When I first wake up im ok for a couple of minutes and happy, then my mood plummets as I remember him, so I know what you mean, and how great it must feel to get a couple of hours of 'freedom'. This must mean your healing has begun

[LilBear]

Day 80! Day 80!

[musashi]

Day blah blah blah. Somewhere near four weeks.

 

Yesterday was crappy and today has not been much better. I am not thinking of her specifically but more about my life and all the things I have to do. It becomes so overwhelming. I cannot find joy in anything and the future looks bleak. I have made a commitment to myself that I am not going to start another relationship until I have myself together. I have had a girlfriend my whole life. The hardest part is not having anyone to share things with. I think that is what is robbing my joy. Usually, I would feel happy in conquering some task and then share it with my SO. Without having a SO I am finding it difficult to conquer tasks. This is something that I have got to get over. I think I am going to start a new thread on this and get some advice.

[wyrllish]

Day...4...5? That really shows my current emotional state, which is quite nice

 

Couple weeks ago I counted every day along with the exact conversation we last had. Now I'm just going about my business.

 

Been talking to a few girls which has been incredibly uplifting for me as well. I'm thinking about the ex less and when I do there isn't much depth.

 

We played an online game together and I haven't been on in nearly two months until recently. Missed the game and talking to our friends pretty much. We seem to have switched emotional states. She is incredibly friendly and gets REALLY dramatic if I don't answer her back right away. In past situations like this one I would have to put up a front and pretend I was alright when responding to her. Now I just really didn't want to hear her BS and wanted to just have fun on the game.

 

If she made more of an effort to all the things she's telling me how she feels I would probably give a little back. Right now it's all words no action, which I'm not biting at anymore. Hoping this feeling stays with me cause I'm doing quite awesome atm It gets better people just have to work on you! I NEVER thought I would get to where I am and ONLY wanted my ex back, now I really don't know anymore. More time and living each day the best I can and we'll see

[EyesOnThePrize]

Okay, so its been over 24 hours since our last contact, so I'll call this Day 1. She's probably somewhere in New Mexico by now, all her stuff in the truck, and having just spent 10 hours besides her new boyfriend in the cab of the truck. They could be split by now. lol.

 

As for me, I thought about her a lot, looked at the phone a couple of times wondering if she would call or text, even though I didn't think she would. I was more productive at work than I have been in a while. I guess in my mind I've set my course, so the NC doesn't bother me. I was gearing up to it over the last few weeks, going to LC as much as possible with her living in the house. I haven't been calling or texting her for a while, just responding.

 

I miss her, and I know that any possible reconciliation is going to be months down the road, so I'm getting ready for the long haul. Tonight, I'll stay here until about 7:30 or 8:00 (I have to finish a tax return), then I have grocery shopping to do, then I'll watch American Idol and South Park and crash. Not exactly exciting, and it will keep me busy.

[littlej]

You'll be ok soon. I started the challenge and it has been a rollercoaster but I'm feeling fine now. You will be too...

[Rosie007]

Day 2

 

Howdy,

 

I started posting in the Breaking Up and Divorce section because I was so annoyed with Rex when I started posting, I didn't want it to be in the "Getting Back Together" section. But I changed my mind.

 

Rex didn't break up with me -- although he agrees it's for the best. I'm basically forcing myself to stop seeing him because our relationship is unhealthy. I want commitment, he doesn't. Anytime we get too close, he starts pulling away. We were going through one of our more pleasant periods, and then Valentine's Day came along. We made no plans and then he disappeared for three days ... something that rarely happens. My feelings got hurt, then I got angry, he got upset with me for getting upset with him ... and the battle was on.

 

We broke up a little over a month ago. But I didn't post here. Although I gained about seven pounds (as I tend to stuff my feelings), I felt very calm when we broke up. I kind of felt like I got my life back, and it was rather pleasant. Didn't have to watch TV shows I dislike intensely. We spent most of our time together at his house ... mostly weekends ... and because our lives weren't meshing -- even though we've been together since July 2006, minus the 92 days of total NC I did with him last year plus 8 days apart before I started NC -- it kind of felt like my life got put on hold when I hung out at his place. So it was nice to have that back.

 

We were broken up two weeks, and then he IM'd me. I reckon if my heart had been in NC, I would have blocked him. I was more upset hearing from him after two weeks, than I'd been with radio silence. Then he IM'd me a week later. Some innocuous chat. Then he IM'd me the next day, and we actually talked about our relationship. He wanted to see me, but I didn't want to return to what we had. We had one of our best conversations ever ... even if it was on IM. On the third day he IM'd me and he started full force flirting -- as though he hadn't heard a word I'd said about what I wanted.

 

Anyway, long story short (I know, I know ... too late) ... NC is the only healthy way for me to go without getting sucked back into the drama. Plus the phrase "give him the gift of missing me" keeps echoing in my brain ... although I reckon that's simply my resolve fading away of not wanting to see him ever again unless there are dramatic changes.

 

Am I welcome here once more? Does this sound like the place for me in light of my present circumstances? (Or would that be in the shadow of my present circumstances). I certainly hope so. It certainly saved my life last year.

 

-Rosie

[99CamaroZ28]

I am in...no contact since 4-6-2008

[pumpkinmoon]

Day 2

 

 

Am I welcome here once more? Does this sound like the place for me in light of my present circumstances? (Or would that be in the shadow of my present circumstances). I certainly hope so. It certainly saved my life last year.

 

-Rosie

 

Hi Rosie,

 

Of course you are welcome here My situations sounds a bit like yours in that I spent most weekends at his house and because he had a lot to do, like the gym and hockey all the time I felt like I was missing out. At first we would do lots on weekends but then it got to the stage where we would do very little. He was always tired and when It was a nice day and I thought we could do something nice he wouldn't be there and I felt I was just sat around wasting my time waiting for him and missing out on doing things myself.

[Mustang]

Day 8

 

Well, I didn't have any nightmares last night so I guess that's something. Mind you, when I woke up this morning I had the worst thoughts in my head of her having sex with someone else at the same time as me thinking about it. I then started to freak out because I thought "Woah... maybe my subconscious knows something!". Haha. How tragic!

 

I think I will be a bit better when I go back to London. I'm off uni at the moment and I came home for a bit to focus on uni work. I don't really have anything to do other than sit on the net and what not at the moment as all my mates live in London. So I am trying to tell myself that I will be OK once I am more busy.

 

Being back home is just so hard. Everytime I go past a pub we used to go to I start thinking about her. Everywhere back here has got a memory attached to it. I wonder if she's back home. I wonder if she gets thoughts similar to me.

 

Do I still miss her? Yes. But the good thing about me telling her that I'm disappearing is because it gives me the motivation to stick with NC. Where as had I not said anything then I'd always be able to break it with any old excuse of a text message. I tried going NC back in January and I lasted two weeks. Then I cracked and sent her a pointless text about the fire in Camden. She didn't seem that bothered and just said: "I don't think that text was meant for me. Haven't heard from you in a while. Hope you're OK. x". Then we were back to LC and it just went on.

 

I know now that if I contact her then I will look weak and that I am going back on my word. I will look like I didn't mean what I said and all the work I do will be wasted because she will think that no matter what I say, I will always be back. I'd give that advice to all of you. No matter how tough it maybe to not contact them, think of the bigger picture and you'll be fine.

 

Think of it this way... I've read somewhere that initially it is almost a relief for the dumper to not have their ex in the picture. Like they don't have the guilt bothering them and they feel free to do what they want but then the longer we leave it, the more mystery we build up. I also think it gives us more value in their eyes because we are no longer hanging on to somebody that doesn't want us. Reverse psychology you could say.

 

As for my situation, I don't really think that my ex cares that I'm not speaking to her. She's got uni and friends and could well have another guy. But I know that before things went wrong, we were perfect. I changed during the last few months of our break up and I guess she did too. We didn't communicate and things just went sour. I don't believe that you just fall out of love with someone.

 

My ex admitted to feeling "so so guilty" that she hurt me and I think that's why maybe during LC she was a bit stand off-ish with me. I could just be clutching at straws but I kind of feel like she is trying to be strong and not let her guard down because obviously she's worried things will just go back to how they were if she gives me another chance. It wasn't a friendship at all. I got the impression that she wanted me there but she didn't like to ever talk about "us" because it was easier to run away. I don't know. I need to stop thinking about everything really.

 

I just need to get myself back to the person I was. I don't know if/when I'll contact my ex. Part of me wants to wait and see if she contacts me. I don't think she will mind you because she told me that she'd give me as much space as I needed until I want to contact her again. Which is kind of her way of saying "Yeah. Whatever." I suppose.

 

But as she said, she feels guilty. Her email back to me was her way of trying to ease her guilt. I didn't respond. So she may wonder whether or not she should've said what she said in her email. She may wonder how I took it. She may not. She may wonder why I didn't respond and plead my case more. She may not.

 

All I know is that time is the best thing here. She told me that she still thinks of me in her email to me and that's with me always being in the picture. We had the weirdest friendship. It was usually involve a text from me saying "Hey! How are you? Been up to much? x" and she would respond in a polite way and ask me how I was. Then it would happen again three or four days later. I was always there. She didn't have to do anything. She didn't really lose anything. She still had me there as an option. She still knew how I felt even though I didn't tell her. She hadn't lost me. Well now she really will get to see what life is like without me. As I said at the beginning, she might not care right now, but one day when all the dust settles she will realise that I truly loved her and would've done anything for her. Try getting that from a one night stand.

 

Another point just before you all fall asleep (!)... I know the NC is for 30 days but I wouldn't then contact your ex exactly on that day. Why? Well, I don't know but what if your ex thinks "Hang on... it was exactly a month ago that we stopped talking!" and then it will look like a tactic. Even if you are ready to contact them again it will look like you just sat on your hands for a month. My plan is to just go as long as possible.

 

I'm not giving up hope but I think that will pass.

[pumpkinmoon]

It's day 19, thought it was day 20 until I checked my calendar. I think today is one of those bad days and I'm feeling a bit of a wreck. Had an appointment with a careers advisor and nearly and had to chocke back the tears, was awful. Glad to be back at home now.

 

Everything is just reminding me of him and I can't hack it.

 

Was thinking about emailing him and explaining everything although it prob wouldn't do any good.

 

Mustang,

 

Your post has helped me too

[pumpkinmoon]

Evening of day 19, just got home from work. Was hard in work so now I am home and crying again and have been sick. I think a trip to the doctors is in order I think this has been the worst day ever so far!

[Litgirl01]

It will be 4 weeks for me on Sunday! Shoefairy...send me some manolo blahniks, I'm going out!!!

[mankow]

Day 22

I can do it, not contacting.

How I feel, I feel like on other planet! A little disconnected really.

Everyday routine constantly reminds me of her!

[Mustang]

Evening of day 19, just got home from work. Was hard in work so now I am home and crying again and have been sick. I think a trip to the doctors is in order I think this has been the worst day ever so far!

 

Awww! Keep your chin up.

[EyesOnThePrize]

Day 2 - I'm actually feeling pretty darned good today. Having her out of the house is actually a huge weight off my shoulders. Of course, I have to clean up all the carnage she left with her move-out. All the stuff she didn't take, all the trash she didn't clean up. I'll do that over the next few days or whatever. My housemate is helping out, which is good. My ex never was a particularly neat person. Its amazing how much stuff she left behind, including stuff she's going to want. My housemate will ship it to her, so its not coming from me and breaking NC. He says he got a couple of text messages from her yesterday, I got none, although that's what I expected. I think she is going to respect my wishes for a while in terms of not contacting me, either.

 

I miss her today, and I'm sure I will for a long time, and like I said, its nice not having the stress. My head is clearing and I can focus on other things. I realize that, despite everything, she really is my best friend, and I do want her in my life once I'm a bit more stable. I miss my friend more than I miss my wife and I still think that being married to my best friend is the life I want (I was once told this is kind of a fatalistic view). I think my personal development will kick into high gear soon (after tax season ends on Tuesday, anyway). I think that when she visits in June, she'll see a very different guy. A guy who wants her in his life, and doesn't need her in his life. They tell me that self-confidence is sexy...well, I think she'll have an opportunity to judge that 1st hand with me.

 

I officially moved into the center of the bed this week. For several weeks after she moved into the guest room, I still slept on "my side" of the bed, considering the other side "her side" that I was keeping "safe" for her. Over the last few weeks I've started moving more towards the center, and last night I enjoyed the whole king-size bed to myself (well, except for the cat and dog). It was nice. A bit sad, and at least comfy. We paid a lot of money for this bed 4 or 5 years ago, and it earns its keep regularly.

[pumpkinmoon]

It will be 3 weeks for me on Sunday! Shoefairy...send me some manolo blahniks, I'm going out!!!

 

I've had a look at those shoes, they're horrid considering carrie wears them Will be three weeks for me saturday

[Mock Chop]

I share my bed with my Rottie and my little (compared to the Rottie) Staffordshire Bull Terrier/Sharpei cross. The little one snuggles under the duvet and must be touching me at all times. The Rottie sprawls along the bottom of the bed on top of my feet. I usually end up hanging off the edge.

 

It's probably a good job I don't have a boyfriend anymore........lol

[justagrl]

Day 11 and I'm hanging in there. I have better days and bad days. He's still all I think about. I was 2 cars behind him yesterday on the road...I was coming up on my house, considered passing it, to follow him to see where he was going. I didn't..turned into my driveway instead. Then wished I would have. Silly thoughts though...I left my car outside the garage, so he would see it on his way back home..hoping it would "trigger" him to think of me and maybe stop, call, whatever...no such luck, and deep down I knew he wouldn't, not yet at least. Oh the stupid thoughts I have sometimes.

 

I'm happy to know that next weekend and now the weekend after I will be out of town, the first on a trip w/ my mom...have to tell her yet...still haven't, so will tell her it's over then. Then my friend called on Sunday. She has a conference in Tampa the following weekend...asked if I wanted to come along. I've decided to go. It's been 4 weekends without him. All I do on the weekends is think of him and want to look for him, so I think it will do me good to be out of here for 2 weekends in a row. In Tampa I will be alone a lot of the time, which isn't necessarily a bad thing, as my friend will be in meetings all day, but I can lay by the pool, read a good 'help me get over him" book, shop, eat, drink....

 

I've also given myself a possible "contact date". I want to contact him now, but haven't, and setting this date in my head I think will give me the confidence to hold out. His birthday is in July...that's a long time away, a lot can happen by then, and if things go right, I won't even want to contact him then. But if I do, I've decided I will just send him a quick text at that time wishing him a happy bday. Just say something like "for some reason you popped into my head today and I realized it was your birthday, so happy birthday".

 

So on to day 12...good luck all