Mock Chop Posted March 1, 2008 Share Posted March 1, 2008 Day 6 for me. Got stuff to keep me busy today, but I find Sundays the absolute worst. My son is with his father, and Sunday used to be me and ex's day. We'd do all the 'couple' stuff, cook, eat, watch DVD's. Urgh. Still, I'll keep myself busy and not do what I did last Sunday - drink wine and email him. Whoops. Link to comment
Mock Chop Posted March 1, 2008 Share Posted March 1, 2008 Just got two emails from him. One saying that he's never been as busy workwise as he is now - starts at 5am regularly, how it's really getting him down, the atmosphere at his workplace is awful etc etc. The second was in response to a bit of the email I sent him last Sunday. Months ago, he'd bought tickets for us to see a stand up comedian. The gig was last Sunday night. I'd wondered aloud (well, via email) if he'd gone alone or with someone else. He replied that he didn't go - he was too busy and couldn't face the prospect of going alone. Hmm. He's unhappy, but there's nothing I can do. That hurts. Link to comment
honeyspur Posted March 1, 2008 Share Posted March 1, 2008 wyrlish - I'm sorry to hear you cracked under the pressure - hope you find the strength to start over with NC. minigirl - thank you so much for the honesty and your commitment to your goal. I think if you find yourself slipping in any way, you should come back here and regain some support from this group. I just want to remind everyone that this support group, while at times feels like a downer, is allowing you to confront and deal with feelings that are absolutely not going to ruin your success. Feeling sad, dealing with "reminders" are things that will follow you after the NC process is complete. So consider how becoming accustomed to those things will be helpful not harmful. When we fall off the NC wagon and post about it - two things happen - both good and bad. I'd like to invite everyone to take this opportunity to accept the constant duality of everything at all times. Good and bad co-exisist NON STOP. Nothing is totally good - nothing is totally bad as this is the natural order of the universe. Posting about breaking NC is helpful because it allows others to see that it does happen and can mean very little in terms of success. We can get right back on and learn from it. Posting about breaking NC also can be a trigger for others to fall off the wagon too. People who might just be lurking here and not posting, people who are nearing completion and people who have a chronic issue with being committed. Knowing these pros and cons should help when phrasing your posts. Honesty is appreciated in every recovery process - so thanks to everyone for being so candid and real here. It sets an example for new people coming in. As someone who went through a 2 year NC that changed my life, personality, self image and ultimately my success with my love life, I am grateful to you all for keeping this alive. Link to comment
Mock Chop Posted March 1, 2008 Share Posted March 1, 2008 I replied to his email with a 'sorry things are so bad at work'. That was it. I am not initiating contact with him, but will keep communication open if he does. I know it's not strict NC, but I see nothing to gain in completely ignoring him. I'm getting along just fine without him now (it's been 4 or 5 weeks since we saw each other), I'm happier in myself and I can live without him. If I had a choice, I'd chose to have him in my life - but I'm not going to drop in a heap if I don't! Link to comment
minigirl Posted March 1, 2008 Share Posted March 1, 2008 THanks Honeyspur, I am a type of person who avoids things. It was hard for me to go through a day and then type out my feelings at night. It made it harder for me sleep. Its easier when I go through the day and not think about how I feel and then on to the next day. I'm not giving up NC. Just giving up the expressing of the negative feelings at this point. I dunno if it makes any sense. Trying to fight the battle in a diff way I guess. Link to comment
Crows Posted March 1, 2008 Share Posted March 1, 2008 Day 16. This ties the record for the longest time. The last time this was achieved was in october! Im feelin pretty damn good right now! Link to comment
Irish Jax Posted March 1, 2008 Share Posted March 1, 2008 Day 13!! Doing ok today. I still miss him and slowly I am letting go of the negative things that happened and keep hold of the good memories we had. NC is the best option to allow you to move on and also not give them the benefit of having you in their life anymore. Day 13!!! Link to comment
starlette08 Posted March 1, 2008 Share Posted March 1, 2008 i broke NC because i sent him a text wishing him good luck at his interview. i konw he really wants this job and how much it means to him is that a bad thing? should i have not done that? of course he didnt even say thank you back or anything. i wasnt expecting anything. but still -- i guess i want to show him that i still care about him, even though we're not together. Link to comment
honeyspur Posted March 1, 2008 Share Posted March 1, 2008 ooooh starlette - congrats on making a huge step! Communicating without expectation! I hope this is truly how you feel and are not "pretending" with yourself. You are taking the first steps to forgiveness! This is a good day for you. It's crucial for you to return to NC now as it will give him the signal he needs to believe you are not trying to win him back and simply care for him as a human being. This news has brightened my day a great deal! Thank you for posting! Link to comment
starlette08 Posted March 1, 2008 Share Posted March 1, 2008 really? thanks honeyspur - i feel great about what you said. i truly care about him and wish him the best. i hope he can see that. Link to comment
Amore Posted March 1, 2008 Share Posted March 1, 2008 Day 1 - Today starts my first day of NC. My boyfriend asked to go on a break this past Sunday - we have been dating for 2 years, and are freshmen at the same university. Last Thursday (two days ago), he decided to make the break a permanent break-up, as he is unsure what he wants or if he loves me. At first, I begged: I wrote lists why he should stay with me, cried in his arms, etc. He said that this might not be good bye forever, but he needs to see if there's anything better out there. Ouch. However, he asked to be my friend and I said I wouldn't be able to do that right now, because it would be torture to be near him. Strict NC is going to be rather difficult, as he lives two doors away from me in our dorm building and is in one of my four classes. Also, all of our friends here in college are mutual between the both of us. I feel the breakup is largely due to the fact that I was slightly controlling - he wanted to go out and party more, and I'm not as crazy and would get upset if he got too drunk/out of control. Last night (a day after the breakup), I went out with my girlfriends - which happened to be the same place he was with the guys. I tried dancing with him (after dancing with another guy), but he was too drunk to understand what was going on. From that point on, I've decided to go NC. Today has been going well. I only saw him once, as I was passing by my neighbor's door to say goodbye before I went shopping - and I don't think the ex even saw me. I've been keeping busy, and all of my friends here have been a great support system. However, my friends (particularly the guys) have been voluntarily giving me updates on the ex - and I know I need to end that communication. I'm afraid he'll get angry at my NC. I'm afraid he'll think I'm going out and doing my thing because I no longer care about him - which is obviously not the case. He is looking for a possible reconciliation in the future, and I want to leave that door open. I'm considering telling him (either by a note or having one of our mutual friends speak on my behalf) that the only reason I can't contact him is because it's too painful to see him because I love him too much. Would this be a good idea? I'd appreciate any help as I can get during this time. Good luck to everyone! Link to comment
GetMeBack Posted March 1, 2008 Share Posted March 1, 2008 Hi Amore and welcome to the NC Challenge. I am halfway of the challenge and I can tell you now it wont be easy but you will feel yourself becoming more and more stronger and eventually liberated. Dont beat yourself up about the begging you did at the start of the break up. All of us on here have done it . To some degree, I think its a good thing because least your ex knew how you really felt about them. I will say though, that your ex is an a** for telling you he wants to see if there is better out there? Who does he think he is? Something special I guess. Is he the same age as you? wow... Whatever you do, do not become friends at least not straight away anyway. If he forces friendship on you he is doing it for his own selfish gain. It benefits him and it relieves the guilt of the breakup on his part. I know this because my ex never claimed that we were " friends" but I was his counsellor, friend e.t.c I was his FRIEND basically and it sucks!. Now is time to think about you, instead of we. we is no more with you and your ex as much as that hurts. Maybe distancing yourself from the mutual friends might be a good idea for a little while. Strict NC maybe impossible becuase your practically living on his door step but I would make communication very brief. Dont ask him " how he is? " as who cares? Try not to think about whether he will like the NC or not, your feelings are not there to be played with and when he broke up with you he lost all rights to have a say in what decisions you make with your life. And thats tough love.. Hope that helps hun.. x Link to comment
LilBear Posted March 1, 2008 Share Posted March 1, 2008 You're doing great Monique! Am on day...42 now? Yeah after all that has been said and done, I don't quite know what else I have to say to him except two words "eff off" haha. But he's been expressing his wish that he hopes I can still talk to him at least. Should I even? Link to comment
GetMeBack Posted March 1, 2008 Share Posted March 1, 2008 You're doing great Monique! Am on day...42 now? Yeah after all that has been said and done, I don't quite know what else I have to say to him except two words "eff off" haha. But he's been expressing his wish that he hopes I can still talk to him at least. Should I even? I think I would talk to him when you feel like you could not give two flying f*** if he wanted you or not. You will know when that day comes. until then, just ignore his sorry a**. My ex is blocked until that day comes for me too hun. Well done on day 42, my idol! x Link to comment
GetMeBack Posted March 1, 2008 Share Posted March 1, 2008 I think I would talk to him when you feel like you could not give two flying f*** if he wanted you or not. You will know when that day comes. until then, just ignore his sorry a**. My ex is blocked until that day comes for me too hun. Well done on day 42, my idol! x And hey now everyone knows my name is MONIQUE HAHA Link to comment
Hope_Springs_Eternal Posted March 1, 2008 Share Posted March 1, 2008 minigirl, I understand how you feel exactly. I havent joined this forum because if I think too much about my feelings regarding my ex I break down and Im back to square one again. 8 Feb was our last contact so Im on day 22, except that i did drunk dial last w/e and he answered straight away but i couldnt speak (didnt know what to say). I put the phone down. dont know if that counts as contact as nothing was said but I've gone right back to NC, and I've told people in work I dont want to know what hes doing and Ive cut my hours in that job where they know him to 1 day a week, as I feel his friend is coming on to me and I dont like it. He is telling me things about what my ex is doing, and im sure telling him things about me. so its my last day next week, i handed my notice in and got a new job b/c im that determined to get over my ex. he asked me to marry him in october, we went looking for houses in november, found one we liked, our offer ws accepted and we were supposed to be moving in on 1 February. To cut a long story short, we didnt. We rowed, I packed my things, he asked for his key and that was it. He cancelled the house sale a week later, the day before completion. That was 4 weeks ago. His friend has told me he's moved in with a girl who lives 2 roads away from where our house was going to be, she looks like me and even thinks she may have my name (although he's not sure about this bit). Im in shock. I cant believe he could move on so fast and im so devastated and desolate. Ive lost my man and my new life, and hes just recreated it all in two weeks with someone else. thats why i cant do daily posts. I just cant cope with the feelings and emotions that thinking about my feelings will bring on. i hope your ok mini girl, I am so far so good xxxxxxxx Link to comment
l_lollipop Posted March 1, 2008 Share Posted March 1, 2008 He text me!!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHA... God that felt good... feels even better knowing he isn't getting a reply! wooo hoo!! He said he is sorry for snapping at me the last during an email (he swore and used cap-locks - i told him there was no need to get angry with me, and I wouldn't contact him anymore)... well I don't think he thought I could do it and has come running with his tail between his legs saying sorry and asking how I am... blah blah!! Life without is soooo good, I have no need to reply. Guys... keep up no contact!!! I'm on a high now! Link to comment
GetMeBack Posted March 1, 2008 Share Posted March 1, 2008 He text me!!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHA... God that felt good... feels even better knowing he isn't getting a reply! wooo hoo!! He said he is sorry for snapping at me the last during an email (he swore and used cap-locks - i told him there was no need to get angry with me, and I wouldn't contact him anymore)... well I don't think he thought I could do it and has come running with his tail between his legs saying sorry and asking how I am... blah blah!! Life without is soooo good, I have no need to reply. Guys... keep up no contact!!! I'm on a high now! Run with that feeling hun run with that feeling! Link to comment
l_lollipop Posted March 1, 2008 Share Posted March 1, 2008 Oh baby I am... it's even better, that I've got 3 guys chasing me too! All lovely, sexy and have so much more t give me than he had. How you doing? You good? xxx Link to comment
GetMeBack Posted March 1, 2008 Share Posted March 1, 2008 Oh baby I am... it's even better, that I've got 3 guys chasing me too! All lovely, sexy and have so much more t give me than he had. How you doing? You good? xxx 3 guys wow. Honey when you going to help me out. I need this london trip asap!. I need me a decent man lol. Joking Aside. I am cool. Day 15 NC TOMORROW WOOHOO!!! Link to comment
LilBear Posted March 1, 2008 Share Posted March 1, 2008 Sparkle, he's expecting you to reply to his text now ain't he? It's funny what NC can make exes do. Link to comment
l_lollipop Posted March 1, 2008 Share Posted March 1, 2008 I know LilBear... I actually really didn't think I'd hear from him, and it's made me feel good - I must be getting such an ego boost with your ex sending your messages? Getmeback... 15 days?!! I'm dead proud of you babe!!! Yeh, this London trip... I'm sooo up for it!! My diary is chocka for the few weeks so beginning of April sometime is fab! x Link to comment
LilBear Posted March 1, 2008 Share Posted March 1, 2008 He did actually send me much..haha He was more of like, nudging me on MSN That is SO LAME Link to comment
gee Posted March 2, 2008 Share Posted March 2, 2008 Day 14 I'm a rookie in this forum. I joined last month. In my case i think it is a bit difficult to get my ex back...she doesn't trust me. i did some things that would make me look like a cheater..please don't judge me! i have done some things to her that I feel ashamed of..sopke to a girl on the phone and my girl heard a message that the other girl had left. i wasn't nice. this shappened 2yrs ago. She forgave me but couldn't let it go as we moved on. She would bring it up when we argued at times! Main reason for breaking up with me was she could not trust me. I sincerely did change but she could never believe me if I didnt answer the phone(she hought I was talking to someone else), working late(meant I was messing around). Look I have nothing to hide. I came here for a reason and am still here because i want to learn and grow into a better person that what I already was. To this day she believes I have "women". Honestly, if that was the case I would NOT be hear and the "women" I have would be a great way to move on. Anyway, i learned from my mistakes but she never forgave me. i am paying for what i did and i accept the punishment but the way she treated me when we broke up and to this day is uncalled for! Just to let people know in this forum..People do change, not over night, but for the future! Making misakes are just NOT worth it. I will continue NC hopeing one day she contacts me. I begged 2weeks ago that we belong together and to have a forgiving heart. A mistake on my part i guess..??? We had so much potential! Well ,thanks for reading and i will continue to do NC. I almost cracked yesterday, but I stayed strong. Take care all! Link to comment
Amore Posted March 2, 2008 Share Posted March 2, 2008 Day One (again) - The ex came in contact with me just a couple of hours after my last post (told you it's going to be nearly impossible!) I was watching a movie in my neighbor's room (lives in the room between me and my ex, and also the guy I was dancing with last night) who I suspect likes me, when I fell asleep in his bed. I woke up to my neighbor cuddled next to me (creepy, because I have no feelings for him) saying hi to my ex. My ex had come in to say hello and found me there. I jumped out of bed and told my neighbor that I didn't realize I fell asleep and was going to take a nap in my own room. I wasn't planning on saying anything to my ex, but he commented that I was wearing a new shirt and it was nice - I just replied with thanks and that I liked the bright color because it forced me to be in a happy mood. I'm planning on telling my neighbor tonight that I don't appreciate his advances, as I am going through a tough breakup and don't have feelings for him. My roommate (who is also friends with my ex) is planning on telling my ex to watch out for our neighbor because he tends to get violent when he's rejected. My neighbor liked my roommate last semester and he threw things at the guy that she rejected him for. Would it count as contacting my ex if my roommate gives him the heads up? I feel like it's cheating the NC because I know what he's going to hear and I most likely will find out his response. Guess I have to start over tomorrow Link to comment
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