THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE - SuperDave71

[NorthDallas40]

The past 24 hours were a case study in why you SHOULD KEEP TO STRICT NC if you got dumped.

 

My LDR ex of 8 months was supposed to come to visit next week but instead she broke things off last weekend. This was the 3rd time she broke up and I wasn't going to try and convince her to stay this time. So after a few emails in the middle of the week to end things on a good note, NC was in effect for me.

 

But lo and behold... she was blowing up my phone early this morning (it was 3 hours earlier for her; I'm east coast, she's west coast):

 

4:53am (Text) - My impulsive heart screams 2 me that I miss & want you!

4:53am (Missed Call)

4:56am (Missed Call)

5:52am (Text) - I want you back! Can u still thnk about moving here in June? I love u and u knw this!

 

I woke up, looked at the messages, thought "whatever - it's going to take a lot more than a text to get me back," and went back to sleep.

 

And luckily I didn't get my hopes up or reply. Because this afternoon she sent this:

 

"Im sorry about d messaging and phone calls last night Im gonna erase ur number and again Im sorry"

 

Needless to say, I haven't responded and I'm not going to. I may still love her, but the rollercoaster ride ends now.

[lovemeorleaveme00]

She's embarrassed with herself.I was like this the early part of my break up because all I needed was to talk.This happens when someone gets so emotional and is panicking.You didnt respond to her so she feels embarrassed.Im sure it wasnt her intention to blow up your phone.

I gave up on my ex because he was being unfair but afterwards I wished we had a chance to work things out.Sometimes I feel bad because I was too emotional and I was falling apart that words got in the way.I never wanted to give up but I was also looking for validation then he turned away...I hope youll have it in your heart to talk to her one day when she has calmed down.

Just my thoughts...

 

 

 

 

 

And luckily I didn't get my hopes up or reply. Because this afternoon she sent this:

 

"Im sorry about d messaging and phone calls last night Im gonna erase ur number and again Im sorry"

 

Needless to say, I haven't responded and I'm not going to. I may still love her, but the rollercoaster ride ends now.

[MNmike]

 

I decided last night that even though I'm not ready to date, that it would help me to go online at a dating site and see who is looking for a relationship. I created a dating profile but didn't put a picture on it or complete the whole thing. I decided to just "lurk" for awhile. I woke up feeling a little better today, and thinking less about my ex, because of the hope of finding someone else that that gave me.

 

 

A couple of weeks ago i met a girl while out with friends, she gave me her # and we talked once since then. I'd like to go out with her, but at times I'm so sad I don't know if I would be able to have a good time. Shes cute and nice, but I don't want to be out and then start thinking of my ex and cause me to be a bad date. She doesn't deserve that.

 

I just may get myself in the right mindset this week and call her. Maybe a little help from you guys can help.

 

If the ex is dating already, why can't I !

[lovemeorleaveme00]

day 13! Its been almost two weeks since xmas...since I last saw him

[titch_p]

So hard not to contact him. I need to try and focus on my own life.

 

Thanks for advice flyoffthewall. Really appreciate the support.

[Tshwane]

6 months, it can be done. just see my previous posts and you'll see that once i was a complete wreck. I still think of her but i've moved on. After 2years of a solid relatio...., another 2.5 on/off relationship i finally managed to move forward. I've got a new person in my life, although the demons of the past are still there, im making slight progress.

 

Listen to Superdave, he knows what he's talking about. Just trying to uplift those in need.

[Sickboy48]

35 days of NC. Going good and am happy.

[samantha20]

Does anyone else feel like they're being mean when they ignore their ex's messages? My ex kept texting me last night telling me that she didn't feel well and stuff and I felt awful ignoring her. It just felt like I was being really mean because we always used to say that we'd stay friends if we broke up and she doesn't have many other friends. I know that she hurt me and dumped me but I feel like by ignoring her I'm being spiteful and trying to hurt her back. After everything she did to me I still would never want her to feel hurt. At the same time I do want her to miss me though...

[gunpoint6]

Day 5 but but if there was contact do we restart to 1? There was way too much contact that i really could not avoid. I seen her at volleyball Friday, played the game, made small talk during the break. After the game I said goodnight and she said see you next week. Then I got a call from her on Saturday because she is supposed to buy my old car and her dad wants to test drive it. I went to her house on Sunday and her Dad test drove it then insisted I stay for dinner. I was hanging out watching TV and talking while dinner was being made. It was so hard being there and I didnt want to because it hurt too much. A guy called her while I was there and she said she would call him back after dinner. Afterwards she told me it is this guy she works with that is like her new best friend and they hang out all the time. She said he is like one of the girls. He is replacing all the things I did with her as she said they went out to the movies Saturday night. After dinner i said ok I guess you have things to do she said yeah I have to shower and stuff so she walked me out hugged me and I went home. I did notice she still has 2 photos of me and all the stuffed animals and such I gave her. I don't know if just doesnt bother her at all or what it means, I probably shouldnt analyze it. I don't understand how she would even buy my car and be able to drive it around there are so many memories there, it would kill me.

[bostoneric]

today is ~13days or so. yesterday was the day we were supposed to leave for our 10 cruise together. I was thinking of proposing to her on the cruise!!!

this is going to be a long hard week for me. i've really started to push my new life fwd. actively searching for a new place to call home, new job.. still waiting on my box of work clothes to show from the ex. almost 13 days since i emailed her what i needed.

 

why was it so easy for her to move on to another relationship before we were even done?!?!!?!??

why is this new girl of hers staying in my house now!! I want our bed, but not the mattress anymore...

 

keep strong everybody, we all have our hard times during this!

[bostoneric]

email i just received about my package!

 

oh * * * * ! i have the receipt here, it says "expected delivery date: Mon. Jan. 7th" which is today.

the tracking number is : XXXXXXXXX with UPS

do you have job interviews lined up?

how was your Christmas and New Years?

are you staying in LA?

 

why does she insist on asking me these questions?

[bostoneric]

I wrote this email back, but I just left it as a draft, again i'm not ready to talk with her yet.

but its so easy to hit send, the hard part is reading her reply.

 

 

 

star

not sure why i'm letting myself write you back this time.

(never thought so much about such a short email to you)

but i hope you understand how hard its been and why i havent contacted you much in the past month.

its not that i want you out of my life, its just well, heartbreak/healing isnt easy and i think you know how i feel........ and always will feel about you.

 

we have 3 amazing years together, so smile when you think of me!

 

eric.

[NorthDallas40]

bostoneric: Good thing you wrote that email, better that you didn't send it! Hang in there.

 

As for me, Maria called this morning, which was unusual (considering SHE BROKE UP WITH ME LAST WEEK) because she usually doesn't wake up that early, plus she knew I'm at work. Anyway, I put her into VM and she actually left a message this time. It was just to let me know that she secured a venue for this monthly DJ/band night that she's starting and thought I'd like to know. I admit that it feels good that she keeps contacting me while I'm totally blowing her off, but * * * .

 

All I can say is I guess she didn't delete my number after all.

[Sunshine75]

I don't know how many days it's been because he doesn't matter.

 

lol

 

Seriously though, I've had a couple of days that I missed him but it alternated with wanting to put him into the hospital. So I'd say it's better that I have no contact right now...

 

Do I feel bad ignoring his messages?

Never.

I actually feel good.

Like I've taken the high road.

 

I'm not allowing him to treat me poorly and I'm not treating him poorly.

I'm just not treating him like anything at all.

[bostoneric]

just got an email back from ex after I sent "package arrived thanks"

 

her email

 

"why aren't you answering any of my questions????"

 

how can i clearly say because it hurts still????

[Sunshine75]

her email

 

"why aren't you answering any of my questions????"

 

how can i clearly say because it hurts still????

 

How about:

 

"Because it's none of your BUSINESS! We broke up, remember? My life isn't your business anymore."

 

I hate it when exes want to know "how you're doing"

 

Puke!

Gag!

 

Ohhh! Another one!

How about:

"If I wanted you in my life/business maybe we'd still be together."

 

Even if they're the dumper they still hate that one.

[foleno]

How about:

 

"Because it's none of your BUSINESS! We broke up, remember? My life isn't your business anymore."

 

I hate it when exes want to know "how you're doing"

 

Puke!

Gag!

 

Ohhh! Another one!

How about:

"If I wanted you in my life/business maybe we'd still be together."

 

Even if they're the dumper they still hate that one.

 

Wow I love your mind set. I wish you were posting sooner. I could have used that kind of It my life me first additude. The spell has finally broke for me. Thinking about my ex makes me think what the * * * * . How did some one like that get near me. I'd like to get my stuff back, but besides that I really just want to punch my ex in the face now. My Ex hide an std from me. I over looked it because I though this was somebody special and they were just afriad to scare me off, boy was I changing my values. Just keep NC everyone. I know its hard, but one day. It will all change, and we love are selves all over again.

[MNmike]

Day 10

 

Found some old pics of my 30th b-day party in my car today from last year. She planned it for me. Kind of set me back a bit. Felt real sad and missed her.

 

Its slow going, but each day will eventually add up to getting over this. Unless I keep running into these damn things. At least my car is cleared out of any remains now.

[lovemeorleaveme00]

day 14! 2 weeks! love it..im in it for a long haul

[Crows]

Day zero...............

 

My ex broke up with her bf and wants to go to dinner with me soon.

 

WOw................

[bostoneric]

back to day zero for me.

 

ok i gave in and sent an email back to her.

 

its not that I want you out of my life (furthest thing from my mind), its just well, heartbreak/healing is not easy nor does it happen quickly for me. I'm not healed enough to just be friends yet, but with time I have no doubt we can connect again. I just need to take it slow right now.

 

her reply:

i understand, i just care about you and i want to make sure you are okay.

i know we will be friends and i know it will take time. i just want you to be happy.

i will always be here if you need anything.

star*

 

my reply:

thanks for understanding..

you are very special!

 

her reply:

so are you.

 

my reply:

I hope you mean that!

now i'm smiling but have tears!!!!

 

her reply:

of course i do!

no tears, though, only smiles.

 

my reply:

i cant help but have tears!!!!!! you know that about me.

 

her reply:

i know, i'm a cryer too!!

so are you staying in LA? do you have a job interivew?

if you had stayed in Portland you would have hated it. it has rained non-stop for 2 months. its really * * * * ing depressing.

 

my rerply:

LA seems like my best option right now. i've found out i have some true friends here who've done so much for me during this hard time. i cant thank them enough.

no interviews scheduled yet, i've been delaying a few waiting for my suit.

yeah i've noticed the weather there. weather there was the least of my problems.

I really did love that city thanks to you sharing it with me.

 

ok i'm going out with the guys for dinner..

i hope you understand how i feel still, even a month later its not much easier.

i care about you greatly.

 

i hope you only have beautiful memories of me!!!

 

talk to you again soon...

eric.

 

 

 

and that was the end of the conversation...

 

opinions??

[titch_p]

:splat:

uggh, back to the start again. When I've done five days I'll report back.

[samantha20]

I'm back to the beginning again too.. had a real relapse last night. She rang me and I just couldn't resist picking up. It had been so long since I heard her voice.. I just missed our chats so much, updating her on the little things that are going on in my life. I really don't think talking to her helped though. We chatted for about half an hour, but it was really painful because it was just like that chats we had before we broke up but without all the 'I love you's' and 'I miss you's'. All I wanted was to hear her say that she still loved me and has made a mistake. She just wants to be best friends though and act like our two and a half year relationship never happened. She was saying that she still has my christmas presents and wants to give them to me, but the thought of opening them makes me want to cry as I know she bought them when we were still together. She said that she wants me to have them as she still 'cares about me.' I just want her to love me again. It just felt weird trying to chat to her as a friend like nothing had happened. She asked if she could call me again today and I said that I wasn't sure if that was a good idea because it hurts. She said that if I change my mind then to ring her. She also wants to pick me up from the station when I go back to my uni town. Not sure if that's a good idea or not. It'll hurt if she's not there because everytime I have come back from home since I've been there she's come to meet me at the station. On the phone she was going on about all the things we can do as friends when I get back. It's all the same things we did when we were together. I think it would be too painful to do the same things but as friends. I associate those things with our relationship and it kind of makes it less special to carry on doing them as friends. Anyway, talking to her again just made me sad. She desperately wants to be my best friend and still spend all her time with me but how can I do that when I'm still in love with her!!

[Coach Jimmy]

She desperately wants to be my best friend and still spend all her time with me but how can I do that when I'm still in love with her!!

 

You just answered your own question....you really can't.

[Coach Jimmy]

I'm on day 7 today. I thought I was on day 5, but I checked my texts and the last time I initiated contact was on the 1st of January. Since then I've gotten 2 text messages from her and each one I promptly deleted. However I've over analyzed them and lost sleep, thinking "Why would she be texting me inside joke things we used to have while with her new BF? Is there a chance she'll come back one day." I did briefly check her facebook yesterday to see if anything was new. It only hurt and now I have to work at not doing that.