THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE - SuperDave71

[bostoneric]

I'm still struggling with this tonight.. cant sleep!! just keep thinking about the ex with this girl!!! damn her for what shes done!!

[titch_p]

Hi Flyoffthewall,

 

You, kindly, offered me support the other day so I just wanted to say I think you're are doing amazing lasting 19 days!! I know i can't give advise as it's a bit like the blind leading the blind but please know my thoughts are with you. Look at what you have achived already.

 

You have had an awful few days but you survived and you didn't contact her.

I am still trying for the no contact but I haven't quite achived it yet. He called me to wish me happy New Year but I'm covinced it was more out of guilt and genuinely wanting to speak to me and I feel worse now. I also sent him an email forward yesterday so i suppose today I'm back to day one today.

 

I could relate to alot of stuff you said especiallty when you said you talked everyday. It's so hard when you've got used to communicating things with that one special person, things we feel only they understand like jokes and comments on our daily lives.

I also identify with what you said about worrying that maybe we won't find someone that good again. We may find someone as good or even better - I certainly don't believe my ex was perfect but it is that unique person that I deeply miss and appreciate. We love people along with their faults and I love him but I know I just can't go on any longer the way I am and I have to let him go.

 

I read some other post yesterday about some poor guy contacting his ex and finding out she's engaged?! My heart goes out to him but what was interesting is that he wished he had let go- that he'd held on for a year.

I certainly don't want to be told my ex is engaged. I already found it deeply distressing to hear how he is going out and enjoying himself all the time and, by his lack, of communication, it shows I am very low on his lst of priorities. Why should I always put him on the top of my list to the detriment of the rest of my life. I know I have to make purposeful step to live my future alone. I have to face the fact I can be happy with him or without him.

 

I am seriously thinking I don't want anybody anymore. I haven't had many relationships but I put so much in (probably too much) and feel strong at first but then come out with no self esteem. I want to look after meand be okay with just me. I want to know I can be happy with just me.

 

Hope you're feeling stronger

[titch_p]

Oh, back to day one for me again!!!! I'm booking a pedicure if I last the week guys!!!!

[foleno]

I've lost track of the # of days, i'm guessing 5 now.

 

nights and mornings are the worst.

I keep telling myself she doesnt deserve somebody as amazing as me in her life!

its her loss!

 

she can enjoy her drama filled life with all her childhood issues taking toll on everybody who tries to get close to her!

 

I'm better off without her. I should feel lucky this didnt happen in a few months when we were planning to have a child together!

 

 

 

 

No she does not deserve some one like you. I a book recommend which really help some one get that strong feeling inside like that is not fair and I will never let some one treat me this way is by Dr. Laura Schlessinger, called How could you do that. The only down side when I read the book was it made me aware of all the bad things I did to my ex and realized she'd be an idiate to believe I would change and she should take me back. It made it easier to let go. Know I love her, and just know her being happy is the best way I can love her now. But ya not to talk about me. I just think the book would reinforce your belief that her behavior was not exceptable and you are right in what your doing. Happy new year every one

[bostoneric]

well i didnt sleep more then 3 maybe 4 hrs max and it wasnt very good sleep!!! and even this morning i'm really struggling still with all this!

 

 

I'm still struggling with this tonight.. cant sleep!! just keep thinking about the ex with this girl!!! damn her for what shes done!!

 

I'm still struggling with this tonight.. cant sleep!! just keep thinking about the ex with this girl!!! damn her for what shes done!!

 

today started off really hard because I did not hear from the ex last night...

then I got out with some friends and actually got a phone number of a beautiful girl. felt a little guilty after but thought to myself, it doesnt mean anything really, she could just become another amazing friend of mine here.

got home and got a call from a friend who lived accross the st from "our" house, said he saw my ex today with her new gf (yes gf) said he saw the girl and she looks like a total little boy an ugly d*ke (sorry not trying to offend)

he seemed really sure that it would end soon and she'd be calling me wanting me back.. kinda ruined my good day when i started thinking about that girl staying in my house, sleeping in my bed!! makes me sick!

 

its amazing how easily she was able to take the feelings for me and just transfer them over to this "d*ke". but its just another thing that really shows her true colors.

to think 3 years together was so easily thrown away for a girl and something shes never done before!!

 

 

 

I hate you!

when you come back and are all sad and upset @ what you've done, I will say well i hope you are/were happy with choice because I am.

if she wants me back in her life she will have to earn me back. prove to me you want me back, prove to me this wont happen again, prove to me i am the one.

other then her 10000000% effort she wont get me.

 

 

 

we had talked about about her wanting to try it a long time ago... and I always said I wasnt ok with it, even if it was 1 time to just "try". I said it would ruin our relationship. I think she didnt like that answer, and when this girl presented herself as interested my ex decided that our issues were a good excuse to "try" it out. to bad our relationship was ruined because of that choice, but it just shows you how screwed up she is in her head right now.

 

its a shame, she said she knows how much I love her, how much I want to be with her, also how much she hurt me. but that does nothing for me right now.

 

boston = mad!

[ycmanvs]

He texted me yesterday to wish me a Happy New Year. I did not answer.

In other news....I am now a GOLD MEMBER....YAY....

[yo]

I CAN DO IT. I CAN DO IT. I CAN DO IT!!!

 

I cannot let somebody else control my life. I have been thinking a lot and I know the exact mistakes that I made. Infact I have made a list of things that i screwd up that could have made her lose interest in me and call it off.

 

There's no way she's coming back. Guess I'll have to make sure I dont repeat them with the next person I am with. I am really going to take it easy and slow and try NOT to get all emotional this time. Really looking forward to the future!!!

[MNmike]

Day 5

 

What helps me is a friend of mine that can see it as it is. Rationally.

He helps me see what actually is going on.

 

Like my ex said a couple weeks back, that she wanted to see me over Christmas. A month after the break up!

Why? I ask. She is seeing someone else, and knows my heart is broken, but wanted to hang out. From a person that says I didn't do things to make her happy, that is very selfesh. Not having any consideration for my feelings.

Then when I tell her I can't she gets angry. A week later we talked, and she said next time she was in MN she would call me, to see eachother, like it'd be ok in a couple months. For her it would be better, ease her guilt or whatever. Didn't ask me if I was ok with that. After our last talk, I do believe she will not call me. She knows I have a great deal of feelings, and I am heart broken.

 

She didn't see it coming when I spilled my guts to her. She said I never told her how I feel, well I finally did, and she didn't know how to handle it. So it is what it is now. If she calls, I won't see her. If she doesn't Its probably for the best. Maybe many months, or even years from now, I'll be ok with just hanging out. That I can't say now.

 

Also my friend told me to think about what I did do. Example, 2 years ago we were not quite back together from a break up. (she broke up with me in 05), and she called me from the hospital, had apendix removed. I jumped in my car and went there for hours because I cared. Also a couple months before that she rearended a city bus. She was shook up and called me. I told her I'd bring some tools and fix her car for her. That weekend I called her when she said I should. I was concerned, because I cared about her. I wanted her to be safe. She blew me off that day. Last year I went to Germany with her, went all the palces she wanted, to her home town as a child, visited her baby sitter. I did things for her alot, but all she was concerned with this time around, was I didn't do the little things. I know I'm not good at the mushy stuff, saying what I feel. But I'm a guy, and I grew up around people that didn't do nor required much of that that to be happy. Like last Oct, when I drove 500 miles just to be there on her B-day, when I arrived I didn't have a card and flowers, she freaked, the fact that I fixed my car the night before just to get there meant NOTHING. I tried, I did what I knew meant something. But she just didn't see any of it. And she didn't let me know what she wanted that made her feel really good. I was supposed to know. Why do women expect you to just KNOW what they want?

 

If I didn't care, why am I the one hear on this site letting out my feelings to strangers, feeling like crap everyday, missing her all day, can't eat, can't sleep, would have done what ever I could to work it out. And shes off with some guy a week later. Whos the one here that really cares?

 

Needed to vent! Its just BS, the whole thing.

[lovemeorleaveme00]

day 9..............

[J_man]

17. these are going by pretty slowly

[yo]

Another day goes by and another day of NC

 

I move farther away from my ex by another day

 

And she moves farther away from my by another day

 

I really wish I could just say a quick Hi

 

I wonder if she's thinking the same too?

 

I wonder if she even cares about who I am? where I am?

 

I am sure she's moved on and is happy with her life

 

Has she?? Has she??

 

Or is she pretending like I am!

 

This is what you always wanted - space and time

 

I am giving it all to you.

 

Take it. Take it.

 

I hope you are happy atleast now

 

I really miss you and still love you like crazy V

[titch_p]

Day two,

 

Really missing him last night. Why is it we always romanticise and just remember the good things? I hate the fact I think and analyse stuff going over things I did and said thinking 'why, oh why did I say that or do that?' or why didn't I say or do the other. So many regrets but I know I have to let them go because the past is the past. I find it so easy to forgive other people but practically impossible to forgive myself. Trying to focus on other things today and let's hope things get easier.

[NorthDallas40]

Wow, is this thread really up to almost 600 pages??!?

 

In any event, I'm throwing my hat into the ring. I sent Maria this message today:

 

--------------------------------------

 

Maria -

 

Please don't take my last message as evidence that I'm coldhearted about what you wrote me on New Years or that I only care about the money. Yes, I do want you to pay it back because it is your responsibility. But if you don't, I doubt I'll have any hard feelings.

 

It's just that you've been on my mind constantly since we broke up, and the only way I can keep myself sane is keep contact to a minimum. I hope you realize that there's no way I could turn off my feelings for you so quickly. I miss you terribly, and I really do hope that our hearts will meet once more in the future. If you are ever truly ready to be serious again, nothing could make me happier than to hear from you. But I know that can only be your choice, not mine. Until then, I accept that the time is not right for us to be together, we both need to move on for now, and I truly do wish you the best in making your life what you need it to be.

 

Sincerely,

-M

 

--------------------------------------

 

Though I know I'll still check her Myspace page, NC in every other way will be in effect until her birthday in early February.

[surfjon]

Why would you break N/C for her birthda???

Treat it like any other day and hold firm in your N/C.

[iwillbefine]

Today is exactly 2 weeks since the break up. I have not contacted at all since day one. He and I lived together and while I was home for Christmas he moved all his stuff out. I have been respecting his decision to leave by leaving him alone and taking the necessary steps to piece my life back together. Yesterday my roomate informed me that while I was at work he came by unannounced and using his key waltzed into my house to pick up some things he left behind. My roomate didn't think to get the key back from him, but when she told me this I was PISSED! How dare he break things off and then disappear for 2 weeks, then when it's convenient for him just drop by like he still lives there to pick up some CD'S!

So first thing this morning I sent him an email telling him that he is disrespecting my boundries, and that he needs to return the key, and a few other things of mine that he has forgoten to give back. I understand that NC is so that I can get over things and heal, but I will break it everytime if I feel that I am being disrespected in any way.

[titch_p]

Hi Kezza

 

Even though it sounds really hard going back to a place where many of your friends are gone. I was really inspired by your positivity and that you're making active plans for the future.

From what I read about what you've been through in your previous posts I think you have an amazing attitude,

Good luck with whatever you decide to do concerning your ex.

[yo]

I gues todays been the hardest after many days of NC - I am sad, miserable, alone and I can't wait to hear my ex's voice, just hold her tightly, just be with her. I miss her soo much

 

I am soo tempted to break NC. But, I know nothing good will come out of it. I am still in a very bad state emotionally and I don't think I can handle another rejection.

 

God, why is she doing this! Why can't she just talk to me once. Why have I become soo emotional? Why does it feel like I can't live without her. Why does my mind keep going back to her over and over again.

 

I am really really sad, unhappy and have hit rock bottom. I want to do so much. I want her to come back. Wish I could somehow make her come back. There is nothing I can do. I feel like such a LOSER

[J_man]

I can't wait to hear my ex's voice, just hold her tightly, just be with her. I miss her soo much

hey man. i don't think you're making it any easier for yourself by thinking this way.

 

I am soo tempted to break NC. But, I know nothing good will come out of it. I am still in a very bad state emotionally and I don't think I can handle another rejection.

 

it is, however, a good idea to think along these lines.

 

please don't feel like a loser. that's not doing you any good either. i guess it's fine to think that for a little while, but be careful it doesn't become a recurring pattern, because that just makes everything even harder than it already is.

 

this isn't any fun, but it's making you stronger, and you've got a bunch of supportive people here.

[yo]

Thanks J_Man...

 

I was feeling OK all these days. Just feeling really emotional today.

 

How do they do it?? How can they be having so much fun and enjoying their lives, while we are just sitting and sobbing for them! It's really not fair.

 

Yes, you are right. What you think is what you feel. I really don't want to be thinking that I'm loser, lest I become one!

 

I did everything - loved her, took pains to make sure she was happy all the time, was always there for her and apart from one hate-mail that I sent after she dumped me, I don't think I have said anything to hurt her or make her unhappy. All in all, I treated her like a Goddess and placed her on a pedastal. And what did she do? Just kicked me out of her life! I think she's even convincing herself that I wanted a breakup and I never really loved her!

 

I guess it's all my fault. I should have never really loved her so much. She had given up on her life. She started smoking, drinking, hanging out with guys and started doing all the wrong things. I made her quit all of that. She's told me sooo many times that she was soo happy that she met me and I changed her life so much.

 

Then, why the F did she have to leave me if she still cared about me and loved me soo much? It just feels like she was sooo selfish. Her life became better. She started seeing things right again and she didn't want me anymore. Just kicked me out of her life. Now, she doesn't even want to talk to me and hangs up on me!! And this was the girl who couldn't sleep in the night before hearing my voice, who'd call me like 3 Am whenever she had bad dreams and would ask and telll me everything that's goin on in her life! How people change Guess it's all my fault. I should have never expected anything from her in return. I just wanted her love, nothing more that's all I asked for.

 

Anyway, wherever she is, with whoever she is, let her just be happy....

[J_man]

how old are you, and how old is she, and how long were you together, and when did you break up, and what's your first and last name, credit card number, expiration date, and cvv (number on the back)

 

i s'pose i just want the first 4 answered

[gunpoint6]

ok I'm in...broken up November 2nd after a 2 year relationship...

 

My only exceptions that I ask is I play on a volleyball team with her every friday for an hour. I do not want to quit this and screw the team over. I plan to be polite say hi keep the conversation limited, play the game, say goodbye and leave. Also January 14th is her 21st birthday and I feel I should at least adknowledge this and give her a quick call just to wish her happy birthday.

 

Do you approve SuperDave or have further advice for me?

[Crows]

Ex contats me on msn... implies shes bord again.. ughh..

 

says she wants a salad from this place we always went to... i dont ask.. she doent ask to go..... so i wait............................. i say "oh are you implying you want to go ?" and she says "oh not tonight" blah blah blah.

 

ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

 

its like we both dont want to ask

[rich0323]

I will give this a shot. I was with my ex for 13 years, 2 years of it married. Both sweethearts since 9th grade. She left me for a co-worker of hers October 2006 and we remained in touch since then but she played it off like it was just a fling at first. She is still with the guy but I have always given in when she calls or emails me to see how I am doing. I have been debating on doing NC for some time now and I need to get the backbone to do it.

[bostoneric]

got an email from the dumper today. I havent contacted her in any way since last week thursday when I sent her an email and all i said was I need my work clothes and my new temp address.

other then that we havent talked since 2nd week of december.

her email today.

 

hi there,

happy new year! did you get your package? are you back in LA?

how was your Christmas?

S.

 

I refuse to answer this email, 1 i'm not even close to being healed yet.

2. i know shes just checking in on me, helps her feel less guilt if I reply "i'm great or whatever"

3. its none of her business right now.

i'm sure there are others also.

[foleno]

I wanted my love to come back. Yep I have moved on. I went on a date today, and have one with some one new this weekend. I really do not know guys. I do not want to love some one else. I can not go through this again. I can not. I do not even know if love is real. My ex did so much for me, I never had a girl cry and be so open with me. I just do not understand. Now I am just going to create this with some one else. I just do not know if I can. Ya I am a big baby. Sorry. It just seems so hard to understand. I am a very logic person. This loving and feelings just seems. Well ya I guess what will be will be.