THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE - SuperDave71

[farfrmnormal]

Not to hi-jack the thread - which one was it you took?

[thinkstoohard]

I am FINALLY ready for the challenge. Consider me in as of 2:56 PM Central Standard time. Date is 10/22/2007.

 

DAY 1

[emalkoc]

4 weeks exactly today and I am feeling horrible right now....but better than 2 weeks ago, hell better than 4 weeks ago...I hope I will be twice happier than today...but for sure, I am in a lot of pain...

 

Good luck everyone..

 

Eric

[CreoUCLA]

Not to hi-jack the thread - which one was it you took?

 

They were actually courses offered in my MBA program (at the University of San Francisco), so you have to be a student to take it. The last course was a weekend seminar, in which we did a lot of experiential exercises and other activities relating to individual growth.

 

If you're in the mood for a little reading, one of the books was "Reflections on the Art of Living: A Joseph Campbell Companion" by Diane Osbon. Definitely a good read...

 

-Mike-

[narudahija]

i broke NC last sunday, i was already on my 4th day. it was the worst thing that ever happened to me.

 

i gave my ex a surprise visit on his home, only to find out that he had brought a woman home the night before. i have seen the evidences... still in his room. he told me it was just a one-night stand.. that he was somehow pressured by the things going on in his career.. and he said i already told him that i will be gone for good. i am until now devastated as hell.

 

the worst thing is we spent that night together. he told me he loves me still and that he is sorry he hurt me. he told me to give him time to think. to just let him be. he wanted us to be friends. he wanted to start from the very beginning and see where this leads us.

 

i feel like a loser here. the worst kind. am so devastated. but i hope to get moving. they say, it is not how hard you fall, it is how graciously you get up after the fall.

 

am on my Day1. this is my third attempt. please support me in anyway you can. what i had been through was really devastating. i want to find my way to happiness again. please help me.

[CreoUCLA]

am on my Day1.

 

Don't beat yourself up too much over this. It really is his loss, and now you know the kind of guy he truly is. You know how this makes you feel... Remember exactly how you feel, to keep you from ever doing that again.

 

I have my ex's apartment keys still on my keychain, and I was almost tempted to swing by her place when I was in town the other week. But, I feared exactly what you experienced. That I would find the guy she has a "crush on" at her place.

 

You're a wonderful human being. Don't let this guy drag you down, because he really doesn't seem worth it!

 

You're on Day 1... Make the most of you from here on out.

 

-Mike-

[narudahija]

i hope so. i am a strong person. i wish i pass this test.

[CreoUCLA]

i am a strong person.

 

Yes you are! Don't ever forget that...

 

-Mike-

[selkie]

I ABSOLUTELY dont want my back, but I still understand how hard it is to resist them when they attempt contact.

I thought it would be easy but its hard .... I ignored his increasingly frantic IMs tonight, but it was so painful to not give in and say Hi back.

Thats why I will reiterate for the millionth time the two best means of maintaining no contact.

1. Shutting down all avenues of contact.

2. Keeping insanely busy at all times.

[CreoUCLA]

I ignored his increasingly frantic IMs tonight, but it was so painful to not give in and say Hi back.

 

I hope I can be strong and stick to NC if the ex ever tries to contact me..

 

-Mike-

[bummedout4]

Day 7 here. I think i am really at a turning point. I still miss my my ex and would love to make it work but I just think about what she has done to me, the way she has done it and how right now she is a different person. The urge to talk to her is diminishing every day, and I hope to keep on this path. Whether she will contact me in the future, I don't know, I guess when that happens I'll deal with it then. For now I am feeling stong b/c I think of all the pain I am going through and the disregard for my feelings she has, after 4 years. Whether she is hurting or not, I don't know, I think she is distracting herself from it, sooner or later, it will hit her. Hope to be on the way to being healed by then.

[farfrmnormal]

DAY 2

 

Yesterday was a good day – it started off well. Sunny, and warm. Not something you would expect for a fall day in Ontario. Sun makes me smile & definitely improves ones outlook on the day. I have been focusing on positive thoughts and feelings – through my readings of “The Secret” and watching the documentary movie. It makes sense and to be honest, it does work. Yesterday for example; on my way back to work I envisioned myself parking in a parking spot closer to the front of the building. Guess what, when I got there all I had to do was wait a few seconds and I had a parking spot that was much closer to the building. However; happy thoughts do not always keep you happy. The last few hours of work my mood seemed to change – I talked to my mom about it when I got home. I immediately did something about it. I watched another portion of “The Secret” and the rest of my evening was great. Now to tackle today….positive thoughts.

[CreoUCLA]

Day 13

 

I think that I am getting better, because during the last few days I've had to look back at what day I'm actually on.

 

In spending time alone and talking things through with friends, I'm coming to even greater revelations about "what went wrong" in my past relationship. As much as she had an emotional crush/connection with someone else earlier this year, I realized that I did have one too. We really weren't there for each other during the past year, and right now I think it's a combination of the distance and her not loving herself/insecurities.

 

Honestly, I don't think I would have seen these if I did not have this break from my ex. Each day that passes, I feel like I'm learning more and more. I guess only time will tell what the future holds for us...

 

It's a beautiful day here in S.F., and I plan on going to the beach in the early evening to take some photos at sunset. I also have dinner plans with a friend for tonight, so that should keep me ocupado.

 

-Mike-

[begentlewithme]

Day erm donno about 14-18wks not sure I lost count and stopped counting.

 

So just so you guys know it is possible to be strong enough not too, I think it is more about changing the habit of wanting and needing to call, alot of the time, and it takes 4wks to change a habit.

[CreoUCLA]

Day 14

 

Well, two weeks since I got the "we need to break up, because this break isn't working... you're not giving me time to think" line. Since then, I've been NC and haven't looked back. I don't even feel tempted to contact her, although there are times I check my phone/e-mail to see if she's contacted me. But, I'm getting better.

 

Yes, I still miss her. Yes, I still love her. But no, I don't want to be in a relationship with her right now. She's got issues that she needs to work out (apparently without me), and I'm busy putting my life/future together. I've spent enough time doing everything to make her happy... It's my turn!

 

I will be graduating with my MBA/M.S. in less than 2 months, move back to Los Angeles (where me and my ex are from and where she currently lives), and get back to workin'. Then whatever happens, happens...

 

Yesterday, I went with a friend to a local beach to take some photos. The sunset was beautiful!

 

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[CreoUCLA]

Day 15

 

Well, here I am, just around halfway through the challenge. Last night, I had a tiny setback... I am in a friend's wedding on Saturday, and I started to think about all of the weddings that I've been to with my ex over the past ~6 years.

 

Then my focus shifted to Halloween next week. Over the past few years, I have had classes on Halloween evening, so I was never able to attend Halloween parties with her. This will be the first Halloween that I don't have an evening class...

 

Oh well... I can't dwell/live in the past. I need to move on, work on me, and look towards the future. Is she comes back, great. If not, I will be a better person (repeating that thought in my head).

 

I'm catching a plane down to Los Angeles in a couple hours... A friend is picking me up, and we're planning to have lunch. There's a wedding rehearsal tomorrow, and then the wedding is an all-day event on Saturday (since I'm a groomsman). I will have a lot of friends there, so it should be fun (no sadness allowed!)!

 

-Mike-

[emalkoc]

DAY 34

 

I had a very hard day yesterday..Then I am feeling good today...I think I am going for long run..I convinced myself that things will OK..

 

Bright days in front us everyone!!!

 

Cheers

 

Eric

[CreoUCLA]

Day 16

 

I was reading some articles last night by Robert Burney on "codependence" that really seems to fit our relationship dynamics with me and my ex (her being the codependent one)...

 

"What is normal and natural in romantic relationships in this society is for a person whose primary fear is abandonment to get involved with someone whose primary fear is being smothered/losing self. The person with abandonment fears reacts to shows of independence on the part of the other as if the other were abandoning them. That causes them to become more needy and clinging - which causes the other person to pull away - which causes the first person to cling more - which causes the other to pull away more. Eventually the person with abandonment fears gets angry and disgusted and pulls back into themselves - which to the other makes it safe to come back and plead to be let back in. And after a short honeymoon period the dance can start all over again."

 

link removed

 

It's quite interesting, and I would love to send the article to her, but I know that she is on a voyage of self-discovery, and it just wouldn't be the right time. Maybe one day in the future?

 

I am actually feeling pretty good. I'm feeling more confident, and optimistic that everything will work out for the best. Each day, I feel like I'm letting go more and more... I'm really using this time to learn and grow!

 

My friends and family have been very supportive, and I believe that's one of the real reasons I'm healing/learning so quickly. I even got back in touch with an old friend from college, who I haven't really spoken to in at least 3 years.

 

Today, I have some work to finish up, and then I'm heading to my friend's wedding rehearsal. The next few days should be busy/fun!

 

-Mike-

[inlove123]

When I first saw this in its beginning stages I didnt want to participate because I really felt that id fail. But its only been a few days and quite honestly. I feel great. Like Creo said, I still miss her, I still love her very much, but I no longer feel tempted to call her anymore. Yet I still do check my emails and phone to see if I got a txt message from her. lol But I dont expect anything right now from her.

[CreoUCLA]

Day 17

 

It was a long day of wedding activities (6am-12am), but I thoroughly had a lot of fun! That is, until I was just about to walk down the aisle with a bridesmaid for the ceremony and my ex sends me a text message saying, "Please tell your friends I said congratulations." This is the first time I've heard from her in nearly 3 weeks. I didn't reply, but I did show my friends that she congratulated them.

 

The rest of the night, I had even more fun. I drank with a lot of my good friends, danced with a lot of different girls, and didn't feel depressed at all (not like the other weekend I drank with other friends). We even capped the night off with a 3am Carl's Jr. run.

 

When I got back to my friend's house last night (I stayed over), I got an e-mail from the ex saying that she misses me, but knows we can't be together, that she's working on herself right now, and that she's sorry for breaking my heart and hopes that I can find it in my heart to be in her life one day as friends.

 

Honestly, I know that this break/break-up is for the best. I want to tell her, but I know that it's still too early - I'm not completely healed, both of us need time to grow, and she hasn't had enough time to miss me (*snicker*). Maybe in a month or two, I will... But for now, I really don't feel compelled at all to contact her (plus, SuperDave71 will duct tape me!).

 

Day 18

 

Today I woke up surrounded by friends. I feel pretty good, and we were all reminiscing about the wedding last night... Good times indeed!

 

Today I'm going to lunch with friends, and plan to just hang out. It's a recovery day from all of yesterday's activities.

 

-Mike-

[Crows]

Any few days of no contact begins for me.. ughhhh

 

Lets seee how long it takes for her to come back and send me or call me

 

2 days.........

[Betty Boop]

Hi All

 

NC for 11 days now, not too hard for me, felt I was having to take a bit of control of my situation.

 

He comes around every 2 weeks or so to see friends and pops in to see me and to collect mail, I find it all a bit of a strain, I feel awkward as I don't know how to react to him, seems strange as I am still living in the house we bought together and have been staying in it alone since he left me in June. Maybe that's another reason for the awkwardness, it's our house, but we are apart, his choice not mine.

 

I started NC as I just felt that he has controlled everything up till now, he's chosen his life, but also chosen mine, a life I don't want, I wanted us to stay together and grow old together, we were so happy once upon a time, I don't know where it all went wrong.

 

Anyway since I decided on NC I didn't know what to do with his mail, don't know how much of it is important stuff, suppose he could have phoned to see if there was ay for him, but he chose not to. In spite of myself, in spite of NC, I had to text him to tell him it was here, and did he want me to post it to his work, he won't give me his new address.

 

He replied saying that he would come down and collect it through the week if that was ok, I said ok.

 

Will still feel very awkward when he comes round, I must find another way of getting his mail to him, the last connection and reason for him coming to the house.

 

Did I did the right thing? what do you think.

 

This is my story

 

 

[heynowwww]

Hey Everyone,

 

I am so far on no contact Ive lost count. It has to be 3 months at this point. I still feel lonely sometimes but really am getting better each and everyday. I no longer desire to have her back and have no desire to speak to her ever again. For those who are fresh out keep up the good fight and things will get better. Just do whats best for you. Good luck.

[CreoUCLA]

Day 19

 

Another day, and another reminder that everything is happening for the best... I know that I shouldn't be caring for/about my ex, but my heart is smiling knowing that she really is working on herself. That one day, because of all of this, she will be a healthier/happier person. And you know what? So will I!

 

I know deep down that I do want to reconnect with her in the future. How long that will take remains to be seen, but all I can do right now is give her and myself time to work on ourselves.

 

My favorite song right now is Michael Bublé's song "Lost." It's embodies everything I want to tell her...

 

I can't believe it's over

I watched the whole thing fall

And I never saw the writing that was on the wall

If I'd only knew

The days were slipping past

That the good things never last

That you were crying

 

Summer turned to winter

And the snow it turned to rain

And the rain turned into tears upon your face

I hardly recognized the girl you are today

And god I hope it's not too late

It's not too late

'Cause you are not alone

I'm always there with you

And we'll get lost together

Till the light comes pouring through

'Cause when you feel like you're done

And the darkness has won

Babe, you're not lost

When your world's crashing down

And you can't bear the thought

I said, babe, you're not lost

 

Life can show no mercy

It can tear your soul apart

It can make you feel like you've gone crazy

But you're not

Things have seem to changed

There's one thing that's still the same

In my heart you have remained

And we can fly fly fly away

 

'Cause you are not alone

And I am there with you

And we'll get lost together

Till the light comes pouring through

'Cause when you feel like you're done

And the darkness has won

Babe, you're not lost

When the world's crashing down

And you can not bear to crawl

I said, baby, you're not lost

I said, baby, you're not lost

I said, baby, you're not lost

I said, baby, you're not lost

 

Have a great day everyone, and stay strong! Better days are coming...

 

-Mike-

[CreoUCLA]

Will still feel very awkward when he comes round, I must find another way of getting his mail to him, the last connection and reason for him coming to the house.

 

Did I did the right thing? what do you think.

 

This is my story

 

]

 

Do you have mail forwarding/address changing services in the UK? Here in the U.S., we can apply at the post office for mail to be re-routed to a new address, to give you enough time to get important mail/notify people of a new address. Otherwise, if you're seeing him when he picks up the mail, tell him to let the important companies/people know his new address, because you won't be saving his mail anymore. Or, even better, just leave the mail in a bag at the front door on the day he's supposed to pick it up, with a note saying the same thing in it.

 

You need to break this last connection, so that you can start the healing process. You can't let go/heal if he's still in your life (that's what I've had to accept). From here on out, you're doing things for yourself. It'll be difficult at the beginning, but doing the hard work and investing in yourself now will pay off in the end.

 

-Mike-