seeking input on masturbation and relationships

[shelbymustang_fan]

Hey everybody. I'm back this time with a few questions. My girlfriend and I have talked several times about sex, and I am a little surprised and concerned that she doesn't know much of anything about herself down there. She is in her early twenties. She says that she has never masturbated, and that she has never really given it any thought. She said that she has never even really looked at herself down there. She says that she doesn't look because its gross/ugly.

 

We have fondled eachother many times, and at first, she didn't understand why she was getting all wet down there, so I had to explain that it happens naturally, and it serves as lubrication when you are having sex. Also, she does not seem to know her anatomy...meaning she does not know what any parts affiliated with her vagina are, or what they do. Recently, she had me insert my finger inside her so she could see what it felt like. We had open communication, and I went very slow. She had minor pain...(she is a virgin, and my finger was a pretty tight fit)...But when I got about half my finger inside her, she suddenly got a very strange look on her face...maybe a confused/scared look, I don't know. The facial expression made me stop immediately, and I asked her what was wrong, and if it hurt. She said it didn't hurt much, but that it just felt weird having something inside her.

 

I'm sure she will be extremely sensitive because she has never placed her own fingers inside, nor does she even use the tampons that are inserted inside the body either, but I feel a little uneasy that I am the first person exploring around her vagina. I would feel much more comfortable if she would experiment on herself first so she knows what it feels like and what to expect...etc. I told her that I thought she should learn more about her body, masturbate, and explore her body herself simply to learn about it.

 

My questions:

 

Does this make sense, should I worry about the fact that she doesn't know herself very well?

 

After I told her that I thought she should explore her body, she started asking me if I masturbate and how I do it, and how often...etc. I was open with her, and she seemed more comfortable with the idea after the talk, so I think she may try it sometime. So should I let it go at this point, or should I bring it up again and explain that I am un-comfortable touching her down there when she doesn't know what she wants, or what to expect?

 

 

Also, any other input/advice appreciated

 

Thanks

[Agathon]

Wow, that's... quite amazing, and scary for you.

 

IMO I believe it's a legit concern about her not exploring herself, and you should definitely let her get used to that before you do anything.

 

Also, if she does start, better not to push and let her do her own thing, just maybe try and find out when she does it and help her with any questions.... actually tell her to look it up. That way she's still exploring and researching herself.

 

Wow... that's something else man. Good luck. My GF knows EVERYTHING about girls... annoys me sometimes.

[Cardinal]

I would be concerned. It would make me curious about her past. I'd start thinking she must have grown up in a household that was very closeminded about sex (with an equally poor education system in that department).

 

Just take it really slowly and give her all the time she needs to get comfortable. Just don't be surprised if some very weird issues come up.

 

That is pretty amazing to not even know what your own parts are like in more than 20 years. The sexual inexperience and lack of masturbation I don't see as any big deal...but the whole situation? Wow!

[Northalius]

Tell her your exact feelings! Communication is key in healthy a relationship!

 

Tell her this exact thing, as well! Let her know not to hide any emotions from you, especially while touching her intimately.

[EvaGina]

Whoa

 

No, no its not normal...

imo there are two reasons for this, first being she has no natural sex drive... its a human drive to fondle yourself...

 

second being she has MAJOR guilt issues when it comes to sex, which sounds more likely seeing as she thinks its "gross". This could mean a huge amoutn of hassle for you later on.

 

Good luck... I say talk to her.

[shelbymustang_fan]

Cardinal- I am concerned about why she is like this also. Her family is not really against it or anything. She is definitely lacking sexual education though. Another poster brought up that she may be discusted at the idea of sexual activity...which is not the case either. She is usually the one to initiate the intimate play. We have talked about sex before, and she wants that too, when we are ready. I am not ready for sex yet, nor is she. But, I'm getting to the point where I feel completely comfortable around her, and sex probabaly is not too far fetched at this point. But I'm not going to until I'm sure she understands her body, and until I'm sure without doubt that she is ready too.

 

Thanks for the advice.

 

More input always welcome!

[Newo Ikkin]

I dont understand why its 'not normal'. I never did. I never felt the need too. Am I screwed up?

 

I'd damn well say there's nothing for you to be concerned about. Help her explore her own body - see what feels good and what doesnt.

[Newo Ikkin]

Wow, that's... quite amazing, and scary for you.

 

IMO I believe it's a legit concern about her not exploring herself, and you should definitely let her get used to that before you do anything.

 

Also, if she does start, better not to push and let her do her own thing, just maybe try and find out when she does it and help her with any questions.... actually tell her to look it up. That way she's still exploring and researching herself.

 

Wow... that's something else man. Good luck. My GF knows EVERYTHING about girls... annoys me sometimes.

 

Agathon, I'm not trying to start a war here, but maybe you have this jaded opinion because you yourself find it hard to tear your hand away from your penis? Quote/unquote your New Years Resolution?

[sparkle1]

I didn't think anything was unusual about your thread or your situation,

 

there are girls and boys out there who are very tuned into their sexuality and their bodies...and there are some who in't got a clue..like your gf.

 

i don't think she is a freak for having never touched herself.....its not as easily accepted as some people on this forum think it is.

 

There is nothing wrong with her - and i think IMO that you're making her feel like she has an issue when she doesn't.

 

I think this is actually exciting for you...you will be her first experience of having someone else touch you and excite you....you should feel honoured that she wants it to be you.

 

This is a different spin on the rest of the guys on here...but that i what i think.

 

Take it slow, and make sure she knows that she is special and unique - not a freak for having never gotten her self off.

 

Sparkle xx

[Deviant_Kate]

It is a little odd that she's so unfamiliar with her own body, but beyond giving her time and encouragement to explore herself and her sexuality, I'd say don't worry about it. Maybe you should suggest she do some reading about female anatomy - from an actual BOOK, not just whatever she can find on the internet unless it's a medical website. "What Your Mother Never Told You About S-E-X" by Dr. Hilda Hutcherson is pretty good. It's full of good information.

[kevin_18]

Newo Ikkin and Sparkle1 are completely right. I know my best friend (a guy) has never masturbated and neither has someone else I know, purely for moral reasons. It's not that weird and you really should feel priveleged that her first sexual experience will be initiated by/with you.

 

This is something I honestly don't know; how easy is it for girls to get wet without masturbating? You don't have to produce lubricant (don't know how else to say it) if you're orgasming do you? I mean you can have multiple orgasms just with your mind and in other parts of your body can't you? She might have felt she never had the urge to for those reasons or the ones below.

 

Has she got a low sex drive and her eagerness to get it on with you is because she suddenly feels she desparately wants to or your the first person she's felt she loved/trusted to confide in/experiment with/wanted inside her?

 

Or if her knowledge on the matter is so limited, maybe she felt scared to try it out for a number of more reasons (i.e. medical, moral, something/s she heard that made her afraid and may have stayed with her subconsciously to do with either of the previous).

 

Didn't she ever think about sex much? Has she never been very attracted to anyone? Did she have a long buried idea in her mind that she wanted the first time to seriously be the first time?

 

An incident occurred involving herself/someone she knew/or that she just saw happen either with her own eyes or through a film/something she read, which in whatever case, stayed with her.

 

These are all just some ideas and questions which you should keep in mind when you talk to her, which, as everyone so rightly says, you must do at an appropriate time.

 

btw it's all just some food for thought and keep in mind how I started this off; She's not that abnormal. As sparkle1 put it, "i think IMO that you're making her feel like she has an issue when she doesn't.".

 

I don't know you or her so everything I've just typed might be a waste of time. Be honest with yourself, no offence meant, but are you on a bit of an ego trip?

 

You want sex in your relationship, but how long do you want the relationship if there won't be any/much sex?