What is marriage for?

[anggrace]

Hmmm.. I think by answering my own question, Ive found some clarity.

Im think Im just afraid to say forever. Im all about comitment now, I put everything into my relationship. Theres nothing more that I want than the security of a great relationship. I guess Im just afraid of false life long comitments/promises. Im sceptical. It probably has to do with the fact that my moms been married four times, and with the exception of my current dad, none of them seemed to care to stay in my life. It didn't seem to affect my sister in this way and I don't want to blame anyone, but Im sure it skwed my perception of men and comitment. I know I can change that. But its hard to be optimistic when there seems to be SO many failed marriages.

[herenow]

After my first marriage failed, my father (who had never mentioned his spiritual views to me in my life) shocked me by writing to me that marriage is not a contract between two people, but a contract between three entities: the husband, the wife, and God.

 

If he had said that to me at any time before in my life, I would have scoffed. But after the divorce, I suddenly understood exactly what had been missing in my first marriage.

 

My current husband and I are very happy being married.

 

We made our commitment before God, and we include God in our relationship in a very active way. It makes all the difference in the world for us.

 

My husband has opened up to me tremendously since the actual wedding ceremony. He was rejected a lot in the past by other women and was never sure, despite my reassurances, that I wasn't going to leave him, too. Now that he knows I am not going anywhere, he feels safe and secure. Maybe he was "supposed" to feel secure before we got married, but the fact of the matter is, he does feel more secure now that we actually are married. I am thrilled by the change and I have to admit that I feel more secure, too.

 

I wouldn't want to have children with someone who wasn't in it for the long haul. Yes, children survive when their parents split, but it's not a happy thing for them. My husband's parents split when he was young, and in spite of the great job his mom did as a single mother, it really affected him deeply.

 

So especially if a couple is considering having children, I recommend marriage. Why have the children if you don't plan on making family your number one commitment and priority in life? And if you do make family your number one priority, then why not get married?

 

As a practical matter, if I were hospitalized with some serious injury or condition, I would not want the hospital to keep my husband from seeing me just because only direct family members are allowed into the emergency room etc. My husband knows my wishes and I would want him to be able to sign decision-making papers for me--I don't want my parents, who don't understand my wishes, to be my legal next of kin.

 

This is an aside, but I have a gay friend who was unable to visit his partner (who had no other family members close by) in the hospital because they were unable to be legally married. That was really, really terrible. By the way, I am for civil unions for same-sex couples for that reason, even though I do not believe that the law should force churches to perform church marriages for those couples.

[Aleadragonhawk]

This topic made me think, so I decided to ask my fiancee his reasons for wanting to get married. One of his reasons? "I'll get cheaper automobile insurance."

[FallenAngel00]

I think marriage is what you make it. To me, marriage is saying, i am with you through thick and thin, and will give my honest best to the relationship. The actualy marriage ceremony is a way of showing that to everyone in your life that means something to you.

 

I totally get that people have different views on this, especially since divorce rates are INSANE now a days. I think alot of people get married for the wrong reason - pregnancy being a big one either way, Im not going to let statistics decide what i want.

 

What about Diamonds and Rings??? I do NOT believe that a guy needs to buy me an expensive diamond to tell me that he wants to marry me. This drives me insane!!! Who decided that Diamonds are forever - marketing and advertising!!!! - Its such a scam (sorry, i studied advertising and marketing in school) When i do get married i swear its not going to be with rings... it will be something more unique and personallized to OUR relationship.

[FallenAngel00]

This topic made me think, so I decided to ask my fiancee his reasons for wanting to get married. One of his reasons? "I'll get cheaper automobile insurance."

 

LoL... Hopefully he was kidding and you have a sense of humor. thats hilarious

[StarLily]

Maybe it's to say "I don't want anyone but you"

[TheFoglifter]

Marriage is a legally binding business arrangement which allows a woman the option of taking away half or more of what a man has earned (present AND future) when she decides she does not want to be with him anymore.

[anggrace]

For those who have been married, I guess you perception of marriage is whatever it has been for you; good, bad, conveniant, painfull, ect.

For those who want to get married, your perception is whatever you want it to be.

For those of us who like the idea, but are scepticall, our perception is perhaps b/c of what we've chosen to look at.

[Batya33]

Marriage is a legally binding business arrangement which allows a woman the option of taking away half or more of what a man has earned (present AND future) when she decides she does not want to be with him anymore.

 

Completely inaccurate as far as divorce and why the gender-specific statement? If a person decides he/she doesn't want to be married anymore, there are a variety of factors that go into whether he/she gets alimony including where the couple resides, etc. One of my friends has been paying alimony to her ex husband for many years - he doesn't work.

[Devchonka]

I agree with what this person is saying about marriage. A lot of people DO get married for the wrong reasons: whether it is not being mature enough to understand that marriage won't fix what is wrong already in the relationship but infact may intensify it, or pregnancy where people forget to concider that maybe suffering together is just not a great lifestyle for a child to grow in, or just misunderstanding or discovering that maybe it's comfort of having a partner and not love that kept you together.

 

I am very skeptical about people becoming engaged and married because sometimes there are obvious clues to the fact that they are in love with love and not each other. If the couple constantly fights...what makes them think marriage is a good step forwards a happy and healthy future? I fully believe that if you cannot communicate with each other rationally and objectively then there's a good chance the marriage won't last.

 

I can't be sinical and say that marriage is useless. In this world, full of liars, cheaters, rash decisions about love... marrying is saying: I love you, you are the woman I want to spend my time with until my death, I want us to be a unit, a family, to grow old together, you are the one and that will never change.

 

It is so easy to say it, but to pronounce it to the world is so much more powerful.

 

Also there's the fact that, if your husband dies unexpectantly, what you worked for together and everything under his name won't go to the relatives, thus eveyrthing being taken away from you and your child. There are legal reasons for marrying as well.

 

As far as for the diamond ring: I don't care about the size of the diamond...in fact i would love a non traditional ring, but i do want a ring. Right now I'm somewhat engaged...i say somewhat because though we have talked about spending our life together, and he has made it very clear that i am the love of his life and he wants me to be his wife and life partner (as I have told him aswell) I just cannot pronounce us engaged if there's no actual traditional proposal. There's something in showing proof to your parents, your friends, the world that yes he really means it (I know him, and I know it's only natural for us, and it feels very strange calling him my boyfriend when things are so much more between us...but telling someone this...words mean nothign in this world to the general audience). I guess you could put it off as a female thing: when someone asks me when we became engaged, it feels strange to say...well, we have discussed this for a long time now and it's just the right thing for us, he is what makes me happy, etc. I would like to have a day, a description, something to show and look at that reminds me of his love when he's not around.

 

I know, if we never marry, we will still be just as happy to be together as we would be if we're married, but I want the world to know this too. I have a friend that is with her boyfriend for life, they have decided that marriage is not somethign they want but that they want to spend the rest of their life's together...but everytime she calls him her boyfriend it feels so awkward for me because no one really knows how much more beyond just being girlfriend and boyfriend they are. I just don't want to call him my boyfriend when we're 60

[EmergingGoddess]

Does God/Goddess/Higher Power need a piece of paper from us human beings to show how much a couple loves each other? What's there to prove? The heart is already seen by the Divine, but people rarely show it to themselves or each other.

 

It seems to be all in an effort not to hurt someone's feelings or being judged as 'odd' for not marrying at a certain age or a certain gender by a certain time in one's life. This attitude is for the birds!

 

From my personal experience says that if one's family dynamic was so messed up, (ie, addictions, obsessions, various abuses and no spiritual/emotional bonding of any kind) avoid having intense relationships and kids until one feels half way decent; there's no need to repeat the nasty cycle and make others suffer.

 

I think marriage is obscenely overrated and people don't think clearly before jumping in. This whole "needing marriage for security" or "I can't feel good until I make people feel secure"else thing is what messed up folk in the first place.

 

Hasn't mankind grown up enough to say, "hey, we're equal human beings capable of caring for ourselves. We can learn to be self-sufficient...?"

 

I think I've done my part in the equation.

 

I think it's a throwback from the caveman days that's still stuck in the DNA of most folk who feel so magnetically drawn to it. Perhaps that is why there's the problem for alot of women struggling to earning enough money/speaking up for themselves, and clearly deciding for themselves whether to have children or not due to pressures of family, friends, strangers and society, while at the same time some men feel like they're nothing until they can find someone to take care of make children just so he feels his bloodline's not dying out. People need to just learn to make more consicous choices.

 

I'm just one person who's 30ish, unmarried and no kids and turned down a long distance telephone proposal a few months ago. While being proposed to felt very wonderful, exhilirating and overwhelming, and thought about all my habits and his...thought it over and made my clear headed choice with no problem, and also fended off a stubborn ex boyfriend who wanted me to be committed eight months ago, because he couldn't find anyone else 'decent' enough

(which I think was b.s. and told him not to wait for me but move on and find someone else-- since he 'blew it' the last time).

 

As one can tell, I love my freedom.

 

I think it's time to reevaluate everything about marriage and relationships and let everyone be so that each individual person can create the life they want without been pulled every which way but together. It's scary, but I think it'll stop the high divorce rate regardless of what country one lives in.

[Hayles]

I don't know so much that I can answer what it is for, but I do feel it goves couples more to hold onto... people fight for their marriage more than they are willing to fight for their relationships that lack that "commitment" in my opinion.