EmergingGoddess

Does God/Goddess/Higher Power need a piece of paper from us human beings to show how much a couple loves each other? What's there to prove? The heart is already seen by the Divine, but people rarely show it to themselves or each other. It seems to be all in an effort not to hurt someone's feelings or being judged as 'odd' for not marrying at a certain age or a certain gender by a certain time in one's life. This attitude is for the birds! From my personal experience says that if one's family dynamic was so messed up, (ie, addictions, obsessions, various abuses and no spiritual/emotional bonding of any kind) avoid having intense relationships and kids until one feels half way decent; there's no need to repeat the nasty cycle and make others suffer. I think marriage is obscenely overrated and people don't think clearly before jumping in. This whole "needing marriage for security" or "I can't feel good until I make people feel secure"else thing is what messed up folk in the first place. Hasn't mankind grown up enough to say, "hey, we're equal human beings capable of caring for ourselves. We can learn to be self-sufficient...?" I think I've done my part in the equation. I think it's a throwback from the caveman days that's still stuck in the DNA of most folk who feel so magnetically drawn to it. Perhaps that is why there's the problem for alot of women struggling to earning enough money/speaking up for themselves, and clearly deciding for themselves whether to have children or not due to pressures of family, friends, strangers and society, while at the same time some men feel like they're nothing until they can find someone to take care of make children just so he feels his bloodline's not dying out. People need to just learn to make more consicous choices. I'm just one person who's 30ish, unmarried and no kids and turned down a long distance telephone proposal a few months ago. While being proposed to felt very wonderful, exhilirating and overwhelming, and thought about all my habits and his...thought it over and made my clear headed choice with no problem, and also fended off a stubborn ex boyfriend who wanted me to be committed eight months ago, because he couldn't find anyone else 'decent' enough (which I think was b.s. and told him not to wait for me but move on and find someone else-- since he 'blew it' the last time). As one can tell, I love my freedom. I think it's time to reevaluate everything about marriage and relationships and let everyone be so that each individual person can create the life they want without been pulled every which way but together. It's scary, but I think it'll stop the high divorce rate regardless of what country one lives in.

Hey, toonicegirl, about the LOA...I'm just beginning to become even more aware of it! Here's Why... About 20 yrs ago, this guy and I were dating in college for about 2 yrs until I found out he cheated, and lied to me about it. Then all the sudden, he got married without telling me, let alone not even bother to break up with me. I found out by playing detective and had the pleasure of meeting his new wife then; I remembered thinking angrily with all the sadness and betrayal to boot: "this marriage will not last". and nearly took my own life due to a broken heart, but Divine help came and talked me out of it. I felt angry and unforgiving for a long time. Until he finds me on link removed almost 4 years ago. By that time, I've gotten through most other feelings/behavior from what was left over from my family history. We talked about everything, but I made it clear to him that I am not the same woman I was then, and my role in it all. He also wanted to try to 'pick up where we left off' which I stated to him as being wrong and selfish. He had been trying until six months ago to come back into my life, but I told him in a very long letter about what I expcected, and how not to throw away someone when you pray to have a certain person in your life, then want them back. He waited to long and he's paying a price. Do you think I may be doing the same thing? I'm saying all this to say, or ask, Why after 20 years I'm still talking to this guy? We never argued, and we always treated each other right at that time in spite of any dysfunctionalities we've had then, except when he was angry at me for cheating on him (even though he cheated first and I was true to him that whole time). He's still traditional ( and wants a relationship with me because he feels that he could not find another woman who has identical qualities to me,) and I'm not in the least and he mentioned something about being willing to change his religion to be with me, but I told him not to do that, and not to wait for me and find someone else. He considers himself Christian and I'm Pagan and Poly. How can anyone switch on an off their beliefs like that? I don't think it's realistic. Talk about someone who's willing to do anything to get me back. He really burnt me then. I don't hate him, but not really wanting to have an intimate realtionship with him, except to treat him kindly, besides he's 500 miles away. Since my long letter, (lambasting him for selfish request for me to consider moving to CA, after I just signed the lease to my apt. in AZ, among other things). I think he got the message. I've become much more stronger and assertive over the years as well as guarded in wanting to try to love again, this man reminds me of that. He was the only man I had fallen in love with and not since. Any thoughts on this?