I'm losing my best friends over my relationship

[shep88ner]

me and my GF have been together for 1 year. she's my first REAL GF and i have been very reluctent to jeprodize our relationship. so i give into her very easily and find it almost impossible to tell her no. this is causing me to spend too much time with her and none of my time goes to my friends anymore. im losing all of them, they dont ever call me anymore and we never hang out like we used to. 3 of my very best friends ever have drifted from me and it hurts. last new years i had my phone ringing off the hook with people wanting to hang out and to see what i was doing. this year, nobody called me. i even told me one friend to get ahold of me if he was doing anything. i never heard back from him and wheni called him, he was at a party. but the year before i was with him ALL night and it was one of the most fun nights of my life.

 

it's like i dont even know how to talk to them anymore. whenever we get a rare chance to hang out now. i feel totally different around them and shy almost. now everyone's going to college and nobody's really home much anymore. im one place, and everyone else is at some other college. i have no friends in college because i have social anxiety disorder and i cannot talk to new people well at all. so all i have is my GF. and im really wanting to spend less time with her. not that i dont like her anymore, but i need to be with my guy friends. but i fear it's too late.

 

i still talk to them online from time to time and we text often, but we never ever hang out in person. we talk about it a lot but never do it. so it's not like all communication is gone. so do you think it's too late to save my friends? do you think it's too late and ive lost my best friends in this world over a relationship?

[Agathon]

I can... sort of relate.

 

1. Been there with the 'wanting to spend less time with her' bit.

 

2. Does she still hang out with her friends?

 

Essentially you may be... 'too' invested. In the words of someone close:

"One should never invest too much into a relationship over the other."

 

Try mentioning it to her? Calmly and un accusing.

 

Best thing... and this is even if it breaks you up. Tell her how you feel. The BEST and IMO, the ONLY way to go is straight up honesty. It's tough and changes relationships, but can make them stronger.

 

That's all I have, sorry but I'm having a hard time focusing.

[Dizziblonde]

In my experience Girlfriends (Boyfriends in mine) come and go but your friends can be with you for life but then again if you are at the age where you are not long out of school, then you may find some new friends too.

 

Dont ever drop your friends for a partner as they will be around long after the partner has gone.

I am not saying she is going to leave you but you should have your own interests,it will keep things from getting boring or stop you from getting fed up with each other as can happen when you spend all your time together,please trust me on this as I have got experience.

[i_am_me]

My well, formerly best friend got a new boyfriend awhile back and we started to hang out with eachother less and less. Not only do we not talk anymore, but she hates me because I told her that she hangs out with him too much. It really sucked. And the funny thing is? When they break up, she will have no one.

[heloladies21]

You're gonna have to be the one to initiate things with your friends. Basically kick start the friendship because they are done asking you to do things and getting blown off or rejected.

 

As for your gf, you need to change your whole perception of relationships in general or else you will start a trend of getting dumped/cheated on in your future relationships including this one.

[MacGyverRI]

you need a guys night out/she needs a girls night out

[J6hn]

It's hard balancing friendships and relationships.

Do your friends get along with your partner? Have you tried going out in a group?

Try to go out with your friends as much as you can. As for your partner, see them as often as you please, but don't be afraid to ask if it's okay if you can include some friends going out somewhere just for fun instead of on a date.

It can be fun, just as long as they get along.

And don't be afraid to ask her if she wants her friends to come too.

[kevin_18]

I haven't got a partner so I only imagine what this might be like.

 

What is it you actually want from this relationship?

 

You haven't said anything about her apart from the problem you have. So I'm guessing that like countless other relationships, you're more interested in the idea that you have one, than in the actual person you're talking about.

 

Whether what I said before is true or not, THIS NEXT POINT IS IMPORTANT. It seems like you're being too submissive and I don't doubt that your gf enjoys that. You say you "give into her very easily and find it almost impossible to tell her no" so as a result she doesn't expect you to say no to her. Whether she knows that or not doesn't matter because it's part of the unspoken agreement you made when you started going out with her.

 

Depending on her character, she will either accept and understand what you're saying or not. Are you too shy to touch on this subject with her, because you don't want to jepordize the relationship? Or do you think she won't take it and discuss it with you like you'd want?

 

In any case, I think if you can't talk deeply with someone then theres no relationship at all. Let alone one to "jepordize".

[ShyCynic]

Your gf should be your best friend. Not that I'm saying you shouldn't have friends, you should, but try to see them with her (and see if she wants to bring her friends along too). If that doesn't work ask if she'd mind if you had a guys night out once a week, remind her that you'll be with her on the other days, she should agree. I think she is just insecure but I'm not sure its all completely her fault either if you would be wanting to spead time with your friends on new years eve instead of her.

[mitch17]

spend less time with her, your becoming soft and not a mans man anymore

 

some people make the mistake of spending too much time with their partners and become soft

[Brooke657]

Well I can kind of speak from the other side of this because I feel like I'm losing my best/really only friend right now. She's been dating this guy for almost 8 months now. They met through me and I'm getting left behind. Even when it's just me and her (which is very rare) we're so distant like we have nothing to talk about anymore. It really makes me feel sick. Whenever I try to explain to her how I feel about it she makes me feel guilty for saying she spends too much time with him or makes me a third wheel. She doesn't want to spend less time with him at all unlike you. I think you should definatly try to reconnect because if you leave it too long they'll find so many other friends and you'll never reconnect with them