I'm doing NC, but she calls me every week...

[iminpain]

My beloved GF of several years broke-up with me several weeks ago. I'm not feeling well. Out of the blue, she broke-up and blamed me and our relationship for her own issues. Wow, it hurts. Then she says she wants to forget that the relationship ever happened but wants to stay friends. Since the break-up, I've been doing NC, but she calls me every week to check up on me. When I try to talk about working things out, she doesn't like it. She wants it to be over, but she calls me every week to chat and small talk like everything is cool. It is taking a huge toll on me.

 

Feedback please.

[veneratio]

I'd say ignore her calls until you feel ok with talking to her, it doesn't seem like they're helping you too much.

[dnozzle]

Start screening your calls and don't answer hers. Just delete them. It isn't helping you to talk to her right now, so cut her off and don't do it anymore. You need time to heal.

[evening_light]

Iminpain, you remind me of myself a couple of months ago, trying to hang on to "crumbs".....why can't we let go?

 

Ahh.... it's because she is the only person in the world that gives you happiness...WRONG!! She is hanging on to YOU for her "ego"...let her go!!

 

Start NC, no contact, no text, no nothing, let her see what she is missing!!

She is admitting that it's over....why would you stay? She seems very selfish and full of herself... come on!! Stop taking her calls and start thinking about yourself for a change....you seem like a person that has a lot to give....so for today, 2007, NC, forget who's fault it was about the break up, start healing my friend, then in time you will feel so empowered.....then who knows, maybe in the future things will work out between yourself and your ex...

[Deserted1]

IminPain, I'm sorry you are going through this. Your ex is being selfish and inconsiderate of your feelings. Mine tried that approach but I finally had to tell her we wouldn't talk anymore. She didn't like that, but this is a choice that our exes make when they decide to leave us. Don't answer her calls anymore, go strict NC and begin your healing.

[Ellie2006]

Hey there,

 

Welcome to Enotalone!

I am so sorry to hear that you're hurting right now

I agree w/ Deserted1.

 

Right now, the most important thing is to look out for number one: YOU.

Do not take her calls, as Deserted1 advised.

 

If necessary, you may wish to consider asking her to STOP calling you; reiterate to her that these weekly phone calls are unnecessary and unwelcomed. Ask her to call you ONLY WHEN and IF she decides she wants to work things out with you again and is ready to talk to you about it; until then, ask her NOT to call.

 

In the meantime, please don't forget to take care of yourself as you heal -- i.e. eat, sleep, get out and exercise, hang out with friends, etc etc ...

 

Hang in there!

[iminpain]

Thank you for the advice. I am still very confused about her behavior, she has always told me that she loved me when we were together in the relationship. But when she broke-up she said that she wanted to forget all the years we spent together, that she wanted us to be far apart, she said many hurtful things to me, and yet she calls me every week. I've avoided her phone calls. But why is she calling? Calling me and asking me how's it going, what answer is she expecting?

 

The pain is too much for me to bear.

[meantime]

She is not thinking of your feelings at all. Let her know that you are in pain, but I wonder if you like getting her calls which complicates things but in my experience and with many that post here, you need to go NC so you can have time to heal and to think. I once asked my bf to show me he still cared by NOT contacting me. He would say okay but would always call and I agree with the above post that it definitely has something to do with their ego. NC will at least give you time to think about things a bit more clearly. I am sorry you are in pain.

[MeLoveHer]

This thread gets me wondering what is on these peoples' minds?

 

Why are some people that selfish to a point where they have broken up with someone (act as dumpers), but still need to feel the constant attention from behalf of the dumpee...

 

It's not just because of you my friend, I have read many other posts that say the same, plus I have some real examples taking place with my friends.

 

Is this a characteristic of a person's personality that one should take into account when deciding whether or not to begin a relationship (in case you know he/she has it)? Maybe it's something capable of being changed.

 

I think that people do this because they are emotionally insecure, somehow they realize that their insecurity doesn't let them have a positive view of a relationship (with pessimistic thoughts coming to mind) and decide it's time to break it off. However there are certain things they want to retain, hence the constant phone calls and attempts of contact.

 

Hang in there pal

[iminpain]

I'd like an explanation on why someone like, say, your beloved ex, would call you every week despite the fact that she/he told you that their years spent with you were the most miserable time of their life while those years were the most fulfilling time of your life when you both loved each other every (good and bad) day.

 

Anyone?

[TheGetUpKid]

I wish I knew the answer iminpain too. The only thing I could think of is that they feel the need to still be a part of your life in any way, shape or form. Like what everyone else said it also has to do with thier ego.

 

I remember when I was doing NC with my ex and she sent me an email telling me that it hurts her that I was cutting off all contact with her and that I was "throwing away four years down the drain".

[Biffy]

I remember when I was doing NC with my ex and she sent me an email telling me that it hurts her that I was cutting off all contact with her and that I was "throwing away four years down the drain".

 

I take it you were the dumpee??

 

The cheek of it! The dumper loses all "I'm hurting" rights when they push the "stop" button.

[TheGetUpKid]

I take it you were the dumpee??

 

 

yup, even though during the breakup I was the one who I did the actual "breaking up" part since her only response to all the questions I asked was "I dont know". I still consider myself the dumpee though. She just did'nt respect me enough to break up with me herself.

[Northalius]

My beloved GF of several years broke-up with me several weeks ago. I'm not feeling well. Out of the blue, she broke-up and blamed me and our relationship for her own issues. Wow, it hurts. Then she says she wants to forget that the relationship ever happened but wants to stay friends. Since the break-up, I've been doing NC, but she calls me every week to check up on me. When I try to talk about working things out, she doesn't like it. She wants it to be over, but she calls me every week to chat and small talk like everything is cool. It is taking a huge toll on me.

 

Feedback please.

 

Drop her altogether. Again, it's about self-respect, as I usually say to others holding on to their ex's in their minds. If they can't respect you, then why hold on to the memory of them? Drop them like a bag of bricks! That's exactly what they are to you, mentally / emotionally... just a bag of bricks you're carrying around for no reason; that's only hurting you.

 

Tell her to stop calling, and move on with your life.