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My girlfriend told me today that for the past few times we have had sex she hasn't felt anything, and actually said that it "felt like rape". I was stunned as I took this the wrong way initially. I never make her uncomfortable, and she is always ready and willing.


What she meant was that she just doesn't feel anything during sex lately, like no pleasure comes to her at all. She has always had a hard time orgasming so I went and bought her a vibrator, and that combined with me has remedied that problem for the most part (every few times we have sex she'll have one, MUCH better than before). I'm always looking out for her on that end.


Anyways, she has been on the pill (ortho-tricylcen) for 2 months, with a few side effects (rashes, and she had a UTI about a month ago). That got all cleared up, and we started having sex again. A few days before christmas she was on her period and we decided I should cum inside of her as she was on the pill and her period at the same time we figured this was the least likely time for her to get pregnant (still possible we know, but not likely). It was perfect, we came at the same time and both really enjoyed ourselves.


However, since then she has not enjoyed sex at all. I've came in her twice since then, but I am becoming uncomfortable with it, and want to start using a condom again. Her parents also found her birth control and now know she is sexually active since this time. Do you guys think this is just an emotional problem with the combination of worrying over being pregnant with me cumming in side of her and her parents finding out she is having sex, or is there something else this could be? I asked if it was a lack of emotion for me and she said no way.


She also mentioned that lately it seems sex is all about me (she is always on top the past few times), but she voluntarily takes this position, I'm not putting her there. So I told her today that


1. We might want to take a break from sex for awhile until she has her period (2 and a half weeks from now that way the pregnancy worry is taken care of for this month)

2. I'll start using a condom again, and

3. That I lost direction during sex on trying to please her as much as I did when we first started, and I'll work on it my best to do so.


Am I way in left field with my response and thought on this, and if so what advice can you folks give me? Thanks!

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A chick's sexual desire is directly tied into how she feels about you. If she's having reservations about this, then there is a problem no matter if she denies it. Her lack of sexual interest and the way she told you about how sex is all about you are just symptoms, the real problem is how you're handling the relationship. Would need to hear more to diagnose it exact.

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Spikey, I second the princess: I didn't realise until I came off the pill how badly it suppressed my sex drive. Your girlfriend might want to try a lighter pill, or one with a different composition such as Yasmin. Also, she might still just be getting used to the pill she is on now, and things could get better of their own accord in a few months. She should talk to her doctor about the different options available, a lot of women have to experiment a bit before they find the contraceptive that's right for them.


Your own analysis about not using condoms & her parents finding out could also be correct. Either way, keep talking to her about this, communication is of the essense - and good idea to really focus on her again for a while, but do remember sex is about both of you, and she should make an equal effort for you. Of course, it's always fun to have the occasional session where it is all about your partner and they're not allowed to do anything


Heloladies, I've seen you post this theory of yours before, and as a woman I have to disagree. While I'm sure sex drive is also linked to your feelings about the person you're with (I wouldn't know from personal experience, I wouldn't stay with someone I didn't have those feelings for anymore), things that have affected my sex drive in the past which have had absolutely nothing to do with my guy have been:


- as I said, the pill. Bummer to only discover that after 4 years on it!

- not having a safe/private place to have sex (parents in the house, thinking they can hear you = big turn off). Only an issue in my teens when we didn't have places of our own.

- stress/overexhaustion from work/university

- other issues in personal life such as family members passing away

- since i've been off the pill (5 years), my own monthly cycle: I go through phases of mad horniness to only wanting to cuddle pretty much every month. The horny phases are in the majority though

- Not experienced this myself, but depression & certain medication will also kill sex drive in both men & women.


in summary: while a person's sex drive going away CAN be down to something the partner is or isn't doing or simply not feeling the same about them anymore (and the OPs girlfriend has said this is not the case), there are myriad other possible reasons for it too.

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I'm with the last two posters. The pill, anti-depressants, problems outside of the relationship, generally low sex drive...all contributing factors. Mine's not that high (although I am on the pill, anti-depressants and suffering from depression), it doesnt mean I find my fiance any less attractive, romantically or sexually. And my relationship is perfect.

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