I accept her for who she is, but I don't like what she does...

[musicguy]

So I started dating a girl who I've been talking on online and on the phone on Myspace a year and a half ago. (She's 19, I'm 27. We met last Friday and hit it off really well, in fact she spent Christmas with me yesterday and we've spent a lot of time together. Anyway, she smokes pot and she has been for a long time and she drinks too. I've even been around her when she smokes with her friend or in the car. Now I don't care what she does in her life, It doesn't bother me that she smokes pot cuz she's gonna do what she's gonna do and I'm not going to stop her. Anyway, she has 2 kids, a 2 yr old and a 5 month old. She lives with her alcoholic dad, basically has lived a crappy home life. She's a sweetheart, she's beautiful and she's a good mother. She's on anti-depressants and pot/drinking "relaxes" her. She knows her priority is her kids and she wants to go back to school to do something in forensic science. She wants to be successful and wants to raise her kids better than she was raised...yet she does pot/drinks and tells me that she's doing nothing wrong, also telling me that her friends are not an influnce on her. What should I do? I mean I've accepted her for who she is and she has accepted me for who I am. I want to do my best to make her happy (unlike her ex's) and treat her and her kids good. (which I have been doing).

[Dandelion07]

I am around the same age as your gf. Obviously she is not smart enough to know that smoking a lot of weed and drinking alcohol isnt going to get her anywhere. When you're young and child free you can be that careless. She is not in that position. Does she even have a job? She plans on going to school, when? Now or sometime in the far future? Im no dating expert but she doesnt seem worth the time or effort. You obviosuly know what type of woman you want to be with so stop dating girls.

[run_little_rabbit]

Talking about providing her children with a better life is just that... talking. She may say she's got her priorities straightened out, but she's definitely not acting that way. Being intoxicated on a regular basis is not going to benefit anyone. I'm sure she's a nice girl with a lot of potential, and if I were you I would tell her how you feel about her habits and that you're concerned for the well-being of her and her children. If that upsets her then she obviously doesn't mean what she says.

[musicguy]

she has a job where she makes 11 an hour. she tells me that she doesn't smoke and drink ALL the time and she wants to go to college in the future For instance on Saturday I went with her to her friends and they were gonna smoke/drink...so they did and I just slept. I woke up at 5am and they were high AND drunk and her kids were back at her dad's house, we went home that morning around 7am and she slept until 2pm while I looked after the kids while her dad was out running errands

[SkylinesTurnstiles]

Well does she drink in front of the kids and does her dad know that she smokes pot?

[musicguy]

Well does she drink in front of the kids and does her dad know that she smokes pot?

 

Her dad is an alcoholic and used to smoke pot/deal back in the day and her mom smokes pot too and she just leaves the kids at her dads while she smokes/drinks or at her mom;s house

[Dandelion07]

she has a job where she makes 11 an hour. she tells me that she doesn't smoke and drink ALL the time and she wants to go to college in the future For instance on Saturday I went with her to her friends and they were gonna smoke/drink...so they did and I just slept. I woke up at 5am and they were high AND drunk and her kids were back at her dad's house, we went home that morning around 7am and she slept until 2pm while I looked after the kids while her dad was out running errands

 

WOW, this girl is a genius! She's letting you, some guy she just met take care of her kids while she was recovering from being high and drunk?!?

 

Yeah she sounds like a great parent!

 

Seriously, why are you dating this girl? I dont mean to pry (well you did post this on the net!) Whats going on w/ you? Are you like desperate? Really feeling sorry for her? Have superman syndrome? You cant save people they can only save themselves.

[SarahRose]

I don't understand this. When did you actually start dating her?

 

You said she has a 5 month old. Obviously she screwed someone else to get that child while she knew you.

 

A 19 year old girl with 2 kids and addictions is just too much baggage for a young guy like you. Has she not heard of birth control?

 

Being the knight in shining armor can be intoxicating but more than likely it will just get you hurt and used. If you ever decide to have sex with her, be sure to wrap it up every time as clearly she sees no need to take responsibility for her own body and you will be baby's daddy number 3.

 

My advice. She is trash. Next!

[Batya33]

she has a job where she makes 11 an hour. she tells me that she doesn't smoke and drink ALL the time and she wants to go to college in the future For instance on Saturday I went with her to her friends and they were gonna smoke/drink...so they did and I just slept. I woke up at 5am and they were high AND drunk and her kids were back at her dad's house, we went home that morning around 7am and she slept until 2pm while I looked after the kids while her dad was out running errands

 

Keep seeing her if you are content watching her abuse her kids (neglect is a form of abuse -when she is high and drunk that is what she is doing) and if you are willing to risk the kids getting attached to you and/or getting arrested should the cops be called and you are implicated in what's going on. Watch the feet, not the lips - she has laudable goals but her actions are self-destructive. She needs a therapist and rehab, not a boyfriend.

[musicguy]

I don't understand this. When did you actually start dating her?

 

You said she has a 5 month old. Obviously she screwed someone else to get that child while she knew you.

 

A 19 year old girl with 2 kids and addictions is just too much baggage for a young guy like you. Has she not heard of birth control?

 

Being the knight in shining armor can be intoxicating but more than likely it will just get you hurt and used. If you ever decide to have sex with her, be sure to wrap it up every time as clearly she sees no need to take responsibility for her own body and you will be baby's daddy number 3.

 

My advice. She is trash. Next!

 

She had her 1st child at 17 and then her 2nd came around. I actually started dating her last Saturday.

[Dandelion07]

She had her 1st child at 17 and then her 2nd came around. I actually started dating her last Saturday.

 

Please call social services.

[musicguy]

Keep seeing her if you are content watching her abuse her kids (neglect is a form of abuse -when she is high and drunk that is what she is doing) and if you are willing to risk the kids getting attached to you and/or getting arrested should the cops be called and you are implicated in what's going on. Watch the feet, not the lips - she has laudable goals but her actions are self-destructive. She needs a therapist and rehab, not a boyfriend.

 

The 2 yr old is already attached to me and she's getting help for bi-polar depression

[musicguy]

i wouldn't doubt that she's getting high right now

[pregnantkitty_1985]

Errr, so basically she's just using you as a babysitter while she goes out and has

what she calls "fun."

 

1- She's neglecting her kids, which yes, is abuse. A reponsible mother wouldn't do such things.

 

2- She's using you. You obviously have a kind & helping nature and she's taking advantage of that. Wise up, buddy!

 

3- She's 19, you're 27. While she's legal and all of that, she's clearly immature, so I must make the case that she's a bit too young for you. You have obvious standards and she doesn't seem to meet them, or you wouldn't be posting about what she does. You accept "her' for who she is, but you don't like what she does. Well, that's clear incompatibility. Find someone a bit more older and mature who does meet your standards.

[musicguy]

Errr, so basically she's just using you as a babysitter while she goes out and has

what she calls "fun."

 

1- She's neglecting her kids, which yes, is abuse. A reponsible mother wouldn't do such things.

 

2- She's using you. You obviously have a kind & helping nature and she's taking advantage of that. Wise up, buddy!

 

3- She's 19, you're 27. While she's legal and all of that, she's clearly immature, so I must make the case that she's a bit too young for you. You have obvious standards and she doesn't seem to meet them, or you wouldn't be posting about what she does. You accept "her' for who she is, but you don't like what she does. Well, that's clear incompatibility. Find someone a bit more older and mature who does meet your standards.

 

I've tried and no luck, that's why my last gf was 7 years ago

[SarahRose]

I've tried and no luck, that's why my last gf was 7 years ago

 

You certainly can do better than this girl. Try an online dating service or something.

[musicguy]

You certainly can do better than this girl. Try an online dating service or something.

 

Tried that and failed

[Siriana]

You are my age, a year older actually. What keeps you interested in that girl, you are old enough to regonize a situation that is not going to improve anytime soon..

 

You are dating her since last saturday, and she's letting you babysit her baby.

She's a young parent with 2 kids (well, one would be enough....)

She's drinking and smoking pot and thats her way of dealing with her well pretty much hard life.

 

Maybe you like her potential. Maybe she's smart. Maybe she has dreams and plans for the future. Maybe she's gorgeous.

But the fact is right now she's staying on one place and even digging a hole to herself. Don't fall into someones potential. Don't try to help them when they're not interested in helping themselfs.

 

I suggest remove yourself from this situation, it is still early and you are not included in her messy life so much jet (but she's including you pretty fast: you were with her while she was drinking and smoking pot, you started taking care of her and her baby....in a month she'll completely stop you from pursuing your goals. Your all life will be around her and her selfdestructive habits)

 

And I am shure you can get a girl. That I am alone 7 years thing is more your choice than something given as a fate. I bet you're a smart and good looking guy.

[musicguy]

i just got done talking to her and she says to me "u don't understand why I do what I do"

[Crazyaboutdogs]

That I am alone 7 years thing is more your choice than something given as a fate. I bet you're a smart and good looking guy.

 

I agree and disagree with that statement. Sometimes it is very hard to find someone and there are plenty of people who haven't had a significant other for 7 years, not for lack of trying...things just didn't work out.

 

It seems to me that the OP is feeling lonely and just latched on to someone in order to have someone in his life. This is not good. Please do not take just anyone in order to have a girlfriend. It is far better being alone than with someone who is very screwed up. This woman will really drag you down emotionally and could also mess up your life with her irresponsibility and illegal activities. My advice would be to run the other way.

[Batya33]

The 2 yr old is already attached to me and she's getting help for bi-polar depression

 

You are being unfair to the two year old unless you plan to marry this woman and be a father to the two year old.

[SarahRose]

Tried that and failed

 

When did you try it, for how long, and how did you fail?

[SkylinesTurnstiles]

So im just wondering...What happind to the kids father/fathers?

[musicguy]

I've been trying online dating since 1998.

 

The father of the 2 year old lives in Colorado with his fiance

 

5 month old's father is questionable, could be the same father as the 2 yr old.

[SkylinesTurnstiles]

Ohhh.Does the dad come and visit the kids?