candy604 Posted December 25, 2006 Share Posted December 25, 2006 my bf and i are going out for 3 years without sex. both virigins but we are still very close with each other. He respects my decision. I don't think sex is everything. You definitely should wait for someone you love and that they love you as well. Just give the new girl some time. It's sad that her breakup affected her view on sex. Hopefully she'll have a more positive outlook on it later on. Link to comment
Fisch Posted December 25, 2006 Share Posted December 25, 2006 Chances are this will lead to a lot of stress in the relationship, it is only instinct. Possibly conflict in the relationship. Would you feel stable if someone was dangling a bottle of water in front of your face and you just walked through the desert. Im not saying it couldnt work though... Good luck. Link to comment
Timebandit Posted December 25, 2006 Share Posted December 25, 2006 Its all about your own expectations. If you realize that you don´t have the right to expect her to give you sex, you must decide if you can live with that or not. Many people live without (much) sex within or without relationships. But often people feel a sense of entitlement to sex once they are in a relationship. And if you in any way feel entitled to have sex with someone in a commited relationship, you should just forget it and move on. It will just create stress for both of you. Nevertheless, if you expectations are atuned to her values, it should not be a major problem for you. Good luck 1 Link to comment
Crazyaboutdogs Posted December 25, 2006 Share Posted December 25, 2006 I remember I had a friend who talked the talk about no longer wanting sex before marriage etc. That talk seemed to fall by the wayside anytime she started going out with a new guy. Just because she says it, doesn't mean she will follow through with it. I wouldn't take it at face value. Right now it is a defense mechanism. Nobody should rush sex, it should be when the time is right for both parties. Link to comment
TiredMan Posted December 25, 2006 Share Posted December 25, 2006 If you have to wait any considerable amount of time (unless you are very young), you might as well just be friends and get the sex elsewhere. NO woman is worth waiting like a year for if you want to be intimate. But if both people want to not have it, then it's fine. Link to comment
Crazyaboutdogs Posted December 25, 2006 Share Posted December 25, 2006 If you have to wait any considerable amount of time (unless you are very young), you might as well just be friends and get the sex elsewhere. NO woman is worth waiting like a year for if you want to be intimate. But if both people want to not have it, then it's fine. This mindset would work very well for the woman because then she would be free to find a man with much deeper feelings, one who thinks with organs above the waist. Link to comment
TiredMan Posted December 26, 2006 Share Posted December 26, 2006 This mindset would work very well for the woman because then she would be free to find a man with much deeper feelings, one who thinks with organs above the waist. What mindset? Why even be in a relationship then? Why not just be friends? Link to comment
Fisch Posted December 26, 2006 Share Posted December 26, 2006 Everyone wants sex, not everyone is immature. If she thinks that the only way to weed out immature people is by saying no sex, then she mistaken. Link to comment
Fisch Posted December 26, 2006 Share Posted December 26, 2006 I understand. Well man there is certainly something to be admired by sacrificing physical pleasure for principles, but remember she is trying to get what she wants and denying you part of what you want (not saying she doesnt want sex but you know what i mean). No offense but in the end I think that people who suggest this are foolish because: she is basically saying she doesnt trust you right from the beginning, she is setting you up as the person who has to prove something, what about your standards? she is setting the relationship up for potential failure, because people have sex drives (and trust me your sex drive will increase when you get into a relationship where you arent allowed to have sex) and wanting sex IS part of why people stay in a relationship and there is nothing immature about it so maybe all it means is that you are happy with getting eventual sex instead of immediate sex... Virgins are usually anxious about the first time anyway. All this proves is that you are patient and WILLING to be with her long term, not that you are the kind of guy that wont use her for sex eventually. Finally it is an insinuation that she thinks you might be the kind of guy that if she gives you sex you will stay with her because you will not be able to get it anywhere else. It doesnt make that much sense really. Sex grows emotional attachment and thats a fact, IMO she is just hurting her chances of keeping a man around. Link to comment
CarnelianButterfly Posted December 26, 2006 Share Posted December 26, 2006 If you like her, date her, sex may or may not happen. Let the relationship do what it will. People change and if she's been hurt bad enough in the past then it might just be she needs a good guy around to show her sex can be a really fun part of the relationship. If you spend the whole time thinking about sex you're going to miss a lot of life that you can experience with someone special. Link to comment
TiredMan Posted December 26, 2006 Share Posted December 26, 2006 there is a difference between being friends and being in a relationship. friends hang out and thats it, my girlfriend and i could do stuff, she just isnt gonna give it up easily cuz she has been used before and doesnt want it to happen again. i was in a relationship with a girl before and now we r just friends, but havent seen her in a month and hardly ever talk to her. once u get into a relationship, you life becomes more secluded obviously to just the other person. she is looking for someone she can get married to down the road, not some immature that just wants sex Nothing immature about wanting sex. If that is ALL someone wants, then yes but as a part of a relationship, there is nothing wrong with it at all and anyone who tells you it is wrong is wrong themselves. How would a girl feel if you refused to ever kiss her or hold her hand or anything during a relationship? I guarantee all or almost all of them would leave then as well. My feeling is that it isn't a healthy relationship if one person wants something (something important in any relationship) and the other person keeps saying no like they are your parent or something. Sex is something special between two people. It is NOT something one person gives to another like it's a gift though many females act like it's a gift they are giving lol. Link to comment
CarnelianButterfly Posted December 26, 2006 Share Posted December 26, 2006 just gonna go with the flow and give her my all as she will do with me. The best idea! Don't worry about it, if you're not even dating and are already asking "will we get married" its not going to be much fun for you. Don't worry about sex, its only one part of a relationship and you don't have to have sex for you to have a relationship. Link to comment
TiredMan Posted December 26, 2006 Share Posted December 26, 2006 u say its not a healthy relationship, i see what ur saying by saying that, but by all means if i love her i am willing to wait id assume. im not saying i need it by all means, id just expect it at some point during the relationship stage. i just dont know if i can say, no sex until we get married, what if she never wants to get married then? i know im totally looking into it to much and am just gonna go with the flow and give her my all as she will do with me. ill try to keep u ppl updated down the road. But here is the thing. You want to be intimate with her correct? Why should you give up what you want like that? I know you want her to be happy and comfortable but your happyness and comfortableness is just as important. Whether it's sex or anything else, same rule applies. Link to comment
Crazyaboutdogs Posted December 26, 2006 Share Posted December 26, 2006 Well, some people are more sex-oriented than others. Live and let live. If someone wants to respect the comfort level of the woman they care about, that is amazing. If someone else thinks that is stupid and sexual gratification is all that counts, well, that is their life and I guess they will choose women who are more appropriate for their sexual needs. Link to comment
the yang to the worlds yin Posted December 26, 2006 Share Posted December 26, 2006 Well, some people are more sex-oriented than others. Live and let live. If someone wants to respect the comfort level of the woman they care about, that is amazing. If someone else thinks that is stupid and sexual gratification is all that counts, well, that is their life and I guess they will choose women who are more appropriate for their sexual needs. I agree with Tiredman. If one person feels like they aren't getting the most out of it, then obviously some problems will arise. It's not just about a love for sex, it's about understanding that though relationships are about compromise, there has to be an equal playing field where both players feel like they are receiving adequate attention. Link to comment
Batya33 Posted December 27, 2006 Share Posted December 27, 2006 I waited until I was 24. Before that, I had three serious long term relationships where the man knew my position on waiting early on, and he respected my decision and we had a close and intimate relationship. One of them proposed (I was 23 and he was 26) Link to comment
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