rather be with someone else

[Mr. Brightside]

The more I read the replies, the more I feel I need more information on why you cannot leave right now and why she feels she needs to wait 9 years. The only thing I can think of is children (until they are 18 or something), but (being from a divorced family) many times being separate is BETTER for a child. I won't go into this since I have no idea if this is even close to the problem.

 

Being in a situation where my fiance is continually communicating with someone she had been cheated on with and cheated on me with... once it begins, it will haunt you for MUCH LONGER than nine 9 years. Do not invite negative behaviors into your life, as tempting as they may be. You not only hurt others, but yourself as well. If you are worried that you will lose the feelings of your potential affair partner, don't worry about that. They will think MUCH more highly of you if you solve the problems on your end first.

 

This might be a bit harsh, but I know most guys need to hear the non-sugar coated crap to realize their behavior. Attempt to see your behavior from an outsider's perspective. It is not healthy to think of ways to create a relationship based on deception. Walking away and complaining about your problems with your current wife (that you state are not immediately solvable) to someone else with the intention of becoming intimate with them shows more insecurity than a 15 year old at a high school dance.

 

You want to show confidence and find someone who will give you intimacy? Solve your marital problems first, no matter what. Find a way. If she won't talk or fix things with you, then you need to remove the unrepairable negative behavior from your life. I have a similar issue, except that my fiance wants to try to get things to work, but continues to find ways to skirt our healing process to get her attention fix. I am now taking steps on my end to get rid of the negativeness, since I am unable to change her end of the situation.

 

You mentioned going to counseling. Just think of what the counselor's options will be for you. Communication, repair, and divorce (if all else fails). I highly doubt an affair is one of their suggestions. So why would you consider it of you WANT to try what a counselor would suggest?

 

If this has happened with your wife in a past relationship, you should know where this is going anyway. Your energies should be placed in solving the problem... divorce if no solvable issue (as quickly as possible), NOT complicating your problems further bringing someone else into the mix.

[Ngenzi]

I think you need to sit down with your wife and try to solve problems .But if you are sure you want to be with other woman divorce your wife first and tell your women of dream about your feelings couse you mite found out she feels the same way as you.After all you have nothing to lose.

 

Goodluck

[norweganwood]

Lets just say that finances depend on staying together, not going into details.

Other woman asked me about problems, I did not go to her. Thank you Ngenzi, you seem to be the one who understands my situation but sittimg with my wife is impossible to bear, unless you like to be berated for being human!

[norweganwood]

Or breathing............or anything else

[jjjmuskateers]

Honesty is the best policy, before you metion anything to the other woman, as hard as it may be you should talk to your wife about how you are feeling. I am afraid that if you tell the other woman how you feel, your feelings will keep growing and before you know it you will have cheated on your wife and an affair will begin. I have been in this situation before and once I told the other person one thing led to the next and kaboom thats when all the chaos started. I have learned from my mistakes and I am back with my husband happyier the ever, it takes alot of work and alot of forgiving and growing but talking about your problems will only make your marriage stronger!

[lady00]

Lets just say that finances depend on staying together, not going into details.

Other woman asked me about problems, I did not go to her. Thank you Ngenzi, you seem to be the one who understands my situation but sittimg with my wife is impossible to bear, unless you like to be berated for being human!

 

Are you 100% sure this is really preventing you from leaving? I can understand how sometimes divorce can be really hard because of finances, but if your happiness is hanging in the balance, isn't there some way to figure a way out? Have you talked to a lawyer or an accountant about the problem?