Boyfriend has been sleeping with numerous people!

[SweetJade]

I am so devastated and worried about my health at the same time.I never trusted this guy since the beginning but yet I always fell for his charm.In the beginning of our relationship, he seemed like such a funny and loving guy. He'd call me everyday and we'd go out alot.Then later he changed, It seemed like the only time he wanted to hang out was when he wanted sex and we've had sex a couple of times protected. If I wanted to go to the movies or go somewhere fun, he'd always find an excuse to get out! Then he stopped calling and when I'd call his phone, his voicemail would always pick up, especially at night!So I picked up on him and figured out that this guy is a jerk and I always thought he was cheating on me.

 

Well, today I was able to get his yahoo screename and password. I went snooping through his stuff and I'm glad I did because what I found made me sick to my stomach. He's been on numerous sex sites hooking up with strange women in our area for quickies. He's even taken pictures of himself nude on his cell phone and sent it to his yahoo address. What I find even more pathetic is that he's been wasting his money on escort sites too. I'm really really disgusted with him and at the same time hurt!

 

I haven't called him nor do I even feel like talking to him. I just want to cut him out of my life completely. I feel so betrayed and hurt and I feel like a fool. He's such a man !I'm really worried about STD's because if he's been sleeping around alot, he might have something and I'm more disgusted that I had sex with him. I'm still worried that I may have something even though we used condoms all of the times we had sex.

 

Lately he's been treating me like crap anyway and I am so through with him. Everytime I would call him on my phone he wouldn't pick up, but if I call him on a number he doesn't recognise he'll always pick up.Then he would just hurt me by some of the stuff he'd say to me and the way he'd act cold towards me.Telling me things like that I've packed on weight and that I need to lose it, or saying that I've gotten ugly. The guy definitely has issues and I don't want to be dragged in his mess anymore. I'm so through with him and I deserve better, now I'm just depressed and lost. I thought I had a good man but I've been fooling myself!

[Luke Skywalker]

That doesn't sound like a boyfriend, it sounds like a player and you were one of his friends with benefits, while you thought it was a relationship, or he feed you with whatever you wanted to believe.

 

Don't be so naive.

[n83]

Go get tested ASAP!! Good girl for using a condom. I hope you're okay. Please, please don't go back to him..

[SweetJade]

I broke it off with him and I confronted him on the phone tonight. All he could do was hang the phone up in my face! When I tried to call back to get my point accross, he won't even pick up his phone. Man it hurts so bad and I feel so lonely but at least I know who he REALLY is now! I'm scared to get tested, is it possible for me to get an STD even with using a condom?? It scares me more about the number of different women he's been with and if he used a condom or not. I'm not even sure that he has something.

 

So here it is a lonely Friday night and ironic and stupid as it sounds, I'm going to miss him. I know it sounds crazy even though he was a jerk, he just had this charming way about him sometimes. He made me believed that he loved me and I feel so hurt and I feel like such a stupid fool! I'm more hurt that I gave myself to this creep and he got what he wanted. I'm so scared and depressed right now. This year has not been good for me at all! Hopefully 2007 will start off right. I keep running into jerks who want to manipulate and use me for sex! I'm so tired of men right now!

[Luke Skywalker]

I keep running into jerks who want to manipulate and use me for sex! I'm so tired of men right now!

 

No, it's a fair exchange. You want the 'feeling' you get with him, and he wants the sex which he is procuring from giving you that feeling. You choose who you want to run into, and if that's what you like, then you'll just get this result again with someone else or you'll end up alone and miserable and even the decent guys will run from you.

[sandyv]

Only a few words of love here: Get away from that bum, sounds like my ex... and hell what a skank he was.....

[rosie76]

Luke - sorry, that's ludicrous. The exchange of 'that feeling' is meant to be mutual in a relationship and she's been honest about feeling that for him and wanting it for herself. Simulating that supposedly mutual thing as a means to an end to get sex isn't a fair exchange at all, it's callous and underhanded.

 

She's been treated badly, and has a right to feel sad and fed up about it. While we can all avoid this sort of man (or woman) when they shows their true colours, separating the players out from the genuine people without turning into a suspicious, uptight woman (or man) is difficult and you're being unrealistically simplistic.

 

Sorry you got fooled, Jade, and that you have feelings for this rat. It's not your fault and I hope knowing how lousy he is will make it easier for you to get over him quickly. Get yourself tested for your own peace of mind, and cut the guy off cold. I'm usually for being honest and true to your own feelings regardless, but a guy like this shouldn't get the satisfaction of knowing he's upset you.

[Luke Skywalker]

sigh, I'm just giving my two cents, of course nobody likes or deserves to be fooled, but feelings can be manipulated so you cant go by feelings all the time.

[yeawutever]

What a POS (piece of poop, lol), do throw him out right away and it's a good thing you use protection. However even with protection, you can still get infected so do get tested immediately.

[Seventh]

Dear SweetJade -

 

I am going through a similar thing with my (now) ex after 18 years. Turns out she had cheated on me before and was trying to hook up for years with a mutual "friend" who rejected her and then she turned to sex sites for hookups.

 

I did not know until after she moved out how far she had gone --- but she cared so little she left the sordid emails on our computer where I found them when I was cleaning it up and deleting her old junk.

 

People like this are addicted to sex, they are users and abuse good people who want real love, and a soulmate, or spiritual connection. Those who abuse that for their own gratification are the worst sort of human being and should be avoided at all costs.

 

Unfortunately we have kids (12 and 17) and so I basically cannot really maintain NC and right now thew holidays are creating the worst feelings ever.

 

She treated me worse than a dog at the end and even my son (12) does not want to be around her hardly. He misses her but believes she cares more for her own pleasure than his own happiness and so he stays with me. She barely even calls and he has only stayed there three or four nights in the past two months.

 

busy with her "adult friends" (like your guy)

 

Be happy that you learned what you know and that this "man" is out of your life -- and count your blessings that you do not have more invested in him.

 

There are many men who are decent and fun and want a soulmate - and who will respect you. Don't feel that a jerk like this one is worth an ounce of misery more.

 

Good luck and happy holidays. You have a good gift from the universe: knowledge and wisdom. Not all men are like this and knowing what pain men like this can cause will serve you well in future relationships.

[BeStrongBeHappy]

There are lots of chameleons out there who are all charm and no substance... they learn how to stroke people to get what they want from them, but are totally insincere and really just pretending they have feelings for you to get what they want... those feelings are only skin deep, and when they have another prospect on the hook or get bored, you will see their true selves, inconsiderate and selfish.

 

So remind yourself when you get sad that the person you are missing is NOT who he really is, just an image he projected to get what he wanted... he put a good act on to seduce you, but he seems far more interested in the the seduction process itself than in caring about the women he gets involved with... he most like has done the same thing to many, many women, and knows what things to say/do to get his end result.

 

So don't pine for him, recognize a wolf's in sheeps clothing, get yourself tested for STDs and treated if necessary, and learn from this... it takes time to get to know a person, and most of us have had at least one boyfriend like the one you are describing... live and learn...

[anggrace]

I found it helpfull, when trying to get over my ex, to think about tomorrow. Think about what you will do for yourself. Get excited about your future. Envision yourself happy and doing what you love. Spend time with people who support you and care for you. Take the steps needed to secure your future, so that you dont have to depend on anyone else. You dont need someone else to make you happy. And you dont need this jerk to bring you down!!!

[angelbomb101]

aww chicky, that guys got playah written all over him! that sucks so bad. I've had a similar thing happen to me. You said that you're really scared about having an std and going to get tested. From reading peoples posts, they sure havnt been supportive in that manner. So don't be scared about it gurly! U make an appointment with your doctor, you tell them what its for and u go in and have a pap smear done. I don't know if u've ever had a pap done but if not and ur sexually active you may as well get that over with while ur there. It's not so bad. It can be a little uncomfortable and i know its weird showing your doctor your personal parts and having him touch around down there. But he/she is a professional. They arnt doing it to violate you, theyre doing it to make sure ur healthy! Everything is kept confidential.It's not painful if u relax and remember to breathe. And as for having an std. It could be quite possible. Condoms arnt 100%. Try not to worry so much about that either. The majority of sti's are very treatable and most of them are caused from bacteria. The words STD, can be very scary, when in fact if they are diagnosed early are usually not that big of a deal. By big deal I mean it's not life threatening and its not the end of the world. Society can make you feel soo lousy about having an STI. If people find out about it, they automatically think your a tramp, or have allot of unprotected sex with multiple partners and people finding out can be very devistating to someones reputation which is very sad. Majority of people carrying STI's dont even know they have it. Allot of people dont show any signs or symtoms of the infection. I caught an sti once from someone who played me, in a very similar way that this guy played you. I caught clamydia, I was one of the few percentages of women that experience symptoms of clamydia so i got lucky because I knew from the way my body was acting a few days later that I had caught something from him. If your sexually active, it's very important to get tested everytime u change partners. Because there are little to few symtpoms and the majority of people dont experience symptoms. Having an STI for long periods of time without treatment can be very dangerous to your health. It can cause infertility, some even cancer. So make sure your taking care of yourself and getting uself tested annually.