Jealous Boyfriend

[Bunney]

Thing is that she told her boyfriend that she won't meet him. But she does it anyway. There shouldn't be secrets in a relationship. If she's going to see him, she should tell her boyfriend about it. No matter if he likes it or not.

[Anna.]

Ok, I have not seen my buddy behind my boyfriend's back ever.

 

We argued over this again this weekend and he finally told me to do what I felt was right. I know that's a guilt trip thing. But to be honest, he is pretty good about not being controlling. It really is this one issue that we fight about.

 

And after thinking it through, I've decided not to see my buddy, just b/c I love my boyfriend and I do understand where he's coming from. I don't agree and I will still talk to my friend on the phone b/c I do care about him and I have no intention of losing touch with him. I'm sticking with the original compromise we made.

 

It would be different if he were jealous about every guy I come in contact with or if he was controlling of me about everything I do. But he just feels very strongly about this one particular issue and I've decided to respect his feelings and let him have this one. But just this one. If this behavior were to become a pattern, I have fath in myself that I would not stand for it.

 

In relationships you gotta pick and choose your battles, right? His feelings matter and I'm gonna respect them on this like I would want him to do for me.

[BeStrongBeHappy]

I think this is a wise choice on your part... if he acted this way about all male friends, then you could say it was just random jealousy and possessiveness he was feeling...

 

but maybe he not only worries about potential romantic complications from this one guy, but that he might lead you into further trouble with drugs, etc., so it could be he has a protective feeling towards you, and is worried about the effect of this other guy on you more than just simple jealousy.

 

one does have to recognize that a committed relationship means that you are first and foremost committed to your partner, and will work to remove anything that comes between you, as long as both partners are being loving and not excessive in their demands...

[Rabican]

In the first place, I would never presume to tell someone else who they could or couldn't see. I'm not a prison warden. So he wouldn't need to see someone "behind my back."

 

Essentially what's going on here is that this man is trying to prevent her from having her normal life as she would choose to have it. What he wants is for her to have no contact with a man she has had a long-term relationship with that has been sexual off and on. I'm assuming from his end, that he is also not ever going to see any woman he's ever had sex with. .

 

I would never tell my girl she couldnt see someone either. I would simply tell her that if she wanted to be WITH ME then she had to understand that there are limits to that. She cannot have her cake, and eat it too. Having the cake = hanging out with ex bed buddies

Eating it = being with me

 

Cant have both. Pretty simple IMHO, And yes, I would not hang out with girls I had sex with either.

[Iceman26]

I would never tell my girl she couldnt see someone either. I would simply tell her that if she wanted to be WITH ME then she had to understand that there are limits to that. She cannot have her cake, and eat it too. Having the cake = hanging out with ex bed buddies

Eating it = being with me

 

Cant have both. Pretty simple IMHO, And yes, I would not hang out with girls I had sex with either.

 

I am the same way.

 

You want to hang out with your ex? Have fun with him and have a nice life!

[Juliana]

That's exactly the point; everyone needs to know where they draw the line, and it has to be mutual. I've been with my husband for over 15 years now, and at no point was there ever any discussion of me not seeing certain people. The only question was, am I faithful, or aren't I? Who I'm seeing, or in what circumstances, doesn't factor into that, for my husband. And here we are, many years later, still married, and still faithful. The last time I spoke to one of my ex's was Christmas Eve day. He called. I thought that was nice.

 

I think everyone is different, but it's really pointless to tell someone they can't see someone else, thinking that that protects you from infidelity. No; what protects you is their commitment to you. Someone who is going to cheat on you doesn't need a special person or opportunity to do it. It is the strength of the relationship that protects the people in it; not the lack of opportunity for cheating. I'm faithful to my husband because of who he is, not because he's the only man I can get at, which is how this is making the other rationale seem.

 

The more I read these posts, the more I appreciate my husband. I honestly believe he's a genius. Which makes his wardrobe selection even more perplexing.

[Iceman26]

 

I think everyone is different, but it's really pointless to tell someone they can't see someone else, thinking that that protects you from infidelity. No; what protects you is their commitment to you. Someone who is going to cheat on you doesn't need a special person or opportunity to do it. It is the strength of the relationship that protects the people in it; not the lack of opportunity for cheating. I'm faithful to my husband because of who he is, not because he's the only man I can get at, which is how this is making the other rationale seem.

 

The more I read these posts, the more I appreciate my husband. I honestly believe he's a genius. Which makes his wardrobe selection even more perplexing.

 

I agree with what you are saying. For me it was never really a question of infidelity, because I agree that if someone wants to cheat there really isn't anything you can do to stop them.

 

I was always the type to cut ties with ex's simply because when it is over, its over. Eventually, you are going to lose contact with that ex when either they or you get together with someone new, thereforeeee I always felt "why drag on the inevitable?"

 

In my partner, I always wanted the same. I was never a fan of women I was dating talking to ex's not because I was afraid they would cheat on me, but because it made me feel uncomfortable being with someone whom I felt couldn't let go.