Six weeks of NC.. phone rang.

[smiles21]

Well, most of you know my long story. Me and the ex of four years broke up about 6 weeks ago. We have broken up before. We had many issues in our relationship.. her mom didn't like me for reasons that weren't in my controll. We had some trust issues I think, and it began to go sour again. We love eachother we really do, but she fell out of love, and I couldn't make her fall back in love with me. So I said that we were in different places and I couldn't make her fall back in love with me.. and it would be better if we didn't talk. She did some things in the end that really hurt me, she backstabbed me and stole some friends, but thats done and over with.

 

Friday night I was downstairs with some friends watching TV and I go upstairs to my phone and there was a missed call from her.. no message. Now I didn't get it till 3 hours later, should I have called back? Should I have texted? I have maintained NC for 6 weeks.. I really do miss her so much, she could have been that one.. I thought about marriage.. She's 21, I'm 23.

 

Should I send something today? She knows at the end that I said I wouldn't contact her, and she was mad because she knows she would have to contact me in order for things to work out.. I am stubborn and I felt like she reached out to me.. what could she have wanted? Wrong number? I dunno.. Enotalone help..

[dnozzle]

No. Don't call. If she has something to say, she will call back.

[smiles21]

Or maybe this was her one time of reaching out, and I probably look like a jerk for not picking up/not calling back..

[dnozzle]

Or she was throwing out the lure and you are ready to jump on her hook and be reeled back in.

 

There is never just ONE reach out. If that is what it was, then it will drive her nuts that you have not called back, and she will call back again. And again.

 

If you call now, you will look desperate, because you are desperate.

 

Give yourself time to heal before you even consider talking to her again.

[smiles21]

Feels like it's going to take forever to heal, why do I compare the girls that I see to her all the time, feels like she's the "one that got away".. I'm not going to call, I just felt like that could have been my chance.. who knows.. maybe she dialed the wrong number...

[Hope75]

If she did not leave a message, chances are it wasn't important.

 

I would expect you to still feel raw after just 6 weeks following a 4 year relationship. Give yourself some time- and expect that it will take awhile.

[Mstyiyd]

hey.....been in the same situation, still kind of am sometimes. One thing I've learned is that there's a 99.99% chance that she MEANT to dial your number. Yes, mistakes can happen when u dial someone, I've made them myself.

 

BUT...if you've been NC for some time now, she's not used to calling you and both of you guys have probably been making a conscious effort to NOT call, or accidentally call.

 

As bad as you want to talk to her, I personally believe she will call you back. Esp with the holidays approaching. She is most likely testing you.....to see what your reaction will be. DON'T CALL back. Now, if she calls back & you miss it and she leaves you a message, then if you feel like calling her back, she's opened the door for that so it's back on her not you. If she calls and you want to answer, same thing. She's opened that door....not you.

 

Sounds like you're kind of raw still and sorting things out. Go with your gut, and keep moving on w/your life and whatever happens, happens. Good luck!

[smiles21]

If she did not leave a message, chances are it wasn't important.

 

I would expect you to still feel raw after just 6 weeks following a 4 year relationship. Give yourself some time- and expect that it will take awhile.

 

 

Hope havn't seen you around, its good to hear from you. Suppose it wasn't important then? Wish I could forget about her calling.. would make this so much easier. We were 3.5 years on and off.. more on than anything. She was my best friend and GF. Was tough losing that.

[Hope75]

Hope havn't seen you around, its good to hear from you. Suppose it wasn't important then? Wish I could forget about her calling.. would make this so much easier. We were 3.5 years on and off.. more on than anything. She was my best friend and GF. Was tough losing that.

 

Wouldn't it make our lives easier if we could just flip a switch when a relationship ends.... but that would eliminate the purpose of enotalone!

 

I think if it was something important she would have left you a message asking to call her. I think you are making good progress and shouldn't change what you are doing. If it's important, she'll call back.

[BeStrongBeHappy]

if she is so fickle that she calls you once, and it is something important AND she doesn't leave a message, then she's not really interested in a reconciliation... just drunk dialing or hit the wrong speed dial left over on her phone or whatever.

 

you are engaging in too much mind reading here... by that i mean, seeing her number and assuming it is about her 'reaching out' and wanting a reconciliation (potentially)... if she really wants one, she will call again, and leave a message for you to call her back. otherwise you could be making a big deal about nothing (which is why NC is good, every little things feeds the fire of false hopes)...

 

so if she calls again and leaves a message, then yay! but if not, don't take it as if that was the only time in the whole universe she could call. it was not, and if you really mean something to her, she will try again AND leave a message if she doesn't get you.

[heloladies21]

If you feel control of your emotions enough that you would stick up for yourself if she pulls any BS, then feel free to call her back and see what she wants. Skip any small talk, just say "Hi, I saw you called a couple of days ago?" Then if she comes at you with any "Just wanted to check in and see how you are doing" tell her you're not interested and discontinue the conversation.

 

But if you are still too much affected by it, then skip the call as it would only prevent you from crossing over. But ignoring forever is not always a good idea as she could go retribution on you and cause you more pain that way.

 

Any making her call twice or any of that amounts to psychological game playing and you should skip all of those as they have been proven not to work.

[smiles21]

Ugh.. this is so hard. I dont have the strength to call her back, and she will think I'm playing games if I even bring it up. She may think I'm over her.. which I doubt is humanly possible.. she knows how much I care about her and I left things very sweet and loving with her... last thing I said to her was "I love you, goodbye". And I'm really happy about that.

 

I'm happy I didn't end things on a bad note, least I know the last thing she remembers of me was how much I cared. I dont understand why she didn't leave a message, that makes me think she didn't mean to dial the call.. or dialed and freaked out and hung up.. thinking I would call her back asking if she needed something. I made it clear to her that I dont want to be friends, and that I want a relationship. But is all this worth it? Ugh.. we broke up before and got back together.. couple times.. why cant we work out our issues for good.. Dont get me wrong, I was a complete jerk sometimes, neglected her, and now I know I want to be with her for a long time.. she used to feel like that, now she doesn't... She's also 21, and I'm sure shes going through some changes in her life..

[heloladies21]

You need strict NC for a bit longer, ignore her calls and everything. Don't worry about blowing opportunities because the way you are right now, you wouldn't be able to manage the situation anyways so there are not really any opportunities to be missed.

 

Simple rule, just stay in NC until you can get control of yourself. Then once you've reached that point, you can consider handling it differently.

[blender]

Smiles, your instincts are correct, do NOT call her back.... if and when she "discovers" any "authentic feelings" for you, she will not hesitate to contact you and say something very clear along those lines..

 

but when the ex calls and doesn't leave a message, they are having one of those 'curiosity moments" but they don't want to be emotionally responsible for "leading you on" so they hang up, and hope YOU will call back and then they can talk to you because YOU called, so they have NO emotionaly responsiblity and they can have a "freebee update on your life" and then go right back to being on their own...

 

Instead, for now, know that she IS thinking of you, and it's best to maintain no contact so she can "wonder" some more, and during this time of you keeping up no contact she has the opportunity to discover if she really wants "more" with you, and then believe me, if she does, she will call, leave a message, and make she will let you know that what she is thinking, anything less then this "intentional clear effort on her part" to contact you.. well, is just "less"... so maintain no contact, you're doing the right thing...

[suram]

blender you put the words out of my mouth GREAT ADVICE!!!

NO CONTACT DONT PICK UP....

she is thinking about you and it the call was not by mistake ..... make her feel really guilty and she will .... right now you are thinking what if and so on .... NO she callled to check up on you but deep inside she missed your voice and misses having you around .... She will burn down 6 weeks is still raw you have t be patient but it looks like she will break ...

REMEMBER SHE MADE THE MOVE AND NOT YOU!!! THE BALL IS IN YOUR COURT NOW BECAUSE YOU KNOW SHE IS THINKING OF YOU BUT SHE DOESNT KNOW YOU ARE THINKING OF HER.....

KEEP IT UP GOOD JOB.... NO CONTACT....

[smiles21]

God I love you guys, you are all so much help.. I need to go.. but ill post more later tonight.

[rsxguy520]

smiles21, you are definitely getting some great advise. keep up NC. make it strict! you've been in no contact for 6 weeks, i've just approach 8 weeks, i think? but yeah, glad your handling better than me with the calling issue. for me i just had to delete the ex's number, so i wouldn't have to "think" about her or anything while i scrolled down my phone book list. like the others, make her miss you and make her feel that guilt. now you got the ball in your court and now just got to be patient, and let time do its thank. enjoy yourself and don't think so much of it.