suram Posted December 16, 2006 Share Posted December 16, 2006 I HAVE 1 QUESTION? why would you want to leave such a sweet person if you love them? and i think you need to really appreciate what shes worth leaving her for someone does not imply you love her buddy!! it more like defines the opposite ... Link to comment
BONO Posted December 16, 2006 Share Posted December 16, 2006 exactly!! that whi you should maintain nc at the moment .... if he loves you let him prove it and not by WORDS!!! Actions speak louder than words. ie I am the best singer in the world .... ok prove it !!!!! Scruff Link to comment
urcandygirl Posted December 16, 2006 Author Share Posted December 16, 2006 what actions can he do if we are nc? Link to comment
BNachos14 Posted December 16, 2006 Share Posted December 16, 2006 Yah i know that actions speak louder than words... thats why i said... i want to prove it through actions not words... but im not always given the opportunities because she doesnt want to hurt joey or something... so im forced to only be able to talk which is very difficult for me because i want to show it not say it... and i never have known why i left her for others... but i do know that the reason they never worked out was her... i was in a confusing spot... my heart loved her but my head didnt... and no matter how much i wanted to listen to my heart my head kept getting in the way Link to comment
suram Posted December 16, 2006 Share Posted December 16, 2006 the biggest one actually respecting your decision..... understanding you thats what love is about... and then the risk of losing you would allow him to do alot of actions Link to comment
Siriana Posted December 16, 2006 Share Posted December 16, 2006 NEVER SWITCH A HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP FOR A ROLLERCOASTER. NEVER. YOU CAN BE ALONE, YOU CAN BE IN A RELATIONSHIP BUT NEVER THINK THAT ROLLERCOASTER IS A WAY LOVE SHOULD FEEL. It is not important how you fell about your ex - he's not good for you. End it. NC him. So it is not important what will happen with your new bf but it's important that you need to make this ex of yours to dissappear from your life. The only thing he wants is a little bit of cristmas sex. Link to comment
agent1607307371 Posted December 16, 2006 Share Posted December 16, 2006 Word to syrix. And if BNacho, is the guy who wants you, then his presense in this thread is disrespectful in itself. I'm 90% certain that he only wants what someone else has. Link to comment
urcandygirl Posted December 16, 2006 Author Share Posted December 16, 2006 He can get sex from other people. Somehow i have a hard time believing when i look at him and he's crying that he's just in it for sex. Link to comment
vesper Posted December 16, 2006 Share Posted December 16, 2006 the answer to this situation is very clear to me.... its clear to me that you want to be with your ex now the question that you have to answer for yourself is this what EXACTLY is it that is holding you back? Its black and white right? you have the deeper connection with your ex. who in their right mind would NOT go for that over something luke warm and safe? NC is the way to go to find some clarity for yourself here. Best of luck to you! Link to comment
urcandygirl Posted December 16, 2006 Author Share Posted December 16, 2006 you have the deeper connection with your ex. who in their right mind would NOT go for that over something luke warm and safe? Apparently everyone else here posting advice... Link to comment
vesper Posted December 16, 2006 Share Posted December 16, 2006 Apparently everyone else here posting advice... (laughing) Link to comment
BNachos14 Posted December 17, 2006 Share Posted December 17, 2006 how is me being in this disrespectful? Im in the situation and figured id 1. give my points of view and 2. allow some questioning towards me.... and why would i try for three weeks to get "CHRISTMAS sex"... wouldnt i just find some * * * * who thought i was hott and do her? exactly.... and correction to the "rollercoaster" comment.... it was a rollercoaster.... this "was" makes a huge difference... i mean look at this situation... "i was a woman but now Im a man" does that mean its still ok to have sex with this person if ur straight? no.... so if it is no longer a rollercoaster... and the deeper connection is with me... then what? Link to comment
agent1607307371 Posted December 17, 2006 Share Posted December 17, 2006 Because your presense takes away the op's neutral space to make a decision and talk through her choices. I don't think you're after x-mas sex. I think you want her because she is with someone else. Fact is, past behaviour is an excellent predictor of future behaviour and yours was not very good towards the op. Add to the fact that many people confuse the emotional intensity of unstable relationships for a deep connection... i mean look at this situation... "i was a woman but now Im a man" does that mean its still ok to have sex with this person if ur straight? no.... What? Link to comment
suram Posted December 17, 2006 Share Posted December 17, 2006 dude please stop questioning us because apparently you don seem to respect her ok for starters you are on her page posting comments ..... if you really love her let her be she needs time to think you are abusing her space and thats really selfish of you .... lets assume you do regret and you do love her if thats so then give her the time and space to develop... you are only messing her mind.... Link to comment
urcandygirl Posted December 17, 2006 Author Share Posted December 17, 2006 many people confuse the emotional intensity of unstable relationships for a deep connection... What? Very good thought. Makes sense. Link to comment
BNachos14 Posted December 17, 2006 Share Posted December 17, 2006 past behavior is an excellent predictor... but thats all it can be... a prediction... and we all know from many things... i.e. the weather, sports, stocks.... that predictions are not always right.... and for all of you to know... she is fine with me posting on here and in fact she showed me the page and the postings Link to comment
suram Posted December 17, 2006 Share Posted December 17, 2006 ok but you claim you love her .... so then prove it for starters give her space to think ... you should not be ok with it it doesnt matter if she said ..... you should stop confusing her ... if you love someone you could not see them suffer and right now she is suffering from confusian so cure her by giving her (time ,space, )and plus its for the sake of both of you eventually it tends to be positive... " a wound is healed when left alone not when picking on the scabs it only tends to scar " Link to comment
reborn Posted December 19, 2006 Share Posted December 19, 2006 Urcandygirl, I have been reading this post and the comments that everyone posted here. First of all I'm really sorry that you are going through this situation, it sounds really confusing to be in between 2 wonderful guys, two completely different guys who offer you different things. Also it must be terrible to feel like you will hurt somebody because you eventually have to choose one of them over the other. Before I continue, I have to tell you that I didn't like some of the advice I read on your thread. Some people can be so categorical, so strict and even though they mean well i think they can make you feel guilty and confuse you further by saying this is how you should do things and that if you don't somehow they imply that you are making the wrong decesion. So, my first advice is to take the advice here lightly, cause after all the only one that truly knows your situation is you and only you will be the one bearing the emotional leftovers of whatever decision you make. it must feel right to you, and you have to give no excuses or explanations or anything else to anybody in your real life or here. Do what feels right to you in your heart of hearts, in your gutt, regardless of people's judgement that is your truth, and thereforeeee the right decision. Now, for what I think. It is clear to me from the things you have written that you feel a predilection for chris. It seems that your heart and your passion is there. When people sort of tell you the reasons why JOey should be the more sensible choice you reply saying how Chris knows you more, and you have a stronger connection with him. Also the fact that Chris is here, participating in the forum, which I personally think is a great thing ( and I give thumbs down to whoever said it is disrespectful for him to be here, cause only you can be the judge of that and you have been the one to invite him into your thread anyway). Well, this further demonstrate the trust and communication you have with him. YOu are sharing with him how you feel, your confusion, he is being your confidant. Joey doesn't know. You are not connected enough to him to bring him into this part of you. I think this is something not to be overlooked. To me from everything you have written the issue doesn't seem to be who to choose, I think you know who you want really. And over and over you have said the reason for you being in a relatinship should not be you feeling secure but you loving the person and feeling a connection with them. I think the issue is more the guilt you feel about JOey, cause he has done nothing wrong and in your realationship things are going well. The only problem there seems to be that Chris has poped back up and that you feel confusion as a result of. Honey, I don't think this is anyones fault. I think you have to come to terms with what you are going to do. When there are 3 people involved like this, this is the type of situation that entails taking a risk and hurting someone. But hurting someone is relative. I think it may as painful to a person to be with them even though deep down you have doubts you love them and taht you love somebody else as well as leaving them to be with the person you love. The first may be considered by them a higher betrayal. Honesty sometimes takes a lot of courage Urcandygirl. Follow your heart, unfortunately this is a sitatuion that is not win win, and you may have to accept it as such. Know if love cris enough to take the risk with him. You may loose joey as a romantic interest. but i wonder if this or feeling guilt for hurting him is what worries you most. In any case, sometimes you have to be selfish and it is nobodys fault, as they say in love and in war there are no rules. Best of luck to you urcandygirl. I wish you the very best...and remember the only correct decesion lies in your heart of hearts. Reborn Link to comment
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