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Well . . . someone just shoot me.

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My ex broke up with me in Sept saying she needed space to be by herself and figure out what she really wanted etc etc so I was unceremoniously packed up and pushed out with nowhere to go but my mothers basement for a month before I got my own place again.


I hung in for two months and eventually stopped initiating contact when she stopped answering my calls and just let her contact me which she would do every few days. I asked her at one point if I was a fool for holding out hope for us and she said no. but I was beginning to suspect she was seeing someone else. The one time I asked she said she was just hanging out with a friend of the family blah blah blah but denied there was anything going on. Based on her actions I knew there was more to the story but I didn’t press the issue because I knew I would have to make choices that I wasn’t ready to make yet.


Now, mind you during this entire time im a basket case cause I really fell hard for this woman. I really believed she was the one and that despite the complications of her life and the circumstances underwhich we got together we were really perfect for each other. She just made me feel loved everyday.


So you know, counciling, anti-depresants, the whole thing and I was just so devastated that we had suddenly and without explaination lost this amazing thing we had together. Whatever belief I had in fate and destiny and unconditional love and whatever else just fell apart.


Anyway after 2 months I get a text message out of the blue saying she is with this other guy and she loves him and doesn’t think we should talk anymore. Well, fine. I mean I suspected as much right? I saw it coming. So I figured fine, she is finally being honest with me, I finally feel that I am at rock bottom and can finally start to move on. She did for me what I couldn’t do for myself – end all contact.


Not 4 days go by and she calls me to tell me she is starting a temp position where I work starting the next day. . . . @#%$!!! So I bottom out again trying to figure out how to handle this situation because I still love her madly but my love for her has obviously crashed head-on into my self respect and more than anything I just want to stop feeling like an emotional car wreck because it is really effecting everything else in my life in a negative way. . . but of course I still want her back.


I go to work, we hang out and chat, I try like hell to act like we are “just friends” just to get through the two weeks of her temp job at which time I was planning to disappear from her life unless or until she came to me and proved she wanted to start over again slowly.


So this goes on for two days. Third day she takes the day off so I feel like I can relax a little. End of the day I get called into the front office and told that since I had missed 2 days of work in the last 2 months I was being let go. Fine. Whatever. Cant even react to that cause its all just too absurd. This was 2 days ago. I figure, if nothing else at least I don’t have to deal with the ex drama everyday and can just quietly start NC and let her figure out things on her own. Right?


Wrong. This morning she is at my door saying she just stopped by because she hasn’t been to work either and just wanted to tell me that her temp position was cancelled due to lack of work. She wakes me up so of course im looking my very best in jammies and hair sticking up etc etc . So I told her I wasn’t working there anymore and didn’t even know she hadn’t been there and I mentioned at some point that I was surprised because I was expecting we wouldn’t see each other again and she asked why and I said, well you have a life now and she said "well to a point". I had told her at one point when we were at work together on the first day that when her temp job ended I would pretty much be gone from her life.


Everytime I get just a little distance and then I see her again and all the feelings I have for her just come flooding back. So why cant I just bring myself to tell her that I really don’t know how I feel about everything that has happened and that I need some space (ironic aint it?) to figure things out and that in the meantime if she realizes she does actually love me afterall and wants to start fresh she should find me. But no, instead I just leave everything open and mumble something like, “well, I obviously you know where to find me if you want” as she is leaving.




I don’t even know what to do anymore. I want NC to get over her but I also want her back because we were just so damn good together but she is in an emotional tailspin right now and I guess needs to be left alone to fall without me to catch her and Im going nuts and need to get my own life back and cant let go completely and blah blah blah . . . .


so again . . . . someone just shoot me.

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You're in one of those hellish no-win situations. I'd wash my hands and focus on getting my life together if I were you and let the ex's chips fall where they may.

I would NOT be happy to find that I had to work with an ex who I still had feelings for (or any ex for that matter). Just when you think the world is a huge place, it turns out to be small.

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Thanks for all replys . . .


I guess im just having a hard time because i know what i have to do but just cant seem to do it. I dont even have to tell her how i feel because she knows already -- though i think i might have to reenforce to her that i am not interested in being just friends because obviously she has been taking certain liberties -- i mean she hasnt let a week go by since we broke up without initiating contact, even though she says she loves someone else and already chose once already to not talk to me anymore . . i mean, thats kinda hard to forget ya know?


So when do i pull my head out of my a** and realize that she is not the person i really want to believe she is? If i told the whole story of our relationship, everyone on this board would probably think im nuts for not only wanting to get back with this woman, but also for getting involved in the first place. . . .


Love is blind i guess . . . and stupid.

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