Not one but two breakups - please help :(

[SadScot]

18 months ago I left my BF and went straight to someone else. It was very messy, esp as this new guy wasn't brilliant for me - I went back and forth about three times, really it was about as awful as it gets, and finally chose the second man, who never really trusted me after that and was abusive.

 

Now in a few days I am leaving to go back to my home town (2nd man ended it) and I WANT to be on my own but this is where my first BF lives and this time of year is bringing back some vivid reminders. I feel like I am dealing with not one but two breakups and to top it all I'll be homeless as well. I suffer from depression and anxiety and I feel like I'm going mad. Last night I had horrendous dreams that I was with the first ex and there was fire, meteors, buildings collapsing, peril, you name it.

 

I KNOW it would be a bad idea going anywhere near him - its been a year since I saw him but he emailed me back in August (I didn't reply) and I can tell things are still raw. They are certainly are for me.

 

What I am trying to say is, I am trying to be strong but it is so hard when all I can think about is what I left behind! I dont have any family and feel I lean too hard on my friends as it is. I just want to heal and life a full happy life. I am so scared about going it alone and really need encouragement. All my life I have clung to the familiar even though it hasn't always been good for now. Now I'm stepping into the unknown and its frightening.

[robowarrior]

*cheers for you*

 

I remember this situation, it resembles like a person who is in a room with a door in it.You see, If the person is afraid to go thru that door,because she doesn't know what lies behind it, the room that the person is in effectivly becomes a prison even tho there is a door in it.

 

You don't have to worry about anything, in terms of choices its easy, you have to choose what is best for you. Going back to your hometown doesn't mean you are going to be affiliated with this guy again per se. You see YOU are the one who determines wether you allow him back in your life, in terms of these things you have to act like a castle gate , close yourself against bad people/things/events in your life, and open yourself up to good people/things , if you open your life up for bad people like your ex or whatever nightmare you let into your life then you are bound to be in for the hurt. Its not like your forced to let him in, just kick him out, as a matter of fact kick anyone out of your life who hurts you, you don't need people in your life who destroy you. You really need to get your stuff arranged in your life, go study get a diploma , get a stable ground under your feet, arrange your future take in people in your life who bring happyness to you instead of cow dung and lower.

[supernetter]

Do not get into any relationships for this moment. Give yourself a break, let the scars heal. Join a social activity group, do a hobby or anything meaningful that helps others by your efforts. Work with children, if not for anything else, you could be physically tired to do anything else.

 

kindest regards

[SadScot]

Thanks to both you for really sound advice, Tomorrow the removal van arrives, I will be spending that evening with a female friend, and on Thursday I go into the refuge until I find a place of my own.

 

I guess I have moved on a bit in terms of emotional development because I dont WANT any relationships right now and that feels good. I still feel raw though as I loved this man I am leaving.

 

But, like the sayings go, the first step is the hardest and nothing worth having comes easy..right?

[temujin]

I wish you luck. My ex is is in the same exact situation as you and she called me crying when she broke up with her 2nd bf in this 1 year.. I simply put down the phone..... I cant help her but I hope she will get better.