I Need Some Serious Help!

[ju2ma2]

I have been hurt more times than not. I have always been the dutiful girlfriend, helping with "his" kids, or helping with applying for jobs, or just always being supportive. Thing is, I always got crapped on. So now that I have a wonderful guy, I am so emotionally detached, that I feel like I'm pushing him away. In fact, I know I am. I've ene convinced myself that we weren't right for each other, then told him I wasn't really breaking up with him, just needed space. I am a walking, living contradiction! I really, really like this guy! Scared to say I love him, but I know I do. He is silly, but knows how to be serious, and he is the best lover of all. He makes sure to treat me with respect. But Ii am so hung up pn the past that I can't move ahead! WHY ?!!!!!!!!

[Beec]

Fear. You are scared of being hurt, and your fear is leading you to test him. If he keeps coming back he must love you, right? However, if you keep pushing him away, sooner or later, you won't be worth it. We all get hurt in life, and the ones who hurt the most are the oens that isolate themselves. Take a chance.

 

Also, you probably will be ok so long as you show him respect.

[blender]

Well, you are just a victim right now of your own "life pattern" and it's a habit you are used to, for some reason "when there is drama with a dysfunctional man and you have a false sense of being the "rescuer/doormat" to those types of guys in the past, you confuse this 'heighten emotion and drama" as love.. but it's not, it hasn't been, and you can now make a choice to learn from all this..

 

And it starts by learning, and I mean making a choice to learn to accept an emotionally healthy mans love for you... do not cheat yourself because your guard is up, go to therapy, break this wall down, and embrace the respectful loving side of yourself so you can accept this new wonderful respectful kind sexy loyal man into your life... you do love him.. you're just not used to this kind of healthy love...

 

You can move ahead, you can let go of the past by making a choice to LEARN from it, because we get the same lessons over and over again in life until we 'CHOOSE TO LEARN' so please give yourself and this guy a chance, but not putting your past regrets onto him... He's wonderful, he's right now, he's not your "life pattern" so celebrate this, embrace it... smile, tell him you love him, and start taking the baby steps to loving yourself enough to enjoy him and his love...

[ju2ma2]

Thank you for telling me what I obviously should know. I have been walked over so many times, and left so many times, that it is so much more comfortable to me to be alone. I don't really want to be alone! I want someone to love me! To really love me! But as soon as I get to the point where I feel comfortable enough to open up, the choke chain comes out and snatches me out. My safety mechanism!

[ju2ma2]

I want to take that chance. I really do. And believe me, I am trying... it's just so hard to do!

[blender]

Well is the "way you have been doing things" working for you? So it's okay to have "doubt" but give one hundred percent tot his relationship, that you will never regret, no matter what the outcome is...

 

it's not going to be easy to break a "life habit and pattern" but you can, you have a choice to do things differently... no being a doormat, just being a self loving, respectful, caring, honest, loyal, wonderful girl.. and then if you get the same in return from your man, trust it.. and embrace this.. try it.. you have so much to lose if you do NOT try to do this differently, you lose your spirit, the potential of this wonderful man in your life, and your self respect that YOU DO HAVE THE POWER to love and trust this man, it's all about choice...

 

you are now able to "acknowledge" why you have feelings of trepidation. so address them head on, when you find yourself holding back, then say to yourself or even to him.. "oops, I'm falling into that defensive pattern again... ugh.. okay, breathe, shake it off.. lessons learned, moving on..and moving forward".. you will then start to heal and have the wonderful life you deserve, you just have to 'want it bad enough" to have the courage to change your "bad haibts/patterns".

[ju2ma2]

i'm really learning something today. i can be the author of my happiness, or of my sadness. thanks for being such a good listener and helper. i really appreciate you, and i hope to hear from you in the future! there's no doubt that i'll be posting things on this site from now on!

[A James Z]

Oh my god, you sound like my girlfriend. She had a lot of messed up relationships and always got the crap end of the stick. But, hasnt everyone been in that position? I dated a girl for over a year to find out she was working as a prostitute and that I had been lied to about everything concerning her life! Wow, that one messed me up for a while, and I felt like I should stop trusting others. In college my first girlfriend cheated on with a few of my “so called friends.” That made me feel like not trusting either.

 

The girl I am dating constantly tells me she feels scared. She likes me so much, but she is afraid of me. She actually tells me this! I am a great guy, I bring her flowers, I take her out, I treat her right, I am respectful of her concerns, and we have an amazing sex life.

 

It is often too hard to believe you will actually find someone that meets all your expectations. I have, right now, exactly what you have described, but a few weeks ago my girl told me she wanted to take a step back. I understood and I didn’t call her for a day. I guess that freaked her out, because she started calling me like crazy and we spent the next 4 days with each other having tons of sex. At the end of those 4 days I asked her how we could take a step back if we are together all the time, and she said she changed her mind, she wasn’t scared anymore.

 

This last weekend we did not see each other because she was busy and she kept giving me excuses. I saw her last night and asked her if everything is ok, and she basically told me again that she was feeling scared. She said in the past she felt numb and didn’t like guys anymore. But I was changing her mind, and she hasn’t met anyone she likes like this in a really long time. I am glad my girl can be so candid with me and that I can know her mind. Try talking with your guy. I am a strong believer in communication. If he can understand what you are doing and the reasons behind your actions then he may be able to adjust a little better to the situation, instead of being too clinging or too smothering, if that’s how you feel. Guys that really, really like their girl will want to be around them a lot.

 

I guess taking it slow is what my girl needs to become assured that I am not going to change and end up being a complete bastard. But, I have my concerns too and I wont want to get hurt either. Its been so long since I found someone like her I am ready to jump head long into something this fantastic, but for my own good I need to watch myself too.

 

If you like this guy, be careful but don’t push him away. Don’t ruin something that could be the love of your life just because a few bastards chose to mess up things in your past. Each relationship is new and different. Don’t compare. There will be both good and bad from one relationship to the next. If in this relationship you are experiencing more good than bad, why ruin a good thing? Test your man to see if he loves you back. If you can find out if he does there should be no harm in getting serious again. Just my two cents.