day 9 i guess its really over

[kickedin]

after having a horrible evening i wake up feeling numb wondering how she can go from wanting to plan a june wedding on thanksgiving day then dropping me and we havent seen eachother or spoke since the day after.......almost three weeks...only communication over text that we are broken up and whatever i hear shes doing from her brother

 

it is killing me!!!!!! i want to call her and say something mean or something to make her feel bad to spark her into realizing "us" shes the type of out of site out of mind girl well at least it feels that way............shes afraid to see me because of her emotions....isnt a relationship emaotions?

 

guys is there anything i can do to contatc her without making my self diginty blown up......i mean she said this isnt good anymore when i asked her to coffee 10 days ago ...maybe some day not now........i feel like she hasnt skipped a beat in her life while i am so upset

 

 

so not fair

[dnozzle]

guys is there anything i can do to contatc her without making my self diginty blown up.

 

Nope.

 

Maintain no contact and let her come to you. In the meantime, just try your best to move on and forget about it. I know that is hard. I am dealing with the exact same thing right now, 3 weeks in. I broke down twice and contacted her, and it did not help one bit. One time she sent me a very cold and sterile update on her, the second time she completely ignored me. Both just made me feel worse and let her know that I was missing her and not doing well with the break.

 

I know this is hard, but the only way she will ever decide to come back is to do that on her own. You will never find any words that will convince her, and anything you try will only drive her away more.

 

She may never come back, and that is something that you will need to accept at some point. Don't hold on to that false hope too long, or it will consume you. Instead, try to find something to keep yourself busy and occupy your mind. Take all her pictures and personal items and put them in a box in the closet and stop thinking about them. Change your patterns. Do something you normally wouldn't do, like take a class or join a club or something. Force yourself to get back to you.

 

It really is the only way.

[Firedancer03]

Hey kickedin,

 

I'm so sorry you are hurting right now. I understand the confusion you are feeling; how can someone seemingly flip their emotions on and off so quickly?

 

I have been following your posts, and it seems to me that this breakup is completely taking over your life. It is not easy to move on, and it does take time, but try going out to the gym or making plans with friends or taking up some kind of class. You need to do something to get your mind off of this and focus your energies elsewhere. At this point the only thing you can do is look at the "right now", the facts. The fact is, right now she does not want to be with you. Trying to analyze and pick apart everything and trying to think about what she may or may not be thinking is doing nothing but tearing you apart.

 

I know it takes time to get to the "acceptance" stage, it took me 2.5 months after the breakup to realize that whatever the future holds for me and my ex doesnt matter because this is not the future, its the present, and in the present he doesn't want to be with me and I must accept that and move on. I know its really hard walking away from someone you love and care about, but when that person no longer wants a relationship with you, what are your choices? You can either wallow in your broken heart forever, or start picking up the pieces and moving on and start down the road to happiness! Which sounds more appealing?

 

dnozzle is right, there is nothing you can do to get her to come back to you. Absolutely nothing at all, you are truly powerless in that regard. Do not think of trying to contact her right now. It seems that she has made it clear in turning down your invitation for coffee that she does not want to have contact with you at this point. So stick with NC, it really is the most loving thing you can do for her, as you are respecting her wishes. She has to want to come back to you of her own accord. You simply cannot force her to do anything she doesnt want to do. But you CAN control yourself! You are doing the right thing with NC. It will give her a chance to miss you and think about you and giving her the opportunity to (in the words of blender!) "discover her authentic feelings for you", whatever they may be. And at the same time it allows you the chance to heal and move on from this breakup, so that you can be in a better place emotionally.

 

Hang in there. You'll make it through this!

[Juliana]

If you want to get over this faster, you have to let yourself feel what you're feeling. The more you fight the feelings of sadness and anger, the longer it's going to take. No contact is to allow you privacy while you do that, so that you can get out of the denial and bargaining stage, and into grief. It's only been three weeks; it is going to take you longer than three weeks to get to the point of not caring.

[scsavino]

If you want to get over this faster, you have to let yourself feel what you're feeling. The more you fight the feelings of sadness and anger, the longer it's going to take. No contact is to allow you privacy while you do that, so that you can get out of the denial and bargaining stage, and into grief. It's only been three weeks; it is going to take you longer than three weeks to get to the point of not caring.

 

I totally agree.