Do your parents eavesdrop on your phone calls?

[Kanbi]

My mother does that a lot when I get a call from a friend which is really stupid because I can always tell when somebody else is on the other end. I just lose all trust and feel like I don't have any privacy. Is this a wrong thing of my mother to do or is this the typical action of the mother of a teenager?

[Weeblie]

When I was a teenager my mother used to do that all the time.

Personally I think it's wrong and not normal, but I'm not a parent. I suppose she's just curious about what it is that you have to talk about so privately. Maybe a little concerned because she's not used to not knowing about everything going on in your life.

 

There's not much you can do about it though. Unless you decide to get your own cell phone.

[Ellie2006]

I agree w. Weeblie. This is wrong of your mother to eavesdrop on your phone call and an invasion of your privacy. If she has questions about what's going on in your life, she should ASK you directly.

 

But then again, I am not a mom either.

 

Hmm.. how about talking to her about this issue? Maybe it's not out of curiosity that she does this but she feels like there's a justifiable reason for her actions?

 

Would you consider saying to your mom (in an unconfrontational way) that you are aware of the fact that she has been listening in on some of your conversations. While you do not like the fact that she has been checking up on you like this, you do appreciate her love and concern for your well-being. And maybe you guys can talk more about what's going on in your lives so that she does not feel like she has to listen to your phone calls to get a clue as to what's going on in your life?

 

Just my two cents worth ...

 

Good luck!

[DizzyDoris]

LOL easy!! That might backfire and you could end up grounded! My parents didnt used to eavesdrop but we only had one line in the house. My dad used to drive me nuts though because he would stand by me whilst on the phone, tapping his wrist watch haha!

 

Weeblie made a good suggestion, why not get your own cell phone!

[Juliana]

Yeah, it's wrong. And I am a mom. The way it works in our house, my daughter talks on the phone for 45 minutes. Then she comes in and sits down with me and tells me what the conversation was all about, how she feels about it, what she thinks they meant by what they said, possible responses she could make... The instant recap is longer than the call.

 

Tell your mother about the things that you're talking about to the extent you're comfortable with, and she won't have such an overwhelming urge to snoop.

[Duffy]

Privacy is a right that is earned, not a birth right. If your kid is well behaved and honest, you won't want to snoop because you have better things to do. If they lie and act out, you will snoop because it's one of the tools in your parenting arsenal.

[NKP]

Yes its wrong, talk to her about it, tell her you dont like how she does that all the time.

[SkylinesTurnstiles]

My parents do that to me.

 

The way i deal with it is sometimes do it back

 

They want privacy and so do i so if they listen to your convos then listen to theres.

[Siraf]

My Mother did that to me, I was talking to my friend, then I shouted "Hi MOM! How are you??!!!" then I heard her put the phone down. I got an earful after that but at that time I thought it was worth it (yeah I know, that's kinda bad lol)

[Weeblie]

 

That's too funny.

 

I used to say to my friends...I think someone's listening. So we'd get silent until she hung up. Sometimes I'd walk into the next room and catch her doing it.

She'd still deny it though.

[mitch17]

get a cell fone mate, that way u dont worry about what u have to say. ur mum is probably just watching out for u.

[blueangel]

My Mother did that to me, I was talking to my friend, then I shouted "Hi MOM! How are you??!!!" then I heard her put the phone down. I got an earful after that but at that time I thought it was worth it (yeah I know, that's kinda bad lol)

 

Siraf, that's cute what you did! I think she takes herself too seriously. My mom would have laughed and gone, "oh you caught me..alright...then...bye."

[vandgsmom]

My mother always did it, and made no excuses either. She listened and she told me that if I told the other person on the line that she was listening that I would be in even more trouble.

 

I am a mother, and I think she was overboard, but not necessarily wrong. When you worry for your children, it is your job to make sure that they are protected, even from themselves. If I felt I needed to, I would listen in on the kids calls.

 

My advice to you, do what I did. When I gave friends my number, I also gave them the code word "ants" that meant mom was on the line. So they would call and say "hey , whatcha doin?" and I would say " Oh, just looking at these ant bites on my foot" or "watching two ants crawl on the floor" and then they knew she was on there....

[Duffy]

That's too funny.

 

I used to say to my friends...I think someone's listening. So we'd get silent until she hung up. Sometimes I'd walk into the next room and catch her doing it.

She'd still deny it though.

 

 

As I said earlier, parents shouldn't eves drop unless they have a reason to, such as the kid is not being forthright or the friend is a cause for concern. If you know your parents are listening and you clam up....guess what, its going to make your parent feel like you are hiding something.

 

My wife and I do not hide the fact that we may occasionally listen in on phone calls. We don't do it with all their friends...just the ones we are nervous about or if something is going on that we think we won't get the straight story on. There are two friends in particular that we would tend to at least monitor the beginning part of the call to see what the tone of the conversation is. We are so open about it, my wife has actually interrupted calls before.

 

I don't recall ever listening into the 12 year olds calls ....and she is on the phone far more than the 14 year old. The 12 year old has earned our trust and we worry less about her (so far). I'd be bored to tears to listen to both my kids (12 & 14) phone calls.

 

Using this method we have prevented on several occasions are oldest from being in potentially harmful situations. And also learned that one of our daughters long time friends was becoming a VERY bad influence.

 

Do we have a right to listen? Do kids have a right to privacy? As minor children, privacy and trust and respect are priviledges that need to be earned. Kids have a right to a safe home, a nurturing environment, food, shelter, etc. Everything else must be earned. All that is required is do your best at school, be respectful, help out around the house, follow some basic rules, stay out of trouble, etc. Do that and I have no interest in listening to your phone conversations. I have much better things to do!

 

The kids know this is a rule of our house.

[vandgsmom]

Well said, Duffy!

[Kanbi]

As I said earlier, parents shouldn't eves drop unless they have a reason to, such as the kid is not being forthright or the friend is a cause for concern. If you know your parents are listening and you clam up....guess what, its going to make your parent feel like you are hiding something.

 

I can understand that. But the thing is I'm a 4.0 honor student in high school. I have perfectly good friends who are always nice and respectful to my parents, I always do my chores and my schoolwork, yet sometimes, my mom even suspect me of doing drugs. The last time I got in the most major trouble was back in grade school when I got suspended for cursing. I try really hard in school and I'm in five different clubs plus other curricular activities. Isn't that enough for them to gain enough trust in me? Maybe it's because I have a bad relationship with my parents and sister, but what would that mean that I'm hiding something from them? When something goes on, I always talk to them about it, even if we don't have such a good relationship.

[Ladydragonflagg]

If I look back at my teenage years, my mom would do that too, but the reason for it wasnt that she didnt trust me, it was because most kids at 14 start pulling away from their parents, and become more private. Its the first jump into trying to become independent and is an important developmental milestone for most kids. Maybe she does it because she just wants to get to know you better. Maybe at this stage in your life she feels like you are growing apart. Try sitting down and talking to her about your day at school or the boy you have a crush on. Im sure she will love the one on one time with you, and I bet if she feels like she already knows the whole story she may stop the snooping.

[Cometcrater]

im sure they do it for the same reason my parents did it... they just want something to talk about with me... my parents sunk so low once that they hired my bro to listen in to me and my bff conversation. wenever my parents suspect something of me and like a male friend they listen in on my conversations with that person... as soon as i find out they're listening, i start talking about doing drugs and how "i was snorting some gold yesterday"

 

im a honor student whos made it clear to my parents that i think drugs are stupid.

 

so at the point were i start talking bout drugs they hang up