How does a shy guy do it?

[danman4968]

Ok, so i would like to completely move on from my ex and i am starting to think its not possible until i find someone new to redirect my attention to. All my life every girlfriend i have had has approached me or i have heard they were interested from friends or something like that. This means i have 0 experience talking to girls i meet and i have absolutely no clue what to do or where to go or how to talk to someone new that i am interested in. It is also difficult as the girls my age drive...and i dont. So i dont want to look like a loser. How should i approach a girl? Since i am homeschooled and am graduating in a week or so i dont come into contact with any girls really besides at or around my work. I really want to meet someone else and believe i am ready i just need some help in doing so. All advice appriciated, thanks!

[Taomagicdragon]

Open your mouth.

Let the words vibrate through your voice-box.

Use your mouth muslces and tongue to shape the noise into words.

 

That's how you talk to a girl.

 

Oh... you want subjects?

 

Find some common ground and build on it. Talk aobtu the job.. the pay... the boss... interject some wit and watch ehr body langauge and her replies for any feedback noting interest.

[Layword]

Hmm. Son, I really don't know how we can help you. You have virtually ZERO social skills. Unfortunately home schooling will do that.

 

However, you can help yourself. You can do this by getting into sports, maybe getting a job like, supermarkets, or walmart. If you're not athletic and you don't like working, well then watch Soaps, yeah I know, it works trust me.

 

The fear is all in your head more or less. Why be scared of girls? They're normal, just like me and you. Yeah, I admit, I was pretty scared too. But I'm a total flirt, chicks just dig me. Haha. Cheers~

[danman4968]

well, i do sports...brazilian jiu jitsu and there arent any chicks there...everyone else in that class is in there mid-late 20s. I can build the courage to talk to them...its just knowing what to say, if i know im not going to make myself look stupid then i am confident...but i have a hard time thinking of something to say.

[danman4968]

Talk aobtu the job.. the pay... the boss...

 

thats a good idea...but what about just when i come into contact with someone in normal life...whether im just standing in line at the grocery store, relaxing with a friend at starbucks, at the mall, or wherever i may be. I just suck at striking up a conversation.

[laboheme]

Observation skills can be key in striking up a conversation with a stranger. Instead of trying to think of some awfully clever pickup line, rely on the environment to supply you with clues. After all, the setting is the only thing that you have in common with the person when you first start talking to them...and then you find out more. Example:

 

You're at Starbucks...and you see a breathtaking girl sit down at the table next to you. Instead of thinking to yourself that she has gorgeous eyes, shiny silky hair, and ooh, those legs are to die for, look around a little more. She has her coffee...she has a plate with a piece of cheesecake...Hmm, cheesecake...BINGO. You can smile at her, and if she smiles back, say that the cheesecake looks awfully good -- would she recommend trying it? Or maybe she's just getting ready to unfold the local paper, which you happen to have already read that day...there you go, a starting point for a conversation.

 

Easier said than done, of course...But details, details...it's all about the details and observation.

 

Of course, for some people, a simple "Hi, I'm ___. How are you?" works just fine...but I think it takes more skill to pull that off than to use a prop to start a conversation.

[Gunner6543]

thats a good idea...but what about just when i come into contact with someone in normal life...whether im just standing in line at the grocery store, relaxing with a friend at starbucks, at the mall, or wherever i may be. I just suck at striking up a conversation.

 

What is the reason words do not come into your mouth?

 

I would have a strong hunch that the reason you can't think of anything to say is because you are scared to say anything to someone you don't know.

 

I went around reading various web pages for idea, bought David DeAngelo's dating books and when i had a few i though i can use to start a conversation. When i came to it i just could not approach girls (or guys with the gift of hindsight). Even with the exact words to use in my head.

 

I the reason for this is because i lack confienice, self-belif, i felt unattaratives, and was scared of rejection.

 

Since then i've started on Tony Robbins Personal Power tapes

 

 

I still have all of these problems, but i have improved in confidence since then, i still have not managed to do it but in general life i have improved in confidene, i am similing more, walking around with my head held high.

 

I still have a long long way to go, but i think i'm getting there.

 

Why not test this out by approaching a girl and saying:

 

"Hey, i've got a quick question for you.

 

I'm thinking of dying my hair blond, do you think that would look good on me?"

 

See if you can.

[pianoguy]

Hi Dan,

 

Hey, I was homeschooled too! Whoever said homeschoolers have zero social skills- that's hogwash, I know plenty.

 

I don't think most people have the courage to strike up random conversations at the mall- starbucks, etc. If you do, good for you! But I think that type of thing is relatively uncommon. Don't be too hard on yourself!

 

When talking with your friends or coworkers- there's two things you can talk about. The first is common interets- so in the case of your coworkers you can talk about your work, sports often, music, TV, etc. etc.

 

But the thing all people really like to talk about is THEMSELVES. It's cheesy but it's totally true. Ask people about their interests- where they're from, what school they went to/are going to, do they want to go to college, what do they want to be when they grow up, what do they do for fun, etc. etc. And this doesn't work just for girls, it works for boys, your parents, your boss, random strangers, old people, little kids, EVERYBODY. Everyone loves to talk about themselves.

 

In others words- if you ask people questions about themselves and act interested you will automatically be a great conversationalist. And it's a lot easier than trying to be constantly witty or profound.

 

You're 17 and you've already had a few girlfriends, so don't stress too much! I didn't start dating till I was 21 and I turned out fine.

 

Is there some particular girl you have in mind, or some particular place where you want to meet people?

[Kevin T]

The fear is all in your head more or less. Why be scared of girls? They're normal, just like me and you. Yeah, I admit, I was pretty scared too. But I'm a total flirt, chicks just dig me. Haha. Cheers~

 

I'd be scared of her girls if they are like me. (Yikes...)

 

I can be pretty nasty at times.

 

And don't gloat. No one likes a gloater. lol