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I'm going to break 7 months nc... need help fast!!

poetsheart

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pacopaco Rising Star

pacopaco

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yeah, just ride the wave. We've all had to. My girlfriend of 7 years (whom I lived with) had an affair with her boss. for a while, I was going nuts. you'll find posts about me here too. let the pain move in you until it moves out of you. it will. don't text, email, call. just know that "I'll be ok." say it to yourself, until it's true. "I'll be ok, i'll be ok."

it is hard, believe me, but things do get better. what happened to me happened in Februaay, and i didn't know how i was going to make it. I'm here, I'm still working through my feelings, but you know, I'm ok, and I will be ok. you will too, just please don't text him. he isn't worth the charge to your cell phone.

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poetsheart Community Regular

poetsheart

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Ellie... you were in Brisbane? How beautiful, I'm in Melbourne... it's lovely we have 32degrees here today.... when you come back, you are my guest....

 

Dave.... is that Memphis, Tennesse? Excuse my spelling of your state... time for a holiday Down Under??

 

Paco... I hear the pain.

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need2bme Mentor

need2bme

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Maybe it was not passion, as much as anger, hurt and sadness. We move forwad and we don't want to think the time spent with someone, wasn't at the very least, ok with them. Who wants to think they let so much time slip by, only to watch the feelings they have been trying to get over for so long, invalidated?

 

I wasted so much time with the EX, before this current SO (EX). I guess that is why I let this current one pull me in so quickly. When someone leaves us, we think there will never be someone else. But there is. this girl is living proof of that. I honestly believe she is finding all these faults with me, because she cannot handle it.

 

...and he could not handle you. I don't know what transpired in the breakup. If he acted the way you say, then texting or calling him will only validate the fact he hurt you and he still wins.

 

I called mine last night to let her know how much it bugged me, with the way she was acting. All it did was prove to me that she did not want to commit and it hurt.

 

Please don't text him. He does not deserve it.....or maybe he does, but you deserve more.

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pacopaco Rising Star

pacopaco

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right on! it'll all get better. I used to drive around and go into the bar where she'd meet up with her boss, saying "what an ugly dive, whay would she come here with him, this was better than me? bla bla bla..." until I said to myself "there is nothing for me here, nothing at all. I can get a beer elsewhere." what I am saying is that there's nothing for you on that dating site. don't go there.

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poetsheart Community Regular

poetsheart

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Oh Dave.... thankyou so much.... it's not easy, I've still got the urge, but the thing is that I know I'm acting from emotion, you guys are coming out with logic.... If I can be an example, I will try.... for now I hope.

 

The fact that you guys have stayed with me now, taken the time, really helping me through this, means so much to me that words can never express my gratitude. You're in my heart ALWAYS!!!!!!!!

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poetsheart Community Regular

poetsheart

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And this is what this site is for, and I came here, and it's subsided a little, and my thanks and heart and love from Australia goes out to you all, I have eased a little, it's still there, but you have taken me through the wave and for that, as I have said for 2 years and more, I love you all. Always and always.

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need2bme Mentor

need2bme

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Don't flare up. All it will do is hurt.

 

Seriously! Everyone kept telling me, "leave her alone". My friends. My family. Everyone on here. Did I listen? Nope!

 

I text her and ask her if I can ask her a serious question, all while the sirens are blaring in my head!!!! I can see them. They are so big, red and LOUD! But, what do I do?

 

"Um, hello, um, yeah, Do you remember the things you said last Thurday and Friday? Well, I didn't appreciate all of that" and well the rest is history...

 

If she speaks to me again, it will be a miracle. Oh, and all I had to do, for my own sanity, was leave it alone, listen to others and not text...

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newbie30 Enthusiast

newbie30

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Poetsheart!

 

I know exactly what you are going through! Seriously! A few months after my ex and I broke up, I went on one of those dating sites with my Aunt to help set up her personality profile. And while I was doing it, I thought 'haha wouldn't it be funny if my ex was on here'. Well, I clicked in the search thingy, and he was the FIRST face to pop up. And no, it wasn't funny at all.

 

I felt like my heart was going to jump out of my chest- like I'd just sprinted up 10 flights of stairs. And I couldn't control it! His entire profile seemed designed to rip my heart out (ugh, the pain). His 'favorite places' were listed as all the places we used to go alone together, 'favorite things to do' were listed as everything we used to do together, etc. And I mean specifically. There was a little Thai place we went to on our first date and every anniversary, and he had it in his profile as 'where we'll go on our first date'. Oh man, that sucked. He couldn't possibly have known I'd go on the site (we used to joke about how we would never do that EVER), but it felt like he put it out there and worded it like that just in case I did.

 

Anyway, my point is, I was dying to call him. I don't know why or what I would say, but I felt I would burst if I didn't. So what did I do? I called everybody in the whole world I could think of besides him that day. My old gym teacher was surprised to hear from me. The guy who babysat my cat in 1994 said he was doing well.

 

I look back now and am SO THANKFUL I DID NOT CALL. He would have felt smug that he could still affect me, smug that I had read the hurtful words, and smug that I would know he was out there dating.

 

THIS FEELING WILL PASS. The heart palpitations will ease! I made sure to not EVER go back and check the dating site (or any for that matter). You may have the urge later to do this. DON'T. What you don't know can't hurt you in this case. And later you will congratulate yourself on all the hurdles you thought you weren't strong enough to overcome, but did!

 

Good luck! DON'T CALL

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heaven Apprentice

heaven

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He was never going to take me seriously, he kicked me out, changed the locks, treated me horribly, made me feel inferior, compared me to others, he emotionally manipulated me and I took him back all those times... told me he could get anyone he wanted...
HA! Well look at him now-- if he's all that then why is he still single?

 

This guy sounds like such a jerk! I'm new here and am not sure what "NC" is, but I'm assuming it means No Calling. If you've gone a whole 7 months without calling this * * * * * * *, please do not mess up what you've worked so hard to do. It will only put you back to square one. He is not worth your precious time!

 

Please stay strong and take care. Many hugs to you.

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poetsheart Community Regular

poetsheart

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newbie30, you went through the same thing as me? oh wow, that's something... I was in complete and utter shock. Your post has meant alot to me, that you took the time to write to me and i thank you so much... I will try not to text, I am trying...

 

Heaven, you are gorgeous thankyou.

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Goldfish6888 Community Regular

Goldfish6888

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Hi Poets heart.

 

I had the same horrible feeling when I found my b/f online on link removed.

 

He was coming to live in Europe with me and had posted up a profile saying he wanted someone who loved adventure, who liked travelling who is fun loving and easy going (all qualities I am and have!!)

 

I was shocked as I thought I was the ONE and not that he was still looking for the ONE! Needless to say I broke up with him by email.

 

Then I simply posted the most sexy photo of myself online onto the same dating sites as him, put up the nicest profile ever......I even talked about what my ideal date would be (which was actually based on our first date!). Anywhere I could stick the dagger in - I did!! I said I 'm looking for the one....someone who respects me, who is honest....! Basically I listed all the qualities that he hadn't!! I made it humorous and tongue in cheek but FUN!

It felt good....Then I made sure I went online everyday...even though I couldn't be bothered with it!! Sure nuf, i got a text from him saying "saw you on link removed........how's it going.....!!

 

I didn't respond. NC!!! He does not deserve me in his life....I deserve love. i deserve someone who respects me...who won't take advantage of my good nature....who will call when they say they will call....who would put his life on the line for me.....

 

so why would I let him back in? The doors to my little V.I.P nightclub are closed to him.....no more access all areas.....you made your bed buddy, now lie in it...!!

 

My friend did suggest I set up a false profile with a hottie picture, send him a wink/smile and lead him on...arrange to meet and leave him high and dry...but I guess I wasn't bunny boiler enough to go that far!! But it would have been FUN!

 

Hope you didn't contact him! There are other ways girl! You go!

G Fish!

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freedom Rising Star

freedom

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Sometimes in life we look for people for advice. I te end we have to help ourselves.

Think about the consequences of our action and make your own decision. It is free will and that is the thing that makes us stronger.

 

In the end we each have to make our decisions and stand by it. It is the indecision that makes us weak and feel anxiety. Make your own decision and dont depend on others to 'help' you out because in the end you have to stick by your decision be it good or bad. It is removing the indecision that makes us strong.

Listening to too many people only confuses you and increases the potenial for indecisions. Focus and take responsibility.

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Seventh Apprentice

Seventh

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Dear Poet -

 

My heart goes out to you. PLEASE do not fall into that trap.

 

Let me tell you. I recently found out that my ex was connecting with strangers for sex att swapnet or adultfriendfinders.

 

Her "latest" (I know cause she left her emails on our computer when she bailed on me two months ago) turns out to have been arrested for secretly videotaping his "girlfriends" having sex and putting it on the net (I found him via googling his name which was on the emails). Two od them went to his house at 2 in the morning and threw rocks at his house and when he and his wife (now ex, maybe)came out and called the police they laid the whole story out.

 

I am devastated and I called her to tell her this guy was a creep and dangerous and was using her. She got angry and hasn't returned my calls (even though even our son called her to see if she was alright).

Turns out she was trolling the swapper sites before she moved out and talking **** about me to her new "adult friends"

 

Let me say this.

 

Come here and VENT and let it all out. These peoiple who do this, who play the internet hookup game, are seriously sick, imho. Especially as in my case their are kids involved. There is more to it. She is on prozac which I think seriously impairs her judgment. She was also the victim of serious sexual abuse as a child (so I cannot judge her, she is out of control but literally she cannot help it and won't try to).

 

My point is --- that this guy in the hookup ads is just another user and BS artist .

 

Get angry. Realize that you are way toio good for that. He is no good and will never be. He is not who you thought he was. Do not reach out to text him or go near him again.

 

I am living in a hell of a making which confounds me. But I know one thing: these internet hookup sites, even the tame ones, are seriously detrimental to many good relationships.

 

We all long for affection and love and sensuality. But if there is no spiritual element. Just raw using and carnality, then the person engaging in that is doomed and anyone around them is going to be poisoned by it.

 

Stay off the hookup site and go out with friends. Find a real friend with real values and leave that toxic loser alone.

 

Good luck

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