loosing attraction? help?

[candy604]

Anyway been going out with my bf for 3 years. He's living with my standards of not having sex before marriage. But usually most of the time we see each other he's also joking how he wants to "stick it in there." It bothers me , and i've told him. Also it seems everytime he does that it just makes me less attracted to him that now, i'm just comfortable with just kissing and hugging. I don't really care for anything more than that. Seems like a chore if I have to give him a BJ or something like that.

 

Does it stem from the fact that it's rubbing against my values? I'm not really sure.

[Layword]

Well, unless you have a serious, serious talk with him it's going to end. You should tell him straight out what you just told us, say it confidently, and say it with a serious tone. He's a guy that likes to add humor in situations to break ice so you'll need to be up-front for him to understand anything. No matter what happens, if he leaves you over something as silly as no sex then be glad that that's one less scrub you have to deal with.

[annie24]

wow! 3 years. he has some self control! well, to be honest, I think he sounds like a pretty good guy, and I bet after 3 years, he's really been wanting to have sex, but has stood by you.

 

but why are you so bothered by him saying that "he wants to stick it in you?" Ok, it's a bit crude, but he's basically saying that he's still really attracted to you after 3 years, and that is awesome. Honestly, I bet he must feel like he's going to explode, which is probably where the comment comes from.

[candy604]

Yeah he has stuck with me for 3 years. well he's a virgin as well. But I guess it bothers me b/c its most of the time and it feels like i hafta keep saying "no" and tell him you already know my values.

 

but i guess it is a complement to me haha. yah i didnt' see it that way. Thanks annie24

[Aschleigh]

What in your values prevents you from expressing your love sexualy? He has been with you for 3 years. You love each other. Do you want to have sex with him?

[annie24]

how old are you two? do you think he will propose soon?

 

I understand what you mean, it must be annoying to have to keep saying 'no'. have you two discussed marriage?

[candy604]

we are 23. Well personally, I can wait till marriage. I mean we all have those feelings too but I stick to what I value- christian upbringing.

 

..marriage is not until i'm older. We both are young and starting out our careers. Well yes we are in love, but lately i'm just pondering of breaking it off b/c i don't know if i see a future for us. ( also parents are on my back, they don't really approve n my mom is always trying to find boys for me- yes annoying!).

[quietgrl]

candy604,

 

I hope i can answer this question but you should be proud of yourself for sticking to your virgin belief in todays society and you should be very glad your bf is supporting you and sticking to your belief while dating and being in a relationship with you.There is nothing wrong waiting for sex with commitment via Lt bf or your husband.I love hearing virgin stories like yours because this belief is VERY misunderstood.Most people think sex with commitment virgins hate sex or don't want to have sex but that is farther from the true.

I wouldn't let your Bf joke or others bother you because if this is what you believe in intercourse with a commitment.A joke won't hurt you one bit.There are plenty of nonsexual (nonintercourse) way to show your Bf that you love him .I have a joke for your bf .A 3 year relationship hmm how about a commitment?

[annie24]

we are 23. Well personally, I can wait till marriage. I mean we all have those feelings too but I stick to what I value- christian upbringing.

 

..marriage is not until i'm older. We both are young and starting out our careers. Well yes we are in love, but lately i'm just pondering of breaking it off b/c i don't know if i see a future for us. ( also parents are on my back, they don't really approve n my mom is always trying to find boys for me- yes annoying!).

 

why don't you see a future with him?

[candy604]

um..just different families and ubringing, communication is a problem ( we don't have alot to say to each other except the normal : hows ur day, balh blah), quite boring and my bf isn't that driven in life. I don't really know what to do.3 years is a super long time, but its so hard to let go. He always talks about marrying me etc..but I don't know.

[annie24]

so maybe you are losing attraction for him over the bigger issues, not just his jokes?

 

i don't know what to advise.... I guess... just sit down and think if you want to stay in this relationship, if he is the one for you. you are young and there is no reason to keep staying with him just because you've been with him for 3 years.

 

is he a good guy overall? is he good to you?

[candy604]

yeah thanks for help. I guess its a bunch of things i realize. I'm just loosing attraction. I told my bf i need a break for 2 weeks until school exams are done b/c i don't know if i want to be in this relationship. Stressing but its reality. But i realize that physical attraction isn't everything, i think i'm lacking the emotion side , which then i loose the physical attraction.