Question about relationships- help

[candy604]

Anyway I've been going out with my boyfriend for 3 years now. I am wondering if its normal that a guy makes fun of his gf. Usually, my bf tells me i'm not photogenic ( picture well) and he tells me this jokingly and says " well can't use this pic, u don't look good.." And if i tell him it hurts my feelings, he says " well it's the truth, do you want me to lie about it?" or " when was hte last time i used ur picture?"

 

Also, he started this new job where there are alot of girls working there ( older ladies and girls his age). So lately he's been telling me about how the girls like him, think he's cute, he even tells me what they say to him or how he thinks a few girl likes him etc..very egotisitcal. I'm not the jeolous type so I don't know why he's trying to tell me this or * * * is going on. Now i'm bothered by it but when i tell him serious, he just laughs it off and says " well maybe i shouldn't have told you, why are u getting mad, are you mad"?

 

Really i don't know what to do. Do guys do this or will they grow out of it? Have you girls experienced this before?

 

Just to note, we are both 23.

[Meow18]

I hate to say it, but your boyfriend is just plain rude. None of us take good pictures all the time. None of us look our best. But our significant other isn't supposed to tell you that you look bad! They are the ones who should be doing the opposite, even if we don't look at our best!

 

This will eventually, if not already, bring your self esteem way down.

 

Honestly, I wouldn't keep him. You deserve some respect. Seriously, he's being so disrespectful, and you have even tried telling him how you felt and he doesn't care at all. That's not something you should have to deal with.

[Beec]

I think this is fairly normal, and that he should eventualy grow out of it. When he does it, you could let him know you don't like it.

[rebew]

no this is not normal. i am in the middle of trying to leave a relationship where my boyfriend did this to me. he is doing this to be little you make you feel worthless so he feels better. basically by making you feel like crap, it makes him feel wonderful, because in his eyes he is better than you. in a loving relationship this shouldn't happen. a partner should not make comments like this even if they are joking.

[Its_B]

I have realized that sometimes people who may come accross rude really just don't think before they talk. This could very well be the case with your boyfriend. He is comfortable with you, and doesn't really watch what he says as much, because he does not mean it in an insulting way. My advice is to keep reminding him that you do not find it funny, and if it continues, you have to decide if its worth sticking around and dealing with his insensitive comments.

[flower99]

I have experience similar to this before. But it may have been more extreem.

he is now 28 & hasn't grown out of it. I agree with Meow.

 

Does he do this regularly? does he make fun of you with other things besides pictures? If this is a regular occurrence, this will effect your self estem in time if not already.

 

He seems rude & egotistical. If that is so (since I don't know him, only you do) - they are character traits, you don't just grow out of it. He's 23 this is him.

[candy604]

yeah he actually tells me he doesn't think before he talks.

Alright i'll try again and tell him. I've already threw a fit last year about his hurtful jokingly comments. It's gone down some what from before, but it's still there.

 

haha the funny thing is, he thinks he looks bad in pictures. So if i tell him he does ( I just say it b/c i'm hurt by his comments he gave first even though i don't mean it) , he doesn't care.

 

Yeah i do find in our relationship, he tries to be better than me , i guess coz he's a guy. I did do alot better in school than him and i have alot of things to be thankful for.

[flower99]

Sometimes I feel Not thinking before speaking is an excuss. A good one too.

That way you never have to change your behavior & people will just have accept it. Best of all you are never responsible for the outcome of whatever damage your words bring.

[Its_B]

Sometimes I feel Not thinking before speaking is an excuss. A good one too.

That way you never have to change your behavior & people will just have accept it. Best of all you are never responsible for the outcome of whatever damage your words bring.

 

That is very true. I just mean that maybe because(as she pointed out) he would not take those comments to heart, he doesn't stop to think if she would be offended by them. Thats why I think she should say something to him about it, and if he doesn't change, and if she can't accept this just may be the way he is, then they should probably split up.

[heaven]

This is not acceptable AT ALL. You have made it clear that his comments hurt your feelings yet he continues to make them. This is extremely disrespectful. And as for him "growing out of it", I wouldn't count on it. He's 23, not 13! He's a grown man and should know better.

 

Sweetie, you do not deserve this. I am in the process of divorcing a man who for years thought it was funny to call me ugly names on a regular basis, even though I made it known that I did not appreciate it. There is no excuse.

 

Men do this to keep you feeling down on yourself. If he makes you feel ugly enough he won't have to worry about you looking for someone else. Men like this are extremely insecure. This is why he's bragging about those ladies at work, he's trying to make himself out to be some kinda hot stud.

 

Trust me, I've been there. Please know that you cannot change someone, and if you continue your relationship and end up marrying this guy it will only get worse.

 

Hugs to you.

[RayKay]

Hmm, so a long time ago, I would of said it's normal. It's not. I too just accepted it. Of course it just crumbled my own self esteem in chunks at a time. There is a BIG difference between playful, mutual teasing and just being cruel to be cruel.

 

You have told him it hurts, and he continues and he does not accept responsibility for it...instead saying things like he "he is just honest" so as not to HAVE to actually apologize. Or he passes it off as "just joking" and you are just too sensitive or something. Again, just a way to be able to walk all over you and not have to accept responsibility.

 

It is an extreme insecurity on his part, to emotionally manipulate you whether he knows it or not to feeling that you are essentially so lucky to have him.

 

That, or he is just not really happy anymore either so is just pushing you away, or pushing you to a breakup. I had that happen as well so he grew very critical near the end of everything about me, those things I could NOT change that were me...saying it was for my own good and other poop like that!

 

You will never feel happy as long as he does this, and he has already shown he won't stop. The worst part is that over time you will believe it if you don't get out.

[flower99]

That is very true. I just mean that maybe because(as she pointed out) he would not take those comments to heart, he doesn't stop to think if she would be offended by them. Thats why I think she should say something to him about it, and if he doesn't change, and if she can't accept this just may be the way he is, then they should probably split up.

 

Oh yes, I totally agree... defiently bring it up to him. Give him the opportunity to change his behavior. Maybe he is oblivious to the pain it's causeing.

 

But if it doesn't change, don't settle for it.

[StrandedinON]

Hmm... Maybe it's not the subject of the photo, but the photographer that causes the problem.

 

As this is written it picks up on all the juicy signs of emotional abuse. And the fact that you take it and don't put a stop to it or kick his butt to the curb (the preferable solution) only encourages him to continue like this.

 

It is possible to have someone who makes you feel truly and perfectly loved. A person who thinks you're feeling good and your smiling at him is one of the best highs of his day.

 

This guy is obviously not doing that for you.

[dil]

personally, I'd punch him and stomp off....but I'm just violent and shouldn't give relationship advice

[Rabican]

it doesnt matter if its normal or not (it isnt) but thats not the point. Your bf is being a jerk and not respecting you at all. Id tell him if he keeps it up, then he can just go move into his new office with his new girlyfriends and forget about me.