Can't let go.

[D1886]

Don't want to, that's all there is to it. Been broken up four months after 2.5 years. I don't understand how she can move on. I talked to her last night and she made it clear we were not going to be together. Called again today, left a couple messages saying, I hope whoever your with next you are happy, and another saying, how could you do this after being long distance for 2 years and now we're in the same city (going to the same college) and now we can actually have a normal relationship. I don't want to let go. I know everyone would probably suggest going NC to get over her, but I don't want to get over her.

[laboheme]

Oh, I know that feeling all too well...Realizing that it's not going to work out but desperately clinging to the memories...Been there, done that. Strangely enough, my ex and I were also long distance for quite a while, and when we finally transferred to the same college, he broke up with me. Weird...

 

All I can say is that it takes time. It's been 4 months for me, too, and I feel like I'm slowly moving on and finally realizing that if I'm ever to be happy again, I have to get over him. It's very hard, I'll be the first person to admit that it's terribly hard. However, she made it clear that there's absolutely no hope, and you now owe it to yourself to find the strength to be happy one day. Let it all out now, cry as much as you need to, vent on this board...try to trudge through your everyday life the best you can. If you feel like trying to get out and having fun, great! One day you'll realize that wait, you're actually okay on your own...The next day you might have a relapse again. I know I've had a few of those...But it does get better with time.

 

Believe me, I used to think exactly what you're thinking right now, that I never want to get over him, that I always want to have that special feeling when I think about him. I definitely do miss him quite often still, but right now getting him back is no longer a concern...and I'm getting more and more concerned that there aren't enough worthy guys for me to crush on, haha.

 

You'll get there one day, and in the meantime we're all here for you! *hugs*

[D1886]

Thank you. The other thing that kills me is thinking about her with other people, partying, getting drunk and stuff. She is a very attractive girl, big boobs (yeah it sound may sound like a bad thing to say but it does bother me) and I think about other guys trying to get her, talking about her. She was so sweet, I don't want anyone else to have her, but IT KILLS ME SO MUCH, anytime I hear about others hooking up or anything sexual I think what she's doing.

[ScreenagerX]

The other thing that kills me is thinking about her with other people, partying, getting drunk and stuff. She is a very attractive girl, big boobs (yeah it sound may sound like a bad thing to say but it does bother me) and I think about other guys trying to get her, talking about her. She was so sweet, I don't want anyone else to have her, but IT KILLS ME SO MUCH, anytime I hear about others hooking up or anything sexual I think what she's doing.

 

Oh man, I have SO been there. Took me a long time to come to terms with those feelings when she started seeing someone new. But the point is I did and I'm fine with it now. I didn't want to (as you feel now) but she wanted nothing more to do with me so I had to deal with. You will get there, trust me.

[Layword]

Get ahold of yourself man. Tough love, that's what you need right now. I hate to be the guy that has to hit you upside the head but look at yourself man. Your still clinging to somethat that DOES NOT what ANYTHING to do with you my friend.

 

You need to sit down, evaluate what she's saying man. I know what your going through but LOOK she does not want you. You need to grab ahold of your feelings and channel it into a positive force. Get some hobbies, run errands, do SOMETHING ANYTHING that keeps your mind off her.

 

If it takes weeks, I don't care, I want to see you through this. Forget this girl and move on to the next girl who could in fact be "Your women" and don't even give this girl another thought. Do this every day, for me, for you, look in the mirror for 30 seconds, just look at yourself. You'll start realizing that your a really great person and that you don't need this right now. Cheer up bro, your in for a long haul. Tell me how it works out.

[melrich]

Well of course you have every right to pursue her and make your case but don't do it to the point of harassing her,

 

I talked to her last night and she made it clear we were not going to be together. Called again today, left a couple messages saying, I hope whoever your with next you are happy, and another saying, how could you do this

 

and this may be getting into that territory. Remember she has a right to her own enjoyment of life and not have that disturbed by someone imposing themselves on her. At the end of the day you have to accept that if she says "no" it means "no".

[BeStrongBeHappy]

you may not want to let her go, but may have no choice... so better not to spend hours torturing yourself over it (or harassing her)...

 

you also seem to be suffering from a raging case of sexual jealousy, which does NOT recommend you to her, if the first thing you mention about her are her boobs and not wanting another guy to have her like her boobs are your prized possession... if the thing you are worried about is giving up big boobs, there are plenty of those out there...

 

maybe she started to pick up on the fact that you were more interested in her boobs than her as a person?? the kiss of death on a relationship every time if a woman feels that's all your really interested in...

[D1886]

I do have a big case of sexual jealousy, but that is not everything. She is such an honest, chill, no stress, relaxed, caring person who supported me so much, which I did not return for a like the last year or so of the relationship, really took her for granted. But I never felt more interested in her boobs at all, but now it really bugs me that others are going to have her sexually. She was my first and only sexual partner, and I was her first too. That, I think, is why.

 

Thank you for responding to that part, it really does bother me because I am sexual jealous really bad, it kills me to think that is going to happen. Anyone else with advice on this would help too.

[D1886]

Also, thanks to the others that responded. The more responses helps.

[D1886]

I want to die, I hate this

[Pegasus]

I want to die, I hate this

 

Hi D,

 

I know it sucks - i'm in pretty same sh*t as you are right now. My situation is even worse - she left me for another guy and was seeing him at least a month before our BU. Guess what - I saw them kissing yesterday on the street. But, you know, life goes on. I would really like to go 6 months back but it just can't be done and we have to face it what is in front of us. At this moment it sucks. I don't know what did I wanted to say in the first place, but want you to know that you're not the only person feeling bad at this moment. Hopefully it will be a bit easier for you. Those things happen - sometimes for no reason.

 

Keep your head up it will get better. It must...

 

Okie

[androidparanoid]

Try having your 2 year girlfriend break up with you because she likes your best friend, and your friend does things with her behind your back, and you talk about it after you find out and everything is cool, but the next day he does it again.

 

Dont die, it's not worth it. You'll be stronger after it all.

[D1886]

Ok, here's the craziest part about the whole thing.....

 

When I met her I was looking to get some. Yeah, I am being honest. I was a senior in High school and haven't hooked up with a girl. So the first month her and I were talking/going out, I really acted like I was more than what was me before we went out. About 9 months to a year into the relationship I recognized that I was reverting back to who I was before her and there was nothing I could do to help it. I thought to myself about two years into the relationship, if she knew who I was, being antisocial and pathetic, she would not be with me. Well three to four months later I couldn't hide it and she dumped me.

 

Now I find myself back at square one. I am desperately needy for a girl. Just like I was with her, but I don't let myself wait long enough for any girls. I feel like if I want her, I will let her know it, and I know this isn't how works, as mad and dumb as I think it is. I keep trying to talk to girls more than want, send texts, etc. I know this isn't attracted, but I don't have the patience, because I feel like I show'd a lot of false, secretive, non-real patience with the first ex.

 

Yeah, my mom left us when we were twelve to go do whatever it is she does, we still don't talk, and I'm twenty now. And I left home from my dad, when I was sixteen to move in with my grandparents, who have been supportive from day one. So I know it has to do with abandonmnet, but I don't want to act like something I'm not. I already did that once and don't have the patience to try it again. Ha, I know it can't doesn't exist and I have to do it, but I don't want to after so much me and the ex had, but she doesn't care about that anymore, so I'm stuck. I'm so sad and hurt.

[D1886]

I'm sooooo depressed and sooooo incredibly sad, I felt this way two months ago, then we dated again, but a week ago she said it was over for good. I can't take this......I guess I can cause I went through it, but I'm crying and not doing good, I'm so depressed

[D1886]

A coicidence, about a week or two before we broke up, I was at her house in late june and she was saying how nick lachey was dumb for talking about his break up and how her dad would think how dumb he was. Well it was different words, but anyways, I kinda felt sorry for the guy.

 

Anyways, that is the only cd I listen to now (like all the time) and it used to help and still does a little, but I just wanted to say cause I'm listening to it all the time now, like I did two months ago, but now it doesn't have as much as an impact, but still does help. K, I better get some sleep, a lot of work for tomorrow. I can't help but think what the f...... she's doing right now, it kills me, I'm almost positive she's found someone, it hurts so much.

[D1886]

Oh wow, this hurts......now when I hear him, I think, that's what she's thinking. Like, my eyes are finally open again, and, I see it all in a different light, that's how I used to feel, when I was trying to completely get over it. But now that she's completely over, all his words sound like they're coming from her instead of me. It's so horrible, I hate what I've done with myself, f.....this. I can't believe this, I can't believe this.

[Ellie2006]

Hey D,

Don't know what else to tell you other than to hang in there ...

You really gotta make yourself push through this: don't forget to be extra kind to yourself for a while: eat, exercise, sleep, get out and hang out w/ off-line friends, vent here, etc etc ...

 

Sending best wishes your way ...

[Kate07]

Ok well you are definitely hurting right now, I do understand how you feel, I feel the same.

 

My ex boyfriend broke up with me just over a week ago and yesterday i took him his keys back (we were living together) and i found out that he had gone out and slept with someone else not even a week after we broke up. That hurt like hell as im sure you would understand. He called me later that night and we spoke for over an hour, Many people say do the non-contact thing, Personally I find that really hard as im sure you would also understand.

 

My biggest problem is the same as yours, I dont want to let go, however i also dont want to live like this forever as well. I was depressed in the last 6 months of our relationship but i always knew that i would never break up with him because basically i figure something was better then nothing, Right now i question that. Sometimes I get really strong and think i can do this without him and i dont need him and being single isnt that bad, at least im not sitting here wondering if he is going to leave me.

 

I definitely understand the entire abandonment issue, I am terribly scared that i will be alone for the rest of my life, Not only that im scared that no one will ever love me again and im scared that no one will ever want me, however i know that im most scared that i wont get over him, I dont want to be 4-5 months down the track and still be sitting at home wondering what he is doing, I dont really need to worry about who he is sleeping with, i know he will be sleeping with someone so I was actually glad that it happened so quickly, at least now im not sitting here thinking maybe there is a chance. As far as im concerned he is damaged goods now, i can never make love to him again or even have a root with him again without feelin dirty.

 

I dont know how to stop feeling abandoned, for me im trying counselling because i know that there are a lot more issues under that, like that im not good enough and that my expectations are to high. I guess for me i dont give up my body for anyone, ben was my first, but my body is pretty much as precious to me as my heart and i guess im scared that no one will want me long enough to wait.

 

So i guess the only thing i can say is hang in there, try and find someway to move on, go out and force yourself to do new things, meet new people and gain new hobbies. I figure that is the only way to help get over them, i was once told that for every month you were together it takes a week to get over. For me that means another 17 weeks, but for me also that means another 17 weeks of hell and im doing anything and everything i can do to help get over him, Im reading books about moving on, im on here and honestly hearing that there are so many people who are going through this months and even years after they broke up is actually giving me some motivation.

 

I dont know if it will help at all but im planning on making a break-up book/new beginnings book. Im putting things like positive remarks in it, inspirational stories and anything i can find to help me get over him.

 

Sorry if this turned out about me and didnt help you at all but i guess you know that you arent in this alone and that we are all here to help you and listen to you.

 

You will get through this and eventually you and all of us will be happy again.

[Pegasus]

I figure that is the only way to help get over them, i was once told that for every month you were together it takes a week to get over. For me that means another 17 weeks, but for me also that means another 17 weeks of hell and im doing anything and everything i can do to help get over him, Im reading books about moving on, im on here and honestly hearing that there are so many people who are going through this months and even years after they broke up is actually giving me some motivation.

 

Kate,

 

don't count on that time limit. Everyone heals different and has different timeline. It's not how long relationship was going on - it's more what this relationship meant to you and how deeply were you in love. Don't make time assumptions - you'll be pretty disappointed when it does not "end" when you expect it. Everyday it will be a bit easier (maybe you will not notice it - specially at the start of it). I've noticed (I'm 5 months after BU of 3,5 years relationship) that first month or two, actually thing were getting worse, but they started to be better. I had a setback on sunday (saw my ex kissing a guy she let me for) but now I'm better. It will pass. It will take it's time but it will pass.

 

Just keep going...

 

Okie

[ScreenagerX]

I was once told that for every month you were together it takes a week to get over.

 

Crikey!!! I hope not cause that still means I've got 105 weeks to go till I'm over my ex

[Kate07]

Crikey!!! I hope not cause that still means I've got 105 weeks to go till I'm over my ex

 

Dont worry, I didnt believe that it takes one week for every month you were together to get over your ex. I do agree with okie270 that everyone heals in different times. I would just like to know how to get over my ex. So if anyone has any ideas that would be fantastic?

 

I just dont want to get down the track and still be in love with him.

[ScreenagerX]

I would just like to know how to get over my ex. So if anyone has any ideas that would be fantastic?

 

Time. Or at least its working for me. Its been 22 weeks now since my ex & I officially split and, in all honesty, life is good

[stunned]

Kate07,

 

There's no easy answer. We all go through slightly different stages of grieving and healing. Time, ultimately, helps dull the pain but the amount of time required varies from person-to-person. We all have ups and downs. It's been 2 weeks since my live-in gf of 7 years left. I've been feeling better since Sunday, but today I had to get out to run some errands that I used to do with my ex. For whatever reason, it made me so sad that I was alone that I almost wanted to cry. It's hard to predict what will trigger those blues. However, I tried to make myself smile and interact with people. This is just part of the roller coaster ride that we're all on. At least this forum is a wonderful tool that will help us all get through this. Just take each day as it comes. When you're blue, angry or lonely, come here.