Thinking of telling him this

[VIRGOLDY]

Hey all. I read that book He's Just Not That Into You and thought of mailing this to my ex: What do y'all think?

 

 

 

First of all....I hope you had an incredible holiday

 

Second...I wanted to tell you something that was very insightful for me...and that FINALLY makes so much sense to me.

 

I had some downtime over the weekend...and read a book someone

told me about called "He's Just Not That Into You". It was a funny book ..but more

than anything it truly made me understand why things never panned out for

you and I ...and it was SO simple all along.....You were just NOT that into me....and you never were.

At least NOT enough to put forth the effort for it to REALLY go anywhere.

 

I am not telling you this because I am upset....I'm not at all. At least I am

not sitting around wondering what I did wrong. I did NOTHING wrong..if I did ANYthing

wrong..it was giving TOO much to someone who just didn't want me in the same

capacity. Oh well.....live and learn right?? I just wish I had read something like this

sooner..because at least I would not have spent so much time waiting around.

 

So, I don't feel so bad. Now I can move on to someone who I know wants me in the way I deserve. Take care.

[cherries]

why do you want to send it?

 

even if you need to send it, does it have to be that long?

 

what reaction do you think you will get? are you expecting a reaction?

[VIRGOLDY]

No I don't expect a reaction. I want him to know I am ok with things because at least I KNOW it's nothing I had control over. I did NOTHING wrong. I didn;t cheat, lie, or hurt him..he simply was NOT into me enough to make it work...and that's cool.

[melrich]

No I don't expect a reaction. I want him to know I am ok with things because at least I KNOW it's nothing I had control over. I did NOTHING wrong. I didn;t cheat, lie, or hurt him..he simply was NOT into me enough to make it work...and that's cool.

 

That's more about you than him. I wouldn't send it. It makes you sound bitter and I don't think you should give him that satisfaction.

[blemished]

I agree with melrich. I would keep it to yourself, put it away and forget about it. Reread it in a year or so and see if you feel the same way then. You will probably laugh about it, and be happy you didn't send it.

[annie24]

I think that the authors of "He's just not that into you" would recommend that you print out that letter.... and then tear it up into a million pieces. (in fact, that is one of their exercises in that book! write down everything you want to say to him, and then rip up the paper).

 

sending the letter to him isn't the action of a woman that's moving on. the would tell you not to waste another second on him, even if it is to tell him what you've learned. be proud of your accomplishments and keep them to yourself!

[Scout]

Whoamigosh! Please...don't send that. I agree with the above posters...print it off, tuck it away somewhere, and delete it from your "drafts" folder.

 

Trust me, if you even re-read it a month from now, you'll be thanking your stars you didn't send it.

[Captain34]

im glad i read this post.

 

ive been having a hard to figuring out where things stand with my ex and i.

 

she never shuns me or asks for more space. shes open to some some forms of contact but not to others. she seems to be cool with contact in person but not over the phone, although ive called her rarely.

 

maybe i need to do enough to show her that i am really into her?

 

i am probably over cautious, because i don't want to go ahead and do something only to find out im going too far..get me on this??

[VIRGOLDY]

Captain that book was written by a GUY, so who better to tell if a GUY isn't into you than a guy?? Basically he says if the guy doesn;t put forth the effort...he just isn;t that into you PERIOD. A man who is interested WILL make the effort. He WILL call. He will show up and he won;t keep making excuses...and he WILL try to make things work IF he is interested.

 

I don;t know your full situation, but maybe your ex DOES need to know

how you feel. Go for it.

[kellbell]

Whoa Nelly!!! Please don't send that letter. Burn it, destroy it, shred it. If the letter is more for your benefit, then it would make sense to keep it and not give it to him.

 

"I KNOW it's nothing I had control over. I did NOTHING wrong."

 

Then this is all that matters. How you feel. You are right did not have control over it. Things happen, sending a letter will not change anything.

 

I guarentee in a couple of months, you would kick yourself for sending it.

[Captain34]

i think im am too concerned about making unwanted action that it comes through in my threads, and im often advised to hold back and go NC. For example, I sent a text over the holiday and got a response.

 

ive held back so much that its driving me nuts. i havent gotten any negative comments from her at all, which i assume i would get if she wanted space. plus, she shows up places where she knows i'll be or have been invited to.

 

i guess ive held back for so long (i should add the 6 weeks of NC was so necessary) that now i have no idea what footing i have. i dont know how to approach her in any "casual" way other than running into her at the bar. but that doesnt take effort, and plus its loud, drinking is involved, and friends are always around.

 

i want to pursue, but shes got me so wrapped up i cant figure out the best way to go about it.

[southerngirl]

I think you should write out whatever you feel you need to.

 

In pen with your own hand.

 

Then burn it.

[VIRGOLDY]

Captain, maybe you should crack the door a little more. I think six weeks is long enough NC to at least TRY. Rather than doing it directly, because you don;t want to put her on the spot, maybe send her a lighthearted email. Just don't sit by the computer for three days waiting for a response. I like emails because poeple usually need to digest things before responding.

[rmpavlock]

What might seem like a good idea now might not in a few months. Don't send it. Keep it in a journal or something to that extent.

[gfein347]

Virgoldy:

 

I'm just curious, who broke up with whom in your relationship?

 

Also, I agree with the others who have said that it probably isn't a good idea to send this letter to your ex.

[poetsheart]

Please do not send it... he will just laugh, and think you are so not over him. Keep it to yourself, he doesnt need to know anything about how you are feeling.

 

Yes, I read the book whilst I was going through my relationship,your ex knows he wasn't into you, so why even go there?

 

DON'T SEND IT....

[DizzyDoris]

I have to agree with everyone else i think it would be a mistake to send it! YOU know you did nothing wrong, he probably already knows it too.

 

Like poetsheart said he will probably just laugh, maybe even show his friends. I wouldnt initiate any contact with him, you already know he's not into you so what good is sending this email going to do?

 

I know its easier said than done but you need to move on and just forget about him.