Friendship

[androidparanoid]

My ex-girlfriend and I broke up about 3 weeks ago after 2 years, due to her liking my best friend and my allowing of it to happen. The past 3 months or so they had gotten together to see movies or something when I couldnt, and it didnt bother me too much because I knew she was happy and having a good time and I trust my best friend (he doesnt like her). But it eventually grew into her liking him, ALOT, enough to end a 2 year relationship, and what seems now, is she, for certain reasons, wants to end our FRIENDSHIP that we've had for the past year. We were a couple that were friends, best friends, and this is why this troubles me so. The first time she broke up with me she came back 3 days later apologizing and we went out for a week and a half until she did it again. After that things were cool for the next few weeks, despite me still loving her tremendously, i held back and tried to stay away and give her space. But on this 4th week she has been very bitter towards me, and she wont tell me why, and Im certain I did not do anything, she says she feels that:

1) she doesnt trust me

2) I bother her (she means how I act..)

3) she acts different around me

 

These are new to me...Ive never heard this before. I no longer believe that we will be together in a relationship, I mean anything is possible, but it's not my priority. I really just want to be friends, and she said that she wanted to as well last week and before that. We had an amazing friendship and it's all the sudden being thrown out, it seems. I talked with her and she said those are reasons why she doesnt know if she can be friends with me, but it's possible.

 

My goal is to earn back a friendship that has been abruptly stopped.

Has anyone been in a similiar situation?

advice or help is GREATLY appreciated,

 

thanks

[melrich]

Is it possible that she thinks that you might be the reason that your best friend does not want a relationship with her and is bitter because of that?

 

Either way, I'd have to question why you want to maintain a friendship with her right now. You are probably better off accepting that you need to take a break from each other for a while until all the heat is out of the situation.

[hooch]

when someone breaks up with someone they need "excuses" to constantly re-assure themselves they did the right thing.

 

try telling her that you are not happy it ended but respect her reasons and if she doesnt want to be friends then it will the biggest disappoint of it all.

 

or words to that effect. youve got to reach out and show ure the bigger man. i bet it is her that cant look u in the eye, not the other way and thats because shes being overly aggressive and knows it

[Chevy369]

First off, dont tell yourself that you "let" her like your friend. You dated for two years and personally, i believe that if she would do that to you that she really didnt care about you all that much in the first place. Also i would be careful about your best friend who sais he doesnt like your ex. I dont see how your ex could end up liking him so much if he trully never did anything to get her to like him.

 

My friends would never allow my ex gf to pursue anything with them, especially ending a 2 year relationship. Sorry, but your ex sounds like a * * * * *, and your friend, unless he really isnt doing anything to get her to like him, isnt all that great of a friend either.

 

I say drop her fast, and show her that your confident enough to follow through with it. If she really cares about you she will go to you.

[Scout]

Hi, and welcome to eNotalone. I'm glad you found us here, although when you hear my feedback, you might not be initially thrilled you stumbled onto this forum. But bear with me, because I do have your best interests in mind...

 

Friend, I think you're in a little bit of denial at this point. Over a couple of things. One, that your girlfriend betrayed you. Two, that your best friend possibly betrayed you. I think he might not be telling you the full truth here. He wouldn't have done so many social things alone with her if he didn't "like" her, and she wouldn't have broken up with you completely if he hadn't given some reciprocal interest back.

 

I have the feeling there is much more going on than you realize.

 

The reason your girlfriend is being hateful to you right now, is because she is not fully facing what she's done in order to avoid feeling guilty. So she's doing what people often do when they screw someone else over: they blame the other person for making them do so.

 

Don't fall for it. You've been subjected to some really bad behavior by your ex, and possibly by your best friend. Now is not the time to pursue a friendship with your ex, but rather, to get to the bottom of what's really going on. You may find you'll need to cut more than just her out of your life.

[laboheme]

I'm not sure if you're ready to be friends with this girl. You say that you no longer hope for reconciliation, but it sounds like you may be hoping that friendship will lead there. Do you think that you can be truly happy for her relationship? Can you offer her a stricly platonic shoulder to cry on when she misses her new boyfriend terribly? Also, remember that it's hard to separate a relationship from a friendship...there is an overlap, and once the spark is no longer there, some of the friendship can fade away...and many people simply can't stay friends after a breakup because without the romantic spark, the friendship just isn't the same.

 

You've done the first thing that anyone would've done -- had an honest talk with her about the situation. Now it's time to step back. Once you're 100% sure that you're over her, you can start talking with her a little, maybe hanging out every once in a while...see where things go from there and if you still want her as a friend when you no longer care about her like you do now...

[BeStrongBeHappy]

i think these are typical things someone says when they fall out of love with someone... if she fell in love with your best friend, and he does not return her feelings, she is probably angry about that too... so she just may be angry in general because things didn't turn out the way she wanted... she wants your best friend, not you, but she can have you, but not him... and even associating with you means she has to see and think about your friend who rejected her...

 

and who knows, she may even BLAME you for not being able to get together with your best friend. ie., maybe he was trying to be kind to her and said 'i can't ever date you because you were my best friend's girlfriend'... when the reality was he just didn't like her. so what did your friend tell her? did she try to get with him and he rejected her, and if so, what was the excuse he used? that might be part of the problem...

 

but one can't 'undo' events or someone else's feelings... you didn't 'let' her fall in love with your friend, that is something she did herself... and if she did, then it means that she probably didn't click with you well enough to overcome her attractions to other people, so trying to go on as if nothing has happened won't work.

 

you might even be able to get back together if SHE was the one who decided she loved you and her attraction to your best friend was a mistake. but if he was the one who wouldn't go forward with it, then she may still be carrying a torch for your friend.

 

i think it best probably to respect her wishes and give her space and let her come to you if she wants to be friends. the whole thing may be too much for her right now, so being friends may not be what she possible until she gets over your best friend...